A Snake and Fathers on My Mind

IMG_5359I was hanging clothes on the line, barefoot as I like to be as much of the day as possible. I almost stepped on a garden snake. Oh, surprise!  I took a couple of deep breaths. I was glad that my foot just missed him and his reflexes were quick enough to slither away. Transformation, yes indeed. It is here!

I am living heaven on earth these days. My friend’s home is the garden of eden. I just ate an egg fresh from the chickens with some chard plucked from the garden, spritzed with a lemon from one of the many trees. Yum. My belly feels pretty satisfied as I am ingesting all that sunlight and cool sea air along with the food. Makes me feel a bit woozy as I contemplate it all.

IMG_5357I have put new bouquets about the house. I am in love with honeysuckle and lemon verbena and roses. Oh my! There are petals that fall and more to clean up but the joy is so full and rich from the filling of my visual and olfactory (strange word) senses. As I go to cut the flowers, they all call out, “Pick me, pick me!” I know some folks don’t believe in cutting flowers but they love to be brought in to be admired and to weave love light with me. Each one gets more attention and we all love to be seen.

IMG_5356It is Father’s Day today, and it brought with it a wave of love for my dad. He gave me the experience of dark and light from the earliest age. He was not the wonderful dad so many have the experience of, yet he was wonderful in some ways. Alcohol turned him into an unpredictable violent man. Yet there was a gentleness that could surface. On weekends when his shift work allowed, he took us out of our suburban neighborhood with a gin mill (that is what the bars where called) on the corner to the farmland where he grew up. We had woods and freedom to roam. Our neighborhood was made up of men who worked at the steel mill or the Ford Motor Company. All working shifts, heading out with their metal lunch pails that held the thermos in the top. For years, I made his lunches. I cannot imagine working 7am-3pm, 3-11pm, 11pm-7am for decades. How did his body adjust? Something that I never considered as a child but feel gratitude for now. He took us to museums, on road trips to national parks and forests with the pop up camper. We vacationed every year on a lake in Canada. We rented a cottage and we six kids all preceded to get burnt to a crisp within the first couple of days of swimming  and had to wear t-shirts over our bathing suits for the remainder of the vacation time. We would lie in bed with blisters on our backs, whimpering to one another.

Dad had a wooden boat that he shared with his brother and father that we used for outings, waterskiing for those lucky enough to fit into the skiis without your feet slipping out, fishing for those who had the patience to sit out there with our dad, or trips through the locks that allowed passage to other bodies of water where we went grocery shopping.

Morning mist flowing down the hill.

Morning mist flowing down the hill.

He picked mushrooms and cow slips (a spring green), and buckets of blackberries in the wild. He grew a big garden and composted scraps. He hunted for deer, rabbits, and pheasants that all were part of our diet and helped the budget. He turned off lights whenever they were not needed, frugality was a part of his nature. All things that inform my way of living.

I did not speak directly to him for most of my childhood, was surprised if he called me by name. He was the male who went to work, took us places, read the newspaper, imposed the quiet if he needed to sleep. Children and adults did not interact to much of a degree in our household. Yet he provided for us in all the physical ways. No mean feat with six kids.

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We are all part of this circle of life. Our fathers flow in our blood as do our children.

The sun is shining and calling me outdoors. I am grateful for all the ways the divine masculine has grown. I look at my former hubby, now dear friend, my sons, their friends and feel the deepening and shifting that has occurred. They are present with their feelings, comfortable with their nurturing sides, open and exploring new ways of being a man, a father. We have come a long way. I am grateful to the generation before who lived such closed off lives in order to fufill a role given them as to what it was to be a man. How wonderful that my grandson will know and live a different way of being. We are evolving!

Snake Energy Showing Up

Here is our snake.

Here is our snake.

Yesterday the energies felt erratic and off to me. I could not find a balance point. There was a low grade discord, anxious energy running throughout my being. It manifested in strange ways. My youngest son is home for a few days so we decided to have his cousins and aunt and uncle over for dinner. I found I had to write down what I planned for the meal as it would not stay in my head long enough to begin the prep for it. It took a few attempts to get a shopping list together. Nothing seemed to flow.

