Where We Are Now

14361310_10154769770703273_8562860245197946457_o-1The month of September saw me on the East Coast of the USA, anchoring energies as the eclipses took place. As my spirit is generous, it aligned with my grandson’s first birthday celebration and the preparation for my youngest son’s wedding. I was in Montreal, Quebec for the first and then a couple of hours south for the second in Vermont. Two spiritual powerhouses in the form of two dear friends from the West Coast, joined me in Vermont for the equinox as our trinity absorbed the light and let it flow. They were also working alongside me to weave and stabilize the mantle that my son and his bride to be would wear. That all sounds like joy……and it was…..and it was challenging to the hilt!

We rented a house in Vermont for our family of five and the soon to be married couple to stay. And our grandson, of course! Relationships were high on the transformation list with the energies streaming in. My elder son and former hubby both received clarity to end their current relationships of almost a decade. My daughter and son in love, were faced with a storm of issues that sought resolution. The baby, who had no teeth at the age of one, decided to cut six at once. My younger son, the groom, had friends flying in on different days to participate in his overnight camping bachelor party. The house held six, then ten, then twelve, then three, then eight……lots of comings and goings. My mother flame flickered, waned, strengthened, expanded. I was the heart holding it all.

Daily offerings from the woods.

Daily offerings from the woods.

The house itself was an initiation for me. It was relatively inexpensive but came with a host of issues that saw me almost collapse under the weight. It happened slowly, not all at once. I would get adjusted to one issue, then the next would present itself. The firewood was rotten, the property manager said they would send a man with a chain saw to cut the big logs outside. Chain saw? No, not what I wanted. Firewood resolved, fire merrily blazing until someone sleeping in the basement area noticed it filled with smoke. The bathroom upstairs reeked of urine. We cleaned it, it still reeked. Manager came with white vinegar….still reeked. Mice in the walls, leaking ceiling in the basement, refrigerator that froze the veggies and had water that collected in the bottom that had to be mopped up a couple of times a day, stove and oven that burned hot and fierce. Manager resolved that by stating that both were slated to be replaced the day after we left. Truly, that was supposed to make my experience better?  It felt like a form of water torture…one small drip after another testing my peace. When I first arrived, my son was there before me and said, ” It looks shabby but it seems clean”. We kept looking for the positive, lovely view from the outside deck, perfect two mile loop walk out the door, trails in the woods just across the dirt road. The beauty of the autumn leaves catching fire day by day. The biggest issue was not mentioned in the airbnb ad. The water came from a spring shared by three houses and we were to limit showers and usage. That stress was not needed and on the last two days, the water did indeed run dry. We had asked for another rental but there was none to be had that would accommodate us all. As well, moving us all would have taken more energy than any of us possessed. I felt used up, every drop of me in motion on the inner or outer planes.

The elementals are so present in these woods.

The elementals are so present in these woods.

I had to laugh at all of this for my initiation! There were moments I did not feel gracious, moments of complaints, fatigue (my teething grandson had short nights and I was the relief for my daughter), as well as much laughter and joy. Watching my grandson discover the pleasure of slurping noodles, as well as his delight as he started walking and talking while we were there. He had stairs to climb and railings to stick his head through…all delights. We had lots of meals with many cooks in the kitchen. We filled jars with maple syrup for wedding favors, we organized apple picking and crisp making for the wedding dessert.  We watched and then stopped looking at the ever changing wedding weekend weather report. The weather had been warm and lovely but was slated for a weekend of rain and cold. We called on the elementals to assist. We were rewarded with sunshine in the woods on the wedding day but we rented heaters for the huge barn to offset the freezing cold temperatures that came in.

fullsizerender-7-1It all worked, it was magical. We created an altar in the woods that held the energy of the elementals’ magic. I had asked my son the night before if he understood the mantle that was to descend upon him and his bride the next day. It was from Jesus and Mary Magdalene. A mantle of love for them to carry as a couple into the world. He said he did and he stated, “I am ready.” He was. It descended as did a pillar of light over his bride as she received the Kumara lineage that would allow their children to carry our family’s flame onward. Powerful weekend that affected everyone who was a witness. My son had invited so many, he had told me that those who were to be there, would come to receive. He knew it was a frequency that he and his bride were offering and he did it consciously. The joy was palpable and we were all graced by their love.

14380005_10154770176718273_1237624372275109394_o-1What I found so interesting was how I felt. It was beyond the observer. I was present and yet distanced. Immersed on all levels of my being. I could feel my divinity within even when my personality self was challenged to the hilt. It is a new space we are occupying. All is part of the whole. No water…part of it…..love vows……part of it. The ceremony by their friend asked us to turn and honor the four directions, we had the four elements on the altar, their first vow was to themselves…..to care for themselves first and foremost. They truly are anchoring the new relationship of sovereignty and wholeness. Two wholes creating together with the Creator. A trinity of the highest order.

