I Give You Permission

Autumn sunlight allowing clarity to my senses.

Autumn sunlight allowing clarity to my senses.

An aspect of my role has come to the forefront of late. I am the mother, the headmistress, the boss, the father…..all authority figures that we are taught to look to for permission. Family and friends call me to echo their own truth. To confirm their inner knowing that tells them to put their needs first. Intuitively, we know that is the path home, to fill our cups before offering a drink to another. Yet the conditioning is strong to give that first cup away, to honor all commitments, to be “nice” above all else, to shore up another at the risk of our own drowning.

I am called to give permission, “yes, this is a day to rest…..yes, you can cancel that plan that feels heavy….yes, you can say no even though the person is outside your door asking to come in and they have driven two hours to get there……yes, you can walk away from that “opportunity” that feels like too much….yes, you can be assured, more opportunities are in the offing even if you decline this one…..yes, to honoring your body’s need for chocolate, nurturing in whatever form appeals to you…..yes, you can tell the truth that you do not wish to go somewhere at this moment……..yes, you can cancel a date with a friend……yes, you are allowed to be inconsistent…..and on it goes.

This is all a part of releasing the old programming of the matrix. We are taught that if we do not keep our commitments, if we pass on an opportunity, if we say no to another….we will suffer. We will lose out. It is a lie that has kept us walking the straight and narrow path of being productive cogs in the wheel of the machine. Even our language supports this oppression. Think of the connotation of words like lazy, slothful, indulgent, and a phrase that makes me cringe; to die for, usually spoken about some dessert or article of clothing. The implication is that if you follow your desires, it will lead to death on some level. Really???

A hazelnut torte I made, yum!

A hazelnut torte I made, yum!

We are taught to not trust ourselves. If I eat a piece of cake, who knows where that will lead? As if I will become obese if I am not holding a tight rein on myself at all times. If I do not eat the right foods, (and which are the right foods is a  constantly changing and often confusing business) drink the right drink, exercise the right way, join the right clubs, follow the right path of advancement….death awaits. Yes, death awaits us all. Funny how a natural process has been used as a Damocles’ sword above our heads. Face that fear of death, and suddenly life opens with its joys and pleasures. I know death to be a doorway to greater freedom and am ready to step there whenever I am called. Life itself is a series of deaths and rebirths as we move ever closer to embodying more of ourselves.

I was taught that to “be” meant I would become nothing. The glory was in the productivity. It was a revelation to me to come to the knowing that I was loveable, that I had value in and of myself. Not because I did this or performed that service but rather because I am an aspect of the Creator. I am of value for who I am, not for what I do. We were programmed to believe that to have a full daytimer was a sign of achievement, to be busy, gold stars. Even our calendars with their linear line up of days, ask us to cross them off as if we were living in a prison cell. Nature does not move in an orderly march, she swirls and dances and asks us to attune to her rhythms. Often I am able to confirm for others that they are in tune with the planetary cycles, feeling the solar flares in their bodies need for more rest, wanting to withdraw from social obligations as the moon is waning. Instead of being “wrong”, I can echo their hearts’ knowing that they are “right”. I offer words of gentleness that their heart seeks for them to hear. We are a species that are learning to walk and we beat ourselves up if we are not Olympic caliber athletes! We are toddlers in this new land and need to be oh so gentle with ourselves as we practice walking upright. Once we fully pop out of this matrix, we will be astounded at how we agreed to live under such harsh conditions.

I love watching the leaves dance their way down to the water and ground.

I love watching the leaves dance their way down to the water and ground.

Think of it, no more obligation in the name of family, relationship, roles…….each one moving to their own inner joy. Planning will become a thing of the past as we move out of economic slavery, with times and schedules. We will flow together on currents of love. We will broadcast our desire and watch it unfold in a way we could not have orchestrated from our minds. Our hearts are so ready to be unleashed so as to show us the wonders that are possible when we fill our cup and drink deep. We were taught that the supply was limited so we sipped barely enough to stay alive. The truth is, when we fill our cups for ourselves, there is a never ending stream that can pour through us.  There is no thought of giving, it simply overflows to all, a spigot turned to on once we step into the stream of our own truth. Liquidlovelight flowing, bathing each in its rejuvenating waters. Drink deep and nourish yourself for in doing so, you nourish me. Together, we nourish the world.

Today I give you permission to honor yourself in each moment. Watching the leaves do their autumn dance of letting go is calling me outside. Nature unfolding the mystery with her gentle grace. The leaves dancing to their death allow me to dance to mine. I can die fully to this moment, savoring each drop, whether it is to be my last. I give myself permission to live in this gentle embrace of love.



Attuning to Nature’s Rhythm

Last night, sleep eluded me for a time as my mind wound down from the energies of the day. I began to think of the rhythm of nature and how she is always teaching me through her example how to be in life. It is winter here in Northern California. I am following that energy by drawing more inward, craving fires and warm food. My inner earth dweller wants root vegies baked in the oven, warm cookies and hot drinks. No wonder I felt out of synch in Hawaii! My body knew it was to be wintertime, though it was an inward journey that I took there with my friend. I did not do the vacation activities associated with the islands.

