Nights of Little Sleep as the Energies Flow

Red poppies and a white picket fence....joyful combo.

Red poppies and a white picket fence….joyful combo.

Yesterday was the new moon and the energies ran through me like a waterfall. Days like that mean chugging water and peeing dozens of time. Awake till the wee hours….the mind asking what is the cause. The body simply being in that suspended awake state which has no antidote. I realized that I still revert to the “what have I done wrong?” train of thought. It was eye opening to me how programmed we are to look first and foremost to ourselves to assign blame. I went through a list….last meal at 5 pm so not that; no chocolate that day so not that; no caffeine that day either so not that; long walk and back exercises done so not that… Ok, I was simply awake through no particular reason that I could pinpoint. It was the energy flowing in and that was it.

Love reflected all around us.

Love reflected all around us.

I was grateful for this night’s example as it allowed me to let myself completely off the hook no matter if I had eaten chocolate or toast at midnight or laid on the couch all day. None of it makes a difference when I am kept awake. It simply is. Ah….I thought I was past the blame self game yet there it was in all of its stern mind loops.

I have days when it is easy to do my intermittent fasting, eat loads of greens, exercise followed by days where none of that is reachable. I am simply carried on a current that allows no structure of my mind to exist. Willpower, which used to be my tool to get through my days, gritted teeth and all, fled a decade or so ago. The best of me drives the show in this body and my only job is to trust it. Trust so completely in the unfolding of life around me. Embrace it all with an open heart and a backseat view. Knowing deep in my heart, that I am so loved by me, so cherished for the love light that I am, that everything conspires to move me closer to that flame of love.

There is a huge wave of awakening sweeping the planet. So many are facing health crisis, relationship crisis, crippling depression and anxiety. The light forces the shadow out to be seen and felt. Our bodies are showing us lifetimes of pain and suffering. It is such a trust walk in the world today. To allow all to surface and to welcome it all. The good, bad and ugly are all there to be seen, to be felt, to be experienced and to be let go. Surrender and trust the bywords for this time. 

My grandson's carrot friend that he added clove eyes too.

My grandson’s carrot friend that he added clove eyes too.

The flip side is the amazing joy and sense of excitement that you can feel rising from our mother earth. Oh! It can be giddy to feel it swirling about you. Dancing joy! I am so fortunate to have time with my three year old grandson most days. He expresses these energies so purely, it is humbling to witness. Yesterday as we sat by the pool eating our snacks he said, ” Nana, we have a good life!” Yes, we do. He named the birds singing in the yard, our gorgeous garden giving us big juicy strawberries and salad greens and beets and carrots and all kinds of flowers and herbs. The crystal clear salt water pool, his swing in the tree, the hot tub for cool evening soaks, his bike to race around…so much abundance. He dances about singing, “I am happy! I am so happy!”

The bees love to dive in to our saucer sized purple poppies.

The bees love to dive in to our saucer sized purple poppies.

He shows me a new way of thinking that is beyond duality. He expresses appreciation for all things. I was pushing him on the swing and he thanked me along with the tree with its strong branch to support the swing, his grandpa for putting it up, his mom for buying it for him. He sees the interconnectedness of all things. When he saw his grandpa set a rat trap in the shed that caught and killed a rat, he played that he was a rat for a time afterwards. He gives the rat new ways to escape, offers alternative endings and got books out of the library to understand rats and their place in the world. He loves them as well as understands that everything has a place to be.  He expresses his sadness with quick tears  and finding a lap for comfort. Tears and laughter flow with equal ease…all part of the whole of this journey.

We are moving into something so expansive and new, it feels like champagne bubbles in my cells. Other times, there is only the flatness of a day old bottle with its fizz gone. Yet the memory of the bubbly feeling does not depart. We are so ready to live it all, to embrace new ways of connecting and sharing. I am so grateful to be here right now and have a seat at this grand turning of the age. How blessed we are.