Virus…Positive or Negative? Or Beyond Either

I heard, run outside there is a rainbow. Indeed there was!

I heard, run outside there is a rainbow. Indeed there was!

Here in California the order came to shelter in place due to the corona virus. I love that expression, shelter in placeIt brings a visual of each of us, sitting under our own sun, our corona, crown of connection, to all that is. Our I AM presence is our shelter, our source of all that we are throughout time and dimensions.

Yesterday, I packed up and made ready to move to my former hubby’s house to be with him and my daughter and grandson for the three weeks of this recent order. My body felt weak and I started coughing. In these times, those are red alert symptoms that bring up the whole virus fear. I have not felt fear about this virus but did find myself looking up the symptoms. I had been eating frantically for the past few days. Lots of sugar and carbs, way past when I felt full. I could not stop myself, just kept eating. It felt like a security for my body as on my last trip out to the store, I had loaded up on my favorite bread, then added cookies and even a box of pastry as well as chocolate. I watched myself with curiosity, wondering what this was all about.

Speaking with a friend, we got that it was like a booster rocket for my light body. Extra fuel for it to ignite. Which led to yesterday’s fasting that was not an intention, it simply happened that I had no appetite. During the day, I rested, read, took a nap. It was beautiful and sunny out but I could not step outside, only left to enjoy it from indoors.

IMG_5378While in my repose, the virus came to me. I asked it what it wanted from me. I told it I was willing to host it, if that was for the greater good and my own. I feel no fear of leaving this body as everything in me knows that it is not my time. Yet, I am open to being of service for the highest good of all. It told me that it wanted to be held in my love field. I invited her (yes, it felt feminine to me) in and we drifted and danced through the day. I felt peaceful and calm, as we navigated new realms together. She has gifts to offer mankind, some of which we are seeing played out in our world. Families are spending time together, people are being invited to share and slow down. It is a joy to go for a walk along the nature parks lining the river here and see all the families out with their children. Meditations are being offered on prime time news as we seek to calm our systems. My daughter-in-love works at  an organic seed company in Vermont. They have experienced a 200% increase in sales as folks turn to growing their own food. These are some of the blessings that are happening.

On a deeper level, I awoke a number of times to feel my light body flashing. I could feel its strengthening as a thousand lights turned on inside of me. I heard that this is an upgrade in frequency. We are changing from the inside out and this virus plays a big part in assisting with this.

IMG_5391I awoke this morning, feeling well. I had a appetite for coffee and toast. I went and sat in the golden sunshine in the garden and soaked up the scent of freesias and drank in the sunlight. It was integrating all that came through yesterday. I told a friend about taking in the virus and loving it. The speaking of it brought tears and a well of emotion. I feel so blessed. So grateful for the magic at work in this time. I have waited lifetimes for this frequency to land in. Now we are here. May we all open to the gifts present, stay out of fear and allow the love to flow freely. Let us honor our bodies with whatever they need, not judging any of it as good or bad. This virus is beyond that polarity, it offers unity. Seeing it as a whole rather than black or white.

fullsizeoutput_324aSending waves of gratitude to all of those on the front lines who are physically out there providing food, medical care, financial assistance, comfort and all that is needed as we traverse this new landscape. Humans carry such a hero gene of generosity and love. I am awed by us! What a species we are, full of resourcefulness and passion to assist one another. Be the love that you are. Trust yourself and follow your intuitive nudges and know we are creating the world that we want our children and grandchildren to live in. A kinder, gentler place that offers freedom and peace. We are blessed, let us live that blessing.

We Are In the Mush Stage

Daffodils are poking up and some are beginning to form buds. Nature showing me where I am at.

Daffodils are poking up and some are beginning to form buds. Nature showing me where I am at.

Whew, we have lived through this huge shift of the eclipses and the January 12th astrological alignment. Everything is made new. Yet, it does not feel that way. Yesterday I was playing with my four year old grandson who is so in tune with the energies. We were reading three letter words from little books I made decades ago when I taught my three how to read. I had one little book with the word, metamorphosis on it. I had made it as an anomaly. Inside was a picture of a caterpillar and a butterfly. He loved that word, metamorphosis, loved clapping out the five syllables. He wanted to be wrapped in a blanket like a cocoon. He did not come out as a butterfly…..he said he was the mush before the butterfly emerged. We played that over and over. Then it was flying mush….he could fly but was not a butterfly. Yes! He allowed a new direction, a new form to emerge. I found this fascinating.

