Hearts Afire

Butterflies were mating all along my walk. Fertile energies of new life in full view.

Butterflies were mating all along my walk. Fertile energies of new life in full view.

All through the night, I was awakened with short messages…pay attention, greater abilities, all now. It seemed that I was being shown all the lives that I am living now. Some were dull, I could feel the weary weight of them, some dramatic, full of passion and pain, some were pedestrian in nature. We are in the gathering times. Opening ourselves and integrating all that we have known in order to let it all go and enter the space of emptiness.

After my heart being hallowed out, that I spoke of in my last post, I have experienced spaciousness within. Less thoughts, more feeling. We are becoming in tune with one another in a new way. The veils of separation are dissolving. We are no longer confined to our separate selves. The internet has brought the world closer, opened the doors of our  hearts in compassion as we see images and hear the voices of those suffering around the world. Now it has moved into our cellular structure as our bodies become transmuters of this suffering. It is rising to the surface to be seen clearly so that we may dissolve it in the fiery flames of our hearts.

Someone left this carving to smile upon all who pass. The tree spirit reflected this joy.

Someone left this carving to smile upon all who pass. The tree spirit reflected this joy.

For the past few days, I have been working with mental illness. I received a call from my youngest sibling, a dear heart who was lost to me for decades. She has suffered from mental illness, having sustained much abuse within the family. Our mother recently passed, which freed her on some levels to reclaim her life. She had reached out and contacted me which was a gift for my heart. The other day, she left me a heartrending message of despair as the voices in her head had returned. She wanted me to know that she loved me, not knowing if she would speak to me again. She had begun to build a new life for herself and once again, found herself hurled back into the darkness. Her words went into my veins like an icy transfusion. She has experienced so much suffering, as have so many.

Mental illness has been a heavy door closing so many  in. May the door open and dissolve.

Mental illness has been a heavy door closing so many in. May the door open and dissolve.

That night, my former hubby, (who has graciously offered me a home at present) and I were looking for something to watch. We saw the Beach Boys movie, decided that might be fun to hear their music. It turned out to be about Brian Wilson and his struggle with mental illness. At one point, he was imprisoned by a psychologist, whose help turned into absolute control. This mirrored what my sister had experienced at the hands of my mother and brother. He was finally freed by the love of a woman who became his second wife. She saw him truly and worked to help him recover his light. My sister had to work on her own to free herself from their control. She was successful, moving thousands of miles to return to our hometown to reconnect with her former life. She worked to get an apartment and work in the community only to have the voices show up once again.

The next day, I must have read a dozen references to mental illness. This is how it happens. Something comes to my awareness and then it is amplified so that I live it for a time, offering my heart’s flame to travel its pathways. At some point, I can feel it loosening and softening until I sense that it has been opened to the love light that is truth. I am then  freed from that world until the next thing comes into my awareness. It may take a day or a week or more that I am called to be present. There is no will in this, I simply allow it to move within me, trusting its timing and the process.

The lupines are glowing.

The lupines are glowing.

My sister wisely checked herself into a facility, for the assistance that she needs. My heart is sending her messages to say, hang on. Honoring her path, however she chooses to walk it. I cannot know the weight of the years of struggle that she has endured. I can only send her love light and let it do its job. I honor her courage, her ability to begin again and yet again. I do not know that I would have been able to do as much. What a courageous heart!

I am grateful for the life I have with its beauty and grace. I am grateful that from this space, I have the freedom to embody issues as they come to me. We are powerful creators. We can transform things from the inside out. Our hearts can melt the chains that bind, loosen the cords that restrain, offer hope and freedom to those oppressed. I cannot see the results of this work, I can only feel it in my heart. Each of us, has a gift. We are all called to do our part in one of the myriad ways that present themselves to us. Mine is an inner action, many take the outer action. I am so grateful for all of it.

Wildflowers offering their sweetness.

Wildflowers offering their sweetness.

I feel a world free from mental illness. I feel these hearts, that have been so restrained, bursting free into the love light. I can sense the lifting of that heavy cloak that threatened to suffocate them. I feel this lifting of the weight of darkness and despair. How our hearts are crying out for this for all of humanity. How we desire freedom and peace and love for all on this planet.

The rain is pouring down outside as Northern California is awash in its wettest spring in decades. I feel it as the washing away of all the oppression bearing on humanity. I breathe in and appreciate the beauty and scent of the spring blossoms. May we turn the bitter into the sweet wine. It is time.

 

Hallowed Out

The beauty of the peonies has intoxicated me.

The beauty of the peonies has intoxicated me.

A week or two ago, my heart was challenged. Through one of my dear hearts, who wears the buddha flame, I was shown how I had held judgment about another close to my heart. He did not shine the light there yet I felt its shine. A cascade of shame came flowing in as I acknowledged to myself how I had walked that judgment in a harmful way with one I love. Whew…it was overwhelming at times to simply sit with it.

I had thought myself moving to neutrality and this started that loop of self judgment in play again. Oh my, how could I be here again? Haven’t I grown at all? Deep breaths, knowing that was not the way through but rather the old way rearing its head. We are so conditioned to beat ourselves up when we become aware of a misstep. I sat with those feelings yet did not own them as I once had.

