Supermoon: Sadness, Softness, Sweetness

The supermoon rising over the shed in the backyard.

The supermoon of Wesak took me on a  journey of several days that I am just returning from. First she and I entered the realm of sadness and grief. Tears flowed with no known cause yet I knew there had been a completion of significance for my Spirit. Those of you who have journeyed with me these past few years, have witnessed many endings. As recent as six months ago, I recall a death experience where I felt I was done with this third dimensional life, never to take up the reins again. Yet, the cycles began again, as did I. These past few days there was the sense that it was for the young to bring in the new earth. That I had played my part, spread my seeds and now wanted only to sleep in my Mother’s and Father’s arms once again.  My son reminded me that elders were needed and that there was more to be experienced and brought forth. This I knew but could not touch, the sadness engulfed me. I wanted to park my body somewhere and let me Spirit fly free. I did not want to have to care for it, figure out where I am to live, how I am to live. All seemed flat. We need a resting place for weary lightworkers, a way station where the body can be tenderly tended while the Spirit takes a sabbatical to the Great Central Sun, to Venus, to home.

Soft light for a magical sight....the sculptural quality of this calla lily drew me in.

Yesterday I spoke with a facebook friend who has a radio show. I called in and asked about my grief and she affirmed that I had completed by blueprint, and had the option of leaving or staying for more. She said, “You have raised your hand for more.” Yes, I have wakened morning after morning hearing myself saying, “I AM ready!” My physical and emotional bodies have been moving to catch up with my soul’s ever eager desire to serve the light. She told me that my team said, “Linda Marie rocks!” Deep breath…breathing that in. I do rock! I have given everything I have to this path these past few years.

Pink peonies full of perfume and passion, come ignite mine!

A softness washed over me next as I felt the air, the earth, the trees all blur their forms. Everything appeared slightly out of focus, felt softer on my skin. The rawness that I had been feeling so appreciated this.The world had been too bright, too intense for this being that was being birthed from the old Linda. I felt vulnerable and unable to protect myself in the old ways. My heart was fully exposed now, and no intent nor thoughts could cover it again. This softness was letting me know it would be alright to be this exposed. I felt grateful for this place of sanctuary with my sons, sheltered by their love. I even joined a friend in a sweat your prayers dance event. My personality self had no desire to be in public, my back still felt tender and stiff yet my soul was nudging me forward. Ok. soul trumps all. I went. I danced mostly in my own space but even allowed brief encounters with others, even men. Whew…big for me. My soul was right, the dancing moved the sadness out in a bigger way, allowing the softness to take me. I had the evening alone, which I savored as the gift it was. As my son said, “It is a win win for all of us,” as he and his brother and friends departed.  Always I am shown how I am loved. We are all so loved.

This morning, I awoke to sweetness. Yes, I could feel the dearness of life as I moved about

One of my Japanese maples, its shadows dancing on the shed, showing me the way.

the house by myself, smudging the rooms, clearing the energies after the gathering for the Wesak birthday party for my elder son. I had participated in a limited way as the grief was still upon me. The sage did its magic, wafting its sweet fragrance in the air. The wind of the past couple of days was gone and I felt the gentle greeting from the trees and bushes in the yard. The water in the pool sent a sweet message up my leg as I dipped my toes in. Everything shimmered with new light. I cut a couple of peonies to bring into the house that the wind had flattened on the ground. Ummmmm, sweet fragrance. Moving slowly as the Wesak moon and I complete this

The swing that will rock me today in the cool shade and dappled light.

journey. Being gentle with this dear body as she strengthens herself for what is ahead. Allowing myself seclusion from phone calls and friends for the moment as I tend to this new being that is here. I feel as I did with my newborns, simply wanting to be with them, and no other. I can recall the pleasure of night time, when the other babies and husband went to bed and I was alone to nurse and commune with my baby. Oh, the bliss and sweet joy of looking at him or her. To kiss and pet, to ohh and ahh. I am falling in love with these new aspects of me that have arrived on the light of this moon. Stardust and love’s mysteries and a sound that rings in my ears of angel choirs. Time to rock this babe in my arms.