The caterpillar is like us, all those legs attached to the earth as it stuffs itself full of food. We  have had so many attachments to this realm as it requires a million things to attend to in order to simply live. We have stuffed ourselves with every manner of experience over our lifetimes on this planet. We were so eager to be a part of this experience, to feel ourselves separate from Source. We have donned every costume…evil one, lightworker, slave, deformed, hideous and beautiful. We have played all the roles and now, like the caterpillar, we have spun our cocoon and find ourselves resting inside. Our legs that have been our means of attachment have disappeared, our desire for more of anything has left us, we are full, satiated with this 3D experience. We have pulled our energetic cloak about us and hear the admonishment to allow this deep repose.

Moss and violets and camellia blossoms and the new tile i helped put up.

Moss and violets and camellia blossoms and the new tile I chose and helped put up.

There is a stirring that brings an agitation, a sense that change is imminent. We feel disconnected to our old life, our old ways of doing. None of it makes sense anymore. Yet we do not know how to move. The way is not clear. No guidance is present, it is murky. Fog covers our eyes as we attempt to see our way forward. Our minds have anxiety arise as they spin trying to figure it out. What is next? How do we move? Where do we move? Who are we? There are no answers.

There is a feeling of surrender and deep trust in this process. The butterfly does emerge, we know this. There is a larger life that awaits us all, if we choose. I have witnessed some around me choosing another go round in this reality. It feels so strange to be with them as I  sense an energetic wall between us. Almost as if they were a ghost. I so honor their desire to play out some scenario or expression further. It is not for me as I feel complete with all that has been. Doors have closed behind me as I lie here in my cocoon. No passion, no direction, no desire….an emptiness. The mush stage in all of its uncomfortableness. There is no doing, only being. Tendrils of dreams so dear to my heart, flow in. They move me to tears with their power to touch the deep core of my being. Like a coal in my breast, the tendrils ignite a low fire that burns. Ever steady, ever there despite all outer appearances. It tells me that rejuvenation is at hand, that energy will course through my body once again, that I will be lit up and live the fireworks of joy and passion.

Cookies and chips followed by drinks of blood orange juice picked and squeezed by my grandson and sauerkraut made from the winter garden's bounty. All of it nourishing me.

Cookies and chips followed by drinks of blood orange juice picked and squeezed by my grandson. Sauerkraut made by my daughter from her winter garden’s bounty. All of it nourishing me.

Our mush playtime yesterday allowed an exhale. We are in process. I can trust this process. I can relax into this space with no need to know anything. I am present. I breathe in the beauty that is here. I breathe out all that was. I feel our mother’s heartbeat under my feet, I soak up our sun’s rays on my face. I let go of any ideas of how it should be or is. I float in my cocoon, buoyed by the love of dear ones and of myself for myself. Past and future selves present in this now, drifting along. We wave at one another as we float, no need to grasp ahold of anyone or anything. Surrender to the peace that is there, under all the rest. Peace to us all.

It Is Beginning To Get Physical

fullsizeoutput_2d62After years on this path of embodiment, I am so excited to feel the changes happening. Our physical world is shifting and despite how uncomfortable that can feel at times, my heart is dancing like Snoopy in his “happy dance” expression. It has been so long for our dreams and visions to begin to manifest in the physical. We are at the glimmering stage, not quite landed in but it is happening!

For me, I find that I cannot place myself in time. To look ahead, to make a plan, it is as though I am wandering in heavy fog. It swirls around me unless there is something that is mine to do. Then the fog clears, I follow the impulse and it happens. This could be awakening to book a plane ticket at 3 am or send a text message to someone at a certain moment. Things drop in and float out from my mind. Last month I forgot to pay my credit card bill, a first. Calendars do not hold dates steady as they once did. Things float and shift and I move with them. I am startled at times to find myself popping back into a space, having no idea where I have just been. Fortunately I receive guidance of when it is safe for me to drive or when I need to have the security of my couch and cottage to rest in as I dreamweave the new liquid love light into form.

fullsizeoutput_2d6aFor years, I was called to anchor certain frequencies and clear others. Now we serve more as conduits as all flows through us. We fill the grid lines with liquid lovelight and marvel at the beauty of this earth, as she lights up like a Christmas tree. I have felt such a sharp yearning at times for hearts that are dear to me. I reach out to them with a fierce longing to be in their physical presence to share our love. This alerts me that the time is rapidly approaching where many of us will live in our love pods with our loved ones, sharing a space where we can harmonize and breathe in a shared frequency of love. Oh my, it takes my breath away simply feeling that! We have longed for this for eons of time.

