Summer Solstice Play

fullsizeoutput_11b0The Solstice was a wild ride. A friend came to play and celebrate the Solstice with me in this beautiful spot. We were preparing the day before and then full on into it on the Solstice. We gathered flowers that wished to be a part of the ceremony (many clamoring to be chosen) and headed to the beach. Felt into which one to chose…ended up at one with Christ in the name. One of the many clear rivers ran into the ocean there and so we had the waters streaming in from the land. We gathered rocks and driftwood and set about creating. As I placed each rock, I felt the swirling energies around me. The elementals of mist and water and air were working with us. I used rocks with sun colors of white, orange and gold. After that was laid, the dark rocks asked to be a part of it all. A line was laid that I understood later to represent the mystery, the dark matter, the deep unknown that is always present in life.

fullsizeoutput_11c7My friend, created a heart that held the divine masculine and feminine in its embrace. I love that we can trust ourselves so deeply to know what to do in each moment. It was playful and fun for us yet we had to stop and drink and eat at times in order to continue. That is the other side of  knowing more, you feel it all so intensely. I could feel the wheels turning as I laid the rocks, feel how it was creating shifts and movements in the All.

We knew we were to go to the unnamedredwoods later in the day to complete our ceremony. We came home to eat and rest first. We then headed out to the forest. We came to another gorgeous river and beach to walk and then made our way to the grove. It is advertised as the world’s most scenic stand of redwoods. You do feel as if you are in a cathedral with the soaring trees reaching above.  There is a hush that the thick layer of needles creates as it absorbs the sounds of your footfalls. We brought crystals from Mount Shasta and rocks from the beach that wanted to be transported. So many openings and crevices in the trees offered perfect places for these gems to rest.

fullsizeoutput_11c9Hearts were with us all day, heart rocks, heart shaped pieces of wood, heart openings in the trees. Everything was alive with the lovelight. As we made our way back to the car, the same thoughts popped in both our minds. We were to complete the circle and follow the route through the forest and out to the town below us. As it was the longest day of the year, we still had sunlight as we made our way out of the forest. We arrived at the ocean as the sun was preparing to set. We went and ate some fish tacos to celebrate a day well spent.

fullsizeoutput_11b6Once home, it was fully dark. We opened some champagne and celebrated the full circle of our day. It felt as if it had been a week since the morning, a full day in every sense.

It is now the third day since then, I have rested deeply, my energy completely spent. I saw how my body is permeable, open to the elements and energies flowing. It is one of my gifts, to allow the energies full reign within. The beauty flows in and out into our Mother Gaia. I am a chalice, filled and emptied over and over with the liquid love light that is my song.

I am so grateful to be in this place of beauty that fullsizeoutput_11bamy friend has so lovingly co-created with the elements. I am held in its embrace. The butterflies and birds swoop and soar, the bees are busy gathering pollen to carry back to the hives by the old barn here. The flowers raise their cups to the sun. Blueberries are beginning to find their blue hue, a hidden bunch of raspberries flashed their sweet redness, inviting me to partake of their deliciousness. All is in harmony. I realized that I know so deeply that all is well as I have come from that future. I have lived that new life that is beginning to burst its tendrils through the veil. There are wonders ahead. All that it requires is that we hold its song in our hearts and sing it with every breath. We are singing the new into being. How beautiful we all are! That was my Solstice intention, that all beings come to know their own beauty and have the freedom to shine it and sing it out to the world! Hallelujah.

IMG_1936Thank you to my friend, for the forest photos and this one of me in the mist. My phone felt the heat of the energy and shut down. It has come alive again after a day of rest. I am feeling that same aliveness begin again within myself. Off to the ocean to feel the wind and sea and let it invigorate me.

 

A Snake and Fathers on My Mind

IMG_5359I was hanging clothes on the line, barefoot as I like to be as much of the day as possible. I almost stepped on a garden snake. Oh, surprise!  I took a couple of deep breaths. I was glad that my foot just missed him and his reflexes were quick enough to slither away. Transformation, yes indeed. It is here!

I am living heaven on earth these days. My friend’s home is the garden of eden. I just ate an egg fresh from the chickens with some chard plucked from the garden, spritzed with a lemon from one of the many trees. Yum. My belly feels pretty satisfied as I am ingesting all that sunlight and cool sea air along with the food. Makes me feel a bit woozy as I contemplate it all.

