The Love Pod Gathers

A round table set in the woods by some kindred soul. Such is the magic to be discovered here.

A round table set in the woods by some kindred soul. Such is the magic to be discovered here.

Holding space as the caravan of vehicles and moving truck flows across the country. My elder son and his partner flew back to California to assist with the final packing. He was the last to go through his boxes of memories and to say his goodbyes. He is my sentimental child so it was bittersweet though he said more sweet than bitter on the closing out of the family home. Fortunately, we are always going to more, as my higher self frequently reminds me when I am called to let go. My son holds the vision of the new firmly in his heart and it is this shared family vision that has allowed all of us to let go of the old and take the leap into the new.

My grandson pushed a spot on this tree to "turn on" this fairy light for the fairies to dance under in the night.

My grandson pushed a spot on this tree to “turn on” this fairy light for the fairies to dance under in the night.

My heart is flowing across the country with them while my body is busy clearing space to receive them here in Vermont. I feel as if I will then breathe a deep sigh of relief that all has come to pass, aligning with the vision I have carried in my heart. We are in a time of witnessing our deepest dreams coming true. After so many lifetimes, full of pain and sorrow, it takes a conscious awareness to shake off the old and allow oneself to embrace the path of joy and lightness that is finally available. This involves a clearing out of the old patterns of protection and all the judgments that we held deep in order to feel safe. Our fears, anxieties and habits, formed in response to a hostile environment, come to the fore to be released. All is up for change. We are gifted the opportunity to empty ourselves in order to be filled with this new lovelight that is streaming in. Oh my! We can live as sovereign beings, free to express the love that we are.

The tears flow freely as I marvel that I am still in a body, still here to dance this truth of love with the earth. I am so grateful to be in a place of such raw beauty. Yesterday as we went to a local pond to swim, we encountered a family of loons calling their wild notes across the water. Something alerted one and set up a cacophony of sound and whirling wings as they seemed to dance in all directions. My grandson laughed and said it looked as though they had motors under them as they created wakes on the water.

IMG_7369Walking and getting momentarily lost in the woods with my grandson, we came upon these crab apples shining their red glow. They seemed to light a path for us as we forged a new trail out of the woods. Every day, there is newness. My daughter came in from her morning run to announce that the small plum tree in the side yard, held one perfect plum. A promise of bounty to come in future summers. There are maple trees with a branch or two that are beginning the change into their autumn colors. The nights are cooler and as we walk barefoot on the earth, you feel the changing season underway. It will be an autumn of beauty and splendor to savor. We are harvesting the summer bounty from all of our gardens, tomatoes are roasting in the oven as well as bubbling on the stove. Herbs are hanging from the rafters to dry and zucchinis have grown so big that they are now food for the neighbors’ pigs.  We cannot keep up with their production! Pumpkins are turning orange and growing in size. We will have plenty for jack o lanterns next month.

Rushing waterfall at our favorite swimming hole that we love to sit under.

Rushing waterfall at our favorite swimming hole that we love to sit under.

A time of harvest is at hand. We are all offered choices as to whether we accept the gifts on offer. Do we open our arms or hug them close to our chest? It is time to be brave and fling our arms wide and trust with all of our heart, that dreams do come true. I am living the truth of it in this now. My heart bursts with a song that the birds and trees carry aloft. We are co creating that harmonious note that lifts us all, along with this beautiful planet into our rightful place in the universe. We are home.

A New Landscape

IMG_7179A new home, a new environment, a drive from the West coast to the East coast and my spirit is thriving. The writing may begin anew as after a three month wait, we have an internet connection as well as a landline phone. There is limited cell reception in this part of the world so we are going old school by releasing our iphones with their addictive scrolling tendencies. It feels freeing as we now plug in to use the internet in an intentional way as well as go out and about without a phone in hand. It felt strange at first as I realized how I had adapted so fully to having a phone on me at all times. I am grateful for this opportunity to adapt to a lifestyle of greater presence.

IMG_6631I am living in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont. Yes, that really is its name! I feel the presence of the elementals so clearly here, in this kingdom of their reign.  It is the time for our family template of a five pointed star to be anchored in the earth. It has been a long and arduous journey and I am so grateful to see the hardship chapter closing. We are now on the cusp of living in my long dreamt of, love pod.

