Surrendering to Pain and its Lessons

The windmill atop the hill behind the house.

The windmill atop the hill behind the house.

It has been about ten days or so of pain and discomfort in my back. I have had back issues on and off for years yet none have taken so long to resolve. My body is strong in its willingness to do as I ask of it, when I ask. Now, it asks me to move in a new way, a new energy. My old way held a gritting my teeth energy. I had thought that long behind me since I stepped onto this path of beingness over a decade ago. Yet, the recent move of our family brought out my old “can do” energy despite my knowing that I was to walk it differently.

Homemade naan bread and fresh delights by my daughter-in-love.

Homemade naan bread and fresh delights by my daughter-in-love.

This has been a deep surrender on much more than only the physical level. I have had to have help which my family has graciously given. They have taken it in turns, to make sure that I have had food and assistance as well as company and a showering of love. One morning, my former hubby came to check in and make me breakfast. I was not feeling hungry and started to say so when I heard, “The food is the vehicle for the love. Accept the love and allow it to nourish you.” Yes, I allowed and ate the love that created it. I had thought myself balanced on the receiving end after a half century of the giving side. I was raised to believe that love came through service, and I emptied my well of self over and over in pursuit of that love. These days have shown where I still held remnants of that belief that I had to be giving in order to be loved. I have sunk into the love given with a deep sigh of gratitude and appreciation.

IMG_9128I have been moved to stillness, to a time of drifting. I have turned to my old coping mechanisms; books, movies, sweets. All having their place yet not touching what needed touching within. I have felt the loosening of bonds. I have watched myself react in old ways, the attempting to control, fix or change people or circumstances. Of wanting all to feel comfort and softness. There is a falling away as the energy does not hold….it dissipates as I form it. I am now sensing the old reaction form and knowing that I can watch it and allow it to recede without moving to form. I can bear witness to all these aspects of self and feel compassion and love for myself and all of us. We are such tender beings. Oh, how we strive and work to be more. Our own beauty and mastery eclipsed by the story of not being enough.

Vibrant poppies outside my door.

Vibrant poppies outside my door.

Each day, more falls away. The pain has moved to discomfort, my body keeping me in check if my mind harbors an idea of what I will do. Slowly, slowing down to its pace. Movements careful and full of presence or the spasms take over. Grateful for the easing that is happening, the greater connection to this beautiful body that has held up through so much heaviness with few complaints. Letting go of any idea of how each day, each hour will be. Allowing myself this drifting, the ability to rise without using a prop and then needing the prop once again. Back and forth, surrendering to what presents, to what I am called to.

fullsizeoutput_4571The new comes closer, on the edge of my awareness, a dream like quality of joy. If I turn and feel for it directly, it moves away. The stillness invites it in. I lie here dreamweaving the future I choose to live in. The future where we are free to love everything and everyone. The future that my grandchildren embody, their eyes ablaze with starlight beams from home. My sweet five month old granddaughter takes me breath away each time I see her, whether it has been an hour or a day. She is so bright! Fortunately, I live above her in a beautiful space that allows me freedom to dream as well as easy access to the love of my son’s family below me. Sweetness.

I know the privilege of space and time that I have. As I sink deeper into the dream and weave the lovelight that I am, I feel all hearts’ desiring for this new world. May we all dream it together and relish all the moments along the way. We are awesome creators. We are beautiful. May we all come to know our own beauty.



The Divine Feminine Flows Powerfully This Mother’s Day

Look at these varieties of daffodils!

Look at these varieties of daffodils!

There is a lightening that is happening on this planet as the divine feminine flows in more freely. Yesterday, I had a wonderful Mother’s Day as for the first time in years, I was surrounded by my three adult children and two grandchildren. A blessing for sure. My daughter-in-love experienced her first Mother’s Day and it has been a joy to witness her blossoming into a magnificent mother.

Beyond the personal, for which I am so grateful, I could feel the planet being bathed in that mother ray…..aquamarine, pinks and golds. All flowing, all glowing. I felt the loosening in each heart of the old stories of pain and suffering. All is being released as we are able to allow it through our loving it, blessing it and feeling the truth behind the pain.

