Cinderella’s Message

The blossoming trees do not hold back from expressing their beauty. They shine!

The blossoming trees do not hold back from expressing their beauty. They shine!

I love how movies can bring us messages. I recently watched the new Cinderella. Her mother drums into her three things; have courage, be kind and believe in magic. These serve her well for the most part. In being kind, she followed a pattern we have been programmed with. She was kind, to a fault towards others, while allowing herself to be abused in the name of kindness. Only when her stepmother threatened to use her in a way that would harm her prince, did she stand up and say no more. How often have we done this, allowed ourselves to be dishonored and abused, yet standing up for others that we care for. The message we inherit is to be kind to all, except ourselves. Somehow we feel we can bear it for ourselves but not for others. Yet in truth, we are all one. So by allowing ourselves to be mistreated, we allow that behavior to continue. It is time to know that kindness begins, first and foremost, with ourselves. We serve no one by accepting abuse of any kind, not physical nor emotional. It may not leave marks, but emotional abuse is every bit as damaging to our hearts. This is coming to an end as we each learn to love and honor ourselves. We are deserving of every bit of kindness that we can muster. Our hearts thank us as we gift ourselves.

This lily holds her treasures close as she begins to unfold her beauty.

This lily holds her treasures close as she begins to unfold her beauty.

The most powerful scene of the movie for me, was when Cinderella was walking down the stairs to meet the prince once again, this time in her rags, to try on the glass slipper. She pulls from her stepmother’s arms, who is reminding her that she is nothing and nobody and not worthy of love, (that inner critic we all know so well) and she knows this is the moment where her life turns. She can play small and accept the vision her stepmother has created of her or she can stand tall and know herself as the love that she is. She passes a mirror on the stairway, sees her ragged reflection, lifts her chin and walks like the royalty that she is. She chooses to stand in her truth. Before trying on the slipper, knowing it will indeed fit and make her a princess, she asks the prince if he will accept her as she truly is. Not a servant girl, not a fairy princess but as a true kindhearted being full of love. His response displays his truth as he says, yes. His condition is that she accept him, not in the role of prince, but as a young man doing his best to live a life of truth. The prince had to defy convention by not marrying to create advantages for his kingdom, but to follow his heart. They each open to embodying their truth at the risk of losing the one that they love. As truly, it is only in doing so, that the love can flourish.

As warmth enfolds her, the lily blossoms into her full beauty, just as each heart does when it feels the warmth of love.

As warmth enfolds her, the lily blossoms into her full beauty, just as each heart does when it feels the warmth of love.

How often have we turned from one who truly saw us, as we feared to let down our mask. We have been indoctrinated that we are not worthy and we play this out by choosing to be with those who do not see us, rather than the one who will open our hearts to our own love and truth. This was beautifully expressed in another movie, You’re Not You.Hillary Swank plays the role of a beautiful young pianist who gets Lou Gehrig disease. Her outer life shrinks as her inward life grows. A young tough, hardened woman becomes her caregiver and friend. They each teach one another so much about love. Hillary moves from victim consciousness to taking responsibility for the demise of her marriage. She tells her husband that, “We created this.” It is not just his fault. She recalls him looking at her early in their relationship, and how she made the decision in that moment, to be the woman that he saw rather than to be herself. She remembers a man who saw her truly and how she turned from him, choosing instead the one who could not see her. We are freeing ourselves from these false notions, realizing the price we pay when we try to be someone who we are not. The young woman in the story has allowed herself to be used by a married professor while there is a young man who sees her truly. Both of the women’s mothers fill their heads with tales of “you are not enough, you are not acceptable as you are”. It takes such courage to allow ourselves to be seen, with no cloak, no mask, no cover up. To turn from the programming of old and embrace what our hearts know. I think of us all standing naked before our own higher self, before the Creator. There are no fancy shoes or clothes or degrees or roles to identify us. There are only our hearts’ flames to tell the story of who we are.  Our flame shows up in our eyes, which are indeed the windows to our souls, broadcasting our truth for others to see. To look deeply into another’s eyes, is to fall in love. We are one being, coming to recognize ourselves. How beautiful our world becomes!



Honoring My Tone

The beauty of the mountain, sunlight and water mesmerized me for days.

The beauty of the mountain, sunlight and water mesmerized me for days.

I came down from my mountain high with a crash and landed in a valley of emotions. I returned to the California coast for a family wedding. I feel as though I have had my emotional body roto-rooted……all kinds of sludge and muck has been brought to the surface. Years of old emotional pain has been pulled up to the surface, seeking the light of love. I have had a good look at my “tone” and all the ways that it has isolated me in my life. I wore a hat of shame for an evening as I absorbed judgments for the way I participated in a discussion. I saw that truth is more important to me than peace.  Indeed, for me, truth is love. I saw all the waves of people and situations that fell from me as I held my tone.

Can I cherish myself while viewing all of these moments of my life? I felt each moment of pain afresh, as it moved through me. It was a life review while in the body. I have experienced this a few times in the past as I have walked this path. This one felt different as all that was shown had a common theme. I was granted a view from the human and soul perspective. From the soul’s viewpoint, the emotional charge is not there. All is clear. I have understood that clarity and tried to live it in my humanness, causing emotional storms. We are moving into greater clarity as our souls live more fully on this earth plane.

The only shelter and security is to be found within our hearts.

The only shelter and security is to be found within our hearts.

I saw how the energies are shifting, how my tone will be able to be held with gentleness rather than as a flaming sword that cleaves.  This a result of people facing their shadows to stand in their truth. I saw how our tones evolve through thoroughly loving the tone that has been. I came to a place of  honoring my willingness to stand in the censure of others to let truth have its voice. Honoring the way I have walked my truth in all of its imperfection. As I lay here and allowed myself to feel all of it, I came to appreciate the consistency with which I have held my tone held throughout my life. That in itself, is a remarkable achievement. I am accepting all aspects of myself with a deep and abiding love.