Decided to feel the earth on my walk, found some mud puddles on the way.

Decided to feel the earth on my walk, found some mud puddles on the way.

Still it took a couple of days for me to come through the whole experience. I felt raw, my heart scrapped out like a gourd, tender. I felt the backwash energy as I vowed in my mind to have no opinions about anything again, to let go of anything that I thought I knew and to retreat. This passed until I found myself at a resting point. More able to hold neutrality in the face of news or opinions, not needing to align myself with one side or the other.

All in all, part of this growth cycle as we step back from this world in one way, and step forward into this world, in another. Seems contradictory yet feels true. I am more present than I have been in some years. I am appreciating the beauty around us on this earth. I am especially feeling such tenderness for each of us. I am grateful for how we all move in different ways, I feel the richness of this and my heart smiles.

 

The Blossoming

IMG_4964Having left the white landscape of winter and returned to the soft opening of spring, I am cognizant of how we too, are subject to the laws of nature. Our bodies follow the cycles of birth, growth and decay in harmony with the all. Our spirits join in this dance as well. Our consciousness is in a constant flow of opening to the new, receiving, integrating, collapsing, and dying to the old.

We have subjected ourselves to programming that inserts form and structure in an attempt to hinder the natural flow of our beings. We have viewed life through a lens of past and future that limits that flow, chopping it into static pictures that dam the waters of our love light from their natural movement. We have attempted to set a pattern or pathway through the landscape of our hearts, keeping to what we have deemed safe and solid.

The old surrounded by the new, just as our new creations will overlay the old.

The old surrounded by the new, just as our new creations will overlay the old.

The planet, and all who wish to ride with her, is seeking a new path. She seeks a new space in the cosmic dance as her time to blossom has come. We have been taught that life is to be lived along a certain trajectory that if not followed, is cause for worry and concern. If your child does not go to college, then hit the workplace hard to step onto the ladder of success, then you are a failure as a parent. If you as an individual deviate from the prescribed pathway that the modern world of enslavement has deemed proper, you risk survival.

Yet, as we look at nature, we see the blossoming come in its season. Some plants pop their heads up at the first sign of spring’s warmth. Others wait for the heat of the summer sun, still others open in the brisk autumn air. We each have a timing within that flows free, if we allow it. Our society puts it all into boxes: four years for college, three days for grieving a loved one, two weeks vacation to justify fifty weeks of work, 9-5 workdays, retirement at sixty-five, age eighteen means you are an adult, and the list goes on. Thank goodness, much of this limitation has been changed and challenged in this internet age. Now to take the next step, and truly honor our own timing.

Spring blossoms brightening my spirit.

Spring blossoms brightening my spirit.

In honoring ourselves, we allow our spirits to grow and follow that inner pattern. We can push against the timing, berate our child or ourselves for not moving fast enough. That results in a layer of shame or guilt that obstructs the fluid movement. Who knows how long the cocoon is to be wrapped around one, until the butterfly can safely emerge to fly free? Just as we have taken from the earth by forcing high productivity from the soil year after year, we cannot force the spirit to produce balance and peace when we poke and prod and dig at it with artificial means. There is a time to lie fallow, there is a rotation of crops that feed the soil of the soul, there is a rhythm to be honored that knows how to bring forth the highest yield in a sustainable way.

San Francisco Art and Flowers exhibit. Feel that flow! Photo by Jeanette

San Francisco Art and Flowers exhibit. Feel that flow! Photo by Jeanette

For today, allow your heart to flow free. Allow it to love freely, without constraint. Honor your need for rest, for retreat, for engagement…..for whatever your spirit is leading you to. Trust your body’s wisdom as to what it needs. It is of the earth, it is our earth. It is the wisdom keeper and holds the seeds to our future. It knows how to nourish them, the timing of the breaking through the soil of our personality self, the time to blossom fully in the sun of our own beings. There is no manual, no reference guide that knows you like she does. Trust your seeds to blossom into the world in their perfect time. Trust that you have within, the gift to add to the creation of the new. Trust that all is well. Honor each one’s path, knowing its perfection like your own. Follow your heart’s lead and take action when inspired. Savor this walk out of the old programming into the flow of our true nature. All of the kingdoms on the earth, animal, plant, mineral and fey, are aligning with this stream of love light, flowing all home. Dust off your heart’s desire and allow it to fully blossom within as it will then create in this world of form. Our world is about to burst forth in colors unimagined just as the spring rains here in California have created massive swaths of wildflowers after years of drought. Let this energy of beauty sweep clean your heart and allow all to flow in a cascade of love light.

Rawness

Ice breaking with its rawness.

Ice breaking with its rawness.

Rawness, that feeling after a sunburn when every move feels painful. Your skin stretched and achy. The filters are off, life is more fully present. The heart has no filter, it all enters  and resounds, whether perceived as joy or despair, it flashes through with intensity. The mastery is in letting it flow through. Suffering comes when we try to stop the emotions by making a story about them or owning them as the truth of ourselves.

