The Gift of January’s Pause

IMG_0873Today is the last day of a very long month, the first step into the energy of 2013. It did not feel like anything I knew, though with so much focus on 2012, my mind did not look into this landscape except to see paradise. In hindsight, I am so appreciative of how uneventful the December dates appeared. The clues where there for me to see as I was guided to be with a very small group of women for 12-12-12 and alone for 12-21-12.  I had thought to be at a large gathering with hordes of others for both dates, celebrating with fireworks and fanfare. Instead, it was an inward event, the joy subdued and subtle but palpable.

I am only now beginning to glean the riches held in the pause of January. The days rolled by in a dreamy fog, melting into one another as I experienced so many physical symptoms that took me down dark, scary holes. I heard that the end of suffering is here, suffering on any level of our being. My body spasmed with acute pain as I was offered the opportunity to walk it all back to love. To feel the illusion collapsing, to hold that knowing in my being alongside the reality that I was experiencing.  Caring for my body, took all my energy as I played with this newly intense sunlight; filling, releasing, and sending its rays streaming across the earth. Creative bubbles floated tantalizing close. As I reached out with my mind to pull them in, their iridescent radiance popped. I lay back down with sticky soap film on my face. My crown chakra tingled and danced with energy that evaporated as a sigh as soon as I opened to it. Everything felt elusive, just out of reach.

I am feeling the harvest of all the disappointment energy that December reaped. All of that was able to be lifted off the planet in one fell swoop. Oh, the angels were glad! We were then left with only trust to keep us warm as it seemed that the dreams of magic were not to be. Each day, my breath, a bellows to fan the flames higher as my body lay integrating the new. I saw myself with an IV drip of my divinity, which I had so boldly claimed, moving into me, drip by drip. I had thought myself ready to swallow it whole but my soul played its parental card and said, “No, too much too fast will leave you scorched.” I begged to differ and asked for a mugful. The response: drip, drip, drip. I jumped up to dance , to move, my mind proclaiming its sovereignty. I have not experienced but have watched folks shuffling down hospital corridors with their IV poles, seems no dancing allowed. As I was rendered once again prone and exhausted, the drip continued its slow, but ceaseless motion. Oh, the wisdom of these bodies! The wisdom of our higher selves, always showing us the short cut home.

Weary angel wondering why, reflecting my mind's energy.

Weary angel wondering why?

I have needed this time to acclimate to the new energies before I can move to play in them. I have had to bank the fires of my trust so that it is a constant flame that warms every moment, every impulse of my heart.  I can hear the roar of the fire of trust that is now blazing in my breast: I am loved, I am cared for, all is well. My mind had to go through its remaining fear programming: “You are not doing anything and it is 2013, get up!! How can you expect to co-create the new world flat on your back?” I had to face hissing, snarling FEAR in my dream space, trusting to the love of my heart to be my sword. I have felt the strength of that love as all melted at its touch, like the wicked witch of the west, dissolving in the mists. Fear is an illusion that has held us captive for so long. We are adults now, we can pull back the curtain and discover that it was only the old man, Oz, who was behind it all.

We have been through a tempering process as the flames of our experiences have begun  to transform us into molten gold. The liquidlovelight of my dreams, at last, pouring in.  We have been asked to grow up, to shoulder our responsibility to self. to get clear about what we want. Our thoughts are so rapidly becoming things that we have to be conscious of those thoughts. We have to know that all that is needed is inside of each of us, no outside sources trumping our own heart wisdom. We have had to walk old issues and relationships, down the road to love, releasing them to their higher self, trusting that they are perfectly cared for, as are we. I am learning to let go of judging the path of another and trusting that what presents itself, is that soul’s manifestation of experience that is their fast track home. Surrendering our playing God for another as well as dictating to God what tune to play in our heart, undoes the programming.  Allowing God to breathe the notes of our soul’s song into the flute of our hearts is walking our way to home.

My youngest son had a bout of the flu as did so many. After resistance, anger, and a bit of berating himself, he surrendered to it. Afterwards he said that he was grateful for the time it allowed him to think and dream. He was given a new vision of how to walk in his life. He saw all of his desires, the goodness meant for him, sitting ahead in the stream. He had been pushing to get to it, trying so hard in each endeavor, wanting to do it perfectly.  He realized that he was only asked to surrender and float down the stream. He would be brought to it in perfect timing and without fail as the water always flowed downstream. In his trusting in the abundance of the Creator’s love, all abundance flows in. Our minds can say, that is not how it works in the “real” world but it begins with my heart trusting, then yours, until all hearts know that we are the beloveds of our Mother/Father and their hearts’ desire is to give us, ours. Our streams converge and we will find ourselves playing together in the ocean of love.