We have been taught to listen and interpret words as our means of communication. We are moving into a time of transparency and truth. Words can be used to obfuscate, manipulate, hide behind. Now we are given the gift of greater communication as we begin to read the energy field of a person. We can sense the package of information our fields are putting out as well as hear the words. Where there is disparity, there is a discordant tone that is unpleasant to the ear. Where the words and the field are one, a tone of harmony is emitted. This is our work, to harmonize our fields and walk in that oneness.

I have allowed this dissolution of my being, witnessing all aspects of myself, laid bare. No desire to gather them, to reform them. Content to melt into the earth. My personality self felt the old desire to flee the pain presented. I watched the parade of voices, many from years past, come through touting their wares:

  • Start an exercise program, then you will feel better. You seem to quit after a few days, what is wrong with you?
  • It is all about diet, just eat right and your world will be right. You know you eat too much sugar.
  • Meditate 20 minutes a day and your life will be perfect. It has to be a scheduled routine to be effective.
  • Just follow the plan, do not make waves, accept the cultural paradigm and life will ease up. Here are ten easy steps to get there. 

I lay there and laughed. And laughed some more. Really? This is all you have for me? All of these are programs that assist us to judge ourselves. We are told how to feel rather than allowing ourselves to discover anything for ourselves. We are fed a daily dose of judgment that reinforces the notion that we are not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not wealthy enough, not, not, not! We need a diet plan, a money making plan, a brain exercise plan…….left to our own devices we might just discover that we are powerful, perfect beings of lovelight, come to create heaven on earth.

This little guy was one of the gifts left outside my tent door by the elementals. One day it was a bark heart, one day a few berries, a heart rock. All signs of how all the kingdoms want to support and create with us.

This little guy was one of the gifts left outside my tent door by the elementals. One day it was a bark heart, one day a few berries, a heart rock. All signs of how all the kingdoms want to support and create with us.

For now, there is no impulse to move, to do or be anything. I am letting go of the new age, the new earth, the idea of ascension, the idea of myself as a spiritual being. My dear body is here, she breathes and continues to hold a form. I have no desire to preserve this form. I see myself lying on the desert sand, adding to its dust. This gives me a  feeling of peace. Dissolving into the void that I am. The Oneness that exists within each cell.  I watch the sheets drying on the line, and am mesmerized by the form that the wind provides; billowing fat and full by its gusts, hanging limp and flat, in its stillness, edges curling in a soft dance as the wind teases it to soft movement.

I offer myself to the elements, the elemental being of my body, in play with sun, wind, rain, people, faeries, electronics, ley lines, all of it. No will directing this course, trusting to the Creator as the birds and the flowers do. I will come to my flowering as it is part and parcel of my being. Unhinging the mind that believed it was essential to survival. Sitting in my heart, unattached to outer form, to any idea of good or bad, happy life or sad.

View from my tent, camping spot of my dream.

View from my tent, camping spot of my dream.

I am here. And everywhere. Beliefs dissolved. Cords of attachment cut. Will the rain melt me? Will the mountains meld with me? The sylphs of the air have given me direction these past years. Now the where, who, what, how……..are all blowing in the wind. I am the wind. All one. I rest.






Mother’s Day Beyond the Hallmark Moment

We can sit alone and be nourished by our Mother's love.

We can sit alone and be nourished by our Mother’s love.

Today my three adult children will spend the day with me, making me a brunch. Not so very different from our usual Sunday routines as we love to go to the farmer’s market and come home to whip up our goodies in delicious ways. We have not been a family who bought into the Hallmark corporate holidays, instead infusing the spirit of these designated days with our own sense of meaning. Mother’s Day has meant a homemade card from each with heartfelt sentiments, my true treasures gathered over the years.

My mom is still alive and I trust, folded in love by two of my siblings who, last I heard, were living with her. A triad of emotionally and mentally damaged individuals who have not been part of my life for over thirty years.  I wrap blankets of pink love about them all and bless them. I feel grateful for all the lessons my mom gave to me, most especially rejecting me so that I turned more fully into the arms of Mother Mary, who received me wholeheartedly. She gave me a gift by setting me on the journey of mothering myself.

If I could, I would gift every human on the planet, with a pink rose of the Mother's love.

If I could, I would gift every human on the planet, with a pink rose of the Mother’s love.

Today I am celebrating all men and women who have learned to mother themselves. Who have grown past laying blame at their mothers’ feet for their emotional issues. Who have evolved into gratitude for the love that was present on a soul level to play that dissonant note, allowing each of us, to seek the harmony within. I played out my mother wounds with my children, praying for guidance as to how to move to wholeness within myself so as to be present for them. I failed short a thousand and one ways, day in and out, striving to overcome my own pain body and its limitations that came out in moments of anger and upset. I also had a thousand and one moments were I was the mother’s love and flowed it truly through me to their beautiful hearts, which taught me the power of love. I have forgiven myself for all of this and been graced by forgiveness from each of my children, where I was not able to be what they needed and deserved. I have honored myself for what I was able to be and give. We understand that we have each created the life that our soul knew would lead to our greatest growth.

I honor each one who has found a way to feel safe inside, who has been the soother of their own tears, who has learned to sit with their fears and sorrows and bring it all back to peace. In healing the great mother wound, we have opened the way for our children and grandchildren to lead a life of greater peace, joy and love.

Mother Nature's love is always in action around us.

Mother Nature’s love is always in action around us.

Today I honor Mother Earth for her love that has sustained me, nourished and cradled me. She is the great mother, truly giving of her life’s blood so as to allow us all time and space to grow into the light that we are. Her gift is one beyond my comprehension, I feel awe when I contemplate it. I flow my love and gratitude to her as I bathe in her generous ocean of nurturance and support. To hold 7 billion souls in a continuous stream of opportunities and love…..there are no words.

Today I honor Mother God, the Divine Mother in all her forms. I honor this life that has been given to me to weave a tapestry of love. I am called to honor and love myself as an expression of the Mother’s love. We were raised to give love to get love. Conditions abounded. The most freeing love is that of the Mother, she gives love because she is love. It is pure and whole, knowing love is the fabric from which we stitch hearts only to watch them grow and expand. Love begets love.

