A Snake and Fathers on My Mind

IMG_5359I was hanging clothes on the line, barefoot as I like to be as much of the day as possible. I almost stepped on a garden snake. Oh, surprise!  I took a couple of deep breaths. I was glad that my foot just missed him and his reflexes were quick enough to slither away. Transformation, yes indeed. It is here!

I am living heaven on earth these days. My friend’s home is the garden of eden. I just ate an egg fresh from the chickens with some chard plucked from the garden, spritzed with a lemon from one of the many trees. Yum. My belly feels pretty satisfied as I am ingesting all that sunlight and cool sea air along with the food. Makes me feel a bit woozy as I contemplate it all.

IMG_5357I have put new bouquets about the house. I am in love with honeysuckle and lemon verbena and roses. Oh my! There are petals that fall and more to clean up but the joy is so full and rich from the filling of my visual and olfactory (strange word) senses. As I go to cut the flowers, they all call out, “Pick me, pick me!” I know some folks don’t believe in cutting flowers but they love to be brought in to be admired and to weave love light with me. Each one gets more attention and we all love to be seen.

IMG_5356It is Father’s Day today, and it brought with it a wave of love for my dad. He gave me the experience of dark and light from the earliest age. He was not the wonderful dad so many have the experience of, yet he was wonderful in some ways. Alcohol turned him into an unpredictable violent man. Yet there was a gentleness that could surface. On weekends when his shift work allowed, he took us out of our suburban neighborhood with a gin mill (that is what the bars where called) on the corner to the farmland where he grew up. We had woods and freedom to roam. Our neighborhood was made up of men who worked at the steel mill or the Ford Motor Company. All working shifts, heading out with their metal lunch pails that held the thermos in the top. For years, I made his lunches. I cannot imagine working 7am-3pm, 3-11pm, 11pm-7am for decades. How did his body adjust? Something that I never considered as a child but feel gratitude for now. He took us to museums, on road trips to national parks and forests with the pop up camper. We vacationed every year on a lake in Canada. We rented a cottage and we six kids all preceded to get burnt to a crisp within the first couple of days of swimming  and had to wear t-shirts over our bathing suits for the remainder of the vacation time. We would lie in bed with blisters on our backs, whimpering to one another.

Dad had a wooden boat that he shared with his brother and father that we used for outings, waterskiing for those lucky enough to fit into the skiis without your feet slipping out, fishing for those who had the patience to sit out there with our dad, or trips through the locks that allowed passage to other bodies of water where we went grocery shopping.

Morning mist flowing down the hill.

Morning mist flowing down the hill.

He picked mushrooms and cow slips (a spring green), and buckets of blackberries in the wild. He grew a big garden and composted scraps. He hunted for deer, rabbits, and pheasants that all were part of our diet and helped the budget. He turned off lights whenever they were not needed, frugality was a part of his nature. All things that inform my way of living.

I did not speak directly to him for most of my childhood, was surprised if he called me by name. He was the male who went to work, took us places, read the newspaper, imposed the quiet if he needed to sleep. Children and adults did not interact to much of a degree in our household. Yet he provided for us in all the physical ways. No mean feat with six kids.

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We are all part of this circle of life. Our fathers flow in our blood as do our children.

The sun is shining and calling me outdoors. I am grateful for all the ways the divine masculine has grown. I look at my former hubby, now dear friend, my sons, their friends and feel the deepening and shifting that has occurred. They are present with their feelings, comfortable with their nurturing sides, open and exploring new ways of being a man, a father. We have come a long way. I am grateful to the generation before who lived such closed off lives in order to fufill a role given them as to what it was to be a man. How wonderful that my grandson will know and live a different way of being. We are evolving!

Dissolving Into Fluidity

I loved the heart shaped opening on this rock, nature will do this to us, if we allow.

I loved the heart shaped opening on this rock, nature will do this to us, if we allow.

These days between eclipses are so new, so challenging, so exhausting, so wired, so weird. I heard someone use the expression: tired/wired. I get it. It is 3 a.m. and I am still awake. I am grateful I do not have to work or I would be adding anxious to the mix.

Everything is dissolving. Our old stories of who we were, our ideas about how anything works, our thoughts about what is reality and what is illusion……all flowing down the drain. Dreams leaving me with a bittersweet feeling as I say goodbye to what might have been. My body is having the most difficult time. She senses death, decay, dissolution. Indeed, I feel as if all of my organs and tissues have turned to liquid mush inside of me. My brain is spongy, soggy, heavy. Everything is flowing towards the earth, wanting to lie with her, decompose into her, fertilize her for the next cycle of growth.