We will feel it. All of it. Things long buried within our cells, hidden in family lineages, covered up by our governments, distorted in our history books. All is coming to be seen and felt. We can choose to open to it, to allow the information to flow in and out. We can see the gift in all of this wonderful energy. It allows us to experience life in a front row seat rather than from the back of the auditorium. The love lights us up like never before as we feel it more fully. The despair can take you to your knees as it moves through. Let it. Let it all be. We are strong enough for this. We came for this time.

Trust is the byword. Trusting to self. Trusting to all aspects of ourselves. Trusting to the Creator and a benevolent universe. Trusting to the wondrous future we are creating for ourselves and our children and grandchildren and generations to come.

Mother Mary raising her arms over the port, blessing the sailors as they entered and departed. She stands on the oldest cathedral here in Montreal. I love the circle of stars above her head.

Mother Mary raising her arms over the port, blessing the sailors as they entered and departed. She stands on the oldest cathedral here in Montreal. I love the circle of stars above her head.

All part of being in the now. I realized how far I have moved into the now. Time is disappearing. We are being shown that we can expand or collapse it with our intentions. I am not a big planner as I am no longer able to look at life that way. I feel my way forward. I may feel an energy event, someplace or time where I am to “hit my mark”. I will be given the visual or sense of something…a meeting with someone or an action I am to take or a timeline that I am to align with or a place I am to be. I may have to get on a plane, drive somewhere, call someone. This extends to my family as I feel their future and can see the choice points in technicolor. I speak my truth about these points, which they have come to know me for. At times, they have reacted in anger to my knowing. Many times, they have then thanked me as they discovered more of themselves through aligning with their truth. As a mother, I have carried that immaculate concept for each of them and it carries a knowing of their truth.

As this reality we have come to know, collapses, we will be called to align more fully with our truth. To feel our way forward without the usual signposts. We will have to rely on our internal gps. Our hearts are losing their filters so as to be clear beacons, calling our highest future to us. It is so much more than we dreamed!

IMG_4638In this now, the seeds are present. We nurture them with love and attention. We love all that we no longer resonate with, all that has kept us playing small, by feeling all of our feelings fully. Letting sadness, despair, depression, loneliness have their say. Dancing out our anger, singing out our joy. Right now the birds are singing to the dawn of a new day. I feel my heart singing with them in gratitude. May your day be full of wonder.

Honoring Our Truth

Luminous light on my walk

Luminous light on my walk

Sitting at my table, looking out at a sea of white…..snow and ice. The sky echoes the whiteness of the ground. I am on the fourth floor of an old hotel that has been converted into studios. The buildings form three sides with a courtyard in the middle and an opening to one of the main squares of Old Montreal. I love being able to watch activity outside as I sit in stillness inside. The plows have been working since the wee hours, clearing the night’s snowfall. Now young men are completing the job with picks and shovels to get at the layer of ice below the snow. It can be treacherous walking as that layer of ice can send you flying in a moment. I do a lot of walking of my grandson in his stroller. It is the way we get him to turn off and take a nap so I log at least an hour or more a day of lovely walks.  I have laughed at times, feeling that the stroller is my walker and I am hanging on for dear life as it has kept me erect over the slick ice spots.

Shadow dancing

Shadow dancing

January did not feel like the beginning of the new, rather a continuation of the old with so much clearing. Here it is February and there is a pause. My sense has been that movement begins in March. During a sleepless full moon/eclipse night, I was prompted to book my ticket back to California. March 14th, my day of movement. I watch how my family of five is moving on the chess board of this life. My daughter and grand baby and hubby here in Montreal. The wee one and I are doing sound work that moves deep into the earth and ancient energies held there. He is a sound master, full of chirps and trills and the ability to OM and AH long past mine. We are a good team. We giggle and play and send the joy flying. The completion of this work will free their family to head west as the autumn begins. My sons will arrive in Vermont, a couple of hours south of my daughter, living and loving with their beloveds as I exchange places and fly west. So many synchronicities have appeared to facilitate all of this. We watch as one thing after another lines up in perfect order. I am sensing all of us meeting in the West as the leaves turn. We shall see but my heart feels the love pods forming in the physical then.

IMG_4811Honoring our truth..that is the theme I feel. Supporting one another to walk our truth into the world. So many of us have been hermits these past years as we anchored in the grids of light and cleared the fields. Now, we are being called into the world. I have seen amazing timeline shifts as new possibilities unfold that had never been available prior to this time. I do not know how I will show up in the world but I do know my days spent mostly alone, have ended.

This year has been about family, my days now filled to the brim with my one year old grandson. He and I play and laugh and love. He teaches me so much about moving with the energies, expressing all in the moment, engaging with the wonder of life. I am so grateful that this is how my life has unfolded.

The gateway is narrow and fraught with danger. Courage and strength required to pass into the flame of true love.

The gateway is narrow and fraught with danger. Courage and strength required to pass into the flame of true love.

I am holding space and witnessing a beloved union come into being for my elder son. He is a buddha, and has walked his path in solitude and grace for many years since his instantaneous awakening. My younger son’s marriage ( a beautiful divine partnership) set the scene and allowed these two hearts to meet. Now my elder son is walking a new timeline where marriage and children are a possibility when it had never been in the cards before. Oh, the joy! Truly, more than we ever imagined is awaiting us all as we live our truth.