So whether you are a mother to your pet, your child, your niece or nephew, your garden or your gifts…..I honor you this day for flowing the Mother’s love through your heart, allowing its note to be sung as part of the great symphony of love that creates and sustains universes. We are one being and the mother’s heart, beats within us all.



Traveling to Venus as an Ambassador

The peas flowering and growing with liquidlovelight.

The peas flowering and growing with liquidlovelight.

I was telling a friend that I was so ready for more magic. I am ready for a world where all have abundance in every area, where each has the freedom to sing their special note. I expanded it to traveling with ease to other countries and planets. I stated my desire to visit  Venus, the planet of love and beauty. She challenged me to visit now. I said but I want to do it consciously,  not in my sleep state. She said, “You can.” Oh, I had to drop the belief  that I could not do such a thing. She offered to help by meeting me at the Galactic observation deck. She and another friend would be there to greet me. Ok, I closed my eyes and thought of being there and I was. I looked out over the galaxy, found the Milky Way spiral and searched for Earth and then Venus.  I intended that I be on Venus and there I was! Sanat Kumara and Lady Master Venus came to greet me. They took my hands  and I marveled at my size, I was tall and thin like they were. I giggled saying, “I always felt that I was tall.” They laughed and led me to an auditorium where an audience awaited. I was to give a talk, I was an ambassador from Earth. I did not use words but rather sent out thought packets of information from my heart. They were interested in how humans deny themselves love. I sent from my heart the feelings of shame and guilt and criticism that many live under. I let them feel the weight that we are conditioned to carry as to our mistakes, our wrongdoings, our shortcomings……all projections that we own as ours.  I felt their bewilderment as to why we accept limiting ideas about ourselves. I received a sense of how they love and value themselves. I felt areas in me dissolving where there had remained lack of love. I was filled with such love that I began to cry with the joy of it.

I understood that they would now better be able to assist humanity. I was returned to Earth filled with this love. I saw myself pouring it out upon the planet and watched it seep into hearts and the earth, herself. I began to laugh as it poured as liquidlovelight, golden drops that watered the seeds of beauty in each one’s heart. I thought, “I am a watering can, pouring love upon the seeds so that the flowers will grow and blossom.” Of course! I love flowers so and each day envision each one opening to their own beauty, and to me it is in the form of a flower.

Orange poppies lighting up my life.

Orange poppies lighting up my life.

All of this took place within a space of about five minutes. Whew! I felt a momentary sense of loss being back here in my reality where I am busy painting a room, when some aspect of me is a planetary ambassador. I then knew that I could go back anytime I desired and that the love is a constant, always flowing to me and through me as I offer myself as a conduit. This human Linda is a small part of the being that I Am. We are all immense beings of light. What a game we have constructed here, choosing to forget our love heritage. That time is closing as we have chosen a new game, one of love and only love. As I pick up my paint brush once again, it is with a new sense of joy at creating beauty. The image of myself as a watering can of liquidlovelight keeps a smile playing on my face.

IMG_5747Open to more of yourself and have a peek at the beauty that you are. I see your beauty shining, know it and own it today.

Laughing and Loving With Me

A heart carved by the elements, asking me to see the beauty of my heart, carved by the elements of time.

A heart carved by the elements, asking me to see the beauty of my heart, carved by the elements of time.

Yesterday came and went without writing after stating my intention to write each day in March. How I am laughing with myself this morning. All is well! My non-writing is a perfect place to love myself. I realized that the idea of doing anything that does not organically flow from my being, has dropped from my world long ago. Yet, here I set myself up in the old way, which so beautifully gave me this space to appreciate the way I do flow. I love that I move from my inner promptings rather than from the structure of my mind. I allowed that knowing to rain on my heart.

March seems to be showing me the old templates that I once inhabited in order to feel appreciation for my newness. After not living by a calendar or clock for these past few years, I found myself buying a calendar to track my exercises (only recently feeling moved to move again). I wrote a couple of things down and realized how old it felt. It came from the old list maker in me, who loved to write things down and cross them off. There was some sense of accomplishment in doing these outer activities. I could look at them and feel that I was doing ok, or not. They were a way to gauge progress or movement, or so I told myself, as often as not, they were a way to beat myself up for not staying with a set program. Oh, that needed a deep breath as I sat with my calendar and felt into a deeper place of trust with myself. Can I trust that I will move my body as it directs me in the moment without looking at a list or a schedule of planned activities? I asked my body this. She assured me that if I open a space for movement, she will lead me in the way that she desires. My back has been sore for a time, she is telling me she desires more gentle movements. In loving myself today, I am allowing this space for her to move me.

Admiring the tiny blossoms emerging from the old dense wood.

Admiring the tiny blossoms emerging from the old dense wood. A yearly cycle that speaks of newness.

I went to an event yesterday and ended up sitting with someone who had been a big part of my life during my years here in Sacramento. I had been holding her in lovelight just the day before though I had not seen her in many months. I was making the rounds in my heart, of anyone where the energy was stuck or unclear between me and another. There are a handful of folks, who I no longer interact with, through their choice or mine, yet I desire for the soul love to flow free. I am loving myself by staying current in my heart field with all others. So how beautifully the universe responded to my lovelight by placing this person next to me. The love flowed freely and all was softened for which I felt such gratitude. I desire to live free from hard edges with anyone. I trust that this happens, whether the person and I ever meet or speak again. The truth of love is there, watering the garden of my heart, by holding only love for all others.

I cannot see around the curves ahead, but I can walk each step in gratitude.

I cannot see around the curves ahead, but I can walk each step in gratitude.

