The past few days lined up in my world as an oracle/astrologer predicted. Oraclereport.com. I like her take on the planets, giving them personalities in a way that feels very relatable to me. It has been a time of emotional purging as the planets lined up to assist us in our clearing. I am grateful as I desire for my cells to be full of lovelight and that can only happen if they are not carrying anything else.
Betrayal….I have been shown how it has been a part of every significant love relationship that I have had in this life. This thread has been the warp and woof of my life. I created it for a reason. Now that I have done so much weaving, I can observe the pattern it has made and learn from it. I have been immersed in its energy and pain as I felt it all like a white hot poker in my heart. It is amazing how the feelings can arise with such ferocity. It is not as if this were the first time I had allowed them release. My mind wants to jump in with that information but I will not play that game any longer. Yes, I have felt these feelings before. Yet here they are again so there is another layer to experience. As they came flooding out, I felt almost overcome with a searing rage and sorrow.
I love how my dear, Sophia, my I AM presence, sets me up for growth. My younger son wanted to clear out the tool shed and configure it into a more useful space for his art framing. It had been accumulating stuff for over 20 years and was a mess. I decided to assist him in this, wanting him to have this space. This put me back into the old track of powering through to a goal. It took three days to empty everything, clean it and patch the holes in the walls where rodents had found entrance. It was hard physical work as well as emotional as old projects and objects where unearthed.
There was the set up: building containing the past, high degree of physical labor called for, days worth of a project, former partner absent yet directing from the phone while I labor in the field. All leading me to use my energy in my former way of cutting through with my will, pushing myself from task to task like an automaton. Amazing how I fell back into that way of moving that has become foreign in the past few years. Yet it was a perfect formula as physical exhaustion led to emotional fraying led to Cinderella complex surfacing with her victim mindset. Some part of me is aware of all of this and feels gratitude while the rest of me ends up yelling, crying and stomping about. A tear storm that sweeps me along as the heated emotions find release. It is interesting how the physical clearing out mirrors the inner clearing that we are doing. No wonder so many of us have felt the compulsion to clear our closets and spaces, opening up more interior landscapes.
My son and I went out to a movie and dinner last night to celebrate the new space within the shed and within my heart. This morning after getting up to view the stars, I fell back asleep and dreamt of the defining betrayal in my life. It was raw and harsh, pulling me out of sleep in order to take a breath. Now, after getting up for the day, I sit here with my coffee and slice of peanut buttered toast and feel peace. My heart feels light, emptied. I can take a deep breath and feel the golden light moving in and around. My body feels like I have been through a boxing match. I am moving slowly. I will be tender and caring and alert to what my body asks of me today.
I am sending gratitude to Sophia, to the planets and the sun for their assistance. I am grateful to my son for witnessing me and holding me in love. I am beaming love to all those who played out the betrayal for me so that I could arrive at this place of no longer betraying myself. Today I am diving in the truth of the love that I am and allowing it to caress me. The chair in the sun is calling me outside, perhaps that is as far as I will journey today as I savor this shore I have landed upon.