IMG_5357I have put new bouquets about the house. I am in love with honeysuckle and lemon verbena and roses. Oh my! There are petals that fall and more to clean up but the joy is so full and rich from the filling of my visual and olfactory (strange word) senses. As I go to cut the flowers, they all call out, “Pick me, pick me!” I know some folks don’t believe in cutting flowers but they love to be brought in to be admired and to weave love light with me. Each one gets more attention and we all love to be seen.

IMG_5356It is Father’s Day today, and it brought with it a wave of love for my dad. He gave me the experience of dark and light from the earliest age. He was not the wonderful dad so many have the experience of, yet he was wonderful in some ways. Alcohol turned him into an unpredictable violent man. Yet there was a gentleness that could surface. On weekends when his shift work allowed, he took us out of our suburban neighborhood with a gin mill (that is what the bars where called) on the corner to the farmland where he grew up. We had woods and freedom to roam. Our neighborhood was made up of men who worked at the steel mill or the Ford Motor Company. All working shifts, heading out with their metal lunch pails that held the thermos in the top. For years, I made his lunches. I cannot imagine working 7am-3pm, 3-11pm, 11pm-7am for decades. How did his body adjust? Something that I never considered as a child but feel gratitude for now. He took us to museums, on road trips to national parks and forests with the pop up camper. We vacationed every year on a lake in Canada. We rented a cottage and we six kids all preceded to get burnt to a crisp within the first couple of days of swimming  and had to wear t-shirts over our bathing suits for the remainder of the vacation time. We would lie in bed with blisters on our backs, whimpering to one another.

Dad had a wooden boat that he shared with his brother and father that we used for outings, waterskiing for those lucky enough to fit into the skiis without your feet slipping out, fishing for those who had the patience to sit out there with our dad, or trips through the locks that allowed passage to other bodies of water where we went grocery shopping.

Morning mist flowing down the hill.

Morning mist flowing down the hill.

He picked mushrooms and cow slips (a spring green), and buckets of blackberries in the wild. He grew a big garden and composted scraps. He hunted for deer, rabbits, and pheasants that all were part of our diet and helped the budget. He turned off lights whenever they were not needed, frugality was a part of his nature. All things that inform my way of living.

I did not speak directly to him for most of my childhood, was surprised if he called me by name. He was the male who went to work, took us places, read the newspaper, imposed the quiet if he needed to sleep. Children and adults did not interact to much of a degree in our household. Yet he provided for us in all the physical ways. No mean feat with six kids.

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We are all part of this circle of life. Our fathers flow in our blood as do our children.

The sun is shining and calling me outdoors. I am grateful for all the ways the divine masculine has grown. I look at my former hubby, now dear friend, my sons, their friends and feel the deepening and shifting that has occurred. They are present with their feelings, comfortable with their nurturing sides, open and exploring new ways of being a man, a father. We have come a long way. I am grateful to the generation before who lived such closed off lives in order to fufill a role given them as to what it was to be a man. How wonderful that my grandson will know and live a different way of being. We are evolving!

Solstice Energies Seeping In

I am up on the California coast, a few miles from the Oregon border. I am in a lovely old farmhouse of dear friends who are traveling cross country. We are all in our perfect places to anchor and receive these intense lovelight energies. A week ago, I was in Mount Shasta for the full moon. It was interesting to feel how the energy in the town is shifting.There are many closed businesses, people moving in and out. I sensed a more grounded community forming. It felt clearer than I have experienced it previously. This shifting is happening on a planetary scale as we are all moving into alignment with our souls and our mother earth.

Once I made the drive up to Oregon and then back down the windy path through the redwoods to this part of California, I was wiped out. I could have stopped at Trader Joe’s in Medford or a big supermarket in Grant’s Pass but it felt impossible. Of late, all the multitasking IMG_5294abilities have gone. I can only do one thing even when it means I will have to make another trip at a later date. The energy moves with clarity for the one purpose, all else must take a back seat until their time comes up. Simplicity is paramount at this time. I was so grateful to arrive and as my hunger set in, to find a container of homemade soup with my name on it in the freezer. Thank you, dear friend! I felt awash in love and care.