When I returned home from the event, I left my observer role, as I felt as though I were the actor in the movie, Groundhog Day, where he finds himself living the same day, over and over. The loop of my life found me back in the same place, residing in my former house, living in an area that never felt like home, speaking with a family member in the old way.  I went into judgment about it which did not feel good. Thoughts of, “You are stuck in the same place, this is old energy…run!” flew through my mind. After a time in this space, I made a conscious decision to go inside to seek more information. My old way would have been to stay churning in these thoughts, lashing myself with recriminations. Honoring me, I allowed myself a more expanded viewing angle. My heart opened into love for myself and my courage to return to the old to make it new. There has been tremendous growth and healing for me, my former husband, (now dear friend), and my adult children. This time has been of great benefit for me and all involved. I have had a place to rest deeply when I was so in need of it. All involved had an opportunity to learn new patterns of relating in love. Oh, that feels better! I held that judgmental part of myself in a deep embrace of love, knowing she was doing what she thought best to protect me. I assured her that we are safe and change can come with ease and grace. I thanked her and told her that she could let go of her fears, that we are doing well. Our higher self has us well in hand and continues to take us on the path of greater expansion and love.

Following the arrow of my heart, trusting where it leads.

Following the arrow of my heart, trusting where it leads.

I then interacted with a friend which further clarified how positive this feeling was as it brought me to an fuller awareness of a loop being completed. I had a foreshadowing of this at the beginning of February, as I could feel this cycle of time, at this place, coming to a close. That feeling of discomfort and panic of yesterday was further confirmation that change is at hand, get ready. In stilling the knee jerk reaction of my mind, I am opening to what is next, allowing  life to present the hows and wheres to me, without holding ideas of what it will look like. A couple of friends suggested it might be in this same area, or it might be an inward move to a new state of consciousness rather than a new geographical state. Neither felt like the bigger change that I was seeking to a place with water and open vistas. Yet I allowed myself to open to a yes and a yes to both ideas. I am allowing myself to be with all as it shows up for me. I have set my intent to move and now am alert to signs to guide my path. I know that it often comes in the guise of something not expected or looked for and not in keeping with my personality self’s desires. My soul rules and she steers me aright. I trust her.

My blooming skirt that made me smile.

My blooming skirt that made me smile.

These are some of the ways I have watered the garden of my heart,  the past couple of days. I trust you have been watering yours with compassion as you pulled any weeds of self judgment. We are the tenderest of beings, so pure in our love. Breathe that in and let it shower your garden in liquidlovelight. I love me so and in that love, is my love for thee.



March Enters Streaming Love for the Garden of Our Hearts

IMGP4599Today is the first day of March and a wonderful time to declare an intention of love. I am intending to demonstrate love to myself in every moment of each day. I am intending to show up for myself, with myself, in love, knowing that it will radiate to the world as a mighty, magenta pulsing flame of love. In recreating myself in the image of love, I recreate the earth as an abode of love that will shelter all in her embrace. I intend and trust that this is so. I will catch myself when a unloving thought floats in, I will speak words that honor the being that I am, I will see the divinity in each heart around me and reflect that love back to them. I will move myself from any place or situation or person that does not honor the flame of love that I am. This I will do without judgment as to their path, simply as discernment of the path of love that I choose to walk. As I declare my love for myself in this moment, I am also sending love to my past self and honoring her for the dearness that she expressed.  I am streaming love to myself in every moment of this current day. I begin my day with an affirmation of love and an intention that by seeing the beauty of my heart, the hearts of my brothers and sisters on this planet, will awaken to their own beauty. I intend this and add my heartlight to it and declare it so by the power of the Creator that I am.

Ready to weed and reclaim the soil of my heart.

Ready to weed and reclaim the soil of my heart.

This is a radical idea that has the ability to incite fear in the forces that have controlled mankind for eons.  If I know myself as love, how can I be manipulated by believing myself flawed, the low self esteem upon which the whole game is predicated.  We can so be love that all forces of anti-love, come forth, asking to be held in the embrace of its fiery warmth. We have the power to melt all that is not love, into our flame of love. By giving love freely to ourselves, we give it freely to all. This we have not been taught. We were taught to give it to others and neglect the self. We were raised to believe ourselves unworthy and in that single belief, we abdicated our power. By dropping that belief, and reclaiming the truth of ourselves as beings of love, we can change our world. We can be revolutionaries of the heart. We do not have to brandish weapons but we do have to view our internal battleground. We must stand as witness in this place where we have carried out acts of cruelty, lashed ourselves with our wrongdoings, meted out punishments that took us to our knees, scarred the inner landscape of our hearts to an arid blackness.  To this place, we are called, to say, no more to harsh words, to self recriminations, to feelings of guilt or shame. We can bring in the waters of compassion for ourselves.  We can plant all the seeds of love that we have craved to taste and experience. I am planting seeds of bliss, ecstasy, laughter, playfulness, joy, sharing, deep communion, giggles, gentleness. Those are the packets that I hold in my hand today. Tomorrow, I will have more. Today, I am stating my intention for love as I plant these seeds into the ground that I have fertilized. I express gratitude for all the shattering that my heart has undergone, as each time, it loosened the soil, broke up the clumps of clay, and tossed out the rocks. It is now ready to accept the seeds and the water that I am prepared to flow in healthy doses. My job is to tend this new garden with great care. A gardener of the heart, am I. I will weed out all unloving thoughts that want to root in once again….you know how those pesky weeds keep showing up. We also know, that if we are diligent while our seedlings are beginning to sprout, there will be fewer and fewer weeds as time goes on. Our seedlings will become sturdy plants that bloom into the most beautiful expressions of love that our hearts have always desired. Our hearts have known themselves as beautiful gardens, but this knowledge was hidden from us for fear that we would spend all our days, basking in their beauty.

Expressions of self-love from yesterday.....a salad full of yumminess, pencils and a new journal whose pages can take paint as well as pencils. Fun!

Expressions of self-love from yesterday…..a salad full of yumminess, pencils and a new journal whose pages can take paint as well as pencils. Fun!

It is time! Time to be the wildness that we are. Time to create a riot of color and form that invites us to dance and sing and laugh. And this is ours to do. It is this simple: to be love. To express love to self in every way imaginable. I am on the lookout for ways to shower that love on myself today. It began as I looked in the mirror this morning and smiled at the face looking back. Hello beautiful one! I touched the wrinkles and spots and bumps, with a new tenderness. Oh, love, look at you. You have seen many days and weathered many storms. And here you stand. I looked deep into my eyes until the tears clouded my vision. I am love, I am light, I am a vision of beauty. I breathe that in and let it rain down upon my seedlings. I ask my faeries to dress me in my robes and crown. I take a moment to envision the colors and the feel. My shoulders move back, my lovely tummy moves in and I walk in this knowing, holding myself with such care.