The stage is set

The stage is set, whether through love or death, the portal is open for to walk through to embrace more of ourselves.

My heart beats out the tune of, “All is well, all is very, very well”. This intensity has not stopped. I have come back to California to be with my friend who is dying. My knowing had allowed me to be gone for the month and she said she would  wait for my return. We knew it would be fine whatever way it happened, that our spirits would be together.  I have agreed to open the capsules with another friend and mix the cocktail that will send her through death’s door. California is one of five states that allows assisted death. She may not use it, she may slip away but it provides her comfort and peace to know she can make that decision if her body lingers.  She is so present and conscious in facing death. It makes the moments so alive. I am privileged to be a witness, to be informed by all of it.

The tiny houses at the wedding site.

The tiny houses at the wedding site.

A rich time for me, memories of my grand baby’s entrance a year ago, seeing him flourish in such a strong, sturdy body after such a tenuous start, the love vows and mantle carried by my youngest son and his bride, the conscious living and dying by my friend, the inner work that my friends and I did as we assisted with the Jesus and Mary Magdelene’s mantle of love, the dissolution of relationships that held the old energy of care taking and codependency, freeing all to greater honoring of self, the young folks talking of community and tiny houses, the knowing of my capacity to hold seemingly disparate pieces in wholeness and love. We are becoming grown up. We are becoming sovereign. Such joy! The love pods are forming in the ethers and we are feeling the tugs towards our soul groups. Even the wedding barn, with its tiny houses around, surrounded by nature, was a template for the new communities. Beauty and love arising. May we open our hearts to receive it all.

Thank you to Bev and Julia for the wedding photos. I did not take any so am grateful for the use of these!

Dissolving Into Fluidity

I loved the heart shaped opening on this rock, nature will do this to us, if we allow.

I loved the heart shaped opening on this rock, nature will do this to us, if we allow.

These days between eclipses are so new, so challenging, so exhausting, so wired, so weird. I heard someone use the expression: tired/wired. I get it. It is 3 a.m. and I am still awake. I am grateful I do not have to work or I would be adding anxious to the mix.

Everything is dissolving. Our old stories of who we were, our ideas about how anything works, our thoughts about what is reality and what is illusion……all flowing down the drain. Dreams leaving me with a bittersweet feeling as I say goodbye to what might have been. My body is having the most difficult time. She senses death, decay, dissolution. Indeed, I feel as if all of my organs and tissues have turned to liquid mush inside of me. My brain is spongy, soggy, heavy. Everything is flowing towards the earth, wanting to lie with her, decompose into her, fertilize her for the next cycle of growth.

I offer her comfort, chocolate chip cookies and milk, as I would a child. I am the child. Cookies thrown on the floor, foot stamped; No! There is no comfort to be found in food. I lie in bed and feel electrical pulses buzz in my left hip, then my neck. Finally the all body vibration that I have come to enjoy. At other times, the intense feeling that comes in is so uncomfortable that it does not feel possible to remain in this body for one more moment. Take me, I plead. Yet here I am.

All this has been going on for years. My body is not impressed. She is tired beyond belief. She is no longer interested in a bedtime story of ascension. She does not want to hear that she is becoming crystalline. Our light body feels like an imaginary friend that she has out grown. She has heard the tales over and over and now demands a new story.

The waves toss out the old, there is no making sense of it, just let it go. Debris to be dissolved into something new.

The waves toss out the old, there is no making sense of it, just let it go. Debris to be dissolved into something new.

What can I tell her? I stand at a nexus point, dying and being enlivened all at once. The crone and the babe inhabiting the same space. Of course it feels weird and woolly. We have not done this before. By all rights, I should be dropping this body to the earth, which she very well knows. She is attempting to follow the script that we have enacted in myriad  lifetimes. This is a new script, a role she has not played. There was no rehearsal, all happening live on this stage of life in 2014.

I stood on the beach today watching the waves pound the shore, relentless in their march. I felt their fluidness in my cells. Our bodies asked to hold the form while the energy flows in and out, over and over. I feel eroded by the energy, ground down to a husk. Then the sun broke through the clouds, and I knew moments of grace, transcendence where all felt light.

I know myself as the chalice, offering my heart as a container into which the liquidlovelight can pour itself; the body, the vehicle that anchors it all into the earth. We are being asked to bring heaven to earth through our bodies. The knowing is deep as to the privilege I have been given to have a physical vessel of the earth. It is what allows the Creator’s essence to seed itself deeply into our mother’s body. I do so want to witness our Mother Earth blossom from these seeds of love. All held, the desire for death, the desire for life. Two becoming one. Oneness.