He and his love are anchoring in the beloved flame for us all. Healing the wounding of the feminine by his masculine presence and being healed in turn. They are both courageous hearts to walk this path as it is not for the faint of heart. The love flame consumes all and forges anew. They are assisting in bringing in the deeper, truer love that is our birthright. Romance is a flimsy veil that reveals the wonder held deep inside. We are here to love in a way that has not been for eons of time and in truth, is more than we have ever experienced here. The possibility is to go beyond our past and live in the heartbeat of the Creator.

A lock on a bridge proclaiming this love.

A lock on a bridge proclaiming this love.

I am grateful to be at the feet of a master in the field of play and living in the moment. I am grateful for new abilities coming online that allow me to assist others in finding that pathway to truth. I am grateful for the beauty that surrounds me. I am grateful for the crystalline energies of the snow and ice that I can spin and dance with as our bodies resonate to this new form. I am grateful to all the beings who have offered their love to this planet and her people to clear the fields enough for this love to anchor in. I am grateful to myself for surrendering my life to my expanded self and allowing her to move me in the moments. I am grateful for the love that awaits us all.

Dreaming and Coughing My Way into the New Year

A couple of gnomes I intended to copy and make. It did not happen but they remind me of Gimley, the gnome in Lord of The Rings.

On Christmas Day, I moved into a quiet space. My three adult children were celebrating the day in Vermont with their loves and our grand baby. My former hubby and I got together to chat with them and decided to pass on a dinner with family that was quite a drive away. We opted for ease and decided to start a Lord of The Rings fest. We grilled sausages and ate Christmas cookies as we watched the first video. This trilogy was the very last chapter book that we read together as a family. We completed it as the kids were entering high school and busy schedules. We went to the opening day of each movie as it came out. It holds a powerful spot in our family lore.

The next day followed with The Two Towers video which we briefly considered skipping as it has a lot of orc fighting scenes. These are definitely not the type of movies I watch, violence not being my thing at all. Yet we decided to use the fast forward button when we tired of the battle scenes but to not pass up the Ents part of the journey. The Ents were the tree beings who came to assist the fellowship in the battle with evil. It happened to be our 34th wedding anniversary which we toasted and celebrated despite having spent the last decade divorced. We had survived  the forms of marriage and divorce and now had a relationship free of form. We have come to a sense of peace and trust of one another. We felt gratitude for the family we created and how we are able to share in that joy. We have witnessed one another grow over the years and share so many memories. We knew ourselves blessed.

Reminded me of the Ents, the beings of the woods.

Reminded me of the Ents, the beings of the woods.

For three days, we came together for our videos and simple meals. It was a full on immersion that put me in a very dreamy space. I so felt the story in my being, the fight between good and evil, the heroic capacities of the characters revealed, the working together of the various kingdoms of the earth for the good of all. The stamina and strength forged in friendship and the unlikely hero who saves the day. The kingdom of men restored and an era of peace begun. How ready we are for this era and how we are poised at the same juncture in our now.

I retreated from the world to live in this dreamy space and when commitments of contact with others began, my body started to cough. A deep hot spot developed in my chest that kept me still. I am not one prone to illness. My body explained the coughing was clearing out lifetimes of grief. So much I was not aware of, yet that my cells still held. Emotions flowed through as I felt how I had been the caretaker in this life and not believed myself worthy of receiving that care. How so many of us have believed the lie that we were not lovable. I coughed out the suffering, the sorrow of ages past, for myself and the collective.

 

My daughter in love sent me this wreath she made. it brightened my cottage with holiday cheer.

My daughter in love sent me this wreath she made. It brightened my cottage with holiday cheer.

For some weeks now, I had begun to feel the new energies flowing in. I was shown the pristine landscape awaiting our creator abilities. I could feel the enlivening energy flow through my body and knew that radiant health would become the norm. I felt such immense gratitude for my body as it emptied the old from each cell. Emptying to be infilled with this new love light. Making space for these expansive energies.

My former hubby brought a chicken, started a soup and left it simmering with its healing smell wafting about the place. Deep caring in the gesture that had not often been a part of our dynamic as a couple. Last night it was a brownie delivered to my door. We both felt the gift in his gestures of care and love and my receiving of it all.

So many of us have dreamt ourselves into this new year. We have completed “a big work” as a friend said. Our bodies need time to catch up. I depart in two days for the cold northeast. Montreal is where I am headed for the deepest part of the winter. Strange as it seems, I sense a renewal and invigoration awaiting me in the snow and cold. I am going to support my daughter and her husband and babe. My grandson and I have a piece to do together dealing with the plates of the East coast and allowing more light to stream into the solid granite structures. We will do it with sound, he makes wondrous ones, and play. Our expanded selves are in telepathic communication and have been since before he was born. He is sixteen months old so a perfect playmate for me. Full of curiosity about the workings of the world, ready to laugh and take delight in mastering new things. I feel right at that level. So many aspects of myself are taking up residence within this body and I am a babe, discovering what I can do and am now capable of.

The river flowing with grace, letting it all go.

The river flowing with grace, letting it all go.

