Whew, this morning I awoke to joy. Yes, JOY after hitting a wall that left me desiring only to be done with this reality. I am hearing from so many who are in this place of great despair. Hold on! I would like to throw out a life line to each one of you. It is darkest before the dawn……we have all heard that but are now truly living it. We have done so much internal work, cleared out the debris, emotionally from our hearts and mentally from our minds. We have identified limiting beliefs and chucked them overboard. We have forgiven and ho’oponoponoed till the cows come home. We have let go of everything over and over, people, possessions, titles, roles and homes. We have been ridiculed, called the devil, acted as the wall for others to throw darkness upon. Stripped bare, we stand naked upon a lonely shore.
We have landed in some kind of teenage hell where our emotions are in overdrive, bliss one moment to be followed by long stretches of nothingness dipping into utter despair. We sweat all night, waking up reeking. My God, I smell like a teenage boys’ locker room! I have to air out my bedroom and change my sweaty sheets and wash pjs. Toxic emissions are pouring out of me. I am either freezing cold or else sweat is running down my face. This is worse than the menopausal times. I cry at anything, can feel irritation from a sound, a fabric, a smell. My body is hypersensitive, trying to find some way to idle at neutral. The top of my head feels like someone spends nights dancing on it with cobbled shoes. My neck and lower back feel broken at times. Literally, as if they could not possibly come back together. My legs run highly charged electricity through to the earth in continuous streams that ache. How anyone manages to hold down a job through all of this, is beyond me. My hats are off to you and I hold you in my prayers each day. It takes all of me to do what I do as my service to this earth.
I feel and look ancient, like a crone and yet other times, I see my reflection and my eyes are so full of light they look like stars. The fatigue that will not quit and seems to have been part of my life forever, is emotionally debilitating. Doing is somewhere on a cloud, out of reach, while I lie on my back and watch it float by. Memory is a thing of the past, I cannot recall what I did an hour ago, no less last week. I can disappear into no time for hours on end. Dreamy, spacey, not here nor anywhere, simply gone. Nausea makes eating a challenge as nothing tastes good or satisfying. Everything that once brought joy, holds no charge at all. I want to spit it all out! I feel like one of my children when they were toddlers in a cranky mood. Offered different activities; “Would you like to color? NO! How about playing with clay? NO! Let’s bake cookies. I HATE cookies!’ (when of course, up until this moment you loved cookies). I need the parent to come trundle me into bed and sit and smooth the hair back from my brow, murmuring endearments. Can I simply fall asleep and wake up when it is all over and the new earth is firmly landed in? My heart cries, enough, enough already, get me off this merry go round!
As a collective, we are moving into unity consciousness. We are feeling everyone in a deeper way. Our hearts have exploded, shattered into a million pieces, each containing the former capacity of the whole. We are amazing creatures to have signed on for this ride. To have said yes to attempting to move a carbon based dense body into a crystalline one that floats on air. Magicians are we. I celebrate each one of you as well as myself. The road will be easier for our brothers and sisters who follow, after all this heavy clearing work that we have done. The only thing that keeps our heads above water is TRUST. It sits like a jewel in our hearts and its glow is a lamp that we are drawn to over and over in order to see our way forward. Hold on, warriors of the heart. We are almost there. We have read channelings for ages and want to spit it all out. So tired of hearing, soon, almost, nearly there……like a child we can feel betrayed by the never ending litany of platitudes. It is time to throw a temper tantrum and state, I won’t take this anymore!!!
After we thoroughly exhaust ourselves, lying spent with our hair wild about us, tears staining our face……we take a breath. We look about and if we are fortunate, we make the choice to see with new eyes. This is an internal work, a shift of perception that we are asked to make. We are the vision keepers so while all this physical morphing is taking place, we are asked to see the new earth as if it were here. We are asked to be the child with the wild imagination who sits down to tea with our fairy friends. We are asked to allow the ribbons of our heartlight to embrace every soul on the planet, weaving the new tapestry of love that enfolds, nurtures, enlivens all. We are asked to see the beauty in the depravity of human nature and bring it back to the reality of love. We are asked to do the unimaginable. The amazing thing is., that we are doing it! We knew that we were stars, come to bring our great light to this dear beloved planet. Oh, how we love her! To bring our love to each man, woman and child, knowing them as us. Holding each one so tenderly in our hearts as we hold that immaculate concept for each one. Oh, the agony and the ecstasy of this time! Millions asked for this assignment and only a few were chosen. I am honored to be in your company. My heart bows before each of yours. Espavo! Thank you for taking your power, for walking the fierce fire walk that is this third dimensional life. Our victory is assured. We are making it. My heart tells me that over and over. I know. I simply know that love is a force like no other and that all melts before its light. God bless us all.