IMG_5317I had that crown tingling energy transmit the week before that I was in need of deep rest and was to have no visitors or schedule the first week. My body has sunk into this. I have not stirred too far afield. I ventured into Brookings, Oregon, the nearest town, to stock up on groceries. Once that was done, I settled into lying on a chaise in the yard, watching the clouds and birds fly by. My daily routines are very light, I spread feed for the chickens, gather the eggs, if there are any. Most days there are two warm eggs that feel so alive in my palms. It has been a treat to eat their sunny yellow- orange yolks and white whites. I check on the sheep, that they have water. I have weeded a bit in the yard and garden and the sheep delight in eating the greenery I toss them. Lovely system where they just gobble up what I do not desire. I love when things work that cleanly and well.

fullsizeoutput_1190The first day or two I used the heater as it was damp and chill and I did not have the energy to make a fire in the hearth. Now I have been making one regularly in the evenings and it warms my heart as well as my body. Thank you to my friends for all the wood stacked on the front porch! Dishes piled up for a couple of days as a spurt of energy would find me cooking a chicken for soup, making chocolate chip cookies so as to eat the dough. I found myself laughing that I was eating raw. Raw cookie dough, that is!  I love it, has been a comfort food since I was a child. I baked a tray and ate all the cookies in one night. Baked potatoes, grilled cheese onnaan bread, toast….I seemed to need to eat every couple of hours. My body was seeking comfort and warmth so I allowed her it. Sometimes veggies look so inviting, other times, the freshness is too much for my system.

The old barn reminds me of my grandparents and my time there.

The old barn reminds me of my grandparents and my time there.

Various aches and pains showed up and then pretty quickly disappeared. Hip ache, pain in a tooth, shoulder ache….different parts of my body releasing old memories. I blessed it all and allowed it movement. My legs felt heavy, my belly bloated, body dense. I was in slow motion in my thoughts and being. Naps took me so deep I struggled to surface and figure out where I was, who I was. I binge watched a netflix series which saw me awake till 2 am one night. Finally, I skipped ahead and watched the last of the series just to get it over with. To free myself from that addictive hook. Of course, over the next days I went back and filled in with the shows that I skipped! How would we have ever gotten through this ascension cycle without books and netflix’s? I am grateful for all of it.

Yesterday it changed. I felt light, vibrant, excited. I craved salads, especially inviting with borage and calendula blossoms. I went to the thrift stores in town and bought a few items that make me feel attractive as they are so comfortable. I felt comfort in my skin once again. I found a few picture books to read over FaceTime to my grandson. It has become a lovely routine for us most days.

 

IMG_5334I have walked the beaches, collecting rocks. My how I love rocks! There is a treasure trove of beautiful ones here. I have a dozen heart rocks, some thin stacking rocks, ones of various shapes and hues. I am taking them back to the family home so our grandson will have them to play with when he comes later in the summer. So much more fun to categorize into shapes and colors and form than plastic toys.

I sense an opening, a lightening for all of us as this Solstice gateway opens on the twentieth of June. I know I am already assisting in holding this gate wide so that all will benefit from the streaming energies from a multitude of galaxies. Twenty-two, in fact! I love that master number. It is the day of my birth and of both my parents. It holds the key to much of this embodiment for me.

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One of my new vases showering violet delight about.

The redwoods await me….there is an ancient grove just down the road with crystal clear rivers running through. They surround me here on the property as my friend planted 300 trees when she first moved here as a young mother. They stand guardian and offer connection to all their brethren in the forests nearby. I am preparing for my time with them. Everything has a timing. I feel the privilege of my life that I have created the space to allow myself to flow with that divine timing. When we move with it, things take so much less energy. One moment, the kitchen gets cleaned that felt impossible moments before. It is trusting that all will get done in perfect order when we allow our hearts to lead, rather than our minds.

Snake Energy Showing Up

Here is our snake.

Here is our snake.

Yesterday the energies felt erratic and off to me. I could not find a balance point. There was a low grade discord, anxious energy running throughout my being. It manifested in strange ways. My youngest son is home for a few days so we decided to have his cousins and aunt and uncle over for dinner. I found I had to write down what I planned for the meal as it would not stay in my head long enough to begin the prep for it. It took a few attempts to get a shopping list together. Nothing seemed to flow.

Rainbow cloud from my walk.

Rainbow cloud from my walk.