Rest is still needed. I am trusting the packing will take place, the cottage set to rights,   necessary details will be attended to. Much that I planned will not. The mind can have its agenda but the body leads the way. I see myself floating onto the plane and know that my job is to show up. Stillness, then a wave of movement. The mastery is in trusting the timing  and the outcome. All is moving to offer more expansiveness for each of us. We are becoming one people, the kingdoms united in the desire for peace and unity. The hot coal in my chest has cooled, I am floating in the emptiness. There is peace in this space. There is freedom. A sense of wonder and love. I am so grateful to be here in this now with you all.

All Is Well

img_4364I love the darkness these days…..the early morning hours before the sun rises and the long evening hours after it sets. I have fairy lights and candles and firelight to keep me company. It may appear as if we are in the darkest of times. Yet, we are the light here to penetrate that darkness with our love. I wrap the darkness about me like a cloak as the candle flame infuses me with its steady warmth. We are heading towards the Solstice on December 21st, where we experience the longest night and our shortest day of the year. I have been cocooning in this darkness, banking my flame against this long night. In my inner hearth, the coals burn bright and sing a song of the light to come. Long have I awaited this time. Long have we dreamed the dream that 2017 will bring to the fore.

Leaves ready to let go and begin anew.

Leaves ready to let go and begin anew.

We are like the flowers. Our blossoms withered and gone, our foliage lying limp and dissolving upon the ground. Yet underground, our bulb is plumping up with nutrients, filling and swelling with its own inner light despite the damp, dark surroundings. I am that bulb, pulling light through my crown, deep into the earth with every breath. I can sense the newness, the aliveness, the strength of the beauty to come. For weeks my inner voice has asked if I was ready to walk my beauty into the world. It has taken all of me to answer this question. Yes. Yes, I am ready. Yes, it is time. Yes, 2017 will see the blossoming of beauty on an unprecedented scale. We are the flowers, we have come through the love planet of Venus, trailing stardust, violet flames, radiant love light. We have come to light up this earth and assist her to return to her true beauty.

All that is not our truth, all the weight of lifetimes mired in quicksand, all the pain and sorrow of old, is surfacing to ask for our love. And ultimately, for release back into the flame to be made new again in the love light. There are huge numbers departing, animals, people, plants, bees. Some are moving ahead into the new places we will inhabit…the bees are already there collecting sweetness that is so abundant. Some are departing for other realms and kingdoms. Some are seeking that flame of disintegration as the shortest path to becoming the love once again.

This nest has done its work, now it disintegrates to make way for the new.

This nest has done its work, now it disintegrates to make way for the new.

My yearning for community, to live in my love pod in harmony and peace, is so heightened that I cry out at times. I recognize the signs when I am about to step into a new level of existence. There is the almost unbearable pain of being in the old, the waiting seems to go on forever and my soul cries out for freedom. The collective is at this stage, crying out for a new way of living on this earth. The ground must be prepared, the slate wiped clean in order for the new to be built. This is our challenge, to clear our hearts, to wipe away the old sorrows, to forgive every perceived transgression, to forgive ourselves. Peace comes within our hearts before it manifests in our worlds. As my world becomes a place of peace, and your heart becomes that peace filled dwelling….it spreads. There is no other who will do this for us. There is no book, program, supplement, diet, mantra, crystal that will get you there. There is only sitting with ourselves, releasing everything. Not only that which has caused us pain…..but everything that has brought us love. Releasing our attachment to anyone, anything, any place, any substance, any form. In the release, there arises the freedom, the spaciousness, the expansion where the new can be born.

Paths laid out before us, it is ours to choose the way of love.

Paths laid out before us, it is ours to choose the way of love.

The initiations on this path are innumerable. Always, there is another layer, another testing, another opportunity to choose love. To let go of beliefs, ideas of how or why or what. To drop into our own knowing that moves us beyond the field of trust. It is there, awaiting our presence. Presence….the gift that gives all. When we bring our presence to a situation, to another, to ourselves, our lives change. My presence is focused on this inner light which I tend with loving care and tenderness. I feed it beauty and song. I allow it to move me along. I resist nothing. I allow all to come forth, knowing it is all for me. All for my growth, all for my blossoming. I trust in the divine timing. The flower blossom knows not to bloom in freezing temperatures where it would die. It awaits the sunlight to unfurl its radiant form. I will know the moment to blossom, to reveal my beauty in all of its magnificence. I am being strengthened so that my form can hold the rose that I am. It takes the darkness, the long nights and short days to swell the bulb of beauty. There is the inner knowing of the cycles and the honoring of them. No more striving rather the allowing of the rest,of the deepening, of the infilling. All is on track. All is in perfect order. All is well underground.

Rotting log, gorgeous fungi emerges. Nature is always showing us the way.

Rotting log, gorgeous fungi emerges. Nature is always showing us the way.

May the deep days of this month of December, gift you with this nurturing. Rest and re create. We know not who we will be, what color our blossom, the shape of our petals, the scent we will wear. We do know that it will be dazzling, delicious and beyond our imagining. I can feel us in our love pods, wearing our garments of light. My spine straightens as this beauty swells at my root. I can feel my cells begin to dance at the thought of being free to be the love light streaming within my form. I begin to see this beauty peeking out at me from you and all forms. The birds are singing of it, the trees are swaying with it, the waters are dancing the new tune. All is in readiness. We will remember this new year as the time the old world collapsed and beauty was born anew.

