A Leaf’s Lesson

fullsizeoutput_1374I lie on the sofa with some lovely English craft magazines to feed this burgeoning creativity that is flowing through me. The soft, cool autumn air wafted over me as the brightly colored quilt warmed me. I watched a leaf twirl its way to the ground. The peace flowed over and into my heart and I thought…..this. Yes, this is everything.

My note, my song is for this peace to permeate every heart. For all to feel this ease and freedom. There are some so dear to my heart who are struggling mightily, as are so many in these times. My heart offers a space around them, a field of love light to be used as  needed. We cannot create this peace for another, we cannot change their path. We are called to trust them to their own I AM presence, to their own truth, to their own lessons, as difficult as they may appear. All are creating their own reality for their soul’s growth. We are called to honor the holiness and sanctity of each one’s path, as uncomfortable and difficult as that may seem when our hearts desire to dissolve their perceived pain.

fullsizeoutput_1377We can become the peace ourselves, as we face everything that comes into our worlds with an open heart. If I feel a contraction, a moving away from something, I can breathe into it and allow it space. If I find myself fearing anything coming towards me, I can sit with the fear and allow it room. The energies are so quick in these times, that feelings flow through, morph and dissolve in a blink.

We are becoming comfortable with others’ uncomfortableness. No need to fix, to prop up, to make right. We can sit with someone suffering and allow that suffering. We can share that space without suffering ourselves. We offer our heart light as a field of love that can hold all that is not love. We can sit shoulder to shoulder, and breathe with them. We can see their truth and let them know that we know that they will find their way through this trouble or situation. We do not know the hows, nor need to. We do not need to offer answers or solutions. We know only that all will be well. Opportunities will present themselves and change will come about if the person truly desires it.

fullsizeoutput_137eThe recognition that I have called forth everything in my life, for my benefit, my expansion as a being of light, sets me free. Changing the perceptual lens, changes how I engage with  life. I am amazed frequently with the intensity of the love that I have for myself. The way that the greater aspect of myself, gives me opportunity after opportunity to master a lesson, discover a knowing. I am in awe at all the beings and events that align to make this possible, time after time.

Once the need or desire for drama dies down, there is left this freedom, this simplicity. Life flows with ease and greater grace. Moments of intensity may still come yet we now face them with a calm heart. Fear is no longer a factor. This allows new levels of freedom. More and more, events are conspiring to assist humanity to let go of a belief in external things as a source of security. More and more, folks are realizing that security comes from Source, that inner light within the chambers of our hearts. The old scare tactics of old age, ill health, poverty, and dying are losing their power. We are coming to the knowing that we are never alone, that we are always supported as we act out our lives on this stage.

fullsizeoutput_1375A simple life full of daily pleasures is my desire. I allow myself to become the leaf that lets go of the branch to delight in the descent to the ground. Will I fear the fall or will I create a beautiful dance with the breeze, enjoying the movement in each moment? The choice is ours. I choose to surrender and let go and see where this wind will take me. Perhaps I will descend and land, only to be crushed under the tire of a truck driving down the road, perhaps I will be raked into a pile and find myself thrown back in the air by a child’s body landing nearby in play or perhaps I will softly drift into a pool of water and float on the surface.  There are so many endings and within each, new beginnings.  I trust all of it. I know that I am cared for, as are you. All beings, known and loved by the One, by Source, the Creator. I am in love with having a part in this play. I am grateful to all you courageous hearts that came here to act out your parts too. May we all know ourselves blessed.

The Gift of January’s Pause

IMG_0873Today is the last day of a very long month, the first step into the energy of 2013. It did not feel like anything I knew, though with so much focus on 2012, my mind did not look into this landscape except to see paradise. In hindsight, I am so appreciative of how uneventful the December dates appeared. The clues where there for me to see as I was guided to be with a very small group of women for 12-12-12 and alone for 12-21-12.  I had thought to be at a large gathering with hordes of others for both dates, celebrating with fireworks and fanfare. Instead, it was an inward event, the joy subdued and subtle but palpable.

I am only now beginning to glean the riches held in the pause of January. The days rolled by in a dreamy fog, melting into one another as I experienced so many physical symptoms that took me down dark, scary holes. I heard that the end of suffering is here, suffering on any level of our being. My body spasmed with acute pain as I was offered the opportunity to walk it all back to love. To feel the illusion collapsing, to hold that knowing in my being alongside the reality that I was experiencing.  Caring for my body, took all my energy as I played with this newly intense sunlight; filling, releasing, and sending its rays streaming across the earth. Creative bubbles floated tantalizing close. As I reached out with my mind to pull them in, their iridescent radiance popped. I lay back down with sticky soap film on my face. My crown chakra tingled and danced with energy that evaporated as a sigh as soon as I opened to it. Everything felt elusive, just out of reach.