Rainbow cloud from my walk.

Rainbow cloud from my walk.

I was cleaning and clearing up the living room when I noticed a black thing up high near the ceiling, above the built in bookcase. I was mystified as I had recently dusted all the cobwebs that gather in the rafters. I stood on a chair to get a closer look and a snake stared back at me! I was shocked. His head was poking out of a gap in a board that ran just under the ceiling rafters. Yikes! Transformation came a calling in a big way. Right into the house! We debated how we would get him back outside. We sure did not want him to get loose and slither about the house. Later, our son came in and helped me ponder what to do. I then called on the angels of reptiles to assist him to find his way back outside. As my son and I were preparing a net to catch him, he suddenly slipped from view and exited out the hole he had entered from. A big sigh of relief from us all!

Gathering my kale and beet greens for breakfast.

Gathering my kale and beet greens for breakfast.

Later I was watering the garden and was throwing the hose about trying to get it to line up for the next garden bed when I squeezed the noozle, not realizing that in the twisting, the nozzle had shifted in my hand. I blasted water into my right eye. Ouch! It was like a power wash, very uncomfortable. Fortunately, other than soreness, my eye is fine. I asked for it to result in expanded sight.

I bruised my foot in the garden and then nicked my finger as I was working on the irrigation system. Truly a day when my physical body was out of sync with the energies flowing in. I felt off kilter all day, as if I was a few degrees removed from this reality, my energy flowing back and forth in an erratic pattern. A day to not be doing as I was. Yet, it all served somehow, I took note and breathed in the joy of well being that was also running through me.

My son was preparing the potatoes when I noticed the heart shining.

My son was preparing the potatoes when I noticed the heart shining.

Our families were celebrating the fact that a new cousin had been pronounced fine after an anxious week of uncertainty as to his mental and physical well being due to a difficult birth. He is a wise, strong soul with many gifts to offer. A blessing as these new lights land in and inform us all. We appreciated the little baby who was with us this day and felt our love for all the cousins so recently added to our family. A tribe of lovely beings that are so full of joy.

Today feels calmer, more settled. Some fatigue from all the heightened energies of yesterday but the day offers nap time and quietness. I am sensing so strongly the new. It is flowing in on quiet feet, stealthily almost but with a steady force. The snake came to show us that things are about to get physical. This change will show up in our homes, in our bodies, right where we live. My, we are ready for this!!

 

 

 

Musings On This New Year’s Day

IMG_2310Lying here watching the flames dance in the fireplace, the dense logs (stone wood, my son calls eucalyptus) resisting then slowly surrendering to the fiery furnace. This is my New Year’s Day morning mediation. As I place myself, solid in form, dense with old beliefs and conditioning, in the fire of the Creator’s love, I observe the transformation. Some aspects of my being catch flame quickly, others take ages to soften, to allow the turning from heavy dark wood to red glowing coals that settle into light airy ash. It takes time and I sense the meditation will take the day.

A vista of delight for my senses. Son, Gabriel's painting.

A vista of delight for my senses. Son, Gabriel’s painting.

A friend was starting off the new year at a meditation retreat. He spoke of the sitting and the dharma talk and my being knew that was in the past for me. Years ago, I went to a Buddhist center in Sante Fe for a calligraphy workshop by a Japanese master. I loved the brushwork but was called to task for my non-observing of the rules of the place. I did not find the walking meditation about the room, the sitting staring at the wall, to hold joy. I went outside and laid under a tree and drifted in peace, until I was harangued for being there. There were signs everywhere admonishing one to “drink your tea in peace”, “walk in mindfulness” while I experienced the server wiping my table to hurry me along as I was drinking my tea in peace. Rules that held form but not embodied by the ones living there. My freedom loving self has not been able to adhere to group rules, awaiting the forming of groups with no need of structure or rules in order to harmonize.