 

Completions

I could relate to this tree, still holding on despite having so little ground to rest upon. Yet, see its strength and beauty!

I could relate to this tree, still holding on despite having so little ground to rest upon. Yet, see its strength and beauty!

It is the end of November and so much has wrapped up. We have been gifted with energies that are lighting up every strand of our past, this lifetime and every other one. Our cells are opening to release all trauma, suffering, and pain that we have stored in the hopes of never feeling again. It may feel awful yet in that word is the truth….full of awe. I am full of awe for how no strand is forgotten, nothing is missed. Our greater self so loves us, so cherishes our hearts, that all is rising to be released.

All around me, I am witnessing folks in pain. So many who were healthy and strong, now slowed by their bodies to a standstill. It is humbling for many as they had previously been able to do anything with their bodies. To make things happen by their will. It is surrender time. We are asked to surrender our will to that of our divinity. Not my will, but thine be done. That has been my mantra for decades as I came in on the blue ray of God’s will. I work with Archangel Michael and El Morya on anchoring this flame. I recall years ago when I realized that my powerful will that could find me moving a potted tree three times my weight, across the yard by myself, or caring for three babies in three years with little help, or getting up at 5 a.m. to work long hours and then home to handle a houseful of teenagers and their needs, only to collapse in bed at midnight. There then came the knowing that I was to learn to be and that my willpower was no longer available in the old way. I could no longer push myself, pull life force energy from a future time….that access was denied. There was fear present as I wondered how I was to navigate life without my will present.

The rocks embedded in the roots of that tree as well as an opening into the light. Move past the rocky areas of your life into that light!

The rocks embedded in the roots of that tree as well as an opening into the light. Move past the rocky areas of your life into that light!

No one told me that once I surrendered fully, there was an opening to something brand new. It felt peaceful, enveloping, nourishing. I allowed my expanded self to run the show, I handed over the reins of control and opened myself as a vessel for my own love light to flow. My life was forever changed. The guessing is gone, the trust is there in all that I do. I can lean on the Creator’s will, I can breathe in the love from my own self. I know that I am cherished and cared for in each moment. I do not have to force anything. I allow my energies to move me. Actions that I take, are in joy rather than a response to hardship. As something bubbles up, I follow its lead. This is now here for all. It may feel different and even strange yet you will soon get used to it and relax into it.

The collective consciousness on the planet has reached this point. We can no longer live life under this harshness. The old ways no longer satisfy. We feel one another’s pain and it is unbearable. There is so much suffering. We are ready to try something different. Our world is being shook up and the foundation of the old is crumbling around us. We have been waiting for this. Every lifetime we have lived has brought us to this moment. Now is our time to shine our love light. It is not time to point the finger at anyone or anything in judgment. We are being asked if we are ready. Are we mature enough, sovereign in our own fields that we take full responsibility for our lives? We are creator beings and the love light streaming in is laying a new firmament, a new playing field for us to create upon.

I have been walking a twilight the past few days and been gifted with luminous skies. I feel the new drawing in.

I have been walking a twilight the past few days and been gifted with luminous skies. I feel the new drawing in.

I have had cascades of love light streaming in through my crown chakra for the past few weeks. I knew that I was one of many, filling the grids around the planet with this light for all to access. We have been preparing the earth to support this next leap in evolution. 2016 adds up to a 9, the number of completion. Yet it is much more than the end of a nine year cycle, it is the end of multitudes of experiences. 2017 adds up to a 1…..new beginnings. December, the last month of the year is upon us. Everything that remains weighting us down, is now enlivened, seeking release. We are asked to love all shadow aspects of ourselves. Indeed America has been shown its shadow through the elections and our opportunity is to own it within ourselves and love it all free. Before I even knew the results of that election, when I awoke the next morning I felt a lightness in the field. Everything is arriving to facilitate the letting go of the old systems to allow the rising of the new heart centered way.

These threads will return to see if there remains any charge to a situation or person. I recently received news that my mother was in hospice and she died a few days later.  The news came from a sister, lost to me almost three decades ago in the turmoil of my being disowned by my parents for speaking the family’s truth. I had long ago made my peace with my parents, last seeing my mother at my father’s funeral where she had played a last venomous note. I had done the work to move into a greater understanding and knowing of the love they held for me, by being willing to play a dark role in my life. So as this information came in of my mother’s passing, I felt neutral. There was no connection, no charge around the word, mother. I even said to this sister, “I am sorry that you lost your mother.” As she had been with her all of these years and was feeling the loss. I had lost my mother a lifetime ago so it felt surreal to hear of it in the present. I was grateful for the information so as to be able to offer my love light to assist her soul on its journey. A completion that I had not even had an awareness of. Yet, these threads return to be dissolved so that there is nothing but love within us as we step into the new land of 2017. I am grateful to all of those who have held discordant notes and much suffering in their beings, who have taken that energy with them in their passing. It leaves a lighter field for us to play in. I bless them for their service.

