As we move between dimensions, it can be tricky to find our sea legs. In the way of the now, I spoke of wanting to sail, a man with a sailboat overheard me and I went for a ten hour sail down the coast. The wind did not cooperate to allow the sails to have much play so it was mainly a motoring ride, yet I was out there on the rolling seas. The first couple of hours, it took all my concentration to keep the horizon in view and my stomach in check. It felt reminiscent of times on this awakening path, when it took everything I had, to simply stay upright and in form. On the surface, no action at all, yet underneath, every fiber of my being, engaged.
At some point, my stomach took over and emptied its emptiness. I then felt great, free to relax and look about and enjoy the scenery. As with life, I later went below to get some warmer gear as a cold front came through and in the rocking, lost my apple that I had felt good enough to consume. I have faced many a rocky time and lost my moorings. Once above deck, bundled in my down jacket, I felt on top of the world! I love that I fall down, I get up and allow my inner sun to shine once again. I was on an adventure! It was not with the four sails all unfurled as my imagination had envisioned and the sailor had thought probable, but I was out on the ocean, playing with the elements. I want to live this way every moment, upchucking old beliefs and ways of being and opening myself to what is there to be had.
I am grateful to the dear man who allowed this inexperienced sailor aboard and showed me such kindness. I am grateful to my adventuring self who took the opportunity offered despite much not knowing of the person or situation but trusting in the feeling of it all. As I drifted in and out of sleep on the rocking waves, my being was delighting in the closeness of the watery realms and the expansion that I felt. I had a couple of nights of rest on the boat, listening to the rain on the hatch above me and feeling the gentle rocking of the water. I was planning on staying another night when the energy shifted and I could feel the need for movement. I took a three bus trip up the coast to arrive back where my car awaited me. I had felt my elder son in my need for movement and later when we spoke, it made sense as he was called to stillness for a deep process and my movement helped to facilitate it. Oh, the levels that we are working on! Again and again, I surrender to my inner promptings and follow with alacrity. Often unaware of why or what.
I came back to the pursuit of a place to live. I sent out emails and phone calls to craigslist and newspaper ads. I felt unhappy about the process, it felt heavy. I kept hearing the message that I could sleep for a week. I felt so drained from all of the last month of my life. I cannot even recall what it entailed but it felt big, energy wise. I had a day of vulnerability, of tears, of confusion. I wanted a mother who would take me in and cradle me in her arms. I felt adrift from Spirit and guidance, stuck in the mud of my own misery. My son reminded me to allow it all play, to love it and let it flow through. It was all illusion wanting some air time. Wah! I wanted only to be the baby and cry my heart out.
Sleep is a magical thing. I awoke the next morning and decided to do nothing about looking for a place. rather to be fully present to the place where I was. I am staying with dear friends who have opened their home and hearts to me. What a wonderful gift! I had a magical day. I scrubbed a cupboard, my friend gave me an incredible massage, I napped and awoke to go lie in the sun, on her passion vine bed (yes, she has the vine growing over an old metal bed frame and springs, so delightful!), we went to dinner, walked on the beach, ate an ice cream cone. I allowed myself to let go of the idea that I was a burden, that I might be overstaying my visit, that I was in the way.
I see today that is part of these times. Allowing ourselves to be fully present with ourselves and know ourselves as the divinity we are. To trust ourselves to speak our truth and others to speak theirs. To accept the generous offers of hospitality with grace rather than fears. To trust my higher self to be guiding me always to my highest good, despite what the surface circumstances appear to be. To trust each one’s role in these changing times. Some of us have been guided to let go of hearth and home, others to offer that soft landing spot. All are of value. My personality felt more comfortable in the hostess role yet my soul is in need of the receiving as it discovers the truth that it is a two way exchange. And when it is not, I am learning the discernment necessary to depart and move on in my joy.
We are living betwixt and between dimensions. We feel the excitement that something new is on the horizon. It truly is a case of finding our sea legs as we enter this new landscape. To step forward and experience without attachment, to explore with an open heart, to trust in the earth and Source to see to our well being. We are becoming gods and it is a challenging and exciting prospect! I am treating myself with such gentleness and tenderness today. I trust you are doing the same.