It amazes me how we can live with nature all around yet not see the clues she leaves for us, until suddenly we do! While in Hawaii, camping on the shore, we moved our tent after the first night, seeking to be as close to the cliff edge as we could. We had laughed as we picked up our tent, carrying it in its open state, to the next site. “We are moving to our new home!” It was so easy and fun. I have been thinking how nature is always in the process of change. Whereas we have forgotten what that means. We find a home and settle in. We begin to accumulate things, beliefs, relationships and find ourselves locked in density. We are no longer free to move like the wind or shed our skin like the snake as we have become hardened in place with our jobs, our roles, our beliefs. We join a religious organization and stay locked into those beliefs, We stay in family dynamics long after we have outgrown them. After all, our family of origin is often the training wheels that we arranged for until we could navigate on our own, At such time, we are to drop them and ride free but for the most part, we do not. We hold to everything with almost a religious fervor rather than taking our cue from nature and allowing ourselves the freedom to flow. We stay stuck in traditions that we have outgrown, think of how the holidays are weighted with expectations of how we are to act rather than allowing who we now are, to set the desired scene.

We can allow the waters of life to rush past us, bending and shaping us into new forms.

It is our nature to flow and evolve. Mankind has become stuck in this density, believing it to be solid and real. We can allow people to flow in and out of our lives without attachment. Some relationships are meant to be short, some are long term. All are there for our growth. One is not better than another, they simply are. We do not have to stay because society tells us that you must love your mother when your mother is no longer someone with whom you resonate. There does not have to be judgment or blame, she is wrong, I am right. There is only the resonance of energies, does this fit who I am today? We are asked to honor ourselves by aligning with what fits in the moment. The butterfly does not seek to return to the cocoon, it knows that its path lays in flying free in the air, not lying entombed in the confines of the cocoon. Yet that is what we are programmed to do, stay in the confines so that we do not  fly free and discover our own beauty and power. 

We can allow possessions to change hands. What I need as a single woman is very different from what was needed as a mother and wife. Yet how many of us, let go of all that clutter and stuff and lighten our households, or change our residence to a smaller one. We can give ourselves the freedom to feel what is right for us in this moment of time. Perhaps the house that grew children remains the perfect place for grandchildren or a place to invite others in to live as I am witnessing happening. New configurations being formed from economic necessity.As a society, things are breaking down to help us evolve.  All this is movement, is allowing change and growth though it may manifest as suffering in the old model. Again, it is perspective. Many are having to reinvent themselves and find a freedom in letting go of jobs that no longer fit, even if the letting go is scary and not consciously chosen. Often, we create change in our lives,  that from our conscious smaller self, we would not have chosen. I played victim to circumstances in my life that I now view as life saving rather than life ending. How grateful I am to now be a conscious co-creator of my reality with my higher self. I trust always that she is showing me the shortcut home, whether my rational mind can understand it or not.

As we allow possessions to flow in and out, we discover that there is so much stuff in the world! I have begun noticing how things show up when I express a need or desire. As my son returned my car keys to me, a couple fell off the flimsy keyring. I thought, I need to look for a sturdy one so that I do not lose a key. Later that day, one that had been mine years ago showed up and it suited me perfectly! Small thing but the more I acknowledge and appreciate how the universe is caring for me, the more caring I receive!

Beliefs are another area that we get caught in. We were trained to see the world as black and white, shades of gray were not available. We can allow ourselves to contradict ourselves, try on new ideas, drop beliefs that no longer fit. Others may try to put you back in the former belief box as your changing can feel threatening to their way of seeing the world. There is a sense that the black and white box is a place of safety. Yet in truth, it is a form of enslavement as we allow ourselves to be manipulated by the powers that were. (Yes, were, as the old order is crashing down.)

A friend wrote the following to me and it spoke so deeply to my heart. She is an artist and I think a poet as well. She has given me permission to share this: 

sometimes i am overwhelmed with my good fortune – to be alive, to be able to think and act and make choices, to see the sky brighten as dawn arrives,  to love the earth, pachamama, to know she is perfection and i am a part of her.  i am so blessed to have had this wisdom come to me.  and when my dying time comes, i know I will know how to do this – even with the fear.
But it really is time for me to bring my energies inward, to have at least some years before my next great passing to study nurture and love, recognize, appreciate and enjoy all my uniquenesses – and then to release this too – i am not done with myself yet – i want to know so much more about how i am and how i work and to sit in the dappling sun, to watch another season pass over the gardens, feel the winds lifting away the debris of my carcass, to watch those coils from and to mother loosen and fall flaccid to the ground.  ahhhhh – yes i am still breathing!

With that, I leave you and enter this misty morning.