Allow your heart to reflect your own beauty back to you.

Allow your heart to reflect your own beauty back to you.

As these energies in this closing month of the year, remember to breathe, to feel them fully,  and then let them go. Trust that all is well despite what your body is experiencing or your heart. This is the dark night for much of humanity and we will get through this. I have been blessed to experience the new energies flowing in as I am one called to open the passageway. I can tell you that the new field is so brilliant and pristine in its offering that you will be amazed! A life beyond our wildest dreams is at hand. We can hold hands with one another through this time and emerge victorious. That may look like simply making it through the day. Please know, that is a huge accomplishment! Do not give in to despair or throwing your energy outward at another. This is a time to seek the comfort of the love light within your own heart and ask it to warm and heal your being.

I hold you all in such high regard for being on this planet at this time. I am so grateful that we are here. We are the warriors of the heart and our heart light will prevail. I love us all.

 

Where We Are Now

14361310_10154769770703273_8562860245197946457_o-1The month of September saw me on the East Coast of the USA, anchoring energies as the eclipses took place. As my spirit is generous, it aligned with my grandson’s first birthday celebration and the preparation for my youngest son’s wedding. I was in Montreal, Quebec for the first and then a couple of hours south for the second in Vermont. Two spiritual powerhouses in the form of two dear friends from the West Coast, joined me in Vermont for the equinox as our trinity absorbed the light and let it flow. They were also working alongside me to weave and stabilize the mantle that my son and his bride to be would wear. That all sounds like joy……and it was…..and it was challenging to the hilt!

We rented a house in Vermont for our family of five and the soon to be married couple to stay. And our grandson, of course! Relationships were high on the transformation list with the energies streaming in. My elder son and former hubby both received clarity to end their current relationships of almost a decade. My daughter and son in love, were faced with a storm of issues that sought resolution. The baby, who had no teeth at the age of one, decided to cut six at once. My younger son, the groom, had friends flying in on different days to participate in his overnight camping bachelor party. The house held six, then ten, then twelve, then three, then eight……lots of comings and goings. My mother flame flickered, waned, strengthened, expanded. I was the heart holding it all.

Daily offerings from the woods.

Daily offerings from the woods.

The house itself was an initiation for me. It was relatively inexpensive but came with a host of issues that saw me almost collapse under the weight. It happened slowly, not all at once. I would get adjusted to one issue, then the next would present itself. The firewood was rotten, the property manager said they would send a man with a chain saw to cut the big logs outside. Chain saw? No, not what I wanted. Firewood resolved, fire merrily blazing until someone sleeping in the basement area noticed it filled with smoke. The bathroom upstairs reeked of urine. We cleaned it, it still reeked. Manager came with white vinegar….still reeked. Mice in the walls, leaking ceiling in the basement, refrigerator that froze the veggies and had water that collected in the bottom that had to be mopped up a couple of times a day, stove and oven that burned hot and fierce. Manager resolved that by stating that both were slated to be replaced the day after we left. Truly, that was supposed to make my experience better?  It felt like a form of water torture…one small drip after another testing my peace. When I first arrived, my son was there before me and said, ” It looks shabby but it seems clean”. We kept looking for the positive, lovely view from the outside deck, perfect two mile loop walk out the door, trails in the woods just across the dirt road. The beauty of the autumn leaves catching fire day by day. The biggest issue was not mentioned in the airbnb ad. The water came from a spring shared by three houses and we were to limit showers and usage. That stress was not needed and on the last two days, the water did indeed run dry. We had asked for another rental but there was none to be had that would accommodate us all. As well, moving us all would have taken more energy than any of us possessed. I felt used up, every drop of me in motion on the inner or outer planes.

The elementals are so present in these woods.

The elementals are so present in these woods.

I had to laugh at all of this for my initiation! There were moments I did not feel gracious, moments of complaints, fatigue (my teething grandson had short nights and I was the relief for my daughter), as well as much laughter and joy. Watching my grandson discover the pleasure of slurping noodles, as well as his delight as he started walking and talking while we were there. He had stairs to climb and railings to stick his head through…all delights. We had lots of meals with many cooks in the kitchen. We filled jars with maple syrup for wedding favors, we organized apple picking and crisp making for the wedding dessert.  We watched and then stopped looking at the ever changing wedding weekend weather report. The weather had been warm and lovely but was slated for a weekend of rain and cold. We called on the elementals to assist. We were rewarded with sunshine in the woods on the wedding day but we rented heaters for the huge barn to offset the freezing cold temperatures that came in.

fullsizerender-7-1It all worked, it was magical. We created an altar in the woods that held the energy of the elementals’ magic. I had asked my son the night before if he understood the mantle that was to descend upon him and his bride the next day. It was from Jesus and Mary Magdalene. A mantle of love for them to carry as a couple into the world. He said he did and he stated, “I am ready.” He was. It descended as did a pillar of light over his bride as she received the Kumara lineage that would allow their children to carry our family’s flame onward. Powerful weekend that affected everyone who was a witness. My son had invited so many, he had told me that those who were to be there, would come to receive. He knew it was a frequency that he and his bride were offering and he did it consciously. The joy was palpable and we were all graced by their love.

