Soothing Our Inner Child and Setting Ourselves Free

Sifting through our buried emotions reminds me of coming upon these bones on a trial in Southern India so long ago. We are asked to reclaim our feelings just as our mother reclaims our bones, freeing all for new growth.

Sifting through our buried emotions reminds me of coming upon these bones on a trial in Southern India so long ago. We are asked to reclaim our feelings just as our mother reclaims our bones, freeing all for new growth.

I awoke from a dream where one of my children was crying in distress. My heart is still feeling this as I tune into the earth in these quiet pre-dawn hours. There are many souls in distress as we move more fully into the light. My mother’s heart wishes to enfold all, as I echo our Mother Earth’s heart that holds us all with such love. I hear her intone the age old mother’s sound, “Hush, hush now my child.” Soothing us, as I did my babes, with a hand caressing our brows. February began with that energy for me, a hush from the earth. We are in need of this soothing touch as the love streaming into our planet is touching each of us in such personal ways. Any wall that we had erected about our heart, as a form of defense, is being melted away. Indeed, the light is piercing inward to all the closets and drawers where we stored feelings that we did not know how to handle. It is as if a mighty wind has blown through and we are left with all our belongings tossed on the curb, for all to see. Distress is indeed present as we attempt to gather the feelings up and stuff them back in drawers. But the winds of love have done their job well as the drawers and closets are damaged beyond repair. There is nowhere to hide these feelings, no place to stuff them safely away. Each feeling must be picked up and addressed, one by one. There is no other way. You may believe otherwise and take off running down the road, only to discover all your baggage following you. You may try to throw it on your neighbor’s pile, thinking no one would notice, but it all comes back to land in front of you, once again. You may stand and shout, “This is not mine!” But it all carries your identifying signature. There is no escaping it. Embarrassment, worry, fear, panic, rage, anxiety…..all may arise in response to all these unfelt feelings. Many are sitting on the curb, wailing their laments. Others are begging for help, which is a wonderful first step as our angelic team awaits our call in order to step in. The process must begin and no one can do it for us.  It takes our commitment and love to release the stored energy. All of it wishes to be freed back to the reality of love that it truly is. All of our feelings arose to assist us in our growth. We were misled, taught to store feelings that felt too powerful, too awful, too raw, into our beautiful  bodies. We were taught to erect a shell about our heart in order to be safe. We were taught that we were not strong enough nor good enough to face the world straight on.

We are strong enough. We are good enough. Say that out loud to yourself a few times: I am good enough. I am good enough. I am good enough. How does that feel? Do you believe yourself? Hold that thought and pick up the first feeling in the pile you see lying in front of you. Oh my, it is from my twenty- two year old self, who has just listened to her mother screaming; “Who do you think you are? You will never get that knight in shining armor you seem to think is coming!” Breathing it in, recalling my mother’s pain when I refused a marriage proposal. Oh, this was about her desires and disappointments, not mine. I let the feelings go through, compassion arose, for all her dreams that had not come true. A smile burst forth in my being, I AM going to be met in love. It has not happened yet, but the knowing of its arrival is strong in me. I am worth dreaming big for, I am going for the gold in love. With that, the feeling of pain disappeared. One down, what is next? Oh, this is my three year old self who realizes that she is not to play, but rather be responsible for her siblings. I feel the pressure to keep them safe from the angry adults but am so small myself. I hold her and tell her that I will watch out for the others and she can scamper off to play. She can be the child.

The lightness we feel when we allow our inner light to shine!

The lightness we feel when we allow our inner light to shine!

One by one, we are the adults who can now clear up all this debris. It is possible to have fully open, spacious hearts, allowing each moment a wide field of love in which to unfold. We can choose to feel every now moment completely. If pain arises, I can sit as witness to that pain. I can open my heart field of peace and allow it to be enfolded. There is nothing to fear. This field of love can handle guilt, shame, sorrow, grief…….all of it can be projected onto its screen and viewed as the cry for love that it is. We can sit back and watch it and let it go, ready to view the next scene. We do not have to replay a scene over and over. That is the old way and it got us nowhere. By being the viewer, the observer, we allow the scenes to come and to go. This pile of unresolved feelings begins to disappear. Our hearts grow lighter and we move with new freedom in our bodies. Massage and other body work can be helpful to dislodge deeply embedded emotions. I have sobbed on a yoga mat as a movement released some feeling as well as on a massage table. A loving voice of a friend,  can provide a release as can a piece of music. There are so many avenues open to us to welcome these feelings in and allow them to release back to the love. Acknowledgment from another, validating what you experienced, can be liberating but is not always available. I did not have that opportunity with my parents but give it freely to my children, apologizing for harmful behavior that my awareness now allows. I give it freely to myself, playing the parental role.

We are only as conscious in the moment, as we are. This thought can bring freedom as we let others off the hook, knowing that they did the best that they could at the time. That thought has helped me through many a dark night. The majority of humans want to be good, do good, bring good to others. They give as much as their woundedness allows. We are poised to create a new earth, we need to bring our wholeness to the task. That means we must take the hand of our inner child, soothe them and strengthen them so that our actions reflect our inner field of peace, acceptance, and love. So, pop a batch of popcorn, sit on the sofa and begin the viewing of all that is ready to depart. See it, feel it, love it and release it. Consider it your earthwork, recycling heaviness into light. Our mother will be smiling at you with such love and gratitude.