The time of completions is at hand. Reach out to everyone with whom there is any residual inharmony. They  may not respond in kind, it matters not. It is all about the love. I had a heart aching conversation with a sibling from my childhood. She has been gone from my life for decades. My heart ached for the hell that she is currently living. I witnessed her telling of it and watched my old “fixer” self arise. I wanted to rescue her, to make it right. The new way is so powerful. I sat with all of that in my heart. I felt the despair of so many, felt for those who suffer from mental illness, felt the pain in their hearts. I held it all and sent it flowing in love. My desire to take action dissolved as my heart had already done all that was needed. The old ways no longer work. We are responsible for ourselves. We are not to carry others. We are to release all to the “holiness of their path” in absolute honoring of each one’s choices. All are here to grow and learn. It is not mine to discern what constitutes growth for another’s soul. To experience hell, may be a chosen experience. It is not mine to know or interfere. The compassion arises to envelop all experiences in the flame of love. Allowing the pause, the space to hold what arises, to sit as the swirls of emotions settle, is mastery. It allows the truest expression to come forth to meet whatever is held. I feel such peace as I allow this.

One of my daily hearts that show up to remind me of how I am loved. I enjoy the various forms they come in. A bit of peel on the sink!

One of my daily hearts that show up to remind me of how I am loved. I enjoy the various forms they come in. A bit of peel on the sink!

Victimhood is departing. The old frequencies of pain and suffering are leaving. Many will choose death, as the earth has chosen to no longer support the lower frequencies. There are those who have paved the way, who will also depart, with an acknowledgment of a job well done. Others will stay to bridge the way to the new. I am one of those. I knew that I was here to make my physical ascension in this body when I first heard of the possibility in 1989. Oh how the years have dragged and flown. It is a good thing that in 2012, I did not know the distance still to be traversed. 2020 sounded so futuristic and unfathomable. Yet, here we stand on the cusp of great change in our physical worlds. We have been hunkered down on our own, scattered around the world, holding our flames alight. Now the reunions will begin. The new earth councils are being formed. We are being called to our new roles.

The river where the salmon was leaping upstream.

The river where the salmon was leaping upstream.

We let go of the old ways, the old motions that have felt hollow for so long. We are here to love fiercely and wildly. On my walk to the river yesterday, I saw a salmon leap out of the water, time and time again as it fought the current to make its way upstream. Most of the others had passed by last month. Yet, here was this straggler, making its way, its body shredded, falling apart yet still moving, still striving. I felt a kinship with her. She was intent upon reaching her home to lay her eggs as I am intent upon birthing the new creations. My womb is full despite my body feeling so worn. I am pregnant to bursting with the power of the lovelight that desires to be born.

As I walked back to my car, I saw something flash out of the corner of my eye. I looked up into the steady golden gaze of a coyote. He was ten feet from me on the path, stillness embodied. I greeted this wild thing in my own wildness. I laughed at the power of the energy exchanged, aliveness to aliveness. I went to take a photo but my camera would not work, it wobbled time after time as I attempted to make it work. Once I departed, the camera worked again. I smiled at that trickster, playing with me, making sure I understood the fun and magic at work. I do and I am glad!

 

Living in This Mystery

This is part of the joy of having a four year old around! Radish growing in a happy face.

This is part of the joy of having a four year old around! Radish growing in a happy face.

Do you feel the wonder of these days? It is a ride, days of awe, days of trial, days of restlessness, days of stillness. It all flows. We are living the change, living the ending and beginning of a new age. Amazing gift to have a body as we walk through this time.

There are days when I feel energy flowing and things happen without thought. I had intended to get gas at some point, but not on this trip when suddenly I changed lanes and pulled into a station and there was an open spot ready for me. I had a chuckle as that is how things flow now, quick, easy, no thought.

Other days, there is no energy to animate my form. All I can do is rest, watch Netflix or read books.  I enjoy simple ones of magic where folks find their tribe, creating communities of love….the love pods of my dreams. It all feels within the realm of possibility these days.