We are walking through the dissolving imprints of duality. Everything has a fuzzy quality as it shimmers and fades. Time is unhooking its grip, speeding up till it is no longer considered at all. Decision making is no longer easy as we are asked to choose from a palette of whites. How can I pick one when all look just about the same? Neutrality is the new game. Good and bad have had their day. How do we navigate this new landscape, that is shimmering into view? If you look straight at it, it disappears. You cannot fix it to a point, it is fluid and changeable. There is no catching it, holding it. All we can do is BE it. Allow the energy to flow through.

My teacher of the day.

My teacher of the day.

Today at the beach, tears flowed. I no longer look for cause. My mind has given up as it is no longer important to understand, there is only feeling it fully as it moves through. It flows in, flows out. I watched the waves crash against a large rock jutting out of the water. The waves approached in their steady way, only to hit an immoveable surface, which sent them leaping into a thousand sparkling fragments. We create our own rocks to smash against when we hold some thought or emotion as fixed. We shatter our hearts over and over on our journey, splintered fragments flying as our souls wrestle us from known forms. We love to put equal signs between things, to firmly place our period as if to nail it all down.

As I watch the water drops fall back to the ocean’s surface, rejoining the processional waves’ motion towards the shore, I feel a way being shown.  Once the waves meet the shore, there is no ending, rather they are swept back out into the ocean’s embrace. No beginning and no end. We thought it was all about reaching the shore, achieving a goal.  But no, it is about being part of the dance, flowing in the ocean of the Creator’s love. Being the light. Bringing the light. Claiming our essence as liquidlovelight.

The violet light, transforming all into the love it is.

The violet light, transforming all into the love it is.

4 a.m. and a candle flame flickering in the dark. I, too, am the flame. Being with this moment, breathing in the fresh air flowing through the window. I know nothing. I AM this flame, this breath, this love. And you are too. God bless us all. Children of the Sun, of the Moon and the Stars. We are creating our own welcome home.

The Tsunami of Love Hitting Our Shores

Expand beyond the limits of linear form, say the palm trees.

Expand beyond the limits of linear form, say the palm trees.

I want to pass along this link to a meditation to open yourself to the tsunami of love that is presently hitting our energy fields. Linda Dillion, a channel for the Council of Love brings  through the Divine Mother’s gift of love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGt8Lo2aacQ

This morning the air smells alive with winter’s arrival. The rain has kept up steadily for a second day now, the trees swaying in the cool breeze and my pink prayer flags flying with the slant of the drops. A fire flares and swoops in the hearth and my son has placed a warming cup of strong, delicious coffee at hand. I feel a bit of envy that he still has the ending ahead in a story that I read. In our family, we exchange books, passing on the good ones, eager to discuss and savor the highlights. I recall a boyfriend of my daughter’s joining us for dinner, during the hectic and harried high school years. He expressed astonishment that the conversation revolved around what we were all reading and the trading back and forth as well as the excitement we felt in sharing our treasures. We read out the compelling bits, luring one another into our temporary world in order to have a companion by our side to relish the journey with. He read for school assignments, a meagre duty bound consumption, that did not fit the rich smorgasbord that we supped at daily.

An image hung static on a wall, yet these stones contain worlds of lives once lived upon this earth. They call me to step out in expression of the All.

An image hung static on a wall, yet these stones contain worlds of lives once lived upon this earth. They call me to step out in expression of the All.

So, we sit in companionable silence, our books, the fire, the rain falling on the roof in a steady rhythm. I am feeling peace in this moment. I have gone through a dozen feelings in the space of this morning. I have noticed my head aching intermittently with blasts of intense pressure. I felt weak with tears and nausea which then turned to this moments’ contentment. I touch so many emotions in an hour, in five minutes that I cannot keep up with myself! (that is part of it, there is no “keeping up”). I lay in bed, certain that I would not get up today as I felt so flat, so disconnected, the world a gray shadow, holding no glimmer of light. The next moment, I find myself standing in the shower, amazed at the water cleansing my body. I stood in front of my closet, deciding to dress in lavender hues to greet the afternoon. My mood lifted by the cleanliness and color, I stand to do the above meditation, reeling as waves of nausea hit. I must lie down afterwards, tumbling about in my own field. Waves of love followed by despair forming a well in my being. Who am I?

