Today was a day unto itself in agitation, anger, fatigue, frustration. I felt myself at the end of this long cycle of the Kali Yuga. I wanted to dismantle my altar, take down the Mother Mary images, clear the decks of all that got me to here. Crystals, ascended masters, skulls…..smash them. New age, spirituality……all tasted like sawdust in my mouth. Fucking this and that flew out of my mouth. Everything felt off.

I am done. Complete with this game we created. No juice left, all dried out. Nothing sparks, nothing beckons or excites. DONE!

I definitely wanted to escape as “I am leaving!” sprang from my lips. It echoed down corridors of old when I was running on empty and had no knowing of how to refill myself. It has been years since that feeling of overwhelm had surfaced. It was as if everything that came into my field had streamers attached, bringing so many unvoiced desires with each interaction. All pulling at me for something which brought up so much anger. Grief running a line through it red hot. DONE!

I have nothing left to give to any of it. This illusion has outrun its natural course like a bad show that was allowed an extra run. Nothing new expressed, reruns of the old.

New moon, time to set new intentions. What do I desire? I desire the plug to be pulled on this show. I would light it up if I could, torch me and all of it so as to get to the rebirth, the new, the open playing field. This rigged game is so oppressive.

Wrath blazes up at how we have all been used and held back and held down. Yes, it is dissolving, yes, light is embracing the dark, yes, we create our world, yes, love is the answer. Yes, yes, yes. It all is white noise to me today. None of it makes sense.


Nature offers some solace with her ability to endure and be with what is. My being reaches out into the field, searching for anyone who I can relate to. Instantly, one calls and the relief! To share this feeling with another, to fill and feel the space together, brings tears and even laughter. We barge back and forth with, “Fuck that! and “This fucking……..” until some of the energy is skimmed off. She asks if I can be with it, can we both just feel it. Yes, we are standing in it. Breathing it in and by being with it, the weave loosens. More observation, and some space opens up……not much…..enough to tilt my head up and catch a shallow breath.

Another, close at hand, offers a hug, a few words of comfort, understanding. Not trying to change what I am experiencing, rather standing next to me in it. How grateful am I for the beauty of our hearts.

Not doing anything with it. No conclusions, no pronouncements, no action. Taking a breath. And then the next one. That is the victory of this day. To endure. Once again, to endure. I am here. I showed up. That is all I have.





Dream Space Training in the New Energies

This character was a a recent origami exhibit. The old me would have shied away from him, the new me, embraced his darkness.

This character was a a recent origami exhibit. The old me would have shied away from him, the new me, embraced his darkness.

My dream of the other night showed me new possibilities. I was with a younger woman, who had recently escaped from a violent situation. We were in the woods and she suddenly decided to return to the oppressor. She took off through the woods and I ran after her. As we came to a clearing, a house appeared and a man came running out wielding a hatchet over his head. I told the woman to run back the way we had come. The man charged and was slashing at me with the hatchet. I felt a wild surge of anger flash through me and come screaming out of me in an adrenaline fueled war cry. I used this energy to overpower him and direct the hatchet to his throat. I killed him.

My mind went through an instant review, I could have gone for his other hand rather than his throat. No, he would have still given chase. I could have slashed his knee and he would have not been able to follow me. Yes, that would have worked. Yet it was all the old energy, meeting violence with violence.

This praying being was at the same exhibit. I loved the simplicity of the folds, emanating the light.

This praying being was at the same exhibit. I loved the simplicity of the folds, emanating the light from her open robe.

I heard myself call out, “Redo!” I wanted to meet this anger another way. The scene replayed and as the man came charging out with his hatchet waving, I summoned the same war cry but called it through my heart. It was the same level of intensity as the earlier one, but this time there was no sound and it manifested as a wave of heartlight. I matched his vibration’s intensity but with the opposite vibration of love. I said, “Let there be a field of love around him.” In that instant, all slowed down. The man moved as if in slow motion. I had time to breathe in and out my heartlight with all the force of my being. I felt no fear. I knew I could melt his heart with my love.

After a few steps, he staggered and fell to his knees, hatchet dropped to the ground. He began to sob quietly. My heart was breathing fire like a dragon. I allowed the lovelight to enfold him in its embrace as I breathed my way back to a neutral place.

I awoke with clarity, knowing that we can override the old flight or fight response that has been embedded in our cells. We can reprogram them to stand firm and be love. Oh, the joy of this knowing! I feel empowered by it. I am grateful to have practice sessions in dream time so that my body is prepared at any moment to emanate a field of love as needed. We are love so it seems a natural thing but we have been conditioned otherwise. It is time to reclaim our superpowers. We can stop a speeding bullet with our hearts alight in love!

I felt gratitude for all the rage I have felt and expressed, all the pain and suffering I endured on this path, as I am familiar with that landscape. That allowed me to know the force of love required to melt his rage. To have met his aggression with a milk toast love, would have found me swept aside or dead.  Love is a force, that we can hone. Even now, writing about it, my heart is a fire burning red hot in my chest.

An angel with a sword, they can be fiery love!

An angel with a sword, they can be fiery love!

We are in the time of miracles where we are alchemists, transforming darkness into light. All is being returned to the truth of love. It begins within my heart and yours. Wishing you all a happy new moon. This moon comes bearing gifts of transformation that will see us using our new skills. Be love!