I have had “hits” of energy come in carrying frequencies from joy filled times of the past. I sense that we are weaving these strands of light to create this new world. We want the joy the peace, the harmony, the magic, the laughter. As I move through this, I feel dreamy, sleepy, slow. I can show up for my four year old grandson and be a fox or a magpie or whatever fantasy he is playing at the moment and then I go home and collapse on the couch. Full bore ahead or nothing. I am not experiencing much in between.

Bouquet of olive branches from trees that thrive in this area.

Bouquet of olive branches from trees that thrive in this area.

It feels as if we are only a breath away from our new creations. I can sense myself sitting right next to love ones who are at a distance, can feel the play as we weave strands of liquid love light. We sing and tone vibrations of peace that create. It feels wondrous and some part of me is enlivened. The physical is regenerating, I know this despite the sluggishness I feel. I allow it all.

I live in this frequency of fragrance, color and form.

I live in this frequency of fragrance, color and form.

There is no will of my own to make anything happen. I embrace everything and allow the flow to move me. There is such simplicity in this. I laugh as I am mostly too tired to do otherwise! The sleepiness is the great unlocking tool used by my higher self to let it all go. It is as if nothing can attach itself any longer, it slides off. The magnetics of the matrix have evaporated. There is a movement towards simplicity, ease, quiet. I am witnessing this in those around me.

As the energies speed up, time disappearing, the impulse is to match them. This leads to the intensity of emotional outbursts that we are witnessing. It may feel counterintuitive to slow down in these energies, but it is what is needed. We stand in the whirlwind as pillars of peace and calm. The winds swirl about us, and we breathe in stillness. We breathe out calm. Lovelight flows in gentle waves from us, setting a new pattern, a new rhythm that creates our new world.

Altar for the babes who ask for assistance to anchor their light here.

Altar for the babes who ask for assistance to anchor their light here.

There are thousands of advanced souls, masters, waiting for families to open their wombs and hearts to them. We came in to harsh dysfunctional families in order to purify and heal the lineages. These masters of love are arriving to be love, to share the love. They need conscious parents to host them so that they can live the love that they are. I am so grateful for my daughter’s consciousness as she raises her magic man. He is a master of love, teaching us all the pure vibrations that are possible.

At times, this space of unknowing can feel uncomfortable. Yet it is so full of wonder in its non form. I am mindful of the privilege of having a body to experience it with despite all the can feel heavy in this transition. Blessings of lovelight to us all as we traverse this mist filled road to our hopes and dreams.

 

Our Flame

fullsizeoutput_2c87Watching a candle burn, the wax melting in the center, creating a void, a hole that reflects the flame’s light outward. At times, the position of the wick or the variance in the wax, causes it to burn lopsided, spilling wax over its lip like a lava flow. Tablecloths and dresser scarves or the wood surface itself, catches it and slows its progress as it cools on the new surface. It hardens into a solid state that takes some work to clean up. I have spent time scrapping and ironing and washing and rewashing trying to remove the waxy residue from some of my favorite textiles.

We operate differently. We have that inner flame that our societal conditioning teaches us to activate in productivity. “Burning the candle at both ends” is an expression that alludes to a fast paced life with little time given to rest. Remember when to “be busy” was almost a bragging right? This is a common way to live if one is to find “success” in our society. I lived this life for years until the tears would not stop flowing, whether I was in a meeting or in the privacy of a bathroom. My body literally cried out for change.

I love lights reflected. May we see more and more heart lights reflecting outward!

I love lights reflected. May we see more and more heart lights reflecting outward!

Slowly, month by month, year by year, I learned that the way our flames work is different. We thrive by allowing our flames to burn off the outside of our being, not the inside. A candle leaves its outer shell intact, as the inner core disappears. We are encouraged to this, to become the empty shell, working until all flames out. It came to me slowly, as my life was brought to a standstill on every front. My inner flame died out, a pilot light was all that remained lit.

The years have burnt off the shell of society’s expectations and mores. The familial conditioning melted away along with the weight of rightness, wrongness and the notion of productivity as the means to love and acceptance. Duty slowly melted in the flame of love that flared bright. The outer shell has gone and there remains the inner flame. We see this reflected in one another’s eyes, the truth of our spirits that shines ever bright. We are beginning to see that radiance shining from more and more faces. People are waking up and tending their inner flame as they let go of the outer world that has turned out to be false on so many fronts.

Nature can light up in so many ways.....now we are catching on.

Nature can light up in so many ways…..now we are catching on.

