Emptiness

imageI have been floating in the sea of emptiness. A new space where I witness my mind searching for tethers, whether to others, to place, to memories. There are none. The thought arises but there is no sticking point, nothing to adhere to. It is as if there has been a complete disconnect from all that is or has been. I sense it is a necessary step before we are connected into the new grid of oneness. It is not unpleasant, no positive or negative charge. Being with what is, has become easier. Dropping into my heart, connecting to Source, is the only space left. I can be there yet I am not floating in waves of bliss or love. Rather, I am being with this emptiness and it is enough. I am not seeking more, not seeking to move from this space. I am here, in neutral. It is enough to be here.

Called to the ocean and the redwoods for my work, communing with their vastness and ancient wisdom.

Called to the ocean and the redwoods for my work, communing with their vastness and ancient wisdom.

In this space of emptiness, time is ephemeral. I have to concentrate to place myself in a month, a season. Again, attaching to anything no longer works. I receive imprints of energy that I translate into my work. I have been working on my latest assignment. A friend is here from Scotland and we have been working together as well as with others. I was a bit surprised to find myself on another “undercover” operation as I had thought that time was past. Yet there is so much taking place in this period between the solar and lunar eclipses and there are still errant energies swirling to deter and distract. The resurrection energies of Easter are so very present as the opportunity for embodying Christ consciousness is here. I know I am in my perfect place as I work to complete this week’s solo assignment. (there truly is no solo assignment as many in other realms assist me). A group was together to celebrate the birthday of one dear to me. As much as I would have liked to join in, I knew where I was called to be. I was shown there would be no difference between night and day, so I was prepared for the deep sleeps in the day and the awake states in the night. My body can feel drugged as I am laid flat in bed, suspended in that semi-conscious state where much can be accomplished. I am learning to feel into the energy of my body, to become the swirling particles that can flow and dance with form. This has been a high alert time, all hands on deck, for the highest outcome for the greatest good for all. We are all working to bring this about.

The sunlight, a spotlight for these fragile beauties rising from the dark forest floor.

The sunlight, a spotlight for these fragile beauties rising from the dark forest floor.

I feel the privilege of being embodied now and offering myself in service to our Mother Earth and the Creator. I am aware that I embodied so as to be present in this now and to do what I am doing. Everything else falls away as I devote myself to this task in gratitude. It takes all that I have. I saw myself as a pile of dust at the end date I was given. I feel ok with that. It seems we came to use our bodies up, to utilize every ounce of our being in this now. There is nothing to hold back for, this is the moment. I will have no regrets that I stepped back, kept something in reserve for the future. There truly is only now. To show up with all of ourselves in every moment, to have our hearts wide open, to feel everything that flows through, to respond to our internal waves of knowing…. this is the path I choose.

These truly are holy days. That life so many of us walked with our brother and our sister, Jesus and Mary Magdalene, over two thousand years ago, is present. We are asked to walk it now, owning our mastery. Bringing forth the teachings of love anew, facing the crucifixion and living the resurrection flame. Our wisdom of myriad lifetimes flows forth to assist us as do the masters of the ages. ETs, Galactics, Agarthans, Devas, elementals, ascended masters, angels, the earth herself, all are here offering their all in service to the Creator. We are a part of a pageant of epic proportions and we are the stars of the show. Amazing. Kind of takes your breath away when you feel it.

imageA candle flame keeps me company through the night. Soon dawn will splash her pink hues across the mountain face. Spring is showering me in her petals of light, allowing me to drink deep of her scents and be nourished by her warming beauty. My heart bows down in gratitude.

Opening to Our Wildness

Pink blossoms that I could sleep in, what a dreamy bed!

Pink blossoms that I could sleep in, what a dreamy bed!

Spring is in the air; new buds about to burst all about me, lovely shots of color in the blossoming trees, birds singing gaily in the gentle breeze, the sun rising higher in the sky, allowing my clothesline to receive its warmth and dry my sheets once again. It is a magical time as I savor the ground warming beneath my toes and the tiny violets poking their velvety heads above their green leaves. My spirit is responding by opening to the energies of newness, to the quickening of sap rising in my veins, mimicking the trees. I am ready to burst forth in radiant bloom. I am a rose woman, love the fragrance, the enfolding, unfurling petals, the rich colors. It is my protection, a gift from the Creator some years ago, a pink rose. Its perfume is associated with Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, and being a Mary, I resonate deeply with it. My idea of heaven in my thirties and forties involved living in a rose garden surrounded by faeries and angels. I tended a rose garden of old fashioned fragrant blooms for years.