My sons have been in Vermont for a few years with their loves, who grew up here. My daughter, grandson and I recently moved to join them. The move also allowed my grandson to be closer to his father and grandparents in Quebec. My former hubby and dear friend, has just retired and sold the family home to come and join us all in this beautiful kingdom. So the original five member family will be together with wonderful loves added in. Our dream is to all live on one property with dwellings for each family.

IMG_7314I just returned from helping to pack up the house in California. I had felt complete with all that was held in that chapter of my life……25 years of marriage and raising of the three children. Now, fourteen years after leaving the home, and many visits and stays in between, I was sorting through a lifetime of journals, possessions, memories. My former hubby and I found ourselves in tears many times as emotions arose of past pains and joys. Some of the waves of pain overwhelmed me at times. We witnessed the flow and allowed the release. We hugged with tears in our eyes throughout the packing days, coming back each time to immense gratitude to find ourselves present in love and friendship. There were so many opportunities for it all to fracture, indeed our relationship did fracture time and time again. Yet the love kept calling us back. It is for this time that we are called to live the new in harmony and peace. Our family holds a strength and unity that uplifts. We have all shared a vision for this new world for decades. It is amazing to realize that the living of it begins now! A new grandbaby will arrive this winter to bring sunshine to the coming winter clime. What joy that we all will all be living close at hand to share in the delight of a new being bringing her/his lovelight to this planet.  This soul came to me months ago, telling me who she was. Oh my, there are amazing beings coming to help lift us all into the magical realms of the world that we have all dreamt of. We will be blessed by this little one’s presence and all the babies eager to arrive and offer their gifts. I work as an anchor for many who come to me for assistance, to land in safely.

IMG_7056We are renting a farmhouse on a hillside. Our landlords are a wonderful couple who have become dear friends. Folks are friendly and helpful and kindness flows freely. I can live a dream of walking out my back door into the woods and bathe in ferns and mosses and trees. My sons live close by, so dinners and get togethers and support are easy. The house reminds me of my grandparents’ house on a smaller scale. Walking on the wide plank wooden floors, touching the plaster walls, looking out the old small paned windows, cutting bouquets from the garden beds, watching the horse weather vane on the barn across the street for wind direction, lying in bed as the dawn fills my windows with pink light, signaling me that it is time to move outside to sit on the front porch to witness the sun rise over the barn, watching the sunset stream its colors from the back lawn, swimming under small waterfalls, all these fill some deep reservoir of beauty in my soul. Time floats and carries me along in a dreamscape. I am home.



Virus…Positive or Negative? Or Beyond Either

I heard, run outside there is a rainbow. Indeed there was!

I heard, run outside there is a rainbow. Indeed there was!

Here in California the order came to shelter in place due to the corona virus. I love that expression, shelter in placeIt brings a visual of each of us, sitting under our own sun, our corona, crown of connection, to all that is. Our I AM presence is our shelter, our source of all that we are throughout time and dimensions.

Yesterday, I packed up and made ready to move to my former hubby’s house to be with him and my daughter and grandson for the three weeks of this recent order. My body felt weak and I started coughing. In these times, those are red alert symptoms that bring up the whole virus fear. I have not felt fear about this virus but did find myself looking up the symptoms. I had been eating frantically for the past few days. Lots of sugar and carbs, way past when I felt full. I could not stop myself, just kept eating. It felt like a security for my body as on my last trip out to the store, I had loaded up on my favorite bread, then added cookies and even a box of pastry as well as chocolate. I watched myself with curiosity, wondering what this was all about.

Speaking with a friend, we got that it was like a booster rocket for my light body. Extra fuel for it to ignite. Which led to yesterday’s fasting that was not an intention, it simply happened that I had no appetite. During the day, I rested, read, took a nap. It was beautiful and sunny out but I could not step outside, only left to enjoy it from indoors.

IMG_5378While in my repose, the virus came to me. I asked it what it wanted from me. I told it I was willing to host it, if that was for the greater good and my own. I feel no fear of leaving this body as everything in me knows that it is not my time. Yet, I am open to being of service for the highest good of all. It told me that it wanted to be held in my love field. I invited her (yes, it felt feminine to me) in and we drifted and danced through the day. I felt peaceful and calm, as we navigated new realms together. She has gifts to offer mankind, some of which we are seeing played out in our world. Families are spending time together, people are being invited to share and slow down. It is a joy to go for a walk along the nature parks lining the river here and see all the families out with their children. Meditations are being offered on prime time news as we seek to calm our systems. My daughter-in-love works at  an organic seed company in Vermont. They have experienced a 200% increase in sales as folks turn to growing their own food. These are some of the blessings that are happening.

