The Power of Witnessing One Another


Scribbling with pastels in an attempt to release some of this confusion energy.

Scribbling with pastels in an attempt to release some of this confusion energy.

Yesterday I was in pain. My head felt like a bowling ball that I was loathe to lift. Nausea came in waves. My right hip ached and shot arrows of fire down my leg. I felt weary to the bone with energetic upgrades, isolation, my small world, my sensitivity to every external stimulus as if it were a snare drum blasting me. Blasted open is what I am. Raw and sore with no idea how to move. I lie in the patch of sunlight streaming in and sang out my frustration. It was low and guttural, then high, my mouth stretched in strange shapes. This body felt like sandbags of lead were strapped on all over. Maybe I am Gulliver, pinned to the earth by a thousand tiny threads. When will I awaken from this dream?

My heart feels and knows that there are miracles ahead, that the land of my dreams is being created at this very moment. But I cannot touch it. My son calls and asks how I am . The tears fall freely then. Amazing how the sound of love and caring can undo us in a moment. I felt that I was in a deep trench in the earth, curled up in the mud and he came and sat beside me with his strong love. There is enormous power in this witnessing. I have been asked to do that for a few friends of late and realized that I want to be clearer in this. I tend to bring in the voice of my story, my emotions when what is required is being this silent field of love. I know that I can do this. Oh my,  to be held in that space is wondrous. There may be tears, raging, words tumbling about…….all being expelled to uncover the kernals of truth that are sitting in the depths of our being. It is difficult to access these on our own. We are a tribal peoples, we need others to sit with us in our pain, our joy, our humanness.

I rewatched a movie recently, Lars and the Real Girl, (netflix instant movie if you are interestedand in one scene when the young man is in despair as his “real girl” is very ill, the women of the village show up with casseroles and their knitting. They tell him that they have come to “sit” with him, that that is what folks do in times of trouble. I was so struck by that. It is the energy we want to create in our new world. Love that supports without judgment of another, seeing and holding each other in such tenderness. Every person treasured for the unique gift that they bring.

I went to get groceries and this bright bouquet was the food my heart craved.

I went to get groceries and this bright bouquet was the food my heart craved.

My son allowed me to release the pent up frustration of this void space so many of us have been in. A spurt of creativity flows and I feel the excitement, only to have it flee as quickly as I assemble my art supplies and begin to paint. I feel tired of everything I have ever been, ever done. Old, old. There is no energy to move forward and nothing worth striving for. There is only the heart to anchor in to.  There is nothing of the old that can be brought to the new. There is only feeling each moment fully so that is does not have to circle around once again to be experienced.

A moment of pure joy hit me as I felt myself as the sun and witnessed it exploding in my chest. Oh, I am that! Love, unfiltered, flowed like wine in my veins, drink me, it said. Liquidlovelight is an elixir that makes me feel dozy, dreamy, delicious.

We are on the extreme ride, terrifying anxiety one moment, waves of nausea threaten to overwhelm us, followed by shocking jolts of joy as this roller coaster of a life moves deeper into the new energies of home. I am grateful that I am not alone. Grateful for your witnessing of my ups and downs and turnarounds. Today, my head is lighter yet confusion reigns. Sitting with it, allowing it breathing space. That is all I know. To witness myself without judgment and thank God, sometimes with a great deal of mirth.







Hearts Overflowing

This blossom represents to me our hearts, that are being opened by the light of love that is streaming onto our planet.

Hearts are overflowing with emotions these days. I am seeing it in my loved ones, as so much comes to the surface. Today my daughter and I each shed some tears as we moved through some old patterning. My sister said that she seems to cry all the time these days. My son came home depleted from work, I suggested a salt bath and a good cry while he was in it to let some of the tension drain away. It is more difficult for men in our culture to allow themselves the tears. I can recall a Friday afternoon at work, getting ready to head home after an intense week. My boss and I were speaking of an issue that had been troubling, I said, “I am going home to watch a sad movie and have a grand old cry.” He looked at me in amazement and replied, ” I wish that I could do that.” I wished that he could allow himself that release also. More than water is produced, there are actually chemicals released that help us shift our moods. It is interesting how more and more, science is proving what was thought to be simply stories or old wives’ tales, to be fact.