IMG_9087I did not see nor speak with my mother for decades before she passed. Her choice through disowning me and yet mine too, to set a boundary around my own family of children, to stop the cycle of abuse. My healing and freedom came on the inner planes in meditation many years ago. I was shown the love that she and my father held for me, that allowed me to incarnate. They agreed to play dark roles for all six children. Not all six, survived the experience. I did and grew into myself as I had to claim my truth over the version shown to me. I saw the 22 birthdate that I shared with both parents and the triangle of love it created. They gave of themselves so that I could be here to shine my lovelight in this transformational time. What a gift!

It is not necessary for the other person to be present, to do healing work. Whether incarnate or not, we can intend for a letting go of any blame, knowing that our soul has created every experience at our own direction, all for growth, all for love. The energies now, as the mother flame beams so bright, are  to assist us to give it all to that flame of love. Let it purify our memories, easing pain, burning away all the untruth we are taught to be victims. We never were, we are not victims. We co-create all of this play, to learn, to grow in lovelight. We ask our dearest ones to play the darker roles, for who else, would choose to honor us in every way that we need and desire.

Gorgeous color after the white palette of winter is so energizing.

Gorgeous color after the white palette of winter is so energizing.

May this Mother’s Day, ease old heartaches in all of us, men or women. We all carry the divine feminine and masculine flames and seek balance in all ways. Call to Mother Mary, Kuan Yin, Isis, Mother Sekhmet, your angels or your own inner being to assist you when the letting go feels hard. There is the most wondrous freedom when we move from a world of blame and shame into the light of love. It takes courage, it takes honoring our own light and protecting it when need be. We stand in our truth and allow it to inform others of their truth. Whether they accept it or not, we do our part and know that it reverberates down the generations, freeing grandchildren and all life to come. May the blessings of this mother ray fill all of our hearts to overflowing so the earth is bathed heart to heart with liquidlovelight.

Bone Weary

Lake where we took our first canoe outing recently. Saw loons swimming and diving. They can stay underwater for a long time!

Lake where we took our first canoe outing recently. Saw loons swimming and diving. They can stay underwater for a long time!

This morning I awoke with a lightness of being. I felt freedom flooding in my cells, it felt wonderful! It felt as if some significant phase of work, completed. Thank goodness. My daughter felt it too and we moved in a new ease filled rhythm all day. I did my back exercise video for the first time in awhile, I finished sewing a dress for my daughter-in-love, for her first Mother’s Day. I took a walk through the woods and gathered paper birch bark strewn on the ground to use to write letters to folk special to me. I visited a house at the top of the hill whose owners live in Cape Cod, making use of the house only a few weeks of the year. I picked a beautiful bouquet of daffodils there. Most were bent over by the wind and asking to be picked to be seen and appreciated. I did just that, putting them in a vase on my table where they lit up the room.  There were a couple of varieties new to me, peachy pink and ones with a vibrant orange center. Lovely.

IMG_9015Tonight, I find myself exhausted. Heat surges off and on, head intensity and an effort to get up off the couch to use the bathroom and refill my water glass. My body feels leaden. The fire burning is a source of comfort. I marvel that I am still standing (make that lying down!) on this earth. These are moments when I feel the weight of far more than my sixty-five calendar years. I feel ancient and bone weary of this experiment.

Yet, this morning, there was a shift. I know in my bones that a new day is dawning and that I remain to live it fully. I am so grateful for all who have contributed to this shift, who have continued to stand in this pressurized state for eons of time. Deep bow to us all.


Magical May!

Love the spiral on this log.

Love the spiral on this log.

Magic and miracles has been my mantra for decades. I am so ready to live it and sense that this month of May. The first miracle happened on Beltaine, May 1st. We invited folks over for a barbeque and bonfire. As the evening came to a close, children and chairs collected, dishes gathered, hugs given, the fire was left to burn itself out. It had little fuel left and with the moisture in this area and the large gravel circle it was set in, we expected it to soon die out. That was one of my sleepless nights as energy was running and my job was to witness it with wakefulness. I sat downstairs by the hearth, watching its flames through much of the night. At 5:30 am, I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and toast when a flame caught my eye outside. I questioned if it was a reflection coming from somewhere yet it was moments before the dawn and darkness cloaked the yard. I opened the back door to get a closer look. The fire was still blazing! The fairies and elementals must have been at work, tending it through the night. A miracle! Magic! A wonderful beginning to this month. I am intending to witness many more this month and those to come.