On a deeper level, I awoke a number of times to feel my light body flashing. I could feel its strengthening as a thousand lights turned on inside of me. I heard that this is an upgrade in frequency. We are changing from the inside out and this virus plays a big part in assisting with this.

IMG_5391I awoke this morning, feeling well. I had a appetite for coffee and toast. I went and sat in the golden sunshine in the garden and soaked up the scent of freesias and drank in the sunlight. It was integrating all that came through yesterday. I told a friend about taking in the virus and loving it. The speaking of it brought tears and a well of emotion. I feel so blessed. So grateful for the magic at work in this time. I have waited lifetimes for this frequency to land in. Now we are here. May we all open to the gifts present, stay out of fear and allow the love to flow freely. Let us honor our bodies with whatever they need, not judging any of it as good or bad. This virus is beyond that polarity, it offers unity. Seeing it as a whole rather than black or white.

fullsizeoutput_324aSending waves of gratitude to all of those on the front lines who are physically out there providing food, medical care, financial assistance, comfort and all that is needed as we traverse this new landscape. Humans carry such a hero gene of generosity and love. I am awed by us! What a species we are, full of resourcefulness and passion to assist one another. Be the love that you are. Trust yourself and follow your intuitive nudges and know we are creating the world that we want our children and grandchildren to live in. A kinder, gentler place that offers freedom and peace. We are blessed, let us live that blessing.

We Are In the Mush Stage

Daffodils are poking up and some are beginning to form buds. Nature showing me where I am at.

Daffodils are poking up and some are beginning to form buds. Nature showing me where I am at.

Whew, we have lived through this huge shift of the eclipses and the January 12th astrological alignment. Everything is made new. Yet, it does not feel that way. Yesterday I was playing with my four year old grandson who is so in tune with the energies. We were reading three letter words from little books I made decades ago when I taught my three how to read. I had one little book with the word, metamorphosis on it. I had made it as an anomaly. Inside was a picture of a caterpillar and a butterfly. He loved that word, metamorphosis, loved clapping out the five syllables. He wanted to be wrapped in a blanket like a cocoon. He did not come out as a butterfly…..he said he was the mush before the butterfly emerged. We played that over and over. Then it was flying mush….he could fly but was not a butterfly. Yes! He allowed a new direction, a new form to emerge. I found this fascinating.

The caterpillar is like us, all those legs attached to the earth as it stuffs itself full of food. We  have had so many attachments to this realm as it requires a million things to attend to in order to simply live. We have stuffed ourselves with every manner of experience over our lifetimes on this planet. We were so eager to be a part of this experience, to feel ourselves separate from Source. We have donned every costume…evil one, lightworker, slave, deformed, hideous and beautiful. We have played all the roles and now, like the caterpillar, we have spun our cocoon and find ourselves resting inside. Our legs that have been our means of attachment have disappeared, our desire for more of anything has left us, we are full, satiated with this 3D experience. We have pulled our energetic cloak about us and hear the admonishment to allow this deep repose.

Moss and violets and camellia blossoms and the new tile i helped put up.

Moss and violets and camellia blossoms and the new tile I chose and helped put up.

There is a stirring that brings an agitation, a sense that change is imminent. We feel disconnected to our old life, our old ways of doing. None of it makes sense anymore. Yet we do not know how to move. The way is not clear. No guidance is present, it is murky. Fog covers our eyes as we attempt to see our way forward. Our minds have anxiety arise as they spin trying to figure it out. What is next? How do we move? Where do we move? Who are we? There are no answers.

There is a feeling of surrender and deep trust in this process. The butterfly does emerge, we know this. There is a larger life that awaits us all, if we choose. I have witnessed some around me choosing another go round in this reality. It feels so strange to be with them as I  sense an energetic wall between us. Almost as if they were a ghost. I so honor their desire to play out some scenario or expression further. It is not for me as I feel complete with all that has been. Doors have closed behind me as I lie here in my cocoon. No passion, no direction, no desire….an emptiness. The mush stage in all of its uncomfortableness. There is no doing, only being. Tendrils of dreams so dear to my heart, flow in. They move me to tears with their power to touch the deep core of my being. Like a coal in my breast, the tendrils ignite a low fire that burns. Ever steady, ever there despite all outer appearances. It tells me that rejuvenation is at hand, that energy will course through my body once again, that I will be lit up and live the fireworks of joy and passion.