I offer her comfort, chocolate chip cookies and milk, as I would a child. I am the child. Cookies thrown on the floor, foot stamped; No! There is no comfort to be found in food. I lie in bed and feel electrical pulses buzz in my left hip, then my neck. Finally the all body vibration that I have come to enjoy. At other times, the intense feeling that comes in is so uncomfortable that it does not feel possible to remain in this body for one more moment. Take me, I plead. Yet here I am.

All this has been going on for years. My body is not impressed. She is tired beyond belief. She is no longer interested in a bedtime story of ascension. She does not want to hear that she is becoming crystalline. Our light body feels like an imaginary friend that she has out grown. She has heard the tales over and over and now demands a new story.

The waves toss out the old, there is no making sense of it, just let it go. Debris to be dissolved into something new.

The waves toss out the old, there is no making sense of it, just let it go. Debris to be dissolved into something new.

What can I tell her? I stand at a nexus point, dying and being enlivened all at once. The crone and the babe inhabiting the same space. Of course it feels weird and woolly. We have not done this before. By all rights, I should be dropping this body to the earth, which she very well knows. She is attempting to follow the script that we have enacted in myriad  lifetimes. This is a new script, a role she has not played. There was no rehearsal, all happening live on this stage of life in 2014.

I stood on the beach today watching the waves pound the shore, relentless in their march. I felt their fluidness in my cells. Our bodies asked to hold the form while the energy flows in and out, over and over. I feel eroded by the energy, ground down to a husk. Then the sun broke through the clouds, and I knew moments of grace, transcendence where all felt light.

I know myself as the chalice, offering my heart as a container into which the liquidlovelight can pour itself; the body, the vehicle that anchors it all into the earth. We are being asked to bring heaven to earth through our bodies. The knowing is deep as to the privilege I have been given to have a physical vessel of the earth. It is what allows the Creator’s essence to seed itself deeply into our mother’s body. I do so want to witness our Mother Earth blossom from these seeds of love. All held, the desire for death, the desire for life. Two becoming one. Oneness.

We are walking through the dissolving imprints of duality. Everything has a fuzzy quality as it shimmers and fades. Time is unhooking its grip, speeding up till it is no longer considered at all. Decision making is no longer easy as we are asked to choose from a palette of whites. How can I pick one when all look just about the same? Neutrality is the new game. Good and bad have had their day. How do we navigate this new landscape, that is shimmering into view? If you look straight at it, it disappears. You cannot fix it to a point, it is fluid and changeable. There is no catching it, holding it. All we can do is BE it. Allow the energy to flow through.

My teacher of the day.

My teacher of the day.

Today at the beach, tears flowed. I no longer look for cause. My mind has given up as it is no longer important to understand, there is only feeling it fully as it moves through. It flows in, flows out. I watched the waves crash against a large rock jutting out of the water. The waves approached in their steady way, only to hit an immoveable surface, which sent them leaping into a thousand sparkling fragments. We create our own rocks to smash against when we hold some thought or emotion as fixed. We shatter our hearts over and over on our journey, splintered fragments flying as our souls wrestle us from known forms. We love to put equal signs between things, to firmly place our period as if to nail it all down.

As I watch the water drops fall back to the ocean’s surface, rejoining the processional waves’ motion towards the shore, I feel a way being shown.  Once the waves meet the shore, there is no ending, rather they are swept back out into the ocean’s embrace. No beginning and no end. We thought it was all about reaching the shore, achieving a goal.  But no, it is about being part of the dance, flowing in the ocean of the Creator’s love. Being the light. Bringing the light. Claiming our essence as liquidlovelight.

The violet light, transforming all into the love it is.

The violet light, transforming all into the love it is.

4 a.m. and a candle flame flickering in the dark. I, too, am the flame. Being with this moment, breathing in the fresh air flowing through the window. I know nothing. I AM this flame, this breath, this love. And you are too. God bless us all. Children of the Sun, of the Moon and the Stars. We are creating our own welcome home.

A Bolt of Lightning Jolts Me Awake

That bolt came like a trumpeting of AWAKE! Love is here.

That bolt came like a trumpeting of AWAKE! Love is here.

Last night, just about midnight, I was jolted awake by what felt like a bolt of lightning going through my body. Wowzer! My whole body jerked and spasmed, vibrating for a few moments in what felt like a total recalibration. I then found myself in pitch darkness, though a moment before my room had been lit by the half moon shining outside my window. Within this darkness, my ears were treated to a new pitch as they rang in the Equinox energies. The tears flowed as I opened to it all and declared my intent to walk in love, in unity, in wholeness. I surrendered to it all, stating that whatever it took to move from the old, I was ready and desirous of it all. Bring it on! My fiery self could get used to lightning!