The hundred monkey theory is in effect and spreading at a rapid pace. The new children coming in have a radiance that is mesmerizing. My grandson’s eyes send out sparkles of light that infuse all with joy. It is happening, a quiet revolution from the inside out. We are burning off the dross from our beings and standing in our radiance, allowing our lights to shine bright. My heart is so uplifted, I can feel its pulsing action as I witness this. Pillars of light shining through the darkness, it is happening and this world is lighting up. Hallelujah!

Getting Out of the Undertow

IMG_1985A new technique for getting out of an undertow has been discovered. We were taught that you should swim parallel to the shore and you would eventually pull yourself free from the force of the  undertow. Now it has been discovered that it is wiser to float, rest and wait in the undertow. In a couple of minutes, the undertow will depart and you are free to swim to shore.

I love this! It is so illustrative of so many of life’s lessons that have done more harm than good. We ingested these ideas from childhood, despite evidence that they do not work. If you try to swim out of the undertow, you may eventually do so but you will be exhausted. We have been taught to exhaust ourselves, allowing one and all to pull on our energy field. Yet by staying in place; relaxing, floating, we allow the energy itself to leave.

My grandson's creation at the lake yesterday. We know when we are at the gateway of our own truth. The question is, will we take the step forward?

My grandson’s creation at the lake yesterday. We know when we are at the gateway of our own truth. The question is, will we take the step forward?

When someone can no longer siphon any energy from you with their pulling or pushing, you are free! They will depart of their own accord as they are not being fed by you any longer. We are programmed to sabotage ourselves by engaging in the push/pull behavior that keeps us in the undertow. Our higher self is always there, extending a hand towards freedom’s gate. Yet we listen the the voice of our ego or aspects of ourselves from earlier times, this lifetime or past ones, and allow ourselves to be dragged back down to the old shackled ways.

We do not believe we are worthy of being fully loved. We work to get up the courage to end a relationship with another or a job or a situation, and then we feel we must try again, offer our heart once again. The pattern repeats and we feel dragged down again. We knew it was toxic yet our beautiful full hearts want to try once again. And the result is the same…the feeling of disempowerment, of weight, of pain.

fullsizeoutput_2584This is when we need to take the time to float, to relax, to allow the integration of what we know inside to be truth to catch up with our physical being, our personality self. Take the pause! Allow the swirl to pass without engaging with it. Float and flood yourself with self love. Allow that to be your life raft. It will carry you to safety without exhaustion. There is an ease that will open up.

You will no longer be triggered by the person or situation. You feel neutral. You have allowed your own wisdom to take the helm, to float and open an empowered pathway of love.

A message that I have had consistently appear in my heart in the moments of yet another layer of letting go is: You are not going to less, you are always headed to more. 

I desire more, more freedom, more love, more harmony, more peace. So I let go and I leap.There is no debate, no internal dialogue necessary. I hear, I respond and life opens up in more beauty, more truth, more joy. That is freedom!

The Lion’s Gate Portal and Pain

Latest swimming spot

Latest swimming spot

My world of late reflects these intense times. My back aches and makes sleep elusive. Time sitting, especially in cars is no longer easy. Camping trips have been cancelled and my hermit/nun existence moves further inward. I do my back exercises, get acupuncture treatments, walk by the river and play in the pool with my grandson. An unexpected delight of the summer has been swimming in the nearby river. The current is swift but there are places where lovely stretches off the main river can be found. I enjoy the feeling of swimming almost in place as my legs and arms strive for forward movement. It makes me laugh! There follows the reward of a gentle float back downstream, lying on my back, watching the bank flow by. Then the quick movement to eject myself from the river’s slipstream to reach the bank.

IMG_3037I pick blackberries warmed by the sun on my walk there and back. The wildness of the river and the berries resonate on a cellular level with a wildness in my soul and body that seeks greater expression. I can feel the enlivening and it brings me joy. I sense that all of nature is coming alive in a new way and it is transmitted to me in these connections. I need to feel these glimmers of a greater aliveness that herald the new that is to come for us all.

Then there are days where it feels as if a plug has been pulled and every drop of energy has drained from my form. I can hardly animate it. I lie exhausted on my bed or couch, a book at hand if there is a modicum of energy or mindless netflix shows if there are mere drops. If none, I watch the movement of the leaves on the trees outside the windows. If I do not have food in the refrigerator, I am glad of buttered toast from the loaf stashed in the freezer.  Amazing how long I can put off going to the grocery store or any other errands. I feel all those who suffer chronic pain, the limitations, the drawing in. What courage it takes to keep joy alive.