Cookies and chips followed by drinks of blood orange juice picked and squeezed by my grandson and sauerkraut made from the winter garden's bounty. All of it nourishing me.

Cookies and chips followed by drinks of blood orange juice picked and squeezed by my grandson. Sauerkraut made by my daughter from her winter garden’s bounty. All of it nourishing me.

Our mush playtime yesterday allowed an exhale. We are in process. I can trust this process. I can relax into this space with no need to know anything. I am present. I breathe in the beauty that is here. I breathe out all that was. I feel our mother’s heartbeat under my feet, I soak up our sun’s rays on my face. I let go of any ideas of how it should be or is. I float in my cocoon, buoyed by the love of dear ones and of myself for myself. Past and future selves present in this now, drifting along. We wave at one another as we float, no need to grasp ahold of anyone or anything. Surrender to the peace that is there, under all the rest. Peace to us all.

It Is Beginning To Get Physical

fullsizeoutput_2d62After years on this path of embodiment, I am so excited to feel the changes happening. Our physical world is shifting and despite how uncomfortable that can feel at times, my heart is dancing like Snoopy in his “happy dance” expression. It has been so long for our dreams and visions to begin to manifest in the physical. We are at the glimmering stage, not quite landed in but it is happening!

For me, I find that I cannot place myself in time. To look ahead, to make a plan, it is as though I am wandering in heavy fog. It swirls around me unless there is something that is mine to do. Then the fog clears, I follow the impulse and it happens. This could be awakening to book a plane ticket at 3 am or send a text message to someone at a certain moment. Things drop in and float out from my mind. Last month I forgot to pay my credit card bill, a first. Calendars do not hold dates steady as they once did. Things float and shift and I move with them. I am startled at times to find myself popping back into a space, having no idea where I have just been. Fortunately I receive guidance of when it is safe for me to drive or when I need to have the security of my couch and cottage to rest in as I dreamweave the new liquid love light into form.

fullsizeoutput_2d6aFor years, I was called to anchor certain frequencies and clear others. Now we serve more as conduits as all flows through us. We fill the grid lines with liquid lovelight and marvel at the beauty of this earth, as she lights up like a Christmas tree. I have felt such a sharp yearning at times for hearts that are dear to me. I reach out to them with a fierce longing to be in their physical presence to share our love. This alerts me that the time is rapidly approaching where many of us will live in our love pods with our loved ones, sharing a space where we can harmonize and breathe in a shared frequency of love. Oh my, it takes my breath away simply feeling that! We have longed for this for eons of time.

The time of completions is at hand. Reach out to everyone with whom there is any residual inharmony. They  may not respond in kind, it matters not. It is all about the love. I had a heart aching conversation with a sibling from my childhood. She has been gone from my life for decades. My heart ached for the hell that she is currently living. I witnessed her telling of it and watched my old “fixer” self arise. I wanted to rescue her, to make it right. The new way is so powerful. I sat with all of that in my heart. I felt the despair of so many, felt for those who suffer from mental illness, felt the pain in their hearts. I held it all and sent it flowing in love. My desire to take action dissolved as my heart had already done all that was needed. The old ways no longer work. We are responsible for ourselves. We are not to carry others. We are to release all to the “holiness of their path” in absolute honoring of each one’s choices. All are here to grow and learn. It is not mine to discern what constitutes growth for another’s soul. To experience hell, may be a chosen experience. It is not mine to know or interfere. The compassion arises to envelop all experiences in the flame of love. Allowing the pause, the space to hold what arises, to sit as the swirls of emotions settle, is mastery. It allows the truest expression to come forth to meet whatever is held. I feel such peace as I allow this.

One of my daily hearts that show up to remind me of how I am loved. I enjoy the various forms they come in. A bit of peel on the sink!

One of my daily hearts that show up to remind me of how I am loved. I enjoy the various forms they come in. A bit of peel on the sink!

Victimhood is departing. The old frequencies of pain and suffering are leaving. Many will choose death, as the earth has chosen to no longer support the lower frequencies. There are those who have paved the way, who will also depart, with an acknowledgment of a job well done. Others will stay to bridge the way to the new. I am one of those. I knew that I was here to make my physical ascension in this body when I first heard of the possibility in 1989. Oh how the years have dragged and flown. It is a good thing that in 2012, I did not know the distance still to be traversed. 2020 sounded so futuristic and unfathomable. Yet, here we stand on the cusp of great change in our physical worlds. We have been hunkered down on our own, scattered around the world, holding our flames alight. Now the reunions will begin. The new earth councils are being formed. We are being called to our new roles.