I was cleaning and clearing up the living room when I noticed a black thing up high near the ceiling, above the built in bookcase. I was mystified as I had recently dusted all the cobwebs that gather in the rafters. I stood on a chair to get a closer look and a snake stared back at me! I was shocked. His head was poking out of a gap in a board that ran just under the ceiling rafters. Yikes! Transformation came a calling in a big way. Right into the house! We debated how we would get him back outside. We sure did not want him to get loose and slither about the house. Later, our son came in and helped me ponder what to do. I then called on the angels of reptiles to assist him to find his way back outside. As my son and I were preparing a net to catch him, he suddenly slipped from view and exited out the hole he had entered from. A big sigh of relief from us all!

Gathering my kale and beet greens for breakfast.

Gathering my kale and beet greens for breakfast.

Later I was watering the garden and was throwing the hose about trying to get it to line up for the next garden bed when I squeezed the noozle, not realizing that in the twisting, the nozzle had shifted in my hand. I blasted water into my right eye. Ouch! It was like a power wash, very uncomfortable. Fortunately, other than soreness, my eye is fine. I asked for it to result in expanded sight.

I bruised my foot in the garden and then nicked my finger as I was working on the irrigation system. Truly a day when my physical body was out of sync with the energies flowing in. I felt off kilter all day, as if I was a few degrees removed from this reality, my energy flowing back and forth in an erratic pattern. A day to not be doing as I was. Yet, it all served somehow, I took note and breathed in the joy of well being that was also running through me.

My son was preparing the potatoes when I noticed the heart shining.

My son was preparing the potatoes when I noticed the heart shining.

Our families were celebrating the fact that a new cousin had been pronounced fine after an anxious week of uncertainty as to his mental and physical well being due to a difficult birth. He is a wise, strong soul with many gifts to offer. A blessing as these new lights land in and inform us all. We appreciated the little baby who was with us this day and felt our love for all the cousins so recently added to our family. A tribe of lovely beings that are so full of joy.

Today feels calmer, more settled. Some fatigue from all the heightened energies of yesterday but the day offers nap time and quietness. I am sensing so strongly the new. It is flowing in on quiet feet, stealthily almost but with a steady force. The snake came to show us that things are about to get physical. This change will show up in our homes, in our bodies, right where we live. My, we are ready for this!!

 

 

 

Renewal

Yellow tulip by GabeRobertsart.com

Yellow tulip by GabeRobertsart.com

My youngest son made me this gorgeous card for Mother’s Day. It was a celebration of the one tulip that blossomed from a clump that his lovely wife had transplanted from her mom’s house to theirs. They cut it and brought it inside to enjoy.

 
He writes: “It strikes me that anybody who can truly appreciate the beauty of a tulip bending and stretching upward for days, all alone on a kitchen table, has got to be a good person and do good things for our world. It’s so very simple! There’s nothing more true nor more important than beauty-the simple beauty of a flower. And every spring, Mother Earth throws them upwards at us in great number and wild colors and in the darkest and densest of places. “
This rock with its sunburst of white!

This rock with its sunburst of white!

Beauty…it fills my days as the birds sing me awake, the flowers offer their scents and forms, my son’s paintings surround me. A wool runner for the table discovered at a thrift store highlights the sheen of the wood table,  a new skirt makes me smile as it swirls about my legs, the sounds my grandson makes over the airwaves as I watch him play 3000 miles away brings laughter.  All fills my heart as my soul enters in more fully. My personality self has felt worn, fatigued, disinterested, complete with this earthly sojourn. Yet now our souls and  divinity are anchoring within our forms and discovering the pleasures of this realm anew.

I awoke yesterday with a sense of being reborn. I felt so good in my body, still do. Amazing energy running through me that has every cell singing a love song! Oh my, this is the youthing I have desired. This feeling of well being. This joy filled note that sings everything into harmony. My body feels alive in a brand new way. I feel my divinity through my toes, so excited to be walking on the earth. There is a sensualness that has been absent for decades, now a stream running clear and bright within. My outer form may not reflect it as yet….though I sense that it will soon. No matter the form, what we desire is this feeling of aliveness! This openness to life’s pleasures. The gray hair, the wrinkles, the body shape and size, none of that matters. It is the feeling of delight, of wanting to take big bites out of life. Experiencing ice cream’s creaminess on my tongue, the bitter heady scent of coffee in the morning, the juice of a peach coursing down my chin and arm, the earth encrusted fingernails from a morning gardening. My inner being is doing cartwheels and handstands while I smile at her delight.
The new has landed in. It will get more and more physical, show up in ways we have not imagined. The love pods are beginning to vibrate their threads of connection that will weave the communities together into form. I am knowing to show up and connect with those whom my heart calls in. Sharing our love and codes of light so as to weave new patterns of beauty and love light.
The borage offering its brilliant blue flowers for my salads.