Thank goodness I have so fully embraced my beingness as I might otherwise question what is going on. I long ago let go of any concern about losing my mind. Actually, I realize as I have heard others express this concern at different points on their path…..that has not ever been a concern of mine. A deep questioning of self, yes.  I may not understand what I am doing or being, yet I trust the process fully. A friend’s call brings forward an aspect of myself that yet sought my embrace. Deep sobs shook me as I opened my heart to welcome in my erratic emotional self. We have cleared so much and are now asked to deal with the resonance of our holographic shadows that seek wholeness through our embrace. She relayed to me how my ability to be fully present with myself, expressing a range of emotions, allowed her to go more deeply into her flame of stillness and peace. This aspect that had been criticized outwardly and inwardly by myself as not “spiritual” was embraced in love and gratitude for what it had brought. It was such a beautiful exchange as I had felt myself over the past 24 hours, reaching out an arm to her flame, to anchor me in that steady stillness as I went further into the unknown, seeking out the dark shadows that were calling for my embrace. My widely ranging emotions are an expression of working with all that comes forth seeking this mother’s love and embrace. I play across a wide spectrum whereas she holds a deeply anchored note in a narrower range. All a part of this symphony we are playing together. All shadows are now seeking the light so that all can be brought home within ourselves. We rejoiced at our co-creation and support of one another as we express our truth.

Can I live fully without locking onto a destination ahead?

Can I live fully without locking onto a destination ahead?

The task for each is to fully express our flame, the one we brought from home. We were conditioned to believe in an image of ourself that was crafted to fit in as a cog in the wheel of limitation. We sanded off our edges, tamped down our flames to stay within the confines given. We are now asked to step out from that image and express the full range of frequencies found within our one note. Indeed, our note contains the all! So in each moment, we are free to open to what flows authentically in that moment. It may be new, unfamiliar, nothing like who or what we thought ourselves to be. As we express this moment, it dissolves allowing the next to take form. Judgment disappears and we marvel at the fullness of the note, low and high, of equal playing pleasure. Amazing! We can only move, one moment to the next, yet the freedom in that movement is enormous! We can so fully feel what comes through us, as us, that all else dissolves. Yet a thread is always connected to the One, the Creator of all, giving us limitless freedom. We are free to love what we love, fully.

Back in my chair by the fire, universes of feelings traversed, gratitude abounding. Memories flow in of awakening throughout the night to hear the command: “Activation!” followed by electrical charges moving through my body. I then saw myself giving the command to others: “Activation!” while their forms slept. We are being activated by waves of love, how blessed are we.

 

 

 

 

My Prayer Flags Speak to Me

IMG_6002As I lay in the hot tub yesterday, my prayer flags brought me a message. I so love how everything seeks to converse with us and work with us to bring forth greater love. I was watching how the breeze was stirring them up, twisting and spinning them about. I had previously gotten up on a ladder to straighten and untangle them. The flags laughed and showed me how some that were twisted around the day before, were now hanging straight, and others were now tumbled. They surrender to the elements, allowing the rain and wind and sun to have their way. Here is their message:

IMG_5999“Dear one, you no longer need to use your mind to attempt to bring things to “right”. The elementals and the pink flame of your heart bring all that is needed in each moment. Twisted, upside down, tumbled…..allow all to be. The wind comes in to unwind, to move, to shift and your part is the allowance. There are moments of perfect stillness where one hangs in the void of emptiness. There are moments of gentle movement as if one is caressed by the All that is. At other times, fierce winds threaten to untether you, yet you are held firmly by your I AM presence, the cord connecting you to the Creator who ever has you in hand. Fear not the fraying, your threads flying off, scattering about. The birds pick them up and use them to build nests for their babies…new life out of the old. Thread by thread you are asked to let go. Know that what is true and strong remains, as you offer yourself as a vehicle for movement, a living prayer flying high. Rejoice in this!”

I embrace myself as a living prayer this day, open to the winds of change, the nourishing rain, the growth and weathering by the sun. I drink all in, savoring each moment. I AM a pink prayer flag of love. Today I am working on making bright orange flags to play with the pink, bringing my creative fires to dance with the flame of love.

 

Galloping into the Year of the Horse

My son, Gabriel's painting in celebration of the Year of the Horse.

My son, Gabriel’s painting in celebration of the Year of the Horse.

As the year of the horse propels us towards February’s fire and movement, we are being lifted into a new field of love and expansion. I realized that for the past few weeks, I have been dreaming of riding a horse on beaches, through forests and over misty moors. It seems my horse awaits, offering to take me on a journey into realms unknown.

I was chatting with a friend on facebook, sending one another hugs and love when suddenly my eyes filled with tears as I felt him hugging me. It was as if he were physically next to me. We then spoke of horses, with the year of the horse upon us, and he recalled a white stallion that he rode into battles of light and dark, many a time. Suddenly, I find myself astride my own horse, wearing chain mail whose weight I can feel on my body, sword in hand, riding with a company, my friend at my side. We are of elven origin, can feel the fey nature of our beings. It feels like a scene out of the Lord of the Rings! He then types my name, Nooryana, and my body goes into an extreme head nodding confirmation. I feel her enter my being and experience a sense of awe at her beauty and strength. My friend expressed his knowing that we were there when the veils were pulled down and the wonder of being here now, as the veils are being lifted. My body, once again, confirmed this for me.