The river where the salmon was leaping upstream.

The river where the salmon was leaping upstream.

We let go of the old ways, the old motions that have felt hollow for so long. We are here to love fiercely and wildly. On my walk to the river yesterday, I saw a salmon leap out of the water, time and time again as it fought the current to make its way upstream. Most of the others had passed by last month. Yet, here was this straggler, making its way, its body shredded, falling apart yet still moving, still striving. I felt a kinship with her. She was intent upon reaching her home to lay her eggs as I am intent upon birthing the new creations. My womb is full despite my body feeling so worn. I am pregnant to bursting with the power of the lovelight that desires to be born.

As I walked back to my car, I saw something flash out of the corner of my eye. I looked up into the steady golden gaze of a coyote. He was ten feet from me on the path, stillness embodied. I greeted this wild thing in my own wildness. I laughed at the power of the energy exchanged, aliveness to aliveness. I went to take a photo but my camera would not work, it wobbled time after time as I attempted to make it work. Once I departed, the camera worked again. I smiled at that trickster, playing with me, making sure I understood the fun and magic at work. I do and I am glad!


Living in This Mystery

This is part of the joy of having a four year old around! Radish growing in a happy face.

This is part of the joy of having a four year old around! Radish growing in a happy face.

Do you feel the wonder of these days? It is a ride, days of awe, days of trial, days of restlessness, days of stillness. It all flows. We are living the change, living the ending and beginning of a new age. Amazing gift to have a body as we walk through this time.

There are days when I feel energy flowing and things happen without thought. I had intended to get gas at some point, but not on this trip when suddenly I changed lanes and pulled into a station and there was an open spot ready for me. I had a chuckle as that is how things flow now, quick, easy, no thought.

Other days, there is no energy to animate my form. All I can do is rest, watch Netflix or read books.  I enjoy simple ones of magic where folks find their tribe, creating communities of love….the love pods of my dreams. It all feels within the realm of possibility these days.

I have had “hits” of energy come in carrying frequencies from joy filled times of the past. I sense that we are weaving these strands of light to create this new world. We want the joy the peace, the harmony, the magic, the laughter. As I move through this, I feel dreamy, sleepy, slow. I can show up for my four year old grandson and be a fox or a magpie or whatever fantasy he is playing at the moment and then I go home and collapse on the couch. Full bore ahead or nothing. I am not experiencing much in between.

Bouquet of olive branches from trees that thrive in this area.

Bouquet of olive branches from trees that thrive in this area.

It feels as if we are only a breath away from our new creations. I can sense myself sitting right next to love ones who are at a distance, can feel the play as we weave strands of liquid love light. We sing and tone vibrations of peace that create. It feels wondrous and some part of me is enlivened. The physical is regenerating, I know this despite the sluggishness I feel. I allow it all.

I live in this frequency of fragrance, color and form.

I live in this frequency of fragrance, color and form.

There is no will of my own to make anything happen. I embrace everything and allow the flow to move me. There is such simplicity in this. I laugh as I am mostly too tired to do otherwise! The sleepiness is the great unlocking tool used by my higher self to let it all go. It is as if nothing can attach itself any longer, it slides off. The magnetics of the matrix have evaporated. There is a movement towards simplicity, ease, quiet. I am witnessing this in those around me.

As the energies speed up, time disappearing, the impulse is to match them. This leads to the intensity of emotional outbursts that we are witnessing. It may feel counterintuitive to slow down in these energies, but it is what is needed. We stand in the whirlwind as pillars of peace and calm. The winds swirl about us, and we breathe in stillness. We breathe out calm. Lovelight flows in gentle waves from us, setting a new pattern, a new rhythm that creates our new world.

Altar for the babes who ask for assistance to anchor their light here.

Altar for the babes who ask for assistance to anchor their light here.

There are thousands of advanced souls, masters, waiting for families to open their wombs and hearts to them. We came in to harsh dysfunctional families in order to purify and heal the lineages. These masters of love are arriving to be love, to share the love. They need conscious parents to host them so that they can live the love that they are. I am so grateful for my daughter’s consciousness as she raises her magic man. He is a master of love, teaching us all the pure vibrations that are possible.

At times, this space of unknowing can feel uncomfortable. Yet it is so full of wonder in its non form. I am mindful of the privilege of having a body to experience it with despite all the can feel heavy in this transition. Blessings of lovelight to us all as we traverse this mist filled road to our hopes and dreams.