The borage offering its brilliant blue flowers for my salads.

We have made it through the dark night, the tunnel that seemed never ending. Yet we are still standing, still in these dear bodies that have served us so well. I am so grateful for and to us all. Today is Memorial Day here in the USA. May it be the last one where there are any men or women engaged in the horrors of war. May all that was, fade away. May life be celebrated as freedom comes to all people. It starts within me, and within you. May a peace filled world emerge where all may drink of beauty each day.

Pinging

Butterflies were mating all around me on my walk.

Butterflies were mating all around me on my walk.

These days, these wild and wonderful days. Yesterday I sweated as I worked in the garden in 90 degree heat. This morning the wind is whipping all into a frenzy, stirring up my allergies and the temperature has dropped about 30 degrees. Up and down and all around, this mirrors my emotional state. We swing high, we swing low. Pinging, I have felt like a ball in one of the old fashioned pinball machines.

Yet, there is a difference. Recently, the question of where I would be living arose once again. It is amazing to think that it has been a decade of me having no set place to call home. So, this question is not new territory, by any means.  Our minds bring up the questions, over and over until we can laugh at them and allow them to fade away. This one had not been on my radar for quite some time. Immediately it sent me into a space of vulnerability. I pointed and pinned my feelings on the one asking the question as to where I would be moving to next. He is the one currently, generously, offering me space, once again. As I sat with the feeling of vulnerability, I watched it move. I saw it attempt to anchor within me. There was no longer an anchor. There remained only the echo of that past feeling. Interesting! I was left with a feeling of gratitude to the dear heart who pinged my heart to show me how I have grown. I am safe within myself, I am home, always in my heart.

I backed into a mailbox on a rainy, foggy morning. This appeared in the dent to make me smile.

I backed into a mailbox on a rainy, foggy morning. This appeared in the dent to make me smile.

We are masters in form. Moment by moment, we are claiming more of our divinity. I sense more of me within my body. I am feeling stronger, more centered, more delighted with myself. I find myself singing love songs to me! I look in the mirror and giggle at the loveliness that is reflected back, whether I see my twelve year old self or ninety year old self reflected, I am beautiful. I am liking this! The pinging is so quick. We are able to come back to our truth in a blink and know ourselves as creator beings in form.

We are feeling the movement to the new world. This can bring the tears, the longing for community, for the love, for that frequency that we came here to anchor. As it gets closer to manifesting, there is a corresponding anguish in not living it as yet. I take my longing and the tears it brings at times, as a sign of how close we are to co-creating this new reality for ourselves. The love pods, so longed for in my heart. The vision that I have tended within the flame of my heart, so tenderly and steadily these many years. All is about to blossom. All is to come to fruition.

One bed mulched and one awaiting my attention.

One bed mulched and one awaiting my attention.

I have been working in the garden of our family’s home. I have been battling nut grass, a weed that reproduces from nuts underground. It is tenacious and tough. As with everything, our intent creates. Nutgrass has become my spiritual work. With each nut unearthed and pulled from the garden, I am unearthing and removing all on this planet that works against love. I can work down a whole garden bed, turn around and see new ones sprouting, where none were. It is that quick and cunning. I laugh at it and tell it, “You cannot win. I am here. I will show up and remove you, day after day. I am not going anywhere. I am here, standing in my love (or rather squatting as I pull these weeds). I will prevail!”

Bucket of nut grass awaiting disposal.

Bucket of nut grass awaiting disposal.

We are prevailing as we allow love to flood our hearts. As we see beyond the outer expressions of fear and anxiety and poor behavior to the truth of love beneath. I feel such tenderness towards us all. What dear brave beings we are, to have come from our starry homes to light up this world. What courage and stamina it has taken. I bow to us all.

We are feeling our strength returning. I have had years of little outer movement as I followed the inner path of my heart. This year, I have been active in the world. I am showing up! For years, I could make no plans. I was not dependable as I chose to be ever ready to follow my inner work. I never knew when I would be called into the inner planes to work, only knowing that it was my highest calling and I would respond.

New growth on the old decay. I feel this way in my body.

New growth on the old decay. I feel this way in my body.