No, give me the solitude of this fire. The freedom to turn to netflix (how fortunate we created such things for these ascension times!), to chocolate chip cookies, to a light novel,  to a call with a friend. My meditations are states of being rather than prescribed form. I like my spirit to fly free and at one with what is in my world. I can feel exhaustion descend like a leaden weight only a few minutes later to find myself bustling about changing sheets. I have to flow to follow this self, she is a wonder being full of surprises!

A friend gave me a plant to place in the garden of my new home....I was touched that she sees that coming as I do.

A friend gave me a plant to place in the garden of my new home…I was touched that she sees that coming as I do.

Love, the love. I spent New Year’s Eve with my beloved self. Slight headache and unease in the body, so grateful to be on my own, floating in a quiet space. I have been withdrawn into the stillness this holy week. Three days of pjs and no shower, awake in the night, dead asleep in the day, allowing myself the “coma” of isolation. Outdoors sunlight beckoned but I could not answer, turning to the couch, the pillows and quilt. Now tendrils moving out to loved ones but still the call to stillness. It felt a bit strange this Christmas Day that my three children were all with their new families, the families of their partners. My former hubby with his also. I felt the joy that each had been welcomed by dear hearts and found more love. It brought back memories of that first Christmas with my in-laws and the family that I would become a part of. I felt my alone state with tenderness, knowing the love that only I can offer.

Bright tights and a kaleidoscope, gifts making ready for play.

Bright tights and a kaleidoscope, gifts making ready for play.

This path is a strange one, my deep desire for connection, for community and yet no desire to join, to participate in that which brings it. Alone for the most part, awaiting the timing when the frequencies allow my full participation. Trust and trust again. Eight years of  this solitary state outside of the marriage and yet it was there in all the years prior. I recently had to fill out forms and wondered at our classification system as you had to choose from: single, married, divorced, widowed, or separated. I did not see sovereign as a choice. I am sovereign. It is time for the old identifying systems to dissolve in the flames.

 

My soul has been called to hold its note, to swim in this stream on my own. The knowing has grown of all the love and beings that are beside me, my heart full of the love that never ceases to flow from the One Source. The trust has deepened to a fuller note, that has character and staying power. The fire has quieted, a cave of orangey-red coals drawing me in. I trust in my visions of the love pods come, a beloved in form to play with as the year of the fun loving monkey gets underway, co-creative adventures with hearts harmonizing with mine. I look to none of it to fill me, as I know love is an inside job.

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Answering the call of this cave of coals with a grateful heart. Allowing the transformation, the rendering to ash. The resurrection. The love.  This love, this fiery love! I AM.

 

Flames of Transformation Pounding This Weary Body

Shadows hinting at our taller, thinner forms to come?

Shadows hinting at our taller, thinner forms to come?

Intense energy days….today my head felt like it was being hit by a hammer. So heavy, made me feel ill. My body has been sweating as the fires of transformation continue to burn. As a friend said to me: “We are transforming into flames of love!” That is a better image than mine of a sledgehammer hitting me! Today I believe it. My body has felt so heavy and dense, each morning it seems to take longer to get it moving. The dissonance between the freedom of my dream time and this reality is more and more difficult to navigate. Tears of weariness arise along with a sense that we will soon be shining ones.  Both feelings present…..how to be present with them both?

We are right in the midst of immense movement, excitement a current running through me. All that I have dreamt of and held a vision of, seems almost palpable. Our new world, shimmering at the edge of our sight. I heard the word, purify, in relation to this week.  My mind went into its old aesthetic mode: “Oh, we will fast.” My body quickly said no to that. She told me I was too fragile emotionally for that and needed comfort food and warmth or coolness. Indeed, chocolate, sugar and salt have been my food groups of choice, alerting me that change is in process.  My body knows something big is up and she will not be the same. Purification is coming in the form of inner heat, it is building the head pressure, sleepiness and sleeplessness. This afternoon I could do nothing but lie down and let sleep take me, tonight it is after 4am and I sit here with the fire for company, the moon illuminating the sky.

Oh, this transforming is not easy. There are moments when I do not think I can go on. It feels like I have lived this limited life forever. I observe others moving about with energy to do a hundred things and I sit or lie here breathing in and out with energy for no thing. Other times, I am pulsing with the lovelight and on fire with the knowing that all is on track.