This quote from a laugh out loud book that I recently read, Anybody, Any Minute by Julie Mars, spoke to me: “The idea that she was still capable, at forty-seven years old, of doing something outrageous thrilled her, and she felt a warm rush of self-love.” 

We are buds, ready to burst open with the love that March is flowing to us! Pink bud, of course for me...the color of love in my world.

We are buds, ready to burst open with the love that March is flowing to us! Pink bud, of course for me…the color of love in my world.

Let’s gift ourselves with that warm rush of self-love today! I intend to document this journey daily for the month of March and invite you to stroll along with me. I am gifting myself a new garden journal today where I will note all expressions of self-love. By noting them, I know that they will increase for whatever we focus on grows……oh, how I want my garden to grow! I intend to create a beautiful garden in my heart, one that will nourish my every desire and will offer a healing balm to our mother earth. Together, if you choose to join me, we will cover her surface with the most amazing gardens ever seen! Please share your experiences of self love, all the ways you can begin to plant your seeds and nourish them. We will grow from one another’s ideas and suggestions. This will be a new kind of gardening club. I would love for you to join me!



Loving Me, I Need Such Tenderness

Blocks of color, the pink and orange sang. All play, experiments.

I am falling so in love with Linda Marie. Oh, how I love the soul that I am, the way I express myself, my movement or stillness in the world. I AM LOVE. Three simple words that are changing my life as I live them. If I am love, then it follows that I deserve to be loved. That every tenderness, every bit of softness and downy comfort, is mine to be claimed. Love is beauty…I claim that. Love is truth…..I am that. Love is freedom…..I move in that flame. Love is compassion… heart is a well. Love is fierce…..I carry a sword. Love is a field……I hold that. Love is strong……I can hold the earth.

Last night, a dear friend called me as she awoke from a dream to tell me that I appeared to her, holding the earth in my hand. I was showing it to her and saying, “It is so much more beautiful than we thought!” She responded, “I want that!” I replied, “You are on it, baby!” We laughed at this and knew it to be true, we are holding the earth, we are on the earth, we are the earth! All of it is true.

Another echo of this feeling came through yesterday from Nicky Hamid, a dear, wise man who adopted me as his daughter when I was in New Zealand. He wrote: “Nothing special to do, or to release. Just watching and knowing, knowing and sensing, living and dreaming, waking and sleeping, breathing and smiling, laughing and crying. It is all good, it is all in the Divine flow. No more story to entertain the mind. All is new, all is You.”



I so agree with Nicky. I have listened to a few things by spiritual teachers lately that felt so shaming to me. They were espousing some of the following: one must meditate for at least an hour or two a day, one must know the names of your guides to be on the path, the way is hard and takes lots of practice, the switch from our current reality to a higher one is a process that takes a certain amount of time, like years, one must be making money if one is to be fulfilling one’s purpose.  I reject all of this. It is not my truth.  I have held the vision that all can change in a blink of an eye. We can awaken in a second, the veils falling from our eyes. If that can happen for one, it can happen for all. I do not do formal meditation. I spent too many lifetimes in cloisters and abbeys, intoning mantras and inhabiting the silence. I do love silence, mantras, chanting, toning……all of it is a part of me. My writing and art do not earn money but the joy I feel when doing them is a note that informs and quickens the all. Any of these can take me in to myself. I allow it to find me. I am open to it in every moment and I allow it all to take me there with a breath, with the current of the day, through a violet sprouting in a sea of green lawn, flashing its brilliant color, through the flames dancing in my early morning fire, through the laughter shared with another. It is so simple. It is my intent to walk in that love in every moment. To feel the love and radiate it. I do not have to plan or structure it. I allow myself to flow into greater expressions of myself. This is a natural process, as this year of the snake is here to teach us.  We expand and shed our skins over and over. We are wired for ever expanding expressions of ourselves. Change is the only constant, growth a given.

The way the sun caught the orange truck and illuminated it, brought me to me.

The way the sun caught the orange truck and illuminated it, brought me to me.

We have been implanted with the belief that we are flawed. It is the original sin concept that is so embedded in our society’s consciousness. That we are a beast of burden that needs to be thrashed and prodded lest we fall off the path. That we are in constant need of fixing. We do it with our bodies, our minds, our hearts… gain, no pain mentality that has spawned thousands of books and programs. Work hard! Don’t be lazy. Eat right and let us tell you what that is. Get up early, be productive, the early bird gets the worm. LIve up to your potential! On and on we are bombarded with the message that we are not enough. We have bought into the belief that we need constant monitoring or we will become slothful. Maybe it is time to be slothful!  Our language reflects this: “I had a lazy day”, implying that we were not productive yet that time was of great value. Do we really think that if we let go, we would all revert to a baser nature?  I do not believe this. We might sleep for a month….and that might be just what is needed to allow the body to begin to find its natural rhythm.

I recently began to look through old journals and my heart cried out for all the self inflicted pain I endured. Lists after list of do more, be this, get this done. Eat healthy, exercise daily, pray and chant upon arising, send a thank you note there, push a child to do this, stop someone else from doing that, tell another what is right or wrong about their behavior…….feeling a need to control my exterior world to feel safe inside.  Believing that I had the ability to control anything outside myself. Believing that I needed to change to be worthy of love. Living the belief that I could only be loved if I was producing, caring, giving in every moment. So much energy expended!  Yet, I did not know myself as love.

The wonder of clouds and light.

The wonder of clouds and light.

When it all stops, we are left in the stillness of our own being. In that space,  I have discovered that I am love.   If I could take all the shoulds away from folks, all the striving, all the beating up of oneself, all the judging self or others, I would do so in a heartbeat. To breathe free in the love that we all are. To allow love to move us, direct us, teach us. To trust implicitly that our body will choose what it needs to be nourished, that it will move in the way that maintains vibrant health, that our spirit will flow its desires out in a way that expresses our gifts, that by taking the best care of me, I am caring for all others.