I have been reading essays and stories by Wendell Berry, a wonderful writer and man. His writing has brought me to tears with its poignancy and truth. In one essay this morning, he is quoting from Norman Maclean’s “A River Runs Through It”.

IMG_9003 2After a man’s death, his brother and father spoke of him. The father asked the son, “Are you sure you have told me everything that you know about his death?” …I said, “Everything.” “It’s not much, is it?” “No,” I replied, “but you can love completely without complete understanding. If you push me far enough, all I really know is that he was a fine fisherman.”

“You know more than that,” my father said. “He was beautiful.”

Is not this the mystery and magic of life? So much of beauty and truth goes beyond our understanding. We can only stand witness and know that “he was beautiful” and that we can love without understanding.



IMG_9010Irritability, nausea, head pressure, dizziness make for a grouchy gal! My, that light flowing in is doing some excavating. It is almost 6 am and I have been awake most of the night. Intense dreams filled time asleep. Now I am sitting by the fire, watching a glowing red orb peek over the distant hills. The sky is muted purple and pinks, giving light to a soft blue. The birds are singing the sun up and I am grateful to be a witness to its rising.

IMG_8996We are on the cusp of a huge transition as a collective. We are purging the old energies of pain and despair. It can feel uncomfortable. I remind myself that it is a pattern of change that suddenly what was once tolerable, is no longer. Little things irritate beyond reason, patience is stretched thin, my entire emotional field feels fried. I feel as worn as an old piece of silk that has seen decades of wear. Any frequency that is not crystal clear, feels like an assault. Old ways of interacting leave me exhausted.

Thank goodness for nature and the walks that invite me out my door. I can regain my equilibrium and find peace. Two tiny violas have blossomed as the recent snow melted, lifting their yellow gladness to all. Two fiddlehead ferns thrust themselves above the snow to be seen and marveled over. The trees have buds that are swelling with green that I can almost sip. Some buds are white and look like tiny candle flames alight on a Christmas tree.

IMG_8996My living arrangement is soon to change and I feel it reverberate on the inner and outer world. It is personal to me, yet reflects what we are all about to step into. Newness on levels we cannot comprehend. All we can do, is show up. Whether in our grumpiness, our joy, our sorrow….all of it is called out. We are asked to get clear about who we are and what we desire. Only then can we live in peace. Not the peace that we have known, rather sovereign peace where we stand each moment in truth, each breath conscious as it flows out and draws in. May we be gentle with ourselves and one another as we walk these days. We will look back and know what strength it took and be glad of our hearts so pure.

Ah, here she comes! The sun cresting the hillside. Blazing her light on one and all. We are blessed.

Swirling Snow in Spring

IMG_8972I awoke to a winter wonderland, heavy snow that the temperatures could barely transform from the rain that fell through the night. The daffodils, so bright in their sunny colors, are bowed down with the snow’s weight upon their heads. I went out and picked a bouquet of those that were already flattened to the ground, their light obscured by the winter white. They raised their heads in a vase of warm water and shook off the snowy wetness, to shine their beauty once again.

I felt such honoring for those blooms that held upright under this late onslaught of winter after days of warmth and sunshine. This is so many of us, continuing to shine our light, despite the weight of this crumbling world threatening to muffle us under a heavy blanket that falls so insidiously. Our role is to stand tall, continue to hold our heads up and our sweet hearts open for all to see. We can offer to brush the snow of the ones who are flattened, to bring them into the warmth of our visions and dreams so that they might know their own beauty as they see it reflected in our eyes.

IMG_8971This landscape of the Northeast Kingdom informs me on so many levels. It infuses my days with a deep connection to nature that blesses me in every moment. I awake to sunrise streaming through my windows, luring me to the front porch or lawn to witness the greater panaramic view. Evenings, I watch the sun do its dance before she sets over the hillside….coinciding most nights when I am at the kitchen sink, hands deep in dishwater as my heart expands with the clouds and colors of the evening.