I am feeling the harvest of all the disappointment energy that December reaped. All of that was able to be lifted off the planet in one fell swoop. Oh, the angels were glad! We were then left with only trust to keep us warm as it seemed that the dreams of magic were not to be. Each day, my breath, a bellows to fan the flames higher as my body lay integrating the new. I saw myself with an IV drip of my divinity, which I had so boldly claimed, moving into me, drip by drip. I had thought myself ready to swallow it whole but my soul played its parental card and said, “No, too much too fast will leave you scorched.” I begged to differ and asked for a mugful. The response: drip, drip, drip. I jumped up to dance , to move, my mind proclaiming its sovereignty. I have not experienced but have watched folks shuffling down hospital corridors with their IV poles, seems no dancing allowed. As I was rendered once again prone and exhausted, the drip continued its slow, but ceaseless motion. Oh, the wisdom of these bodies! The wisdom of our higher selves, always showing us the short cut home.

Weary angel wondering why, reflecting my mind's energy.

Weary angel wondering why?

I have needed this time to acclimate to the new energies before I can move to play in them. I have had to bank the fires of my trust so that it is a constant flame that warms every moment, every impulse of my heart.  I can hear the roar of the fire of trust that is now blazing in my breast: I am loved, I am cared for, all is well. My mind had to go through its remaining fear programming: “You are not doing anything and it is 2013, get up!! How can you expect to co-create the new world flat on your back?” I had to face hissing, snarling FEAR in my dream space, trusting to the love of my heart to be my sword. I have felt the strength of that love as all melted at its touch, like the wicked witch of the west, dissolving in the mists. Fear is an illusion that has held us captive for so long. We are adults now, we can pull back the curtain and discover that it was only the old man, Oz, who was behind it all.

We have been through a tempering process as the flames of our experiences have begun  to transform us into molten gold. The liquidlovelight of my dreams, at last, pouring in.  We have been asked to grow up, to shoulder our responsibility to self. to get clear about what we want. Our thoughts are so rapidly becoming things that we have to be conscious of those thoughts. We have to know that all that is needed is inside of each of us, no outside sources trumping our own heart wisdom. We have had to walk old issues and relationships, down the road to love, releasing them to their higher self, trusting that they are perfectly cared for, as are we. I am learning to let go of judging the path of another and trusting that what presents itself, is that soul’s manifestation of experience that is their fast track home. Surrendering our playing God for another as well as dictating to God what tune to play in our heart, undoes the programming.  Allowing God to breathe the notes of our soul’s song into the flute of our hearts is walking our way to home.

My youngest son had a bout of the flu as did so many. After resistance, anger, and a bit of berating himself, he surrendered to it. Afterwards he said that he was grateful for the time it allowed him to think and dream. He was given a new vision of how to walk in his life. He saw all of his desires, the goodness meant for him, sitting ahead in the stream. He had been pushing to get to it, trying so hard in each endeavor, wanting to do it perfectly.  He realized that he was only asked to surrender and float down the stream. He would be brought to it in perfect timing and without fail as the water always flowed downstream. In his trusting in the abundance of the Creator’s love, all abundance flows in. Our minds can say, that is not how it works in the “real” world but it begins with my heart trusting, then yours, until all hearts know that we are the beloveds of our Mother/Father and their hearts’ desire is to give us, ours. Our streams converge and we will find ourselves playing together in the ocean of love.

This is the gift of January for all of us spiritual bungee jumpers (someone once called me that). Do we truly know that God loves us and cares for us on every level? Have we surrendered fully to the flow and placed our trust in divine timing? Do we have to spell out the particulars of what our Christmas list looks like or do we know that the Creator hears the feeling tone that we put out and answers in kind. Can we let go of our expectation of the hows, whens, whys of it all and trust what shows up, knowing it to be the perfect nourishment for our day?. Can we know ourselves good enough, worthy to receive this love? Can we drop in and allow our hearts to lead us, trusting the pause time to be as valuable as the times of action? Trusting that we are always in our perfect place at the perfect time. That we are not missing anything if we follow the clues of our heart.

IMGP4415I feel the winds of February bringing the scent of spring, of flowering anew, of expansion and rapid growth. My IV is still dripping with the essence of my divinity and I trust that the process will be complete when I hear the call to make a move. In this knowing, I am trusting each one of you to heed that call and trust the path where you are led, whether it be to sleep or create or dream in this moment. Open to it fully, licking the last bit of sweetness from each moment before letting it pass. Each moment fully embraced frees us to be present for the next….and the next, each experienced as the perfection of the now. I love you so.