Last month's full moon rising...time is disappearing.

Last month’s full moon rising…time is disappearing.

Our earth is burning with heat in the southern hemisphere, flooding and freezing in the north, all in flux. I feel all of this with her as the flames and chills roll through me and the pounding waves batter me. We are all seeking balance and a clear vessel to move in. There is only surrender to this moment. To feel every emotion fully, to allow it to play itself out and open to the next. I am safe and warm, surrounded by the dark, quiet house, the fire flickering in the hearth. I send out ribbons of heartlight to all those suffering in this night. I pray for freedom and blessings for all. Hold on, I hear. Hold on. A world beyond our imaginings is about to be born.

Dream Space Training in the New Energies

This character was a a recent origami exhibit. The old me would have shied away from him, the new me, embraced his darkness.

This character was a a recent origami exhibit. The old me would have shied away from him, the new me, embraced his darkness.

My dream of the other night showed me new possibilities. I was with a younger woman, who had recently escaped from a violent situation. We were in the woods and she suddenly decided to return to the oppressor. She took off through the woods and I ran after her. As we came to a clearing, a house appeared and a man came running out wielding a hatchet over his head. I told the woman to run back the way we had come. The man charged and was slashing at me with the hatchet. I felt a wild surge of anger flash through me and come screaming out of me in an adrenaline fueled war cry. I used this energy to overpower him and direct the hatchet to his throat. I killed him.

My mind went through an instant review, I could have gone for his other hand rather than his throat. No, he would have still given chase. I could have slashed his knee and he would have not been able to follow me. Yes, that would have worked. Yet it was all the old energy, meeting violence with violence.

This praying being was at the same exhibit. I loved the simplicity of the folds, emanating the light.

This praying being was at the same exhibit. I loved the simplicity of the folds, emanating the light from her open robe.

I heard myself call out, “Redo!” I wanted to meet this anger another way. The scene replayed and as the man came charging out with his hatchet waving, I summoned the same war cry but called it through my heart. It was the same level of intensity as the earlier one, but this time there was no sound and it manifested as a wave of heartlight. I matched his vibration’s intensity but with the opposite vibration of love. I said, “Let there be a field of love around him.” In that instant, all slowed down. The man moved as if in slow motion. I had time to breathe in and out my heartlight with all the force of my being. I felt no fear. I knew I could melt his heart with my love.

After a few steps, he staggered and fell to his knees, hatchet dropped to the ground. He began to sob quietly. My heart was breathing fire like a dragon. I allowed the lovelight to enfold him in its embrace as I breathed my way back to a neutral place.

I awoke with clarity, knowing that we can override the old flight or fight response that has been embedded in our cells. We can reprogram them to stand firm and be love. Oh, the joy of this knowing! I feel empowered by it. I am grateful to have practice sessions in dream time so that my body is prepared at any moment to emanate a field of love as needed. We are love so it seems a natural thing but we have been conditioned otherwise. It is time to reclaim our superpowers. We can stop a speeding bullet with our hearts alight in love!

I felt gratitude for all the rage I have felt and expressed, all the pain and suffering I endured on this path, as I am familiar with that landscape. That allowed me to know the force of love required to melt his rage. To have met his aggression with a milk toast love, would have found me swept aside or dead.  Love is a force, that we can hone. Even now, writing about it, my heart is a fire burning red hot in my chest.

An angel with a sword, they can be fiery love!

An angel with a sword, they can be fiery love!

We are in the time of miracles where we are alchemists, transforming darkness into light. All is being returned to the truth of love. It begins within my heart and yours. Wishing you all a happy new moon. This moon comes bearing gifts of transformation that will see us using our new skills. Be love!

 

The Intensity of March

This puddle wanted to pull me into its magic, felt like a portal to another world.