I was amazed to see the trees present a color of spring, before their leaves have unfurled. I know of the new green opening, the rich autumn colors of the leaves’ demise but had not truly taken in the misty colors of buds forming. There is a red of the red maples, the pussy willow yellow buds, a grey green haze of many trees whose name I do not know. What I do know is a sense of awe as I look at the woods and see the soft colors that proceed the full opening of the leaves of summer. It is a new experience and one that I am relishing along with the recent days of warmth that saw my family taking quick plunges into icy streams and lakes as well as dances through the sprinkler on the back lawn. I did get pulled into that dance by my grandson, squealing in shock and delight at the sudden coldness. Resting afterwards in the intensity of the sun, with its warmth that touched the outer surface of my winter white skin.

IMG_8973We are living through extraordinary times. Intense discomfort comes and goes in my heart and body. Anxiety, unease, jangly energies run amok in me as well as a bliss that flows in the same pathways. Some days I cannot keep enough food in my body, it seems to burn up an hour after eating. Fatigue pulls me down and I then lie there awake. My body has no sense of night nor day as I have tea and toast at 3 am and fall into a deep sleep at 4 pm. My grandson wakes me, “Nana, it is dinner time!’ and I struggle up from some far away place. The inner hum feels excitable with what is to come, that we are on a precipice. My mind argues that we have felt this energy before….decades of dancing the mantra, magic and miracles are here, only to live once again the tapped down life of this reality. And yet, my heart says, this time is different. This time is true.

Our family moves soon to become stewards of a piece of land..our own loveland that my former hubby and I dreamed of in our youth. Now, decades later and we will live our dream in a form not imagined in those early days. We would not have imagined the valleys of despair, the loneliness that can be experienced within a marriage, the mountain peaks of joy with our three children and in turn, our grandchildren. The going out and pulling apart followed by the coming together as friends, as anchors for our family unit of love.

To steward some land, to invest in its beauty and offerings. I have felt the land talking to me. It has a small, dark house built upon it, spent 30 years under the stewardship of a couple that held a typical Yankee utilitarian outlook on life. We will lighten and enlarge the house, add new dwellings that have lived long in our imaginations as we amplify the beauty of the land. It is quivering in anticipation as it knows it is to anchor a love pod of the new earth. We will create in communion with the land and elementals. Magic and miracles will be present and acknowledged.

Just a day ago, sunshine illuminated these flowers.

Just a day ago, sunshine illuminated these flowers.

The swift change of season, the way this weather seeks to keep me ever present to life, builds such a wealth of gratitude in my heart. My world is small in regards to relationships as this state of Vermont holds tight to the masks and vaccines and strictures that are not part of my being. Folks fear to gather so we weave our way around, standing on the porch of library and general store to get books and groceries that we preorder online. We have found some dear hearts of resonant frequencies who live close to the land and its dictates, not the programming of the outer world. I have a few dear friends whose hearts keep mine afloat when I am in need though we live distances apart. My five year old grandson affords me laughter and opportunities to play each day and my three month old granddaughter allows me to slow and settle into the rhythm of the rocking chair and her sleeping weight that fills my chest with a peace that breathes me.

These times, these times! They demand our attention and intentions. They call out our dreams and our courage. I am here, gratefully so.


Neither Here Nor There

IMG_8728After a few days of warmer temperatures that saw a gradual melting of the snow around me, I awoke to a gentle mixture of snowy rain coming down. Not sure what form it was to take, it came down in a mixture of the two. Nature has been reflecting my moods so accurately. I have been in a flat place, standing still, no idea of who I am as there is no firmament under my feet. This week, as the sun shone with warmth, I walked with bare feet through patches of snow to land on earth, that gave as the thaw worked its wonders. All is in flux. Am I snow or am I rain? Am I sunshine or a mist gently hugging the ground? I shapeshift with the weather.

Mud season makes driving a new experience on dirt roads. Slipping and sliding!

Mud season makes driving a new experience on dirt roads. Slipping and sliding!

I observe my life with an appreciative eye and grateful heart, yet it is with dispassion. Removed by layers as life continues its flow around me, like a rock standing in a stream as the spring melt rushes past. In the stream, yet apart. I reach for sugar, toast, comfort in baking cookies and sitting by the fire, staying up late to read books that carry me away in their stories.  Some part of me waiting, sensing the magic to come, other parts too tired, too worn to touch into the feelings of future. The past has come in blips of intense feeling where some situation where I felt shame or censor arises full force like a shock to my body, only to recede as quickly as it appeared. Strange aches and pains arise for a moment or a day, only to recede from whence they came. Our bodies, throwing off lifetimes of suffering in these twitches, moving from denseness to seek the light of love.