I spend much of my time with my daughter and grandson. I sleep over at the family house on weekends and when the three year old requests my presence. He is just back from a two week trip to see his father in Montreal (Yes, crazy that a three year old has to be so long from his mother. California courts and a father who is not able to honor his child’s needs above his own) so he wants the reassurance of his grandpa and me close at hand. This morning I awoke and went to the bathroom, to find the big blue exercise ball by the toilet. I called out to the scamp who must have rolled it in. He laughed and said, “Nana, that means this is a cracker day!” What is that?, I ask. He just made it up and finds it hilarious and so the day began with laughter and silliness. What kind of animal was I this morning? Could I guess what kind he was? Ok, I am a kodiak bear and he is a chinook salmon and we will see how that turns out!

A recent trip to San Francisco to pick up my grandson from his trip, the fog was shrouding the Golden Gate bridge just as this anger shrouded my heart.

A recent trip to San Francisco to pick up my grandson from his trip, the fog was shrouding the Golden Gate bridge just as this anger shrouded my heart.

Earlier this week, I had three days of intense anger flow through me at the patriarchy and its power over others. I observe how we bring issues in on a personal level to connect us to the global level. It came into my world with a court date where my daughter’s child support was reduced as her soon to be former husband wielded his financial savvy and control. I felt the struggle of single mothers to support and nurture their children while our society turns a blind eye. I felt all the abuse from the Catholic church of my youth, the power men have held over women. I felt the horrors of human trafficking and pediphilia. The anger was like a fire in my veins and I felt that I could smote all who used this power to harm. Moments of unconsciousness appeared in males around me and my level of fatigue with it brought me to my knees. I have no patience for it. I want to shake them and say, “Wake up!” It is time for the masculine to wake up. I have held space for this for so long and have so much compassion for the masculine as it moves from its aggressive warrior stance to becoming warriors of the heart, protectors of women and children, of innocence and truth.

This young man was waiting for the arrival of his wife who had been gone for two weeks. He said it felt like a year. I loved his open proclamation of his love.

This young man was waiting for the arrival of his wife who had been gone for two weeks. He said it felt like a year. I loved his open proclamation of love.

It has not been an easy road for them, I know this. I do  see signs of this happening, there are beautifully conscious males, especially in my sons’ generation and even more so, in my grandson’s as these souls come in balanced in their masculine and feminine aspects. Thankfully, each generation freer from the old programming.

Grief and sadness followed in the wake of anger’s fire. It held me in its grip for days until it suddenly released. These are the times we are in. Duality presents in heightened tones asking to be brought into harmony. My body is a cauldron where an alchemy takes place, turning the unspeakable into the liquid gold lovelight. It takes all that I Am.

I feel as worn as the wedding band of my former twenty-five year marriage. Thin to begin with, it lost its edges, softening with the daily wear and tear of old patterns of partnership and union.

The Lion’s Gate portal has opened as this night moves towards day. I have felt Mother Sekmet’s fire flowing this week and her sword swinging amongst the distortions of power and love. Tonight, the white lions come in, lying beside me as I type. They lick my heart and offer solace. I feel all the pain falling away. I sense the lovelight flowing as I move through this gate. We are being gifted with so much more of our essence. I see sovereignty entering in as our young men and women claim their power in authentic ways and wield it for the greater good.

I was delighted that this heart rock wanted to be balanced to shine its love to all by the river!

I was delighted that this heart rock wanted to be balanced to shine its love to all by the river!

Bliss and despair, hope and hallowed, beauty and fear. All to be held in our hearts, to be allowed, to be accepted and loved. What a glorious thing we are doing here on this earth. What a privilege to play a part in it. God bless us all in our tenderness and dearness.

 

 

The Freedom Offered

IMG_2951Flowers beside me, a cool morning breeze flowing through the cottage, stillness and time alone after sweet company. I listened to the Irish poet, John O’Donohue, speaking on stillness and felt my soul expand with his words.

Stillness is vital to the world of the soul. If as you age you become more still, you will discover that stillness can be a great companion. The fragments of your life will have time to unify, and the places where your soul-shelter is wounded or broken will have time to knit and heal. You will be able to return to yourself. In this stillness, you will engage your soul. Many people miss out on themselves completely as they journey through life. They know others, they know places, they know skills, they know their work, but tragically, they do not know themselves at all. Aging can be a lovely time of ripening when you actually meet yourself, indeed maybe for the first time.