Going Deep

The image of these stairs work for what my life is at the moment. I am walking down into the depths of my being. Just as you cannot see where you will land from this image, I have no clear picture of where it is I am headed. I am sitting in nature and allowing her to guide me. I have no fear of the dark places anymore. I have done so much clearing out, so much cleaning of my interior spaces that I can glide down the first few stairs with ease. I can look about and enjoy the scenery that I have created for myself. I have now reached a landing and face the descent into the depths. All appears misty and dark. I recall that I am light, I can shine my own light to see what has been neglected and forgotten. It is all about perception. I might have feared this excavation in times past, but now I welcome it. I want to release any aspects of myself that have been imprisoned. I want to comfort any parts of me that have been shamed. I want to bring the light of my truth to bear upon the darkness and to set it all free. Therein lies the joy of this task…freedom. Every part of me that I reclaim, every part that I see and acknowledge, allows me to breathe deeper. I feel freer. Once every fear, every pain, every hurt and injury is addressed, there is nothing to fear. I could leave this body tonight and be at peace. For my trust in my own divinity, is complete. We are all given this opportunity at this time, to choose freedom from pain, from suffering, from limitation and lack. Freedom is in the air. We are being gifted with such support to make this journey. Call upon your angels and guides and walk hand in hand with them down the staircase to your true self. Bring your great light to bear on all. Whatever you encounter, can be loved and embraced. There is nothing too shameful to come to our open hearts. The trick is to feel it completely. I recall a time in the first months after my divorce when someone’s guides gave them a message to deliver to me. They told me that it was ok to feel the pain and sadness fully. At that time, I did not understand the message and felt a bit indignant as I thought that I was feeling it fully. Oh, what a difference time can make. It took me another year, sobbing my heart out one night alone in India, to truly allow myself to look at the pain in my heart. To recognize how numb I had been. I could only take one step at a time and spent months poised on a step, unable to move further. Now I know the “how tos” of pain release. I know to open my heart fully, feel it fully in every cell of my body, and to take the deep breaths and let go. I give it to the angels and the violet flame to transmute it back to the light. I help my mind see that there is no need to recycle it over and over. I read a quote this morning about this:

“The pain was necessary to know the truth but we don’t have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive.” This is from Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening and he goes on to say; As
anyone who has been wronged can attest, in order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. Living like this, we become our own version of Prometheus, having our innards eaten daily by some large bird of woundedness.”

It is time to give up our woundedness, our victim hood, our sense of injustice. We have created everything in our lives to help us evolve. We were the ones who set it all up on a soul level and even chose the players in our play. So we let go of anger at anyone or thing and most of all, at ourselves. We played our part as well as we could at each point in the play as did all the others. Especially those who played the bad guys. Give them an extra round of applause as theirs was the more demanding role. It is time to forgive others as we forgive ourselves. Time to recognize that we all want peace and that we are the only ones who can give it to ourselves. Peace is an inside job. When I am at peace, the world will reflect that to me. When we are all at peace with ourselves, we will live in a peaceful world.

So descending the stairs is what this island time is to me. I am determined to uncover every last bit of delusion, illusion, damp and musty place in me. I love how brave I am to sit with myself and witness this process. To allow the space for all to be revealed. To melt into myself and to know myself as if for the first time. There have been tears of awe and gratitude for the beauty of this universe. For the generosity of my soul, for the way it works to bring me every trigger until I am trigger less. I want to stand naked before my own higher self, my mighty I AM presence and look her straight in the eye with reverence and strength. I want to merge with her and together merge into the heart of my Mother/Father God. I am ready to go home.

Home to a place that I have dreamed of in my soul. It is a place that whispers to me in the stillness. It is a place where I will be welcomed and known. It is the place that I have searched for all my life. I do not have to leave this body to find my home. It is in my heart and we are at a time in our evolution where we are free to create heaven on earth. Our mother has decided that she wants to evolve and become the star that she truly is. We get to join her and become the bright lights that we are. I loved this tree that I encountered, growing so strong and powerfully out of all the parts that have been cut down, damaged and decayed. Aren’t we beautiful in our ability to do this very thing? To take all of our suffering and our pain and use it to grow into the beauty that we are. We all know folks who have become twisted and stunted by their experiences in life. Yet, this tree shows us that there is another way and it is one of nobility and truth. We have the choice, always we have the choice as to how we will grow. I choose to see my life as a rich tapestry that I am weaving. I am grateful for every strand, some bleached white with grief, some dyed dark with blood, some so gay in their joy. All are a part of me, all are part of the whole. I choose to add my strength, my peace, my love to the whole of this earth. If it takes me turning over every damp rock on my forest floor and eating every worm found there, I will do it. I hold nothing back as I choose to be fully present in this stillness with myself. I am a warrior of the heart.