Today I am desiring to burst forth like a poppy, translucent petals, flowing like a gossamer gown, the sun’s rays clearly shining through. Exuberant is the word I feel when I look at them, dancing with the breeze, responsive to every lift and puff. The blossoms only last a short while, yet they are so alive in that time! I want to open myself to that wildness, that level of play with the elements. I am ready for the bees to burrow into my center and gather my scent to trail out into the world. I am tired of being tame and controlled. It is time for us to burst out of our old ways and let our instinctive nature take over. I want to live each now moment fully and suck the juice out of it. If it is a moment of anger, I want to feel its fire in my veins, scorching if need be.  If of joy, I want to sing it out in notes so colorful that the birds look up to discover the source. I want to breathe in the sylphs of the air and play with them as variations of the in and out breath arise. The undines of the water caress my body in the shower, cleansing me each day of the old and renewing me with their touch. All can be more sensual, more intoxicating as I open to it. I run out barefoot on the ground and my feet feel delight in connecting fully to my mother earth. I twirl about until dizziness spins me flat on her surface to feel her heartbeat, to attune my own.

I watched a fat bubble bee dive into this center with an intensity that was sensual in its wholeheartedness.

I watched a fat bubble bee dive into this center with an intensity that was sensual in its wholeheartedness.

The elementals are asking me to play with them, allow them a richer connection. Through this connection, I am able to delve deep into myself with love, discovering pools of it inside. In so doing,  I become more fully my truth. I want to swim in the seas of love for myself, be on the lookout for more aspects of myself arising to claim themselves as love. I am allowing the force of love I am to flow through my heart into whatever my hands touch, my breath moves, my body dances, my eyes land upon.  My desire is to so be love that it is radiated for miles from my being. To be shining in form, to have golden sparkles on my skin and the scent of roses arising from my body. Truly, the outer forms are not the goal, rather playthings to envision and delight in.

As humans, we are gifted the ability to express emotions, one of the delightful aspects of our beings. We have been taught that many of our feelings were unacceptable, that they were to be tamped down or hidden away. By suppressing them, we created a shadow self. We were taught to keep that hidden at all costs or we would be exiled from the group. We concluded that we were unacceptable, unworthy of love. Our bodies have become toxic dumping grounds that have served to keep us tethered to what we cannot own, holding self love in abeyance. How can I claim myself as a being of love when all this darkness is hidden inside? What would happen if my shadow self was revealed?

I want to dance the colors, sounds, scents out into the earth with all that I am.

I want to dance the colors, sounds, scents out into the earth with all that I am.

We were not taught the freedom of feeling everything deeply. We were taught to fear what in truth is our path to freedom. We throw up walls to the low notes and the high, prefering to live in the “safety” of a middle tone. We have given up our wildness, our fiery hearts to live in the confines of a single tone. The repetition, the isolation of that one note, became soul numbing. Isn’t that what makes us depressed, the sameness of the routines we have been locked into? The 9-5 routine that forces part of ourselves underground, as it would be a disruptive force to that lifestyle based on productivity at all costs. We give up parts of our soul as we are programmed to believe that our value comes from the work that we do. When we meet someone, one of the first questions is what do you do? Your value is constructed by your position in society and the amount of money that you make.  All contrived structures that keep us from a natural rhythm. When we see expressions of wildness, we sedate them, lock them away, idolize them, or damn them. In doing so, we separate ourselves from our own wildness that desires to be lived.

Every blossom a bell to be rung, my heart is in each one.

Every blossom a bell to be rung, my heart is in each one.