JOHN O’DONOHUE Excerpt from his book, ANAM CARA

IMG_2908Finding so many around me, waking up to the greater reality of their hearts. Our society does not offer space for this awakening, it in fact does all it can to keep one from it. Yet, our souls break through with tears that will not be stopped, with a yearning that moves one to breakdown and break open. Vulnerability enters and invites us to explore those darkened rooms that we have so carefully kept locked. Fear guards the doorways….projecting doom and destruction to all who dare enter. We fear for our very lives, as we should. For our lives will be dismantled, the old ways will no longer serve, people will be ousted from our world and we will be sent into outer orbits where there is no familiar landscape. All will be black night.

In that darkness, there will only remain the light of your heart to guide you. Therein lies the key, therein lies the way forward. No other can chart your path, though many will assure you that they know the way. Yet, no one knows you like you do. No one can lead you home to your own truth except you. You are the way, you are the light, you are the truth.

My grandson's designs.

My grandson’s designs.

I have been reading a child’s version of Pilgrim’s Progress to my grandson. He asks for it repeatedly, loving Christopher mouse’s journey to the Evergreen Woods. He acts out the dark aspects, the rats and their trickery and deceit and changes it all in his play. He rescues the weasels who take the shorter route and are “never seen again”. He has them reappear to play and enjoy the beauty and joy of true companionship with all the others as they make it to the promised land. He views duality and brings it into unity and my heart feels the wonder of his gifts.

This is the miracle of these babes come in knowing only love. These children are here to raise us all up with their hearts that see clearly. I am so grateful to be informed by a three year old’s wisdom, to share in the joy that emanates his every dancing movement.

A piece of spinach that landed on the backsplash of the sink...my daily magical hearts that appear from Myself to myself, reminding me how I am loved.

A piece of spinach that landed on the backsplash of the sink…my daily magical hearts that appear from Myself to myself, reminding me how I am loved.

We are shedding the old as the new arises within with a gathering strength and fierceness. My world is showing me courageous hearts stepping out of toxic and limiting relationships,  whether in work or home environments. Many are seeking the way forward towards this love flame that emanates the whole. In the choice for self love, others are raised up, no matter the hue and cry at a sudden boundary that states, “No more!” to the old patterns. We trust in ourselves, that a choice for our truth, cannot harm another. All are uplifted by truth. All are uplifted by love.

 

2 A.M.

Heart rocks shining their love to us.

Heart rocks shining their love to us.

Still awake after a day of activity. No thoughts that are looping, no issues to resolve. My body feels achy from the physicality of today. We have begun to add a hike up the bluffs overlooking the river after our “classical cafe” Sunday mornings. The morning begins with my three year old grandson and his grandpa selecting some classical music to play. We dance, spinning and leaping and flowing in between making the breakfast. My grandson and my daughter are the waffle makers. He loves to be in charge….measure and pour in the oats, peel and throw in the banana, crack a couple of eggs and add some baking powder and blend! Heat the waffle iron and use the pastry brush to coat it with butter. He gets out his small maple syrup jug from the refrigerator and I heat some syrup on the stove in a bigger jug. Grandpa fries the eggs and sometimes bacon, I set the table with the little one’s help. Strawberries are gathered from the garden and sliced. The music fills the room as we fill our bellies with yumminess.

A driftwood dog created for all to enjoy.

A driftwood dog created for all to enjoy.

We went off for our hike, grandpa carrying a weighted pack in preparation for his climb of Mount Shasta later this week. Our grandson had fun practicing with grandpa’s hiking poles adjusted to his size. We will do our own hike in the snow on the mountain and look forward to how the climb goes for the grandpa and uncles. My body is slowly getting ready for more summer with its outdoor hiking and camping adventures. Shasta is a favorite place for both.

We jumped in the pool when we got home and dried off while eating a picnic lunch on the lawn.  While the little one napped, I helped my former hubby work on a tile project by the new back doors. A familiar pattern for the two of us as we spent twenty- five years doing projects in that house and yard. When I left, over a decade ago, I vowed never to do a project there again. I was so tired of projects and  hard work. Yet here I am full of gratitude that this remains the family home. We continue to come together to create a more beautiful home for our grandson. We know each other’s patterns and so the work flows smoothly. We each have gifts that balance the other’s.