Jackie Kennedy is said to have commented that had she known that she was to die of cancer, she would have eaten dessert more often and done fewer sit ups. She felt she had sacrificed for an extended lifeline that did not materialize. Can we trust ourselves to do what is right for us in each moment instead of living so as not to die? We will all die, it is a part of the shedding of the skin that the snake teaches. In truth, we die many times throughout this lifetime. I have shed a couple of skins in the past fortnight, dying to old ways of thought and being. I now embrace death for the expansion it brings.

I am the tenderest of beings. A tiny babe like a young shoot making its way above ground. I am protective of me. I allow only loving thoughts of me to be sounded in me. I discern what feeds me and what no longer serves. I am quick to embrace one and let the other go. I spend much of my time in stillness and silence as it helps me grow in this moment.  I look in the mirror when I brush my teeth and smile at the beauty that I am. I observe what I am lead to, what captures my attention in the moment. When I feel too many threads shooting out, bringing a feeling of confusion, I breathe deep and sit in myself. I go within and allow all to be. Peace returns. The next  moment arises and flows. I have no agenda for a day. If there is a task to be done, I note it, trusting that my higher self will take care of it when the timing is right. The more I trust this process, the more fluidly it works. Stress departs, there is only now and now and now. Each now taken in joy, with the allness of me. When my being desires rest but not sleep, I turn to a book or a movie, to allow one part engagement while another part drifts on the wind.

Perhaps it is time for the love challenge, to care for ourselves as though a newborn babe. Let only what feeds you today to enter in. Let love dance you in the brilliance of your flame. Allow yourself to move as you feel inspired. Be the love that you are. I see you and know you as love. Do you dare claim that reflection of yourself?










Honor Thyself

I want to flow like the sunlight along the water's edge, shining and reflecting lovelight.

I want to flow like the sunlight along the water’s edge, shining and reflecting lovelight.

As I move more fully into the space of honoring myself, I am called to witness this process in others. The belief in the sanctity of family is strongly embedded in our society, stemming perhaps from the commandment: honor thy mother and thy father. We were taught that this applied to the parents who gave us birth.  I have moved to an understanding that it applies to my Mother/Father God and honor them, I do. I am a part of God so to truly honor God, I must honor myself.

How many of us have lived under a lifetime of criticism and judgement from a parent or a sibling? How many of us have been lied to or held to a bond a family secret? How many dread the duty phone call to a parent, the holiday gathering time, the visits that leave one feeling depleted? We have been taught that we must endure this in the name of honoring. But who are we honoring when we allow someone to mistreat us? As children, we did not have the freedom to step away. As adults, we have the freedom to set a boundary as to how we will be treated. In not setting that boundary, we give others permission to continue in the same old patterns. Everyone stays locked into an old story. We assume that we must put up with it because that is what honoring means. Yet, there is no freedom for anyone in this arrangement. Life is about change and growth.  When I set a boundary stating that I will no longer be mistreated, I gift the other with the freedom of a new response. They can choose to change their behavior and enjoy the relationship from a place of honoring or they can choose to have no relationship. All choices are valid.

Six year old self, already called the little mother, taking on the responsibility of the other five kids. How dear is she?

Six year old self, already called the little mother, taking on the responsibility of the other five kids. How dear is she?

My life changed when I took the hand of my inner child, and vowed to never abandon her again. I became the adult who stood up to an abusive parent, sibling, friend and boss, in defense of that little girl who was mistreated.  I had to earn her trust by setting boundaries that allowed her to feel safe. I demonstrated that there was no one more important in my life,  by honoring her needs first and foremost. All have a wounded inner child, who seeks love and nurturing. We are the only ones who can give that to ourselves. We may have others in our lives who reflect love to us, but no one can gift us with what we need to feel whole, except ourselves. Others may come and go in our lives, but we are the constant. We are the ones who can tap into that well of loving that awaits us in our hearts from our Mother/Father God.

We make assumptions about others, about how they will react when given the chance to choose a new response. We may be adults in our sixties, still cowering in front of a domineering mother like the frightened five year old we once were. We subscribe to a false belief that we must endure it, allowing the parent to continue a destructive pattern. By setting boundaries, the parent is gifted with an opportunity to bring forth more of the nobility of their soul rather than running the same low vibrational tone. Another belief is that old age means one cannot change. How limiting is that? How many old folks on their deathbeds, reverse their cynicism, express regret for their non-loving ways, reveal a family secret that had been burdening their soul? Our souls want to come clean, to be the shining stars that we all truly are. Truth spoken plainly is freeing for all involved. By allowing others to continue in destructive patterns towards us, we hold a responsibility for keeping those patterns intact.

Honoring ourselves can bring sunflowery joy to our hearts!

Honoring ourselves can bring sunflowery joy to our hearts!

I recall visiting my grandfather who had become more miserable with age after my grandmother died. I would go spend weekends with him, bringing groceries and cooking meals. I recall him yelling at me. I looked him in the eye and said, “Gramps, stop it. I am one of the very few who even comes near you as you have become so miserable. You have driven everyone away with your meanness. You are fortunate to have me so be nice or I will not be back.” He began to laugh and said, “You are right, I will stop.” And he did. When his health gave out and he had to be moved to a nursing home, he told me one day that he was afraid to meet his maker. I asked him why. He said that he had not treated my grandmother very well. I agreed that he had not and asked why. We spoke plainly about it which was a relief to him. The next time I visited, he told me that he had finally made peace with the Lord. He died the next day and I knew it was because he had asked for forgiveness and found peace at last.

I love the way this tree invited me in, to see the beauty there. That is the invitation that our hearts offer in each moment.

I love the way this tree invited me in, to see the beauty there. That is the invitation that our hearts offer in each moment.