14380005_10154770176718273_1237624372275109394_o-1What I found so interesting was how I felt. It was beyond the observer. I was present and yet distanced. Immersed on all levels of my being. I could feel my divinity within even when my personality self was challenged to the hilt. It is a new space we are occupying. All is part of the whole. No water…part of it…..love vows……part of it. The ceremony by their friend asked us to turn and honor the four directions, we had the four elements on the altar, their first vow was to themselves…..to care for themselves first and foremost. They truly are anchoring the new relationship of sovereignty and wholeness. Two wholes creating together with the Creator. A trinity of the highest order.

The stage is set

The stage is set, whether through love or death, the portal is open for to walk through to embrace more of ourselves.

My heart beats out the tune of, “All is well, all is very, very well”. This intensity has not stopped. I have come back to California to be with my friend who is dying. My knowing had allowed me to be gone for the month and she said she would  wait for my return. We knew it would be fine whatever way it happened, that our spirits would be together.  I have agreed to open the capsules with another friend and mix the cocktail that will send her through death’s door. California is one of five states that allows assisted death. She may not use it, she may slip away but it provides her comfort and peace to know she can make that decision if her body lingers.  She is so present and conscious in facing death. It makes the moments so alive. I am privileged to be a witness, to be informed by all of it.

The tiny houses at the wedding site.

The tiny houses at the wedding site.

A rich time for me, memories of my grand baby’s entrance a year ago, seeing him flourish in such a strong, sturdy body after such a tenuous start, the love vows and mantle carried by my youngest son and his bride, the conscious living and dying by my friend, the inner work that my friends and I did as we assisted with the Jesus and Mary Magdelene’s mantle of love, the dissolution of relationships that held the old energy of care taking and codependency, freeing all to greater honoring of self, the young folks talking of community and tiny houses, the knowing of my capacity to hold seemingly disparate pieces in wholeness and love. We are becoming grown up. We are becoming sovereign. Such joy! The love pods are forming in the ethers and we are feeling the tugs towards our soul groups. Even the wedding barn, with its tiny houses around, surrounded by nature, was a template for the new communities. Beauty and love arising. May we open our hearts to receive it all.

Thank you to Bev and Julia for the wedding photos. I did not take any so am grateful for the use of these!

The Wonder

Lovely sky views from my daughter's 5th floor condo. There are floor to ceiling windows as one wall across the whole place. It is a corner unit so the windows wrap around allowing you to feel so expansive. I so love vistas!

Lovely sky views from my daughter’s 5th floor condo. There are floor to ceiling windows serving as one wall. I love expansive vistas.

Flying, changing time zones, luggage, security lines, shoes off, hands over your head, scans. customs check points….surreal quality to it all. We know that soon it will all be experiences of the past. Bilocation, instant manifestation, telepathy will be our new norm. Peace and harmony will be the new songs that everything will be singing. It is coming in, the elementals know it and have been singing it through the air. We know it by the birdsong, the skies lit up in pinks and soft blues, the breeze that caresses, the ground that sends joy flaming up through our feet, the scent of a lily, the taste of a ripe peach, its juices running down our arm.

I did enjoy flying into Los Angelus at night, seeing the city of angels lit up from above. I imagined the city llights as heart lights, shining. I saw how our earth must look to our galactic friends. So brilliant and sparkly as more and more folks turn on their heart lights. We are beautiful beings living on a beautiful, amazing shining planet. What a gift it is to be here.

Grids of light as I approached LA for my night flight to Montreal.

Grids of light as I approached LA for my night flight to Montreal.

Luca Michael, the grandson baby who lights up my heart, is surely shining his light. Babies do it effortlessly. Their hearts are wide open and free. He is so strong and sturdy, learning new skills every day. He is cruising around holding onto the couch, the wall, the bench. He has begun to take a few steps holding onto my finger or his mama’s long hair. He holds the stabilizing raised handle of his little wagon and flies along until he encounters a wall or obstacle. Everything is an adventure. He discovered how to clap his hands, to make his voice echo into an empty paper towel roll. He moves from tears to smiles in a heartbeat, holding nothing, all flowing through. Babes and children are the masters of the moment, here to teach us. We can be this free, Eat, rest, play, explore, social time, quiet time….a rhythm that our modern world largely ignores.

The Saint Lawrence seaway flowing in and all the activity along its waters. View from living room.

The Saint Lawrence seaway flowing in and all the activity along its waters. View from living room.

Dawn is breaking, the birds are whirling on the morning currents as trains and boats move below me. A little boy’s paradise with cars, bikes, boats, trains, cargo ships and cranes all in motion and on view. A quick walk outside and there are parkways all along the canal lined with flowers and art. America does not invest in beautifying its public spaces like the Canadians. It must be a British sensibility as I noticed it when I have traveled in New Zealand, Australia, and England. As a kid growing up in Buffalo, NY we often visited Niagara Falls. We always went to the Canadian side as it was so much prettier than the bland landscape surrounding the American side of the falls. I am reveling in this beauty, drinking it in through the eyes of Luca. What a wondrous way to view the world, through the eyes of curiosity and delight.