Observing with a Sense of Wonder

A figure from a sculpting class I took years ago. He sits and observes with a sense of wonder.

A figure from a sculpting class I took years ago. He sits and observes with a sense of wonder.

I am so comfortable on the couch. My body, whose temperature dances high and low, is for the moment, content. Cool air streams in through the partially opened window next to the couch, a fire is blazing its warmth before me as rain falls in a gentle, steady stream outside. The overcast sky outside the windows is lit up as the last of this full moon blazes powerfully from behind. I feel wonder at this. Rain and light in the night, releasing the smell of earth which mingles with the wood fragrance burning bright.  I feel elemental…. in my element. Bliss. It has been such a lovely night of love. It is so incredible how it seems to expand with each new day, each moment. Three of us here, bellies full of a root vegie casserole, each sipping  a small glass of wine as soft conversation flows amongst us. Spaces of rich silence, interspersed with soft guitar notes played by my son. The love is palpable in the room, its contours engulf and support our hearts with strength and richness.

My son points out a newness to the evening as I am sharing a glass of wine. This is a new aspect of me that is delighting in this taste and the inner warmth it brings. So strange as I have never liked the taste of alcohol in any form, not even as a flavoring in baked goods. Yet, here I am enjoying it! Such interesiting times as I discover new aspects of myself that seem to be entering daily.

A recent painting by my youngest son. Dark and wild, it leads you in. gaberobertsart.com/‎

A recent painting by my youngest son. Dark and wild, it leads you in. gaberobertsart.com/

Yesterday a set of dragon wings unfurled. So wild as I could feel their leathery texture on my skin and it hurt quite a bit as they came out. My whole upper back felt like it was rippling with discomfort all day as the wings adjusted themselves to my body . Red-gold and skeletal, not gorgeous like my pink-gold angel wings, yet beautiful. A fiery essence that is still adjusting, the fire in the hearth has helped them to dry tonight. I do not know what they portend or how to use them. I just know that they are here and the purpose will be revealed in due time.

New day and new clarity. The dragon wings bring a deeper tone of love to me. It is not the butterflies and faery love, rather dragons and dwarves and dark caves underground. It is a fierce and true love, a wholeness that emits a full tone. We have been conditioned to back away from the undertones, fearing their power but in truth, we are ready for love to shine forth in her full glory. A love that accepts blowbacks of anger and hate as it allows the density to surface to be embraced in its arms. It stands firm in its adherence to truth. Love contains the full spectrum which is why so many of us are journeying deep into our own shadowlands to excavate and embrace all that we buried along this journey. To receive and anchor the new tones of love, we must transmute our own black coal into diamonds blazing bright. My dragon self is here to ensure that the job gets done. His deep red, adding to my pink hues, so that I can hold the spectrum true.

My first love, Laurie.  A self portrait with green eye.

My first love, Laurie. A self portrait with green eye.

As I am mirroring my inner process with the clearing of the house and sheds, I unearthed a self portrait done by my first love. He held so much of the beloved energy for me yet he was not to be the father of the children that I knew were to come. Indeed, he has never had children as all of his passion and energy has gone into his pursuit of beauty. As a poet and artist, there has been a fierceness required, a distillation of life.  I feel this shifting as the outer world begins to reflect the fuller tones of love. Art, beauty and truth, all striking the chord of love. A renaissance of beauty is at hand as we come into our maturity as creator gods.

I am deeply grateful and again find myself in a state of wonder as I observe all that moves through me, around and about me.  We are living in the magic times. All things are possible, all is made new.

Anxiety Amplifies As It Prepares Us to Bloom

IMG_2938There is so much anxiety running rampant on the earth at present. Waves upon waves of it are swirling about, looking for handholds in our fields of light. Simple things can set off a dozen triggers in a second. An injury can trigger fears of not having insurance, of whether or not I can afford to seek medical attention, of how long I can remain out of the regular workplace with its security of insurance, of how I have no social security nor retirement to fall back upon, how long will my savings hold out, of will I be ok, will I have basic food and shelter, will I end up alone?  These are all fears that I have faced and neutralized yet they can spring up in a moment and feel overwhelming in their intensity. Our basic sense of survival is being lit up as the economy and present system sway and collapse, as a result of the incoming energies. We are attempting to find a foothold in the new land where we know all security is found within and abundance is our birthright. We are being compressed from every side, our fears being squeezed out into the light of day. Only then, can we release them. It is a time to call upon our angels and one another for assistance.

The past few days, I watched self-judgment stroll in, asking what I am doing. “Why haven’t you written that book? Why are you not painting every day? Why are you not taking advantage of this time to get something done? ” Quite a colorful chorus. I would breathe deeply and move back to observer mode, witnessing the parade. It made me feel slow and heavy, permeated my being.

IMG_2939This morning, the judgment lifted. One moment, I was answering emails, the next, I fell into an opening and began to cry. I knew not why. I  sat with the tears to see where they sprang from. They were not sad, no rather they became sobs of joy. My heart cleared and I knew that I had bloomed, my being had blossomed into a flower of great beauty. Oh my! I saw hearts blossoming all across the earth. So many varieties and colors, it was magnificent. As we blossom, we emit a fragrance and a tone that is our energy signature. Oh, the sweetness! Sounds and smells and visuals surrounded me as the earth became a field of flowers such as I had never seen. It was a continuous motion of flowering, like those videos that fast forward a plant’s growth. Dazzling. The greatest aspect was in that blossoming, I knew myself as part of the whole. A unique fragrance and tone to be sure, yet one with everyone and everything. This truth was known by all as soon as they flowered. We opened to the oneness and wonder of unity.

IMG_2927 I knew then that the anxiety and feelings of compression were catalysts that allowed the blossoming to take place. We had to come to that point of feeling we were ready to burst out of our skins. I had reached that as I had felt so flat, so done with the old, no juice left in any idea that I could come up with. No desire to create in this old world, and so tired of waiting for the new to manifest. All of that ran through my system in anxiety, self-judgment, compression, stuckness. Suddenly, it all ran free as if a dam had broken and I could once again flow. I was struck by the perfection of it all. Over and over, I am shown how I am loved. How carefully my life has been crafted to lead me to awaken to my own beauty. Every hardship, every sorrow and pain, every day of lying on my couch, all opening me to this flowering. My gratitude is immense as I rest in the feeling of offering my blossoming self to the Creator with all the love that I am. Now I will tone my tone throughout my cells, bringing all into harmony so as to emanate my note into the ethers, the earth, the grids of light. I will breathe my fragrance out with each breath, swooning in its heady perfume.

As I sit within my blossoming heart, inhaling my own sweet perfume, I hold this knowing deep, that all will blossom. You cannot know the joy that sets alight in my heart! I stand witness for the unfurling of each one’s petals, and breathe in the sweetness of those fully opened, knowing that all is well in this new world of ours. We are so loved. We ARE love.