Our Flame

fullsizeoutput_2c87Watching a candle burn, the wax melting in the center, creating a void, a hole that reflects the flame’s light outward. At times, the position of the wick or the variance in the wax, causes it to burn lopsided, spilling wax over its lip like a lava flow. Tablecloths and dresser scarves or the wood surface itself, catches it and slows its progress as it cools on the new surface. It hardens into a solid state that takes some work to clean up. I have spent time scrapping and ironing and washing and rewashing trying to remove the waxy residue from some of my favorite textiles.

We operate differently. We have that inner flame that our societal conditioning teaches us to activate in productivity. “Burning the candle at both ends” is an expression that alludes to a fast paced life with little time given to rest. Remember when to “be busy” was almost a bragging right? This is a common way to live if one is to find “success” in our society. I lived this life for years until the tears would not stop flowing, whether I was in a meeting or in the privacy of a bathroom. My body literally cried out for change.

I love lights reflected. May we see more and more heart lights reflecting outward!

I love lights reflected. May we see more and more heart lights reflecting outward!

Slowly, month by month, year by year, I learned that the way our flames work is different. We thrive by allowing our flames to burn off the outside of our being, not the inside. A candle leaves its outer shell intact, as the inner core disappears. We are encouraged to this, to become the empty shell, working until all flames out. It came to me slowly, as my life was brought to a standstill on every front. My inner flame died out, a pilot light was all that remained lit.

The years have burnt off the shell of society’s expectations and mores. The familial conditioning melted away along with the weight of rightness, wrongness and the notion of productivity as the means to love and acceptance. Duty slowly melted in the flame of love that flared bright. The outer shell has gone and there remains the inner flame. We see this reflected in one another’s eyes, the truth of our spirits that shines ever bright. We are beginning to see that radiance shining from more and more faces. People are waking up and tending their inner flame as they let go of the outer world that has turned out to be false on so many fronts.

Nature can light up in so many we are catching on.

Nature can light up in so many ways… we are catching on.

The hundred monkey theory is in effect and spreading at a rapid pace. The new children coming in have a radiance that is mesmerizing. My grandson’s eyes send out sparkles of light that infuse all with joy. It is happening, a quiet revolution from the inside out. We are burning off the dross from our beings and standing in our radiance, allowing our lights to shine bright. My heart is so uplifted, I can feel its pulsing action as I witness this. Pillars of light shining through the darkness, it is happening and this world is lighting up. Hallelujah!

Getting Out of the Undertow

IMG_1985A new technique for getting out of an undertow has been discovered. We were taught that you should swim parallel to the shore and you would eventually pull yourself free from the force of the  undertow. Now it has been discovered that it is wiser to float, rest and wait in the undertow. In a couple of minutes, the undertow will depart and you are free to swim to shore.

I love this! It is so illustrative of so many of life’s lessons that have done more harm than good. We ingested these ideas from childhood, despite evidence that they do not work. If you try to swim out of the undertow, you may eventually do so but you will be exhausted. We have been taught to exhaust ourselves, allowing one and all to pull on our energy field. Yet by staying in place; relaxing, floating, we allow the energy itself to leave.

My grandson's creation at the lake yesterday. We know when we are at the gateway of our own truth. The question is, will we take the step forward?

My grandson’s creation at the lake yesterday. We know when we are at the gateway of our own truth. The question is, will we take the step forward?

When someone can no longer siphon any energy from you with their pulling or pushing, you are free! They will depart of their own accord as they are not being fed by you any longer. We are programmed to sabotage ourselves by engaging in the push/pull behavior that keeps us in the undertow. Our higher self is always there, extending a hand towards freedom’s gate. Yet we listen the the voice of our ego or aspects of ourselves from earlier times, this lifetime or past ones, and allow ourselves to be dragged back down to the old shackled ways.

We do not believe we are worthy of being fully loved. We work to get up the courage to end a relationship with another or a job or a situation, and then we feel we must try again, offer our heart once again. The pattern repeats and we feel dragged down again. We knew it was toxic yet our beautiful full hearts want to try once again. And the result is the same…the feeling of disempowerment, of weight, of pain.

fullsizeoutput_2584This is when we need to take the time to float, to relax, to allow the integration of what we know inside to be truth to catch up with our physical being, our personality self. Take the pause! Allow the swirl to pass without engaging with it. Float and flood yourself with self love. Allow that to be your life raft. It will carry you to safety without exhaustion. There is an ease that will open up.