The sky has been so magical of late.

The sky has been so magical of late.

This morning I am feeling the blessing of love. The sun is rising in an overcast sky, grays and soft blues opening to a softer, more muted light. I am so grateful for this ascension process, the way it has moved so softly through our hearts, melting all that no longer serves us, breaking down the old walls we erected to feel safe, washing out the inroads of self condemnation and unworthiness, pouring down on our judgments of others and situations until they ran into the ground, becoming the soil for the new to sprout in. We stand as if naked in a downpour, all is dissolved in our watery sight as past and future collapse and there is only this rain of forgiveness, of self, of all others, of life, of the Creator. Oh, this glorious season that we have entered in. How amazing to think that our past can become the compost to enrich our present and future! Let it all go, get your compost pile steaming by heaping it high with all the debris of your life. Oh, this is fun! Pick up your shovel and let the old emotions of not being enough go flying, scoop up all the judgmental voices in your head and toss them, clean out the corners of self pity and any feelings of injustice, bend your knees as you pick up your heavy heart of old and fling it to the top of the heap. All makes way for the new to blossom.

This tiny violet emerging from the old concrete spoke so eloquently of this moment. Nature's way of speaking surpasses any words I have. I bow to her wisdom and accept her gift of love.

This tiny violet emerging from the old concrete spoke so eloquently of this moment. Nature’s way of speaking surpasses any words I have. I bow to her wisdom and accept her gift of love.

My heart is singing with the birds, my soul dancing in de-light, my being vibrating in love. Thank you Creator for this gift of re-birthing ourselves into the light and love, once more. It is true, we have come to bring heaven to earth and it has arrived. Hallelujah!

 

 

Experiencing Heaven on Earth

Here is the view from the kitchen window where I am at present. You see the ocean, the mountains and can speak to the trees. Today I looked out my bedroom window and saw a deer lying next to the fence, quietly staring at me. The window was open as I love the cool salt air streaming in as I snuggle under the soft pink sheets and white downy duvet. I said hello and we had an exchange. She was so sweet and content in her cedar bower. I felt one with her, nestled on the moist earth, feeling the elements around me. The other night I floated free in my friend’s amazing Japanese soaking tub. The experience is very different from the usual plastic hot tub. It is so soothing to smell the wet wood, feel the heat of the water, float on your back in the De Vinci original man (or in this case, woman) pose of arms and legs outstretched. I stared at the stars, smelled the pine trees and felt that I was an element…..water, wood, earth, sky, stars, linda. All of a piece, oneness.

Add the fragrance of lavender and I am part of heaven on earth. I picked this bouquet for my window sill so that the breeze from the open window wafts it across to my slumbering form. Truly heaven can be found now on this earth. It is our perception that creates it. There is magic abounding but we have to tune in to it. As we slow down and find the pathway in the stillness, we are gifted with so many insights. All of nature truly conspires to uplift and delight us. Makes sense to me as I wish to uplift and delight those around me. In our oneness, we tap into our eternal nature which is love. And love is always giving. There is no holding back, no discrimination or judgment of who is worthy of love. We love because it is who we are. It is not given to receive as we have been taught. It is given, as to not give, makes us separate from our truth. Our truth is that we are beings of light and love and we radiate that in every moment. It is our choice to line up with our truth or not but in the end, all will return to love as there is no other path. There is a saying that all roads or paths lead to God and my belief is that God is love. So all paths are the path to love. When we surrender to this path, we feel such a relief as we accept that giving love is our natural state. We have known this all along and have felt the weight and pain of closing our hearts in any way to anyone.

It is time to throw open our hearts and rejoice in the truth of our being. I love myself for loving as I do. Someone may return my love with anger or mistrust but it matters not. I can smile inside as I know the effort it takes to maintain such a stance. And I know that sooner or later, each one will come to the truth of love. I give my love as a blessing, it stands. It may not be accepted by them at the moment, but at the perfect time for them, they will open their hearts and my love will be there like a shining crystal that they can take into their heart to add to their own heart light. Heart light…..two years of my song playing in my head…turn on your heart light. I am beginning to see the strings of heart lights gather and soon it will look like the most glorious Christmas with all the heart lights strung, turned on and shining through the darkest night. We can navigate any path ahead as heart lights will be lighting each step of the way. The fun thing is that the more that you turn on your heart light, the brighter it shines. By using its voltage, you are granted more. What a system!! I love this universe of ours! I love you.