Spring is asking my wildness to come out to play. She is encouraging me to re-imagine my idea of heaven and to trust that I can bring that vision to life. I am breathing that in as I see myself in the spider web glittering in the sunlight by my door, as I feel myself dancing in the diamond sparkles skittering across the pool’s water, as I inhale the fragrance of the pink hyacinth that asked to come home with me from the store, as I feel myself in the center of the heart rock that I finger in my bathrobe pocket. All are nudging me into the inner planes where I know myself as a tone that can hold the deep notes in love and yet burst forth in trills that spark hearts alight. All of nature is calling me home to the knowing of myself as a magical being, in oneness with the all that is. We are being asked to come out and play in the fullness that we are. How delightful! Bring your wild heart to the fore. Let us become little children once more, romping through the wonder land that this earth truly is.

 

 

Laughing at Myself

This image was taken from the observation tower of the De Young Art Museum. For me, it is a new perspective on a reflecting pool. When I can gain some distance from my actions, I can discover a new view that allows a shift into a new way of being. I am grateful for these shifts, for all the myriad ways that they come to me. They allow me to see my beauty and life anew.


What a weekend! Storms and sunshine, energy streaming in. I had a beautiful first day of Spring, took a walk to the local park where the playground was under water and the ground was muddy but folks were out enjoying the sunshine. Joined in some equinox meditations online, spoke with a couple of dear friends, enjoyed time with my son. Felt that this was a day to remember as we are witnessing the birth of the New Earth. It felt a sacred and holy weekend to me.

This morning, a friend’s blog post helped shift me out of my recent fear provoked preparedness actions. I did not believe that I was operating out of fear as I have not felt that something would happen yet what did prompt my actions? There had to have been a kernel of fear that was activated. Here is the blog post that has given me a good laugh and shake this morning: http://pristine-lens.blogspot.com/2011/03/creating-your-signs.html

Whew, another lesson under my belt! My daughter came in fresh from her weekend away and ribbed me a bit about it. All of my kids had wondered at my actions and humored me along. My daughter pointed out that folks love the adrenaline rush of preparedness. Of thinking of disasters and survival and pitting themselves against the elements. Yes, there was that old hit of adrenaline that kicked in. I lived most of my life addicted to that way of being. Always on the alert, hyper aware of everything and everyone so as to be able to spring into action. It is a fear based operating system that we are moving out of as a society. Most of us do not live in a world where the tiger is going to eat us but our fears course through our bodies with that same rush of chemicals that say our lives are in danger. This leads to all sorts of stress induced illnesses. I have found that moving out of the adrenaline reaction (for the most part!) has felt like a void of sorts. The neutral place takes some getting used to as it felt so foreign to me. It is where I want to live though as it is where peace has the opportunity to reside.

So, the stuff. My daughter pointed out that it will come in handy for summer camping. She wants the water purifying pills and duffel bag for her upcoming trip to Mexico, the mini lantern and stove are camping items that I left back east and needed to replace for this summer’s trips. Yes, our pantry is full but we do go through beans, rice and nuts pretty quickly as the kids are so athletic and active that they consume a lot of fuel. Now we can just go to the local market for our daily vegies to add to the mix.

So, all is well that ends well. I love getting shifts in my paradigms and thought process. It reminded me of a mantra I had with my kids growing up, take action but know why you are taking an action. Be conscious of what is driving you. Not easy to do at times as this recent action of mine pointed out. If I felt the need to prepare, I was believing that I would not always have enough. My life for the past few years has been about walking that trust walk, believing that I am always provided for. So continual refining and shifting the layers to bring all of me into alignment with me. Loving myself when I veer, reassuring myself when a new layer of fear is unearthed.

I am getting many experiences of late that are reminding me to tune in more closely to the voice of my soul. To hone my discernment and come into greater alignment with myself. My ego that gets attached to the idea of being “awakened” , gets shook up and I can laugh at myself. This has been happening more and more these past few weeks as I move out of duality and into the oneness. A step forward, two back, then three forward and back again. It is the dance of life as we move closer and closer to our essence. We are birthing ourselves now and it is all new uncharted territory. We are pioneers of our interior landscapes and it takes fortitude and courage to move ever onward.

We are seeing earthquakes and uprisings in the external world. It is a mirror of our internal worlds. We are shifting and changing at an amazing rate. Clearing and releasing and learning to be. Who knew that at the age of 55 , I would have the chance to be reborn. What a privilege. I am grateful for each moment of it!