The Solstice packed a punch this year, no gathering with others as it felt challenging enough to stand upright alone. A few days have passed, and I am still reeling with bouts of exhaustion that leave me feeling as if I am a boxer, staggering to his corner stool, after a challenging round. I feel pummeled. Interactions take energy I do not have to spare. To eat or not to eat, has become an question as waves of nausea carry me off. Sometimes a piece of toast quiets the torrent, or does the opposite and intensifies it. Extremes appeal; salt, sweet, crunchy, soft. I am getting ready to pack camping gear and the kitchen kit is in question. Will I cook for myself outdoors on this adventure? I keep sensing the last time with some foods therefore, savor it now. Feeling myself drinking water and more water, maybe juices, smoothies. Hearing the sun can sustain these new light bodies. Wondering how soon that will be my reality.
I feel like I am sleepwalking through deep snow, encountering occasional melted patches where the sun has hit. I take advantage of these to complete tasks. Conversations are challenging, requiring too much energy. It feels like white noise in my head, comprehension lacking. Driving has been interesting as cars pull in my lane, as if I were not there. Am I visible? I feel like I am floating down the road, perhaps I really am invisible. What is real? What is imagined? It is all blending in a new soup.
I express my needs to my I AM presence and trust they will be met. I have to take the car to the garage, get my tooth taken care of, this computer needs attention as it flickers and wavers, trying to decide if it wants to get to work or not. Today the tooth and the car got taken care of in between stretches where I lay anchored to my bed. As soon as a window of energy appears, I move with it, knowing the crash will soon follow. At five p.m., I had to sleep, now at 10 p.m., I am awake. There is no sense in the clock anymore except to attend to errands that are attached to a dissolving reality. Our world is shifting…..my computer screen has been demonstrating it to me. Days of fuzzy, dancing screens, doubled, blurred lines, even a day of no screen at all showing up, and now my computer is operating as pretty as you please. Let this be reflected in my body!
There are days where I can’t seem to see very well, everything is cloudy. I find myself using my reading glasses to cook something or do the laundry as if I were blind. Other days, my vision is as sharp and focused as you please, no reading glasses required for any task. Two days ago, my belly was a bloated tight drum, uncomfortable as if an eight month old baby were tumbling about in it. Today it looks like I gave birth, slack and soft and reduced in bulk.
I have had moments of anxiety as I prepare for this new/old adventure of driving about with no plan, in my nineteen year old car. 252, 784 miles on her and she still wants to go. I had felt that she and I were to have new forms. Surely we would not be asked to move about in these old body suits? Today as I feel all this internal shifting, I note that there is a shifting. Things have changed but as yet, the outer appearances do not reflect this. Ok, so we go as we are, trusting that all will be well. My departure date has flashed on the screen of my mind. I look about me and wonder how I will meet it in this present comatose state. I have to pack and clear and clean. Will my body hold up? Do I have the stamina for life on the road again? How long will this trip last? Is it a trip? I have no destination, no home to return to……I am moving back into my nomad state after a year of being settled. Why did I sign up for this at this juncture of my life? I am fifty-eight years old, and feeling it tonight. I had let go of most of my worldly possessions years ago, keeping the car and camping gear and am surprised to find myself having to do so once again. In this year of living in my former house, I have enjoyed having familiar treasures about me. The pleasure of using a mixing bowl I love, the joy of my son’s paintings brightening my room, the relief of this small fan blowing on me in bed. My body wonders if it will feel comfort. I keep hearing that I am not moving to less, but more. More on every level…..my heart trusts, my body is not so sure. I am trusting my own manifestation skills to come online. Knowing I do not want to, nor have, the resources to outfit a life in the old way. Curious how this bigger life is to come into being, knowing that it will as I have walked it in my dreamscapes.
Deep breath. Sinking down into my heart, I feel an expansion, a sense of freedom wafting in with the breeze. Oh yes, the sylphs of the air are calling me north. A direction given with some “work” points along the way. This is not a road for the faint hearted. Ascension is real. The shift is here. We are moving. We are becoming aware of our oneness. Love is flowing and weaving across the planet. My liquidlovelight is called for and for now, it requires movement. This I can do. We are each called to our part. Grace is here to lend a hand. I am in need of her hand and take it gladly. Let’s go see what is up ahead.