Now, I am more fully present on this plane. I am grounded in a new way, literally working in the ground each day. I am showing up, meeting schedules and folks. It is a good feeling to be able to be present with others more fully. There are still times where I am called under and need to allow my body to rest while I journey on other planes. Yet now I am able to still maintain a presence here, more often than not. It feels liberating. We are being called back into the world so that these new frequencies can land in and anchor for all to access.

We shall tell stories of these days, as we traversed one age to birthing another. We will feel the privilege of being one of the folks here on earth at this pivotal time. I am savoring it all. My heart is on fire with the freedom flame that is alight. May it touch each of our hearts, allowing them to burst into bloom. The beauty, oh, the beauty of each one!

Hearts Afire

Butterflies were mating all along my walk. Fertile energies of new life in full view.

Butterflies were mating all along my walk. Fertile energies of new life in full view.

All through the night, I was awakened with short messages…pay attention, greater abilities, all now. It seemed that I was being shown all the lives that I am living now. Some were dull, I could feel the weary weight of them, some dramatic, full of passion and pain, some were pedestrian in nature. We are in the gathering times. Opening ourselves and integrating all that we have known in order to let it all go and enter the space of emptiness.

After my heart being hallowed out, that I spoke of in my last post, I have experienced spaciousness within. Less thoughts, more feeling. We are becoming in tune with one another in a new way. The veils of separation are dissolving. We are no longer confined to our separate selves. The internet has brought the world closer, opened the doors of our  hearts in compassion as we see images and hear the voices of those suffering around the world. Now it has moved into our cellular structure as our bodies become transmuters of this suffering. It is rising to the surface to be seen clearly so that we may dissolve it in the fiery flames of our hearts.

Someone left this carving to smile upon all who pass. The tree spirit reflected this joy.

Someone left this carving to smile upon all who pass. The tree spirit reflected this joy.

For the past few days, I have been working with mental illness. I received a call from my youngest sibling, a dear heart who was lost to me for decades. She has suffered from mental illness, having sustained much abuse within the family. Our mother recently passed, which freed her on some levels to reclaim her life. She had reached out and contacted me which was a gift for my heart. The other day, she left me a heartrending message of despair as the voices in her head had returned. She wanted me to know that she loved me, not knowing if she would speak to me again. She had begun to build a new life for herself and once again, found herself hurled back into the darkness. Her words went into my veins like an icy transfusion. She has experienced so much suffering, as have so many.

Mental illness has been a heavy door closing so many  in. May the door open and dissolve.

Mental illness has been a heavy door closing so many in. May the door open and dissolve.

That night, my former hubby, (who has graciously offered me a home at present) and I were looking for something to watch. We saw the Beach Boys movie, decided that might be fun to hear their music. It turned out to be about Brian Wilson and his struggle with mental illness. At one point, he was imprisoned by a psychologist, whose help turned into absolute control. This mirrored what my sister had experienced at the hands of my mother and brother. He was finally freed by the love of a woman who became his second wife. She saw him truly and worked to help him recover his light. My sister had to work on her own to free herself from their control. She was successful, moving thousands of miles to return to our hometown to reconnect with her former life. She worked to get an apartment and work in the community only to have the voices show up once again.

The next day, I must have read a dozen references to mental illness. This is how it happens. Something comes to my awareness and then it is amplified so that I live it for a time, offering my heart’s flame to travel its pathways. At some point, I can feel it loosening and softening until I sense that it has been opened to the love light that is truth. I am then  freed from that world until the next thing comes into my awareness. It may take a day or a week or more that I am called to be present. There is no will in this, I simply allow it to move within me, trusting its timing and the process.

The lupines are glowing.

The lupines are glowing.

My sister wisely checked herself into a facility, for the assistance that she needs. My heart is sending her messages to say, hang on. Honoring her path, however she chooses to walk it. I cannot know the weight of the years of struggle that she has endured. I can only send her love light and let it do its job. I honor her courage, her ability to begin again and yet again. I do not know that I would have been able to do as much. What a courageous heart!

I am grateful for the life I have with its beauty and grace. I am grateful that from this space, I have the freedom to embody issues as they come to me. We are powerful creators. We can transform things from the inside out. Our hearts can melt the chains that bind, loosen the cords that restrain, offer hope and freedom to those oppressed. I cannot see the results of this work, I can only feel it in my heart. Each of us, has a gift. We are all called to do our part in one of the myriad ways that present themselves to us. Mine is an inner action, many take the outer action. I am so grateful for all of it.