Watching from an Expanded View

As I flew across the sea, I felt the energies of many meeting me. I felt some draw back in apprehension that I was to come again. I saw clearly how I challenge folks to be in their truth as I stand more firmly in mine. I felt the invitation from others and indeed had received a note asking me to come anchor my light in the area. I was surprised to see someone very dear to recoil from my energy and then saw the why of it. His partner has been running an unconscious energy that has been using his light. He has been stuck, not able to move forward,  disempowered. This pattern is familiar to me as I played out this giving away of my power for years with my former husband. And even more recently, a quick tour of it once again during those few days in Kauai that I wrote of as a final unwinding of that coil for me.

It is through the heart that loves so deeply that the hook gets set. The souls who show up to play this role for us do so out of their love, as it is not an easy role.   First order of business was to meet with this person and others close to him to bring the pattern to conscious awareness. We had all been feeling it for some time but now it felt time to speak to what we saw taking place on an energetic level. I found myself getting emotional and knew I had to have no attachment as to the outcome. The message was given by all and received in grace. The person left to find his way through it.

Next day, I spent supporting and participating in a women’s healing group. It was powerful as we practiced consciously pulling our own energy back to ourselves and clearing our fields before and after each session.  As we used sound healing and sacred geometry to facilitate our session, it felt like a play date. We had crystals, drums, rattles, decks of cards as well as crystal and Tibetan bowls to play with. I had asked to be in a triangle formation

These pictures are reminding me to take the expanded view on life!

as had another. She lay on the massage table and I elected to lay under it on the floor. I found myself in a sarcophagus going through an initiation of death and resurrection. I knew that death was an illusion and found that I could lie there in peace. Interesting. I had been reading about this initiation that Jesus and his community of Essences underwent as part of their Egyptian training.

Sunday I drove 3 hours each way to attend an opera performance in which my niece was starring. It was the first time that I saw her perform professionally and wanted to support her. I knew it meant contact with those who rejected me after the divorce. Truly I have released most biological relations except those with my children, so this was not a situation where there was a deep bond of understanding. I realize that most of them do not know what to make of me. Yet my higher self guided me to show up and so I did. It was delightful to see my niece give her gift to the world. What great joy it is to be doing what you love and sharing it! I also had the unexpected delight of seeing my nephews with their fiances and seeing the twining of their hearts’ love. The new babies are excited at these unions that they can come in through. It was also interesting to see folks’ energy in a way I have never seen before. I can read the energy and see how the outer behavior differs or aligns. Interesting.

The time in my car is always good for me for meditation. As I was driving, I felt a shudder of grief move through me. It was followed by a wave of loneliness. I breathed and traced it to its source. I felt that the person that I have spoken of above, had decided to leave the earth plane. Grief like a laser through me. It shook me to my core. I asked for more

all perspective as to which view we see

information, could not touch his energy field. I saw that the loneliness was the sense that I would be left to carry out our part of the plan for the new earth, on my own. I sensed that I was to be at peace with this and feel it all from that place of neutrality. We have been taught that death is the end rather than another doorway taken. We view it as bad when it is something that is part of the cycle of this life. I am feeling more and more the truth of neutrality as what appears wonderful can be devastating and what appears to have been the darkest experience, often turns out to be the greatest blessing. So, I felt the lesson of the sarcophagus with me as I reached for peace and calm. Later, I did speak with this dear heart by phone and so had a physical reassurance that he was ok but knew that I was being given a lesson. In the oneness, we are all connected. It does not start and stop, it is always there. It prompted me to do a round of releasing of all ties and cording from my space. To claim my sovereignty and pull back any ties that I had in others’ fields. I saw the image of me floating on a cloud and I was reaching out to detach all these fish hooks tied to lines that were connected to folks on the earth as well as old belief systems. I heard that it is time, time to let go and surrender all. We are walking into  a new landscape and truly we can take nothing and carry no one. What we can do is shine our light, to be a beacon and guide for others. It is time to let those seeking,  come to us. We must ask in this world of freewill for it to be given.

A bittersweet time as my deepest connections are falling away as I journey to the connection with my I AM Presence. It is the cycle of nature for us to outgrow our skins, to hatch from the cocoon. We travel together for a time until some inner prompting carries us to a new landscape. I can no longer be the anchor for others in the same way. My cheerleading, pushing, pulling, prodding days are over. The days of being the “wall” that others throw their issues at, knowing that the love is there, are finished. The wall is crumbling down and with it, I let go of the fatigue of all those years of not being seen for the love that I AM, by others as well as myself.  I am called inward to the solitude as are so many lightworkers at this time. We are facing our fears, strengthening our resolve and settling into the peace that will be needed in the times ahead. Every cell affirms that I have the training for this time and I am ready. I know that as I release those dearest to me,that they have the training and mastery to walk their paths also. Truly there is rejoicing in that knowing!