The present most fully felt as I rock my sleeping grandbaby, breathing in her sweetness as our hearts twine in love with the starry realms that she retreats to. No thought, no needs, simply my foot pushing against the floor to keep us in that hypnotic state of surrender. Neither here nor there, a space of peace and calm.

Then there is the opposite expression as my five year old grandson invites me into his fort, assigns me my role in his never ending imagination, playing Peter Rabbit or Thumper Two or anyone of his menagerie of stuffed animals. He runs off to drive his tractor or dump truck into the fray, I set the blocks and he calls out commands. There is wrestling and jumping and movement aplenty. Ready, set, action!

IMG_8783We are to move in a few weeks as our rental house is being sold. It has been a gracious landing place as we moved from California to this Northeast Kingdom of Vermont. A year to get a feel for a rural life, a deeper connection to the land through the sharper lens of distinct seasons. The new place, the homestead is loosely tethered through a piece of paper with signatures. Older owners down South, the place full of three decades of life that they must come to dismantle as grandchildren call them to a new area and life. Our departure date looming, yet their leave taking timetable in their hands, not ours. This is the now….resting in this lovely farmhouse that has held us close, feeling the push to the next spot, seeing it shimmering ahead, yet the bridge from here to there is not built.

Moments of panic, what is the plan B if this should not come to pass? A houseful of stuff and four bodies to house, no easy rentals or spaces to find in this rural environment. Living in the deep surrender and trust that all will flow. Deep breaths as I recall that there is only now to live. Letting the questions and concerns come and letting them go. The hows, the whens, the desire to build the bridge to our future yet knowing I can only build it in my heart and trust it will find its form in the physical in divine timing.


Highland cattle with its shaggy coat that is well suited to this clime.

The family is all here, nine hearts connected to a dream, a template of beauty and love that is ours to anchor. I know the dream so well as I am the dreamer, the vision keeper. Ahead, in the realm of day to day,  there is the moving from this place to that….fifteen minutes down the hill and up a steeper one. Boxes, trucks, lifting….we moved in big trucks across the country, a household reduced and rearranged here. Now a smaller old farmhouse in need of renovation and expansion to hold us. The hows of it all, I cannot feel. How does it all come into form? How is it transformed into a light filled space of grace and beauty that we can live in? Wells and septic systems….new elements to contend with. The land itself invites me with its woods and creek and park like meadow set in a bowl of earth. A fairy like setting that is expansive and restful. A container that calls for an expansive dream to play out. The love pod with its cottages and gardens, with its laughter and music, fire pit and hammocks, gatherings of joy. All awaiting physical form.

Onion seedlings on their way....awaiting the warming of the earth to be planted.

Onion seedlings on their way….awaiting the warming of the earth to be planted.

A decade ago, I told my son that we would not need moving boxes and trucks to shift from our apartment in San Francisco as I thought that it would all happen with a blink of my eye. He laughed and arranged for our move in the old way… “just in case, mom”. Of course, it was needed then and perhaps it will be again in this now. I feel it so solidly, the abilities to create with our hearts, with a thought, with a sweep of my hand or a tone from my voice, to make desires take form, to create and uncreate through intention and attention. I know that I am to live this. May it be soon!

Spring looms with sparkles and light… the snow flurries thicken and drift down with a weight to their form now. I sit with the fire inside, letting its warmth soothe me. All is well, all is weaving a tapestry of love to hold us. May it be for all of us, a spring of renewal and magic. A spring to remember in days to come as the new beginning.