You will no longer be triggered by the person or situation. You feel neutral. You have allowed your own wisdom to take the helm, to float and open an empowered pathway of love.

A message that I have had consistently appear in my heart in the moments of yet another layer of letting go is: You are not going to less, you are always headed to more. 

I desire more, more freedom, more love, more harmony, more peace. So I let go and I leap.There is no debate, no internal dialogue necessary. I hear, I respond and life opens up in more beauty, more truth, more joy. That is freedom!

The Lion’s Gate Portal and Pain

Latest swimming spot

Latest swimming spot

My world of late reflects these intense times. My back aches and makes sleep elusive. Time sitting, especially in cars is no longer easy. Camping trips have been cancelled and my hermit/nun existence moves further inward. I do my back exercises, get acupuncture treatments, walk by the river and play in the pool with my grandson. An unexpected delight of the summer has been swimming in the nearby river. The current is swift but there are places where lovely stretches off the main river can be found. I enjoy the feeling of swimming almost in place as my legs and arms strive for forward movement. It makes me laugh! There follows the reward of a gentle float back downstream, lying on my back, watching the bank flow by. Then the quick movement to eject myself from the river’s slipstream to reach the bank.

IMG_3037I pick blackberries warmed by the sun on my walk there and back. The wildness of the river and the berries resonate on a cellular level with a wildness in my soul and body that seeks greater expression. I can feel the enlivening and it brings me joy. I sense that all of nature is coming alive in a new way and it is transmitted to me in these connections. I need to feel these glimmers of a greater aliveness that herald the new that is to come for us all.

Then there are days where it feels as if a plug has been pulled and every drop of energy has drained from my form. I can hardly animate it. I lie exhausted on my bed or couch, a book at hand if there is a modicum of energy or mindless netflix shows if there are mere drops. If none, I watch the movement of the leaves on the trees outside the windows. If I do not have food in the refrigerator, I am glad of buttered toast from the loaf stashed in the freezer.  Amazing how long I can put off going to the grocery store or any other errands. I feel all those who suffer chronic pain, the limitations, the drawing in. What courage it takes to keep joy alive.

I spend much of my time with my daughter and grandson. I sleep over at the family house on weekends and when the three year old requests my presence. He is just back from a two week trip to see his father in Montreal (Yes, crazy that a three year old has to be so long from his mother. California courts and a father who is not able to honor his child’s needs above his own) so he wants the reassurance of his grandpa and me close at hand. This morning I awoke and went to the bathroom, to find the big blue exercise ball by the toilet. I called out to the scamp who must have rolled it in. He laughed and said, “Nana, that means this is a cracker day!” What is that?, I ask. He just made it up and finds it hilarious and so the day began with laughter and silliness. What kind of animal was I this morning? Could I guess what kind he was? Ok, I am a kodiak bear and he is a chinook salmon and we will see how that turns out!

A recent trip to San Francisco to pick up my grandson from his trip, the fog was shrouding the Golden Gate bridge just as this anger shrouded my heart.

A recent trip to San Francisco to pick up my grandson from his trip, the fog was shrouding the Golden Gate bridge just as this anger shrouded my heart.

Earlier this week, I had three days of intense anger flow through me at the patriarchy and its power over others. I observe how we bring issues in on a personal level to connect us to the global level. It came into my world with a court date where my daughter’s child support was reduced as her soon to be former husband wielded his financial savvy and control. I felt the struggle of single mothers to support and nurture their children while our society turns a blind eye. I felt all the abuse from the Catholic church of my youth, the power men have held over women. I felt the horrors of human trafficking and pediphilia. The anger was like a fire in my veins and I felt that I could smote all who used this power to harm. Moments of unconsciousness appeared in males around me and my level of fatigue with it brought me to my knees. I have no patience for it. I want to shake them and say, “Wake up!” It is time for the masculine to wake up. I have held space for this for so long and have so much compassion for the masculine as it moves from its aggressive warrior stance to becoming warriors of the heart, protectors of women and children, of innocence and truth.

This young man was waiting for the arrival of his wife who had been gone for two weeks. He said it felt like a year. I loved his open proclamation of his love.

This young man was waiting for the arrival of his wife who had been gone for two weeks. He said it felt like a year. I loved his open proclamation of love.

It has not been an easy road for them, I know this. I do  see signs of this happening, there are beautifully conscious males, especially in my sons’ generation and even more so, in my grandson’s as these souls come in balanced in their masculine and feminine aspects. Thankfully, each generation freer from the old programming.