Wow, what a month. I knew it was a big one energetically but here I am on the 10th and I feel that a lifetime has been lived already! The sun is gifting us with amazing solar flares that are shifting us physically and emotionally and energetically. My body has developed a buddha belly that some days makes me feel that I am six months pregnant! The light is streaming in to be anchored and so it expands our bodies until we can integrate it and allow it to anchor in our mother’s heart. I went for a barefoot walk on the full moon, my younger son has been running barefoot and has loved how it is helping his feet. My aboriginal self came to the fore as I felt little discomfort walking over rocks and twigs and sharply pointed oak leaves. The hour grounded us both and helped assimilate the high energy. Only downside

My friend and I were looking at this painting of my son's and realized that it was so comforting as the cows are touching the earth. It is very grounding in that and so while we may not go out and eat grass, we may lay face down on the earth and connect.

is that your feet get very dirty and require a scrub brushing when you are done. I read a report that said so many of the autoimmune diseases can be cured by direct contact with the earth. She clears our fields of all the EMF waves we pick up from our computers, cell phones, electrical lines. What a gift, our mother always looking out for us! So take off your shoes and go take a run around the yard, makes you feel like a little kid again and that is a good thing!

Yesterday was pretty dreamy. The night before a filling that I had recently had replaced, came out again. It felt pretty painful. I was able to go right in the next morning. Seems that I needed a root canal before he could put a crown on the tooth to save it. He called a friend who did his root canal and got me right in. I drove there and had the procedure. I felt like I was in some time warp. As I went to park, I felt all this chaotic energy at the intersection next to the building. I had a sense that my car would be vulnerable there on the street. I called the angels to watch over her while I went in. When I was sitting in the chair, on the third floor, the dentist was looking out the window describing an accident that had just happened below. My car was fine and I pray that all involved were ok. But a confirmation of the energy that I had felt.

This bouquet of tulips sang to me as I walked into the store the other day. Their color has been feeding me ever since! I actually have found myself stroking and kissing them.....yes, I am a flower fairy!

I felt shattered after the procedure. The radio music playing in the office, the smells of the resins and drilling, the strangeness of having your mouth propped open for a couple of hours. I am so hyper sensitive to my environment, desiring flowers and lovely scents and beauty. I came home and got into comfy clothes and wrapped myself up on the couch in my quilt. After a time, I felt a wave of loneliness go through me and wanted the comfort of a mom. Unusual feelings for me as I can usually tap in to that inner plane of love when I need it. I called my elder son and said I simply need to hear you talk. The dam burst then in hearing his voice and I sobbed and sobbed. So much sadness and grief. Images of a man I knew who had all his teeth pulled in this twenties and wore false teeth as it was more affordable than having them fixed. It cost $1200 for this procedure.  I felt such gratitude that I could pay that sum. Felt the injustice of our world and how so many suffer. The polarity of the insured and uninsured, the crazy way our systems are set up. Wave after wave of grief poured out of me. I watched waves of fear come up about my life, “What are you doing? Where are you going to live at the end of the month?” Again, old survival issues that come up to be felt and let go of. My son plays in the same fields that I do so he knew all the right things to say, assisting my letting go. He came over later to give me one of his bear hugs and check that I had all I needed before sleep.

The trees are showing me the way to transformation as they open their blossoms to the world.

A dear friend came over to check on me, my old stance of “I am ok, I do not need anything” quickly released as I knew I did need her presence. She is a gifted healer so she did cranial sacral work on my head. We worked together as we toned and light language poured from both of us. My higher self coming in to aid in the clearing. My friend said, it is deep rooted ancestral stuff coming up for clearing. We laughed at the metaphor…root canal…getting to the root of the issue. I saw that this was my vehicle to release much. The bones in my face literally vibrated as stagnant, stuck energy was lifted. This is all part of the cleansing taking place this month. All the old is up to be released. My friend pointed out that the feeling of loneliness that came up and had me seeking help was a knowing from my soul that I needed assistance to release all that came up. I am so grateful that she held me through it. We both saw past lives where we worked together as healers. We got a hit of how that will be coming into play in the coming months.

Here we are at the tenth of the month with the equinox yet to come. I am in awe of the transformation offered us this month. We are truly being called home to our hearts to create the new world of peace and love that we know as our birthright. I claim that birthright today and send my heartlight out to this beautiful world and all of us.