This is the gift of January for all of us spiritual bungee jumpers (someone once called me that). Do we truly know that God loves us and cares for us on every level? Have we surrendered fully to the flow and placed our trust in divine timing? Do we have to spell out the particulars of what our Christmas list looks like or do we know that the Creator hears the feeling tone that we put out and answers in kind. Can we let go of our expectation of the hows, whens, whys of it all and trust what shows up, knowing it to be the perfect nourishment for our day?. Can we know ourselves good enough, worthy to receive this love? Can we drop in and allow our hearts to lead us, trusting the pause time to be as valuable as the times of action? Trusting that we are always in our perfect place at the perfect time. That we are not missing anything if we follow the clues of our heart.

IMGP4415I feel the winds of February bringing the scent of spring, of flowering anew, of expansion and rapid growth. My IV is still dripping with the essence of my divinity and I trust that the process will be complete when I hear the call to make a move. In this knowing, I am trusting each one of you to heed that call and trust the path where you are led, whether it be to sleep or create or dream in this moment. Open to it fully, licking the last bit of sweetness from each moment before letting it pass. Each moment fully embraced frees us to be present for the next….and the next, each experienced as the perfection of the now. I love you so.


14 thoughts on “The Gift of January’s Pause

  1. So beautifully written, am going to share on my facebook group boards. You so eloquently expressed the exact energy I have felt the entire month and luckily I had very chatty guides helping me along the way understand what was happening. The one thing January has finally done for me is to let go of all expectations. So much so I am not even considering what February will bring!

    • Dear Becky, that is a very good place to be, no expectations. What a lovely gift to discover in January! I like to live in that place while observing the currents flowing. Thank you for sharing my writing and your experience.
      blessings of love and heartlight,

    • Haha, we have had to jump off that ledge so many times, it has become old hat. No thought, just go!
      You are welcome, naomi!

      • So true. As much as I hate the process sometimes, I have to say that I have become used to it. We really are brave to go through this, aren’t we? Not that we have a choice, but still. Any idea how many of us there are out there, world-wide? I’m just curious.

        • Dear Naomi,
          We are brave! And wonderful and amazing resilient souls of light. I do not have any idea but feel in the millions. That is my heart’s answer, and it says, more awakening every day, like beautiful lights on a Christmas tree, twinkling. I do know that the more I draw into my own heart, the more my heart offers others a pathway to follow. As does yours.
          so much love,

          • Dear Naomi, you are welcome! Each day feeling thousands more joining in….that is my vision!
            Wishing you a sparkly day. A friend sent me a box of iridescent oil pastels to play with! Thinking of you and how I might play.

  2. I am a bit lost for words about your post but just in awe at the moment. Wow!
    After having self-doubts for a few days now since my husband expressed his concern about my “sanity”, I am back to just accepting and surrendering to whatever it is that I am currently experiencing and trusting whatever is unfolding. Oh, Lovely Linda aka “spiritual bungee jumper”, you have just made my heart sing. Thank you! <3<3<3

    • Dear Bea,
      So many of us have had others wonder about our sanity. How powerful that you are able to trust through it all! The last stranglehold has been playing out these past few days for so many of us as we step more fully into our mastery. Everything gets thrown at us that pings that doubt button until we touch the earth and proclaim, I AM and become it. You are awesome!! Your words have stirred the melody in my heart!
      with love,

      • Dear Linda,
        Your words make us all feel so loved and supported. Thank you so much! They are like pointers, guiding and lighting our paths to a beautiful space within. And in moments of doubt, they help me to remember who I am!
        I love and support you,

        • Dear Bea,
          I am so glad, we all deserve to be cherished and loved. I cherish and love you! Thank you for making my day as that is so close to my heart’s desire.
          with such delightful love,

  3. Tears smart these tired eyes of mine, wanting nothing other then oh so blessed sleep. L ON G week and it has come to a close. Your writing makes my heart beat softer, my connection with you ever stronger, the words echoing that which is contained in this heart. Thank you, Linda. Count yourself “richer then rich” to have the time and space to write from the heart. I am amazed how connected we are becoming and how our “thoughts” are becoming One. Your eloquence speaks of Home.
    Now I lay my head to rest and glory shall abound all around me. I AM One with You.

    • Dear Amy,
      I do count myself rich in time to be. We are so gifted in this beautiful world with exactly what we need.

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