It does not mean it all turns up roses. Some will choose to stay stuck and you will have to  release them from your world. But you have done them a service by demonstrating that their behavior is not acceptable. They will have to ponder that which may bring them to an awakening somewhere down the road……or not. We are called to honor ourselves and be unattached as to how others react to our honoring. If little Linda can skip merrily at my side, without feeling a need to hide or cry out in pain…then I am doing my job in allowing her to live with a knowing that the world is a safe and magical place to be. Imagine if we each did this, spoke our truth and lived by it. Our interactions would be cleaner and clearer, with less hooks and cordings between us and more love. We are not meant to live enmeshed with one another, as that involves a loss of freedom. We are freedom lovers and by granting freedom to ourselves to be honored and cherished in life, we grant it to others. It is a win-win world. We may have to redefine what the win looks like but we will feel it in our hearts. To not have a relationship with a parent may appear a loss yet feel liberating. Freedom can be scary when we first feel its breath on our faces. I have watched friends continue to go back for more brow beating, more mistreatment, thinking if they only gave more or offered themselves in a different package, then the acceptance and love would come. I did it for years until the rut grew too deep and my soul cried out for freedom. Respect will not follow from allowing another to disrepect you. it is time to honor ourselves and in doing so, honor one another. We have a responsibility to call out the best in ourselves and one another. We are currently writing the script for a new world, one where all feel safe and know that they are loved unconditionally. How can you play your part if you are not offering this love to yourself? This new earth begins within each of our hearts. How we treat ourselves, is how we create our world. So take your little one’s hand and make a vow to  treat her/him with the upmost respect, to cherish her/him with the greatest of love and to speak your truth at all times, without regard to the cost. In so doing, we are set to co-create a world of love and freedoms unimagined!

Kindness Takes on a New Meaning

Water and sky.....what a world!

KIndness is a quality that most will agree is a good one. As with most values and beliefs that I have held, I find that we were fed a false or limited version of the truth. We like concepts like kindness as it has a warm and fuzzy feel. I like warm and fuzzy yet not at the expense of truth. I am discovering that it is the energy behind the concept that makes all the difference. Much of the time, surface kindness masks resentment. I know that was true for me in the past. I acted in ways to “be kind” yet in doing so, neglected my own needs. Over time, that led to resentment as my ego cried out for acknowledgment.  I sacrificed my own comfort levels to take the “higher road” of kindness. We were taught that this was the path of being a “good person”. Give more than receive. Always offer a helping hand. So many platitudes which hold value if seen in a new light whereby I make myself part of the equation.  I reject the notion of putting myself last. I have come to the the knowing that my needs are to be met first and foremost. Only when my cup is full, do I have something to offer to others.

It can be a mark of kindness to set a boundary with another. To claim our space. If I hold my space as sacred, I have the right and even the duty to myself, to maintain a boundary as to who I allow to enter in. I might meet someone in a public space and spend time together yet not feel that their energy is one that I would chose in my sacred space. I can set a boundary on how much time I can give in conversation, in interaction with another as my soul has claim on expanses of my time for stillness and contemplation. When I honor the needs of my soul, I can be fully present with others when I choose to engage.

Filing my cup with kindness by gifting myself a visit to this beautiful land to play with my beautiful daughter.

Kindness then can appear as something else to another if they feel that their needs are not being met by me. I have come to know that if I am following the path of my highest good in any situation, then it cannot harm another. I may disappoint another, annoy another but that may be the kindest thing of all. We are taught that it is better to make everyone comfortable even if it comes at our own expense. Kindness is not always comfortable. I have to be willing to speak my truth and receive unpleasant reaction energy. That may be the true kindness that I can show another. It is not easy nor comfortable and it may take deep breathing at times. On the small scale, I am one who will tell you if you have something caught between your teeth or a zipper unzipped……on a larger scale I may point our that one is being manipulative in their use of energy and I do not appreciate it. Not comfortable to speak of yet it is this type of kindness that I am most grateful for when others have dared speak it to me.

We are all teachers for one another. If you come to me and ask for something that does not feel right for me to give (my old self would have given but felt uncomfortable or unhappy) you may react when I say no. Yet that no is a yes to myself and it alerts you to a place in you that may desire to be looked at. And the same is true for myself when another sets a limit on a way that I am interacting. I am seeing so clearly how we trigger one another and act in ways to release any lingering unconscious patterns that we may hold. That is an act of kindness. To speak truth without regard to the reaction that it elicits. I temper it with, this is my truth as I see it,  for each one’s truth is their own. Mine changes frequently as I evolve on this path. It is not easy to discern our highest truth at times as our old patterns pull us back into unconscious ways of relating and moving in this world. This is especially true with family members where there we have worn such deep grooves in our brains of old ways of relating. I was cast as the “good daughter” by my family of origin and when I outgrew the role, I outgrew my family as they could not accept me relinquishing the role. My younger sister called me in despair, saying, “Oh no, now they have made me the good daughter! Help!” These relations call us to be fully present and conscious in our reactions, acting authentically as we feel our truth rather than allowing the old role to play us unconsciously.

I am seeing that when someone’s actions trigger a reaction in me, they have gifted me as I am now alerted to an area that wants attention. If I feel judgmental, what part of me is needing love? If I feel angry, what part of me feels violated? I can look to myself for cause as well as resolution. Almost all of it comes down to lack of love. With this expanded viewpoint of anything that causes me to move from peace, I can see the kindness of those souls who are bringing me the opportunity to move more fully into peace. In truth, our enemies (isn’t that word strange? the concept feels so foreign) are our greatest teachers as they help us see where we still have work to do to be free. Inner peace is freedom like no other.

Soaring free as I care for myself allowing me to send my energies across the seas.

I love discovering these patterns with folks in my life. One dear to me on the soul level has been a wonderful teacher as he feels out all the paths of unconsciousness in me and comes in on those paths to alert me where I am still unconscious. I so appreciate this in him. He illuminates the pathway until I set a boundary and close that pathway.  He then seeks another until I am conscious in all aspects. This then truly frees him to be conscious as he no longer has that role to play. So my setting boundaries is an act of kindness to him and his seemingly unconscious behavior, is an act of kindness to me. I feel waves of gratitude these days for all the bearers of what appeared as hardship in my life. I send thank yous out to them for playing their roles in my life. It may have appeared as anything but kind yet all were acts of kindness on a soul level to help me awaken to my truth.

