May, the month of magic and miracles I so wanted. Instead it has been a time of immobility as my back seized up for no apparent reason. My higher self told me that I was “bringing in a new frequency” and the stillness was required. I surrendered to that, there is no fighting the body. I have not been inspired to write or do anything as sitting has been out of bounds for the past 10 days. This morning, a wave of wellness moved through me and though one hip is still riding higher than the other and movement is not yet without discomfort, a window flew open and a fresh breeze has wafted in. Hallejujah!
The blessings have been manifold. My former hubby insisted that I call his brother who is an acupuncturist to get an appointment. The relationship with his brother and sister-in-law has recently been mended after years of no contact after the divorce. They had cared for our family with herbs and acupuncture throughout the years of raising our children. As I lie on the table, awaiting the needles, I sobbed as I felt the energy of this family’s care and love for me. It was so healing to be cared for by them once again. I received it on a deep level and thanked my back for facilitating this healing.
A friend called to share a dream that I inhabited with her. It spoke truth to me as I found myself sobbing as she described the scene. We were in a space deep in the ground, down a flight of stone stairs. She recognized as a place where Mary Magdalene was purported to have lived for years. We were a part of a circle of women, kneeling together. Mary Magdalene was going around the circle to anoint each one’s feet and kiss each one on their crown chakra. My friend saw her clearly and felt the touch of her hair as she leaned in to perform her rite. She said that we were bringing in a new frequency, a wonderful confirmation for me in what I had heard. My daughter was amongst the women, another confirmation for me as I had been reading a book about Mary Magdalene and the description of her infectious, playful, grounded, sensual nature so matched the energy of my daughter that I knew she also carried the Magdalene codes here on earth. Mary Magdalene instructed us all to “swoon in her beloved, Jeshua’s love”. My body responded with a yes as my lying down took on a new energy. Swooning……yes I was swooning in that Christ light and love!
Days passed and my night times felt like wrestling matches as my body felt so confining and limiting. There were moments that felt unbearable. I wanted to crawl out of my skin, the snake came to me with his image of shedding the old. I felt I would combust. Irritation with life, boredom with all that it had to offer was off the charts. No excitement bubbling up for anything. Gratitude, always there whether for a breeze on my cheek, the light illuminating a flower petal, or my daughter walking me through restorative stretches……gratitude is second nature to me. Yet this dirth of desire for anything in this world. Flatness. Boredom. Wanting a frequency which has not landed. Knowing came that this was the intense confining energy which preceded expansion. Taking a deep breath of solace from that. Yes, I am about to expand as I let go of the old limitations.
Another dear friend reminded me that the only place to go exploring was inside. Ah, yes. There was spaciousness, newness, openness and freedom. Deep breaths possible. Staying in the present moment, inside and out. Being ok with the now, accepting where I am, trusting it is all perfectly created by myself for myself. I feel the completion in my present situation, my mind rushing ahead to scan the future for a foothold to latch onto. I find myself looking up small towns across the country as possible landing spots. Yet, the knowing is that it is not a mind game, rather my heart must lead. I am alert for signs and have an open ear to guidance. I calm my mind, telling her the heart has this in hand and I will be safe. She flows between understanding and wanting to work it out. I drop deeper, below her radar and flow in the river of love that is ever there for me, if I allow.
Next month, I will need to find a new space as this cycle completes itself. I am grateful for what has been and curious as to what will be. It is a big letting go as I see myself stepping more fully into my wholeness, letting go of the family that has been my work for the past thirty years. Our love and care has been firmly reestablished and is a light burning within with its strength. Now the level of involvement will shift as I try my wings as a sovereign being, ready to sound a new note. I am ready. There remains much of May and I intend to experience some of her miracles. Oh, wait, I already have, just not the way my mind thought it would look! Expect the unexpected, of course. Better yet, drop the expectations and show up for each moment. I AM, with love.