Our entrance table celebrating this new year.

Our entrance table celebrating this new year.

Everything is blending, time and space shifting. Our hearts are uniting us so that we truly do feel one another across oceans, continents, time and dimensions. Our connection to other aspects of ourselves is strengthening as we open our hearts and bodies to welcome them in. I love Nooryana and today I am going to do some art with a friend, playing with big sheets of newsprint, chalks and crayons to see if the image I saw of her, will emerge on paper. I sense something will appear to deepen the connection.

As we are being asked to enlarge our sense of who we are, I have watched my emotional body react in shuddering waves to a message that came through a dear friend. We were driving in the car, and she was sharing her practice of praying out loud with others, a part of her role as prayer chaplain at her church. I spoke a prayer of gratitude for the gift of her presence in my life and she said she wanted to do the same. What came out was in a different voice, a low tone speaking,  “Linda receives her robe and crown and scepter and will now step into her role as a leader of men and women.” We were both astonished as the words were not what her mind had intended.  I felt and observed my emotional body go into a tailspin. How could this be about me? How am I to be a leader? Me, who lives such a small, quiet life? The part of myself that seeks to contain, lit up all the roadblocks to this being possible. Yet, I have known for a time, that soon I would be called out into the world. I have heard, “Rest now for the time will come when all will be in motion.” I have sat with this message for three days, allowing it to percolate through my system. I knew I was to share it, not as a form of self-aggrandizement (which my ego self says, oh, yes it is!) but to open the doorway for us all to step more fully into the truth of who we are. In the days following, I was given similar messages from other friends, reinforcing the truth of this.

Truth Trigger resting in her box made by my son.

Truth Trigger resting in her box made by my son.

I believe we are all being called to express our gifts more fully. We are asked to enlarge upon our idea of who we are, breaking free from the conditioning to play small and safe. Hence, there is a need to clear anything that blocks our gifts from coming through. I am being guided to begin offering clearing sessions with the sword, Truth Trigger  and Mother Sekhmet. I am a conduit through which she works to clear and shatter limitations. The sword appeared at this time, as she is needed to remove the remnants that block our knowing of the truth of why we are here, now, at this shift of the age.  Mother Sekhmet has called me to this work and assured me that those who have need of this work, will be drawn.

Elephants have been showing up for me for weeks. This one appeared in the midst of the redwoods. I love her!

Elephants have been showing up for me for weeks. This one appeared in the midst of the redwoods. I love her!

I just read a story of elephants being tethered by rope. Someone inquired as to why the elephants remain when it was apparent that they could snap the rope on their legs with one movement. The trainer explained that the rope had been enough to restrain them when they were infants and once that was internalized, the belief remained, despite it no longer being true. This is such a beautiful illustration of the conditioning that we have accepted as truth about ourselves, often from something we were told as a child. We are adults now, free to break those ropes and be who we choose to be. The sword works to shatter these limiting beliefs and allow ourselves entrance into an expanded knowing of who we are. Of course, we have no need of a sword or anyone to do this. Yet, those comments can lodge in our beings, appearing as huge and frightening beings. In honoring our inner child, we can take someone’s hand as we stand to face these beings. We can let her/him know that they do not have to face it alone, that we have called in help. Our higher selves will orchestrate the right person, sign or situation that we need in order to take the next step on our journey to wholeness. I so appreciate Mother Sekhment’s fierce mother’s love showing up in my life!

I am grateful to be here now. I am ready to expand into more of myself, embracing Nooryana and all others who I open to receive. I calm my ego self and surrender to the Creator’s will for my life. To serve the One is the all. If She/He believes in me, who am I to question that? I will play the part I came to play with all that I am, however large or small that appears to the outside world. In truth, I am shown there is no large or small part……all parts are necessary for the whole. What is necessary, is to fully embody our own roles. Leader of men and women…..bring it on! I have no idea what that looks like or entails,  I only have to take the next step in full trust that I am guided and loved. Thank you for daring to take your next step in faith and trust that you are more than you ever dreamed you could be. I love your light and the beauty that we are co-creating on this lovely jewel of the Earth. She is taking her step into stardom and asks us to follow her.