Grief and sadness followed in the wake of anger’s fire. It held me in its grip for days until it suddenly released. These are the times we are in. Duality presents in heightened tones asking to be brought into harmony. My body is a cauldron where an alchemy takes place, turning the unspeakable into the liquid gold lovelight. It takes all that I Am.

I feel as worn as the wedding band of my former twenty-five year marriage. Thin to begin with, it lost its edges, softening with the daily wear and tear of old patterns of partnership and union.

The Lion’s Gate portal has opened as this night moves towards day. I have felt Mother Sekmet’s fire flowing this week and her sword swinging amongst the distortions of power and love. Tonight, the white lions come in, lying beside me as I type. They lick my heart and offer solace. I feel all the pain falling away. I sense the lovelight flowing as I move through this gate. We are being gifted with so much more of our essence. I see sovereignty entering in as our young men and women claim their power in authentic ways and wield it for the greater good.

I was delighted that this heart rock wanted to be balanced to shine its love to all by the river!

I was delighted that this heart rock wanted to be balanced to shine its love to all by the river!

Bliss and despair, hope and hallowed, beauty and fear. All to be held in our hearts, to be allowed, to be accepted and loved. What a glorious thing we are doing here on this earth. What a privilege to play a part in it. God bless us all in our tenderness and dearness.



The Freedom Offered

IMG_2951Flowers beside me, a cool morning breeze flowing through the cottage, stillness and time alone after sweet company. I listened to the Irish poet, John O’Donohue, speaking on stillness and felt my soul expand with his words.

Stillness is vital to the world of the soul. If as you age you become more still, you will discover that stillness can be a great companion. The fragments of your life will have time to unify, and the places where your soul-shelter is wounded or broken will have time to knit and heal. You will be able to return to yourself. In this stillness, you will engage your soul. Many people miss out on themselves completely as they journey through life. They know others, they know places, they know skills, they know their work, but tragically, they do not know themselves at all. Aging can be a lovely time of ripening when you actually meet yourself, indeed maybe for the first time.

JOHN O’DONOHUE Excerpt from his book, ANAM CARA

IMG_2908Finding so many around me, waking up to the greater reality of their hearts. Our society does not offer space for this awakening, it in fact does all it can to keep one from it. Yet, our souls break through with tears that will not be stopped, with a yearning that moves one to breakdown and break open. Vulnerability enters and invites us to explore those darkened rooms that we have so carefully kept locked. Fear guards the doorways….projecting doom and destruction to all who dare enter. We fear for our very lives, as we should. For our lives will be dismantled, the old ways will no longer serve, people will be ousted from our world and we will be sent into outer orbits where there is no familiar landscape. All will be black night.

In that darkness, there will only remain the light of your heart to guide you. Therein lies the key, therein lies the way forward. No other can chart your path, though many will assure you that they know the way. Yet, no one knows you like you do. No one can lead you home to your own truth except you. You are the way, you are the light, you are the truth.

My grandson's designs.

My grandson’s designs.

I have been reading a child’s version of Pilgrim’s Progress to my grandson. He asks for it repeatedly, loving Christopher mouse’s journey to the Evergreen Woods. He acts out the dark aspects, the rats and their trickery and deceit and changes it all in his play. He rescues the weasels who take the shorter route and are “never seen again”. He has them reappear to play and enjoy the beauty and joy of true companionship with all the others as they make it to the promised land. He views duality and brings it into unity and my heart feels the wonder of his gifts.

This is the miracle of these babes come in knowing only love. These children are here to raise us all up with their hearts that see clearly. I am so grateful to be informed by a three year old’s wisdom, to share in the joy that emanates his every dancing movement.

A piece of spinach that landed on the backsplash of the daily magical hearts that appear from Myself to myself, reminding me how I am loved.

A piece of spinach that landed on the backsplash of the sink…my daily magical hearts that appear from Myself to myself, reminding me how I am loved.

We are shedding the old as the new arises within with a gathering strength and fierceness. My world is showing me courageous hearts stepping out of toxic and limiting relationships,  whether in work or home environments. Many are seeking the way forward towards this love flame that emanates the whole. In the choice for self love, others are raised up, no matter the hue and cry at a sudden boundary that states, “No more!” to the old patterns. We trust in ourselves, that a choice for our truth, cannot harm another. All are uplifted by truth. All are uplifted by love.