Wildflowers offering their sweetness.

Wildflowers offering their sweetness.

I feel a world free from mental illness. I feel these hearts, that have been so restrained, bursting free into the love light. I can sense the lifting of that heavy cloak that threatened to suffocate them. I feel this lifting of the weight of darkness and despair. How our hearts are crying out for this for all of humanity. How we desire freedom and peace and love for all on this planet.

The rain is pouring down outside as Northern California is awash in its wettest spring in decades. I feel it as the washing away of all the oppression bearing on humanity. I breathe in and appreciate the beauty and scent of the spring blossoms. May we turn the bitter into the sweet wine. It is time.

 

Hallowed Out

The beauty of the peonies has intoxicated me.

The beauty of the peonies has intoxicated me.

A week or two ago, my heart was challenged. Through one of my dear hearts, who wears the buddha flame, I was shown how I had held judgment about another close to my heart. He did not shine the light there yet I felt its shine. A cascade of shame came flowing in as I acknowledged to myself how I had walked that judgment in a harmful way with one I love. Whew…it was overwhelming at times to simply sit with it.

I had thought myself moving to neutrality and this started that loop of self judgment in play again. Oh my, how could I be here again? Haven’t I grown at all? Deep breaths, knowing that was not the way through but rather the old way rearing its head. We are so conditioned to beat ourselves up when we become aware of a misstep. I sat with those feelings yet did not own them as I once had.

Decided to feel the earth on my walk, found some mud puddles on the way.

Decided to feel the earth on my walk, found some mud puddles on the way.

Still it took a couple of days for me to come through the whole experience. I felt raw, my heart scrapped out like a gourd, tender. I felt the backwash energy as I vowed in my mind to have no opinions about anything again, to let go of anything that I thought I knew and to retreat. This passed until I found myself at a resting point. More able to hold neutrality in the face of news or opinions, not needing to align myself with one side or the other.

All in all, part of this growth cycle as we step back from this world in one way, and step forward into this world, in another. Seems contradictory yet feels true. I am more present than I have been in some years. I am appreciating the beauty around us on this earth. I am especially feeling such tenderness for each of us. I am grateful for how we all move in different ways, I feel the richness of this and my heart smiles.

 

The Blossoming

IMG_4964Having left the white landscape of winter and returned to the soft opening of spring, I am cognizant of how we too, are subject to the laws of nature. Our bodies follow the cycles of birth, growth and decay in harmony with the all. Our spirits join in this dance as well. Our consciousness is in a constant flow of opening to the new, receiving, integrating, collapsing, and dying to the old.

We have subjected ourselves to programming that inserts form and structure in an attempt to hinder the natural flow of our beings. We have viewed life through a lens of past and future that limits that flow, chopping it into static pictures that dam the waters of our love light from their natural movement. We have attempted to set a pattern or pathway through the landscape of our hearts, keeping to what we have deemed safe and solid.

The old surrounded by the new, just as our new creations will overlay the old.

The old surrounded by the new, just as our new creations will overlay the old.

The planet, and all who wish to ride with her, is seeking a new path. She seeks a new space in the cosmic dance as her time to blossom has come. We have been taught that life is to be lived along a certain trajectory that if not followed, is cause for worry and concern. If your child does not go to college, then hit the workplace hard to step onto the ladder of success, then you are a failure as a parent. If you as an individual deviate from the prescribed pathway that the modern world of enslavement has deemed proper, you risk survival.

Yet, as we look at nature, we see the blossoming come in its season. Some plants pop their heads up at the first sign of spring’s warmth. Others wait for the heat of the summer sun, still others open in the brisk autumn air. We each have a timing within that flows free, if we allow it. Our society puts it all into boxes: four years for college, three days for grieving a loved one, two weeks vacation to justify fifty weeks of work, 9-5 workdays, retirement at sixty-five, age eighteen means you are an adult, and the list goes on. Thank goodness, much of this limitation has been changed and challenged in this internet age. Now to take the next step, and truly honor our own timing.

Spring blossoms brightening my spirit.

Spring blossoms brightening my spirit.