I believe that we have to learn to dance through this shift that is taking place. We have a few tools at our disposal: being in the moment, letting go of shoulds, expressing our truth, letting go of the why about life, taking a deep breath, accepting what is, expressing gratitude are some that come to mind . There are others but we are making much of this up as we go. I see it as a dance, moving back into a known series of steps here, exploring a new step there, finding that fun, taking a few more twirls, getting off balance, returning to the familiar to stabilize ourselves, a breath or two and then stepping out there in a new way once again.

In all this, we have to be so kind to ourselves and everyone around us. We have all lived through our own internal earthquakes and tsunamis. We can say, “I don’ t have it as bad as that person in Japan or that man in Libya.” Yet, our internal landscape is being uprooted and no one on the planet is immune at this time. We cannot tell by looking at someone, no matter how self assured an appearance they present, what they are currently dealing with. Dealing with losing your home is not worse than watching your loved one become lost in the fog of Alzheimer’s. Losing a dear pet is no less a loss than losing your business. You can say that there are degrees of loss or of difficulties but the heart feels it all as loss. Degrees do not matter, the heart registers pain. So, be gentle with yourselves in your losses, your letting gos. We are all going through it and even when it is some part of us that we are ready to release, there is still a grieving for what was. I think that we need to honor all that is going and honor ourselves as we move through this process. Kindness is the new currency of the land. It asks to be spent every day, on ourselves and others.

The love is streaming in, opening hearts far and wide. All the events on the world scene are working on our hearts, softening them, opening them. Our hearts are becoming entrained to one another. I participated in meditations this past week that had 50,000 people online all focused on emanating love for our brothers and sisters and for our Mother Gaia. Isn’t that amazing? So many people want to help, want to be of service, want to be a better human being. I have been praying in a way suggested by Dr. Emoto, the water crystal photographer and scientist from Japan. It is a simple practice, done in my kitchen each morning and night. It takes a few moments of time and yet, I believe that it is powerful.

It is our intentions that make the difference. My daughter and I discovered that this morning as an old pattern came up, we were both feeling one another’s words as arrows when neither of us sent them that way. Once we cleared the old pattern that came up for release, and spoke of the intent held behind our words, we could clearly see the love that was being sent by each to the other. Our wounded aspects called them arrows but our hearts showed us how to see those perceived arrows as love. The wounds were drawn up to be healed and by staying present with one another, the healing happened. These are the moments to celebrate and recognize. We need much kindness and witnessing of one another as we stretch and contract, stretch and contract our way through this new landscape of the heart. Our hearts want to be clear vessels and are bringing everything that is blocking that pure love, to the surface to be healed.

Makes me think of Cupid with his arrows of love. Perhaps that story is pointing the way as the arrows that inflict pain to our heart, are sent in love (even if the sender does not know what he/she is doing) to awaken our hearts from their hiding. The pain is an awakener in a way that we do not really understand. I cry a couple/few times a day. Oft times it is in response to beauty as well as to sadness. I cry as my heart comes on line and I feel it more and more. It is so beautiful and I ache with that beauty. Our hearts are weaving a beautiful grid of light around our planet. We are connecting, heart to heart in new and magnificent ways. That is something beautiful to put our attention on, something worth opening our hearts’ doors to. We are becoming one tribe. The rainbow tribe of many colors that Little Grandmother Kiesha Crowther talks of. (She is offering a meditation for Japan at 9am PST this Saturday, if you are interested.)

We are learning to witness one another’s pain from a place of neutrality as this allows the other to tap into their own strength and knowing. We can no longer see one another as victims as that energy no longer serves. We can offer our hearts, our aid in any way we feel called. We can honor one another for walking our walks. We can offer that larger, softer view that can see the new growth peeking out from under last year’s withered branches and leaves. The old must be cleared away as I used to do in the spring with my perennial plants, clipping off the old stalks so that the tiny new shoots could reach for the sun. We are all in need of a good pruning in this springtime of our lives. We want to blossom forth and show the world our beauty. Oh, the colors and new forms that are to appearing! I believe that we will harvest bouquets, this autumn, that have never been seen before. We are about to be dazzled by ourselves! So, I stand at the still point, honoring the losses, the letting go, the dramatic changes and the suffering as well as holding the knowing, deep in my heart, that there is new beauty being born.