Animal dung flattened into the shape of love.

Animal dung flattened into the shape of love.

I depart for the solitude and quiet of my cottage after more pool time, dinner, play time, story time, and kisses to the wee one as he heads to bed. I am ready for an early night. Yet…..here I am still awake. As I lie here, I have booked a ticket to go visit my sons and their loves in Vermont this fall. Planning of any kind seems impossible but suddenly I am clicking on flights and dates light up and it is done. An energetic connection laid out that offers some solace to our hearts in our time apart. One son needs this right now. Still there is a surreal quality to it all as I wonder who will I be then, what will the world look like? This summer portends huge changes. What will the fall bring? I am curious as to the unfolding.

The days flow past like a dream.So dreamy in fact, that I cannot recall much from moment to moment. Lots of searching for my keys or reading glasses or wondering what I am about. Starts and stops. My grandson was intrigued by my expression of “losing my mind”. What does that mean, he asked. Fortunately, he has an incredible memory and can fill in my blanks as my mind is more and more untethered from linear thinking or patterns.

Pop of color amongst the dried grasses.

Pop of color amongst the dried grasses.

The waves of energy are more subtle these days. I find myself feeling quiet, removed yet not the void sensation. No highs, no lows. More muted, but full. Appreciating all about me with so much love. Desiring simplicity, moving in sync with the energies. Days of physical activity and days of dropping down deep in the lulls. Nights like this of wakefulness, naps that overtake me, hours of couch time, staring out at the trees or glued to netflix movies. Something deep within stirring causing a knowing that the half life I have existed in for so long, is coming to an end. I sense vitality, adventure, and enthusiasm beckoning. I have moments of tasting this….there were moments today. Other times, it all feels distant. I know that I am ready. I have been for quite awhile. Whatever is to come, I open to it. Savoring the sweetness of all that is. And it is good.

 

The Great Untethering

Beauty hiding in plain sight. My grandson noticed this butterfly.

Beauty hiding in plain sight. My grandson noticed this butterfly.

Yesterday was a day of silence for me. Nature mimicked my state with no breeze, no excessive heat, rather a deep stillness all about. A day of drifting with my mind floating free, my heart singing softly to itself. I felt untethered. Two of my children called to check in. One soaring in these energies and discovering her joy, the other struggling yet in greater acceptance of his life as it presents at the moment. Both of them were experiencing a new willingness to let go on every level, despite the heartache involved.

My heart drank this in and radiated it out to the collective. All is well. All will be well. Everyone is making their choices as to what their future will be. Some have yet to come to the gateway where all burdens are to be deposited before entry. Some have arrived only to turn aside for what appears to be an easier path. Our wondrous bodies are working overtime to assimilate these new energies of love flowing in. For many, this translates into strange symptoms which have the medical system scratching its head. For others, their relationships are strained to the breaking point. For many it is their livelihood or their homes that are threatened. Wherever we need to untether, whatever means can be used, our higher selves will make use of it to bring us to center, to pull our attention to the way we are living.

Our time at the beach, grandson delighting being in the midst of all the seagulls.

Our time at the beach, grandson delighting being in the midst of all the seagulls.

We are all being untethered. There is a wave of change that is sweeping across the land. We are moving closer to our centers, to that zero point of being ness that opens us to all possibilities. Timelines collapsing, switching right and left as we make our choice moment by moment to move into Oneness, unity, harmony. It is almost unbelievable that we are here! I have waited my whole life and many lifetimes prior for this moment. To live the truth of who we are and begin to access our creator abilities to craft a life of wholeness.

Someone shared messages of love with all on the path.

Someone shared messages of love with all on the path.

In the day to day, it can feel exhausting, repetitive, achy, anxiety filled, depressing, overwhelming and so much more. We each walk it in our own unique way. Yet, walk it we do. It is happening. We are moving into a new age of love. We are creating peace on earth. We have finally understood that it is all an inside job! There is nothing nor anyone who can hold it back when we create peace within our own hearts. When our heart field is neutral, all the drama dies down, the volume is turned down and we are able to hear the rhythm of our own heartbeat. We then are able to turn our heartlights on to high beam! Our heart field flourishes with all manner of beauty. Oh! To see and know our own beauty and to recognize it in another. Joy!

Now a day with my three year old grandson awaits. The quiet of yesterday replaced with giggles and play. This is the flow. How grateful I am to flow in this stream of love light!