IMG_8706I sit here by my sun lamp, gifting my body with its light. It is raining/snowing outside under a dense cloud cover. The world outside my window is painted in muted whites and greys. My being desires a paintbrush loaded with vibrant colors. My palette is in readiness with pinks, oranges, sunny yellows and iridescent greens. For now, I breathe in the deep pink and white tipped cyclamen blossoms that grace the table. Thank goodness for this plant! It feeds me as fresh flowers are hard to come by in this rural area. If you happen to discover and purchase some at the grocery store that is 45 minutes away, they often do not survive the frozen temperatures of the journey in and out. The cyclamen helps me wait for the blossoming of the tulips our friend down the road has planted in his greenhouses.
I go through peaks and valleys emotionally. Always, I know my blessings and hold gratitude yet I also allow the sadness, weariness to express. Often of late, I feel so removed…as if I am moving through life in a cloud. I participate but as if I am watching myself on a screen…..once removed. So whatever emotions flow through my body, I am witnessing it all as well as feeling the thrum of “all is well” playing in the center of my being. My trust in this unfoldment is steadfast and allows me to ride the waves as we bring this new earth to land.
IMG_8661 2The trees are beginning to glow with new life in their tips….and the days grow longer with the promise of new life to come. So this season reflects so beautifully what is happening on this earth. There is the weight of the snow that explodes like a bomb as it slides off the roof to crash below……the cloud cover that presses in. The stark colors of white and grey that fill the landscape…….and yet…..the tiny buds forming on the trees, the rivulets of water running down the roads, ready to feed new growth, the mud, signaling the frozen earth, awakening. Yes, a bit messy coming out of the darkness. We will all have to remember that… is simply messy. It will pass and the mud will lose its grip on our feet that threatens to suck us down and to cause us to fall. We will get back up, we will find our center. We shall find ourselves dancing in the fresh green grass with bare feet that commune with our earth in a cellular way. All of life desires communion and oneness. We know this, we are this!
IMG_8680 2Today, I will go down the road and rock my month old granddaughter and inhale her sweet scent. I will play bunnies and knights with my grandson, I will take a snowshoe walk in the woods with my former hubby, daughter and grandson, I will breathe in the smell of the earth arising from under the snow as the ground opens. I will keep the pink rose bud in my heart alive, as she knows the glory of spring to come.

The Love Pod Gathers

A round table set in the woods by some kindred soul. Such is the magic to be discovered here.

A round table set in the woods by some kindred soul. Such is the magic to be discovered here.

Holding space as the caravan of vehicles and moving truck flows across the country. My elder son and his partner flew back to California to assist with the final packing. He was the last to go through his boxes of memories and to say his goodbyes. He is my sentimental child so it was bittersweet though he said more sweet than bitter on the closing out of the family home. Fortunately, we are always going to more, as my higher self frequently reminds me when I am called to let go. My son holds the vision of the new firmly in his heart and it is this shared family vision that has allowed all of us to let go of the old and take the leap into the new.

My grandson pushed a spot on this tree to "turn on" this fairy light for the fairies to dance under in the night.

My grandson pushed a spot on this tree to “turn on” this fairy light for the fairies to dance under in the night.

My heart is flowing across the country with them while my body is busy clearing space to receive them here in Vermont. I feel as if I will then breathe a deep sigh of relief that all has come to pass, aligning with the vision I have carried in my heart. We are in a time of witnessing our deepest dreams coming true. After so many lifetimes, full of pain and sorrow, it takes a conscious awareness to shake off the old and allow oneself to embrace the path of joy and lightness that is finally available. This involves a clearing out of the old patterns of protection and all the judgments that we held deep in order to feel safe. Our fears, anxieties and habits, formed in response to a hostile environment, come to the fore to be released. All is up for change. We are gifted the opportunity to empty ourselves in order to be filled with this new lovelight that is streaming in. Oh my! We can live as sovereign beings, free to express the love that we are.

The tears flow freely as I marvel that I am still in a body, still here to dance this truth of love with the earth. I am so grateful to be in a place of such raw beauty. Yesterday as we went to a local pond to swim, we encountered a family of loons calling their wild notes across the water. Something alerted one and set up a cacophony of sound and whirling wings as they seemed to dance in all directions. My grandson laughed and said it looked as though they had motors under them as they created wakes on the water.

IMG_7369Walking and getting momentarily lost in the woods with my grandson, we came upon these crab apples shining their red glow. They seemed to light a path for us as we forged a new trail out of the woods. Every day, there is newness. My daughter came in from her morning run to announce that the small plum tree in the side yard, held one perfect plum. A promise of bounty to come in future summers. There are maple trees with a branch or two that are beginning the change into their autumn colors. The nights are cooler and as we walk barefoot on the earth, you feel the changing season underway. It will be an autumn of beauty and splendor to savor. We are harvesting the summer bounty from all of our gardens, tomatoes are roasting in the oven as well as bubbling on the stove. Herbs are hanging from the rafters to dry and zucchinis have grown so big that they are now food for the neighbors’ pigs.  We cannot keep up with their production! Pumpkins are turning orange and growing in size. We will have plenty for jack o lanterns next month.