The concept of kindness expands as we do. I am ready to live in a world where kindness is expressed by all, for themselves, first and foremost. This will naturally lead to it being expressed to others. We will all be bathed in the waters of kindness. As we care for ourselves, we care for all others as we are all one. Oh, it is such a win-win universe that we live in! I am so grateful!






Flowing with the Waves of March

March has come in so breezy, with up and down drafts of energy. I am learning to flow and ride the waves as they come. This small creek runs through the park where I like to walk most days. Rock strewn in places, smooth going in others…nature always showing me the way. Embracing it all, not complaining of the rocks or narrow passages, simply flowing as that is its nature. As ours is to love, to let our heart lights shine out, no matter what comes into our lives. The refrain, “Resist nothing” has had big play time in my head of late. As I focus on this, I have been surprised at all the moments where resistance still lurked. There is a friend of the homeowner whose house I am renting, who came over to do yard work. He was dear, brought me oranges and lemons and even split a bunch of kindling wood for me. We had a nice chat and I sent him off with some gingersnaps warm from the oven.  He told me that he would likely be coming once or twice a week this month to work on projects. I found myself feeling hemmed in at that thought, not sure I wanted to be social that often. Resisting because I wanted the freedom of knowing I could come and go in the yard in my space of solitude. I know that focusing on the not wanting, creates just that. In a space of allowing, I can trust that when he does show up, it will be a wonderful experience, not something I need to push against.

Embracing all, resisting none. I stopped at an art store for my son to use a gift card. He was only going to be 5 minutes. I decided it was not enough time to warrent figuring out how to put money in a machine that printed a little ticket to attach to your windshield. I went into the store and as we were standing at the check out counter, we saw a parking meter guy placing a ticket under my wiperblade. Argh! Embracing all….not quite! I felt anger flood through me, at myself and the silly system. Then tears as it seemed to represent all the rules and regulations that we have lived under for so long. I felt the weight and limitations of this 3D life and the tears were for all of us. Thank God freedom is at hand and our lives will flow with more openness and light. I was able to laugh after a bit and be grateful for the experience, perhaps it happened for me to express that anger thoroughly and then let it go, clearing that energy. I am moving into the space of seeing it all as a gift from my higher self. All orchestrated expressly for me, for my growth and evolution back into the love that I am. How wonderful it is!

Lying in front of the fire has been a source of such joy for me! I love an open fireplace as you hear all the pops and cracks.

It has been days since I wrote the above. The solar flares have been intense, pushing me into the ground it seems. All beautiful energy from our dear sun to support us to evolve. And tonight the moon has joined by shining her full face down at me. I have not been able to do much of anything, even writing was too far a reach. I made an appointment to get my hair cut but had to cancel it because I was not up for the energy in such a  place. My days are so free that to have a time to meet felt so out of place. I truly need to move as I feel to move. Today, that was not so much. I am allowing my body to lead. Two separate events that required a lot of driving came up of late and I pulled out of both.  Not easy to do as I do not want to disappoint friends when I had made a plan to travel to see them. My personality self had an agenda but my body is trumping all. My body simply said, “No, I am not moving. I am resting.”

Then this energy forecast for March came in my inbox and spoke directly to what I had experienced (I love when this happens!) Here are the lines that struck me: “Hence one of the first big themes of March – Who comes first? You or those you are in relationship with and to? March will see you needing to ask yourself this question many times. Can you trust that what is right for you is also absolutely perfect for those around you?”

On my walk with my daughter, we felt we were in fairy land with all the sweet scents and blossoms.

Wow, that is a lot of trust! We are not programmed that way at all. I am learning it but it is not easy as it is a new way of being in relationship as Lee points out in his article. Yet if we are to evolve into being in our truth moment to moment, we must begin somewhere. Even if it means folks are disappointed in us or upset with us. The one that I can no longer afford to have upset, is me! I have to take care of my needs first and foremost if I am to be in my truth. So…..can I trust that is perfect for those around me? That is taking some practice as the old guilt comes in for disappointing another. Yet I am letting the part of me that feels guilt know that is old energy and we can move in a new way. I am trusting this new energy even when I see evidence that appears to contradict it. I can not know what is right for another, only what is right for me in the moment. The waves of fatigue hit without warning and my body seems to have no will to resist. I acknowledge this as progress as in the days of old, I would use my will to push through when my body was not willing. Now I give it what it needs when it needs it and the joy is there as we move together.

I am also feeling the freedom that is coming as we each act from our truth in each moment. Such freedom to not have to spend any time wondering if someone else is ok, if they are happy or not. To know that everyone is moving in their joy, to their own rhythm and that if they needed or wanted anything, they would seek it. No second guessing others’ motives or desires. To each be responsible for ourselves. Can you feel that wind of freedom? That is the energy of March coming in. I am so glad that we are moving this way as it will get easier as more get on board and we all begin to trust this. It has not been easy being on the forefront of moving in this way as it can bring energies of resistance.That has been a lesson as I can chose to go into my pain body about someone’s reaction to my actions or I can chose to remain neutral and trust while holding all of us in love.

My beautiful quilt from my dear soul sister. I love the heart in the center of it all!

Feeling such gratitude for a beautiful quilt made by a friend to wrap myself in. I have never received such a gift of so many hours of thought and work (no, she says it was play!) for me. I love the heart in the center of the house shape. I have found my home in my heart and I am immensely grateful. It is another freedom that I have found. I am grateful for the afternoon of my son napping under my quilt as the fire blazed. For the unexpected weekend alone with my daughter to play and connect again before she heads off for a year in New Zealand. We did not do much but laughed a great deal, took a walk from days of old, cooked and ate together. The simple things that make life sweet. That is what I am feeling as I flow with these wild energies of March…sweet. Life is getting sweeter as more of our true self is showing up to experience it. Loving that!