In honoring ourselves, we allow our spirits to grow and follow that inner pattern. We can push against the timing, berate our child or ourselves for not moving fast enough. That results in a layer of shame or guilt that obstructs the fluid movement. Who knows how long the cocoon is to be wrapped around one, until the butterfly can safely emerge to fly free? Just as we have taken from the earth by forcing high productivity from the soil year after year, we cannot force the spirit to produce balance and peace when we poke and prod and dig at it with artificial means. There is a time to lie fallow, there is a rotation of crops that feed the soil of the soul, there is a rhythm to be honored that knows how to bring forth the highest yield in a sustainable way.

San Francisco Art and Flowers exhibit. Feel that flow! Photo by Jeanette

San Francisco Art and Flowers exhibit. Feel that flow! Photo by Jeanette

For today, allow your heart to flow free. Allow it to love freely, without constraint. Honor your need for rest, for retreat, for engagement…..for whatever your spirit is leading you to. Trust your body’s wisdom as to what it needs. It is of the earth, it is our earth. It is the wisdom keeper and holds the seeds to our future. It knows how to nourish them, the timing of the breaking through the soil of our personality self, the time to blossom fully in the sun of our own beings. There is no manual, no reference guide that knows you like she does. Trust your seeds to blossom into the world in their perfect time. Trust that you have within, the gift to add to the creation of the new. Trust that all is well. Honor each one’s path, knowing its perfection like your own. Follow your heart’s lead and take action when inspired. Savor this walk out of the old programming into the flow of our true nature. All of the kingdoms on the earth, animal, plant, mineral and fey, are aligning with this stream of love light, flowing all home. Dust off your heart’s desire and allow it to fully blossom within as it will then create in this world of form. Our world is about to burst forth in colors unimagined just as the spring rains here in California have created massive swaths of wildflowers after years of drought. Let this energy of beauty sweep clean your heart and allow all to flow in a cascade of love light.

Rawness

Ice breaking with its rawness.

Ice breaking with its rawness.

Rawness, that feeling after a sunburn when every move feels painful. Your skin stretched and achy. The filters are off, life is more fully present. The heart has no filter, it all enters  and resounds, whether perceived as joy or despair, it flashes through with intensity. The mastery is in letting it flow through. Suffering comes when we try to stop the emotions by making a story about them or owning them as the truth of ourselves.

We will feel it. All of it. Things long buried within our cells, hidden in family lineages, covered up by our governments, distorted in our history books. All is coming to be seen and felt. We can choose to open to it, to allow the information to flow in and out. We can see the gift in all of this wonderful energy. It allows us to experience life in a front row seat rather than from the back of the auditorium. The love lights us up like never before as we feel it more fully. The despair can take you to your knees as it moves through. Let it. Let it all be. We are strong enough for this. We came for this time.

Trust is the byword. Trusting to self. Trusting to all aspects of ourselves. Trusting to the Creator and a benevolent universe. Trusting to the wondrous future we are creating for ourselves and our children and grandchildren and generations to come.

Mother Mary raising her arms over the port, blessing the sailors as they entered and departed. She stands on the oldest cathedral here in Montreal. I love the circle of stars above her head.

Mother Mary raising her arms over the port, blessing the sailors as they entered and departed. She stands on the oldest cathedral here in Montreal. I love the circle of stars above her head.

All part of being in the now. I realized how far I have moved into the now. Time is disappearing. We are being shown that we can expand or collapse it with our intentions. I am not a big planner as I am no longer able to look at life that way. I feel my way forward. I may feel an energy event, someplace or time where I am to “hit my mark”. I will be given the visual or sense of something…a meeting with someone or an action I am to take or a timeline that I am to align with or a place I am to be. I may have to get on a plane, drive somewhere, call someone. This extends to my family as I feel their future and can see the choice points in technicolor. I speak my truth about these points, which they have come to know me for. At times, they have reacted in anger to my knowing. Many times, they have then thanked me as they discovered more of themselves through aligning with their truth. As a mother, I have carried that immaculate concept for each of them and it carries a knowing of their truth.

As this reality we have come to know, collapses, we will be called to align more fully with our truth. To feel our way forward without the usual signposts. We will have to rely on our internal gps. Our hearts are losing their filters so as to be clear beacons, calling our highest future to us. It is so much more than we dreamed!

IMG_4638In this now, the seeds are present. We nurture them with love and attention. We love all that we no longer resonate with, all that has kept us playing small, by feeling all of our feelings fully. Letting sadness, despair, depression, loneliness have their say. Dancing out our anger, singing out our joy. Right now the birds are singing to the dawn of a new day. I feel my heart singing with them in gratitude. May your day be full of wonder.