Rushing waterfall at our favorite swimming hole that we love to sit under.

Rushing waterfall at our favorite swimming hole that we love to sit under.

A time of harvest is at hand. We are all offered choices as to whether we accept the gifts on offer. Do we open our arms or hug them close to our chest? It is time to be brave and fling our arms wide and trust with all of our heart, that dreams do come true. I am living the truth of it in this now. My heart bursts with a song that the birds and trees carry aloft. We are co creating that harmonious note that lifts us all, along with this beautiful planet into our rightful place in the universe. We are home.

A New Landscape

IMG_7179A new home, a new environment, a drive from the West coast to the East coast and my spirit is thriving. The writing may begin anew as after a three month wait, we have an internet connection as well as a landline phone. There is limited cell reception in this part of the world so we are going old school by releasing our iphones with their addictive scrolling tendencies. It feels freeing as we now plug in to use the internet in an intentional way as well as go out and about without a phone in hand. It felt strange at first as I realized how I had adapted so fully to having a phone on me at all times. I am grateful for this opportunity to adapt to a lifestyle of greater presence.

IMG_6631I am living in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont. Yes, that really is its name! I feel the presence of the elementals so clearly here, in this kingdom of their reign.  It is the time for our family template of a five pointed star to be anchored in the earth. It has been a long and arduous journey and I am so grateful to see the hardship chapter closing. We are now on the cusp of living in my long dreamt of, love pod.

My sons have been in Vermont for a few years with their loves, who grew up here. My daughter, grandson and I recently moved to join them. The move also allowed my grandson to be closer to his father and grandparents in Quebec. My former hubby and dear friend, has just retired and sold the family home to come and join us all in this beautiful kingdom. So the original five member family will be together with wonderful loves added in. Our dream is to all live on one property with dwellings for each family.

IMG_7314I just returned from helping to pack up the house in California. I had felt complete with all that was held in that chapter of my life……25 years of marriage and raising of the three children. Now, fourteen years after leaving the home, and many visits and stays in between, I was sorting through a lifetime of journals, possessions, memories. My former hubby and I found ourselves in tears many times as emotions arose of past pains and joys. Some of the waves of pain overwhelmed me at times. We witnessed the flow and allowed the release. We hugged with tears in our eyes throughout the packing days, coming back each time to immense gratitude to find ourselves present in love and friendship. There were so many opportunities for it all to fracture, indeed our relationship did fracture time and time again. Yet the love kept calling us back. It is for this time that we are called to live the new in harmony and peace. Our family holds a strength and unity that uplifts. We have all shared a vision for this new world for decades. It is amazing to realize that the living of it begins now! A new grandbaby will arrive this winter to bring sunshine to the coming winter clime. What joy that we all will all be living close at hand to share in the delight of a new being bringing her/his lovelight to this planet.  This soul came to me months ago, telling me who she was. Oh my, there are amazing beings coming to help lift us all into the magical realms of the world that we have all dreamt of. We will be blessed by this little one’s presence and all the babies eager to arrive and offer their gifts. I work as an anchor for many who come to me for assistance, to land in safely.

IMG_7056We are renting a farmhouse on a hillside. Our landlords are a wonderful couple who have become dear friends. Folks are friendly and helpful and kindness flows freely. I can live a dream of walking out my back door into the woods and bathe in ferns and mosses and trees. My sons live close by, so dinners and get togethers and support are easy. The house reminds me of my grandparents’ house on a smaller scale. Walking on the wide plank wooden floors, touching the plaster walls, looking out the old small paned windows, cutting bouquets from the garden beds, watching the horse weather vane on the barn across the street for wind direction, lying in bed as the dawn fills my windows with pink light, signaling me that it is time to move outside to sit on the front porch to witness the sun rise over the barn, watching the sunset stream its colors from the back lawn, swimming under small waterfalls, all these fill some deep reservoir of beauty in my soul. Time floats and carries me along in a dreamscape. I am home.