Paintings found at gaberobertsart.com

 

 

The Gift of January’s Pause

IMG_0873Today is the last day of a very long month, the first step into the energy of 2013. It did not feel like anything I knew, though with so much focus on 2012, my mind did not look into this landscape except to see paradise. In hindsight, I am so appreciative of how uneventful the December dates appeared. The clues where there for me to see as I was guided to be with a very small group of women for 12-12-12 and alone for 12-21-12.  I had thought to be at a large gathering with hordes of others for both dates, celebrating with fireworks and fanfare. Instead, it was an inward event, the joy subdued and subtle but palpable.

I am only now beginning to glean the riches held in the pause of January. The days rolled by in a dreamy fog, melting into one another as I experienced so many physical symptoms that took me down dark, scary holes. I heard that the end of suffering is here, suffering on any level of our being. My body spasmed with acute pain as I was offered the opportunity to walk it all back to love. To feel the illusion collapsing, to hold that knowing in my being alongside the reality that I was experiencing.  Caring for my body, took all my energy as I played with this newly intense sunlight; filling, releasing, and sending its rays streaming across the earth. Creative bubbles floated tantalizing close. As I reached out with my mind to pull them in, their iridescent radiance popped. I lay back down with sticky soap film on my face. My crown chakra tingled and danced with energy that evaporated as a sigh as soon as I opened to it. Everything felt elusive, just out of reach.

I am feeling the harvest of all the disappointment energy that December reaped. All of that was able to be lifted off the planet in one fell swoop. Oh, the angels were glad! We were then left with only trust to keep us warm as it seemed that the dreams of magic were not to be. Each day, my breath, a bellows to fan the flames higher as my body lay integrating the new. I saw myself with an IV drip of my divinity, which I had so boldly claimed, moving into me, drip by drip. I had thought myself ready to swallow it whole but my soul played its parental card and said, “No, too much too fast will leave you scorched.” I begged to differ and asked for a mugful. The response: drip, drip, drip. I jumped up to dance , to move, my mind proclaiming its sovereignty. I have not experienced but have watched folks shuffling down hospital corridors with their IV poles, seems no dancing allowed. As I was rendered once again prone and exhausted, the drip continued its slow, but ceaseless motion. Oh, the wisdom of these bodies! The wisdom of our higher selves, always showing us the short cut home.

Weary angel wondering why, reflecting my mind's energy.

Weary angel wondering why?

I have needed this time to acclimate to the new energies before I can move to play in them. I have had to bank the fires of my trust so that it is a constant flame that warms every moment, every impulse of my heart.  I can hear the roar of the fire of trust that is now blazing in my breast: I am loved, I am cared for, all is well. My mind had to go through its remaining fear programming: “You are not doing anything and it is 2013, get up!! How can you expect to co-create the new world flat on your back?” I had to face hissing, snarling FEAR in my dream space, trusting to the love of my heart to be my sword. I have felt the strength of that love as all melted at its touch, like the wicked witch of the west, dissolving in the mists. Fear is an illusion that has held us captive for so long. We are adults now, we can pull back the curtain and discover that it was only the old man, Oz, who was behind it all.

We have been through a tempering process as the flames of our experiences have begun  to transform us into molten gold. The liquidlovelight of my dreams, at last, pouring in.  We have been asked to grow up, to shoulder our responsibility to self. to get clear about what we want. Our thoughts are so rapidly becoming things that we have to be conscious of those thoughts. We have to know that all that is needed is inside of each of us, no outside sources trumping our own heart wisdom. We have had to walk old issues and relationships, down the road to love, releasing them to their higher self, trusting that they are perfectly cared for, as are we. I am learning to let go of judging the path of another and trusting that what presents itself, is that soul’s manifestation of experience that is their fast track home. Surrendering our playing God for another as well as dictating to God what tune to play in our heart, undoes the programming.  Allowing God to breathe the notes of our soul’s song into the flute of our hearts is walking our way to home.

My youngest son had a bout of the flu as did so many. After resistance, anger, and a bit of berating himself, he surrendered to it. Afterwards he said that he was grateful for the time it allowed him to think and dream. He was given a new vision of how to walk in his life. He saw all of his desires, the goodness meant for him, sitting ahead in the stream. He had been pushing to get to it, trying so hard in each endeavor, wanting to do it perfectly.  He realized that he was only asked to surrender and float down the stream. He would be brought to it in perfect timing and without fail as the water always flowed downstream. In his trusting in the abundance of the Creator’s love, all abundance flows in. Our minds can say, that is not how it works in the “real” world but it begins with my heart trusting, then yours, until all hearts know that we are the beloveds of our Mother/Father and their hearts’ desire is to give us, ours. Our streams converge and we will find ourselves playing together in the ocean of love.

