Lately it has just quieted down and I feel peace and joy in every simple thing. My world is very small and yet expansive right here on this little suburban lot. Grateful for the times like my recent trip to Shasta with friends, some play in the magic that I love but no more so than the quiet day I have just had at home with my son. We planted bulbs, feeling the spring beauty as we did so. Neither of us knows if we will be here to see the blooms, feels like a no, but in this now moment, it was time to plant bulbs. I am so grateful for where I am. LIving each day as if I live here because I do live here now!!
Sounds so simple but for the past few years of wandering, I have had the sense of impermanence. Wondering where my place was on the earth, searching for community, wondering what my purpose was. Now all of that has fallen away. I am here now. The past and the future do not grip or push or pull me. There is no more seeking. The noise of all that wondering has receded. Ha, wondering……my word of late is wonder. The old way of wondering where my mind went in circles has left and my new sense of wondering is about awe, a deep reverence that wells up for the beauty that is ever present. It happened as I moved from my head to my heart. Wondering transformed into wonder.
It is so freeing as I am left fully present for the bird song, for the fire dancing in the hearth, for a shared moment of laughter and the cold of the frosty lawn that I just walked barefoot on to say good morning to Mother Earth. Everything becomes a blessing, every place, holy. I had read and heard of that but never fully experienced it until now. I know its truth.
I am so comfortable in my body. There is rest and ease with her as I tend to her every desire. I read a quote from Osho, an Indian master and the part that struck me was about letting your lion roar. What I took from that was when we allow ourselves to fully express and feel all of our feelings, joy, sorrow, anger, irritation……we keep the stream clear and flowing in our bodies. As he says, “then the lion can come in and go out” freely. There is then rest to be found in the body. But when we bottle things up, allow stagnation, there is no clear space to rest inside. I no longer seek to avoid anything, rather embrace it all as the love it is. I also no longer try to hold on to what I deem good as I fully trust that I am ever evolving into more love, more joy, more beauty. I know that I live in abundance in every area of my life and live that knowing.
The sense of wonder and curiosity are present as I play witness to the outer world. Hearts are opening like flowers, folks so desirous to be the truth of love that they are. My interactions are few, I so appreciate my friends who go out and spread their light in the working world each day. My calling is to hold a specific tone, deeply. It is my work and I am well suited for it. My personality self has had its times of resistance, wanting it to be different, but all that has shifted. The years of driving around the country seeding lovelight were hard but fortunately, I did not realize how hard at the time. I love how my I AM presence coaxes me along each step of the path, telling me whatever story I need to hear to take the quickest path home. Now I feel such a sense of privilege for the part I have been assigned. I am grateful for the soul family that flow into and out of my world as we encourage and acknowledge one another. I am grateful for space in this house and the tender community we have created here. I am grateful for the flow of my days, a gentle wave that offers deep peace.
I am grateful to each one of you for sounding your note, finding your truth, walking your path with such courageous hearts. Know that you are cared for and loved in ways we can hardly comprehend. That knowing has been imparted to me, bit by bit, and it sets my heart afire. They call us “the legends” for what we are doing. Stand in that knowing and give your lion free rein. These are the times of wonder.