This is the gift of January for all of us spiritual bungee jumpers (someone once called me that). Do we truly know that God loves us and cares for us on every level? Have we surrendered fully to the flow and placed our trust in divine timing? Do we have to spell out the particulars of what our Christmas list looks like or do we know that the Creator hears the feeling tone that we put out and answers in kind. Can we let go of our expectation of the hows, whens, whys of it all and trust what shows up, knowing it to be the perfect nourishment for our day?. Can we know ourselves good enough, worthy to receive this love? Can we drop in and allow our hearts to lead us, trusting the pause time to be as valuable as the times of action? Trusting that we are always in our perfect place at the perfect time. That we are not missing anything if we follow the clues of our heart.

IMGP4415I feel the winds of February bringing the scent of spring, of flowering anew, of expansion and rapid growth. My IV is still dripping with the essence of my divinity and I trust that the process will be complete when I hear the call to make a move. In this knowing, I am trusting each one of you to heed that call and trust the path where you are led, whether it be to sleep or create or dream in this moment. Open to it fully, licking the last bit of sweetness from each moment before letting it pass. Each moment fully embraced frees us to be present for the next….and the next, each experienced as the perfection of the now. I love you so.

 

What is Your Greatest Expression on This Planet?

Arranging berries and leaves gave me great joy, informing my expression.

Arranging berries and leaves gave me great joy, informing my expression.

Today I shared a watershed moment with a dear friend. We both felt the movement to embodying the greatest expression of ourselves. So many new aspects of our divinity have landed in of late and are asking for expression. What is the gift that I came to give? What is  my highest truth? What is being called forth in this now moment? As we played with these questions, my heart answered. Has yours?

It may surprise you that your gift is not what you perceived it to be up until now. It may not be what you presently do for your occupation. It may, like mine, have no definable label. We are talented in so many ways, we each came laden with a host of gifts to offer this world. But what I am talking about is what is calling to you now? What is asking to be emanated to the world through your unique flame? I am being called to focus my heart light on this one thing, this one expression. When you voice it, the tears may come as they did for me. It is so deep and powerful. We are being asked to dare to dig deep and uncover this deepest desire of our heart and bring it to the light of day. To not diffuse it with judgment (How can I claim to be an artist when there are so many great ones in the world?, How can my love of flowers be of note in the scheme of things?) We have to turn off the old records that warn us: “Watch out, you may experience disappointment, you know how painful that can be. You may fail, it is better to play it safe, and be comfortable in the groove you have worn.” Silence those voices with a stern: “No! I am no longer listening. I am tuning my dial to my heart and that is the voice that I shall heed. That is the song that I shall sing. ” Our hearts speak in a tone of love, gentleness, and encouragement. Drink that in deep. Let go of complaining about anything or anyone. Let go of the critic in your head. Let go of the idea of suffering. Let go of your old stories. Let go of excuses as to why you can’t. Let go of all that no longer serves your expression of your gift. Be that habits, people, activities. Stand in your truth. Feel into it, moment by moment. There is no road map, that is exactly what makes this time so exciting!

2013 is the year of creation and community. We are the rainbow tribe. How can we co-create this new earth if you do not bring your gift to the table? We are weaving the tapestry of this new world and new human. We need your particular color of thread, the texture you bring to create the beauty that is us. I am a weaver of heartlights. My work needs yours in order to create. We are all interconnected. We feed one another with our essence.

My friend is desiring to dance her dance, the dance that encompasses all of her flames. Her dancing changes the world with its beauty. She dances with life, her every movement in the world, informing the dance that is continually birthed. This is her passion, her gift to the world. Mine is not so definable but it came through loud and clear. I am to be the mother’s light, to be the heart that holds the octaves of sound, allowing the love to infuse the deeper tones and move them into higher registers of light. I am to be the lighthouse of love, of neutrality that embraces all frequencies that exist. To be the breast that the sobbing child flings itself upon, the smile that offers soft encouragement, the eye that sees truth when one rails against the world.

Our pods being drawn together like this group of rocks, singing our tones.

Our pods being drawn together like this group of rocks, singing our tones.

This expression is the thing that you do with no thought. It is natural for you, it moves  you with grace. This is not to say that it is easy. It asks of you total focus. It asks to be embodied each moment of every day. It is the lover you wish to shine for, it calls out what you knew not you had in you. It asks for me to be the divine human that I am. As we each embody this essence, it acts as a beacon. Each heart sends out its tone that draws to it, like a moth to a flame, all others who carry a resonate tone. This is how we discover our soul family and how we will be met by our other half who carries the same tone. Can you imagine the joy of finally being met on every level of your being? That time is arriving at our shores. By becoming our truth, so fully breathing it in the world, we are putting out the call. We are calling to all those who speak our language of light. Our tribes will come together, creating communities focused on central themes. We will play in the co-creative energies and rest deeply in the love shared.

Life is a symphony waiting to be played, movement by movement, note by note. All comes into harmony in the most glorious sound that fills the heavens. It is time to play our notes with all that we have. Our Creator stands, baton in hand, to conduct the song of the new earth.

 

Embracing All of Ourselves

Image from yesterday of Mount Shasta that captures some of the magic that I took part in.

Mount Shasta called me back to experience the OM crystal as it was activated. I felt it as a blast in my body that required a retreat from the darkening cold of the day. I awoke in the night with a belly swollen and cramped as the light sought integration in my body.  I flipped open a book and   came upon this poem that spoke to my heart.

Grief

Reading poems
I question the grief

still in process moving through my belly,
the stiff contours of my throat, the shaking

that lives in back of my thighs, calves,
extreme targets of energy having rested

there for years burrowing in with my mind
saying do not feel, push down and now

nowhere to go except to feel
the slim connection still there, joy

remains behind and underneath
the grief as i allow grief to flow

out, acknowledging yes I have been
too long in pain.

-John Joseph Crimmins

( I could find no personal information on this poet and ask his indulgence to reprint it here.)

Dear hearts braving the cold to come together in honoring this Holy Mountain of Shasta.

I see so many folks in the throes of this pain that is crying out for release. Our bodies will no longer carry this burden, instead they are demanding to be lightened. Our freedom is at hand as all around I hear the nervous laughter and laments, “I am being shredded”, “all is falling apart”, “we are in the fiery furnace”, “my life is out of control”. We are letting go of this stored grief that we had thought so cleverly hidden that none would ever find. I was surprised to find how I had hid lumps of it, deep within my cells. It is the great unmasking as we shed our false selves to come with our bruised and battered hearts to the mirror of ourselves. The mirror asks of us, “Will you love me without the mask? Will you find me acceptable despite my blackened face? Can you see the light in me and love me yet?”

Yes and yes again. I embrace each lump of coal, each sorrow that could not be borne, each arrow that had embedded in my frame. Now is the call to be the warriors of the heart that we are. To acknowledge our mastery, our mysterious natures created from sinew, bone and thought. Our bodies are rejecting the role of landfill of our lives. They are wanting to glow with our heartlight, to dance with fluid expression, to fill with the Christos, the light from on high. Quick, let us be about the plucking of those arrows of shame and remorse, dig out the pockets of betrayal, scrap away the unworthiness and haul up the leaden buckets of not enough love.

Gold, blue, browns.....our mother dazzling in her light.

Our earth has been drilled and filled with toxins aplenty. Our hearts lament, and wish to take action. We look outside ourselves for a cause to join to appease our aching hearts. As in all things, we have been trained to look everywhere but to the one source. It is inward, always has been, in each and every thing. I have made of my body, a dumping ground of the most toxic of thoughts and emotions. I wore my mask well so that none might smell the stench of decaying darkened moments. We spend inordinate time and money to dress well, attend to the hairs on our head, cover our scents with perfumes all the while, the inner dross grows in its darkness. To clear the toxins from our mother’s heart, we must clear our own. This is the work of the now moment. To free ourselves to be the light and beauty that we are. To retrace the steps to each moment of darkness that we could not face. To call upon our angels and star families to take our hands and help us do this thing before us.

It is time to claim stewardship over the microcosm of our beings so as to be enlightened stewards over the macrocosm of this mother of ours.

Many have been in the process of clearing households, letting go of possessions, feeling the freedom that comes from owning less and thereby, having more. This is the next step, to do the internal housekeeping with a loving heart. To embrace each shadow with a heart felt hug, to greet all with a smile of welcome. There is no time to wait. There is no agency to call upon. This task awaits each one. Trust to your courage, your fortitude and call on your team to guide the way. But begin, we must.

As you clear, ask for each cell now vacant to be filled with your own light. Each of us has a storehouse that is larger than our homes, larger than our cities, larger than this dear planet! Yes, you are that light, that love. Call it forth into your newly prepared rooms. The Creator is asking to take up residence in your heart and mine. He/She cannot enter when we have packed all the rooms and shut the doors. The love is wanting to enter in. Toss the judgments out and make room. This is a window given in love, take it in love and run with it. Breathe deep and ask. You will be shown where and how to begin.

A life of lightness and such love awaits. You will no longer need anyone nor anything to assure you that you are OK, that you are acceptable, that you are anything but the love that will course through your veins. This I know to be truth and my heart rejoices in it. Let the river of love flood through your being and your life will be transformed. We will then see true magic as our earthly mother dons her garments of light once again. Do you see? We have held the keys all along. We are the creators of our reality. Which world do you chose to live in? If you choose peace, harmony, abundance for all……make sure you are all these things and it shall come to pass.