Floating in the Mists

The mighty redwoods are calling me to come play.

The mighty redwoods are calling me to come play.

The void, again? I feel as if I am floating in space, no form to hold to, no sense of “me”. The emptiness can feel uncomfortable as nothing seems to touch who I am. Opposing this are moments of complete connection with myself, with Source and the knowing that all is well, all are one and that love is all.

Then back to being a particle floating in the ethers. My body feels uncomfortable, no real pain, simply does not feel that it fits me. It feels heavy and cumbersome, slow and awkward. I want to lay it down and float free in that cosmic sky. In my heart, I know this is all part of the process of finding myself home in every moment. I surrender to it, breathing through it as if through a veil. No desire to do anything. Tired, a fatigue that permeates my cells and thoughts. It is as if I am underwater and it takes too much effort to make that kick to the surface. No, I’ll just float down here. Even with the knowing that life is up there, I feel no motivation to move. Everything that I have experienced in this lifetime, is done. I feel complete with everyone and everything. Nothing holds a spark for me. There is only this suspended space where I float.

I am ready to live in the new earth. There have been moments of being there, sweet moments. I hold the feeling of those moments and the vision of the love pods and the harmony. I can hear the song of souls, basking in their freedom to sing their true note.

It has been such a waiting game as we waited for everyone to come to the knowing that it has been a game that we became caught in, the Matrix indeed. We have had to wait for folks to choose to unplug from that reality as the new play is about to begin. My work is done for this stage and hence the void as I await the new where I am to create. I drift, life reduced to keeping my body comfortable as well as my heart. I awoke and made a fire, I look out at the overcast sky wondering if the moisture droplets in the air will coalesce into raindrops. I am desiring a latte and a croissant…..comfort food. I think of exercise and can’t reach it, my body too heavy to move. I am planning on making a trip tomorrow to see a soul sister. That will take me to Mount Shasta, the redwoods, rivers and the ocean. Perhaps all the natural beauty will shake this malaise. It comes and goes, as moments of joy break through but it feels like having a low grade fever. You are not really sick but you do not feel the vibrancy of wellness. Everything is a bit out of focus. The old is crumbling and I feel the dissolution viscerally. There have been moments of despair as the collective voice feels the extent of the unraveling.

Seeing life through a misty lens.

Seeing life through a misty lens.

Fortunately, one of my sons is going with me on this trip. Left to myself, the thought of packing seems daunting at this moment. But pack, I will. And tomorrow at this time we will be driving north, into the cold beauty. I feel myself sitting by a fire with my friend on the full moon, knowing there is power in our communion. I surrender to the desires of my I AM presence and move where she points me. I know myself blessed to have a warm house, good food, and warm hearted folks about me during this stage of the game. I am grateful for it all, even this time that does not engage me. For each day, more are awakening, more are feeling their own God self stirring within. That was the mission and it is being accomplished. I am grateful to have successfully carried out my role.

So, I float until the new play gets up and running. I am ready. There is no fear nor nervousness. This new play is the one I came here to shine in. Until then, I sit in the wings, radiating the light that I AM.

 

 

It is a New World!

Each day, the sun gives us a new picture, just as we are called to create anew each day with the energy gifted to us.

My understanding has been coming in waves. Today one broke that thrilled me. As we ride the waves to their peak, we are afforded a new perspective. I saw that the underpinnings of this old world, have been pulled out. The whole reality is held in place by the continued belief system of the masses. As more of us learn to ride these energy waves, we are freed from the old way of seeing which allow us to take the steps out of the old matrix. All of the old will collapse as its purpose has been served. We can use our energy to energize the world our hearts desire. We are creating our new earth!

The rocks are so happy that someone allowed them a new vista!

Now as I plummet down the surface of the wave, I can be at peace in the quiet time, knowing that the new is real and I will be taken up once again. For so long, we rode wave after wave with no change in sight. It felt exhausting to hold onto our raft of faith in the midst of the storms that beset us. I knew that life was meant to be magical, ease and joy filled but all the evidence pointed to the contrary. This new energy moves like nature, it has its spring time of bursting forth, its dormant winter of going within, its brilliant summer of beauty. It is not static. We have lived under slavery, forced to work each day in a system that assumed a body could produce at a steady pace, day in and day out. We are not wired this way, our energy peaks and then it wanes. It flows out in a burst of social engagement and then returns inward to days of quiet. It is not a constant stream. No wonder we felt so deadened in our 9-5 jobs, our school days, our family lives…..monotony dulls us. If we could not fit the system, we were given a label and a drug …..take a pill, it will make the world more palatable.

Peace feels possible! We are creating it moment to moment in our hearts.

Now we can stretch our wings, stand on that tall branch and survey the scene below. Our sense perceptions are changing. Our hearts are melting into love. Our souls are speaking through us, surprising us in their boldness. A friend said a work acquaintance called on business and before getting off the phone said,” I love you!” She is very psychic and could hear his next thought of ,”Oh my God, what did I just say?!” His soul burst through in what is considered an inappropriate manner but the truth is we do love one another. We do! My friend responded with, “I love you, too!” We are creating a world where we can speak our truth without fear. Where we can be transparent in all of our thoughts. Where fear is nowhere to be found. Another friend related how she had taken a new way home from her church service. She discovered a lovely little bakery and had so much fun. She engaged in a conversation with an older woman who invited her to her 90th birthday party. All of this happened because she faced a fear of trying something new, taking a new route. Small changes leading to transforming lives. It is happening everywhere and people are smiling with how good it feels. Freedom is heady stuff.

I love when the flames dance.

I planted my seeds of intention on yesterday’s new moon. I felt joy in the movement out of my cocoon of the past months. Walks, talks, art making. Today I witnessed my energy retracting, collapsing inward, like the wave, come to rest on the shore. The couch and fire have called me. My meditation for the day has been as a fire tender. Keeping the flames dancing is the all of it. Trusting this, trusting my impulses to be perfectly aligned for me, to me. In honoring the energy as it moves through, I can be assured of always being in my perfect place at the perfect time. I am not missing anything. Today, I did not answer the phone as words were not a part of this silent fire tending. I allowed the movement to take me deep. In honoring me, I allow the world to reflect that honoring back to me.

My cells get sooo excited about all this color coming their way in my juice.

I see this is the way of the energy, it builds, movement and excitement are present, then it recedes and deep rest is called for. Movement, then rest. Movement, then rest. Following the wave, surrendering, trusting, flowing rather than fighting. Moving with life rather than trying to throw up a road block to its flow. As we each move into this acceptance, this grace, our world responds ever more eagerly to out picture the life we desire. I desired lemons and a friend asked if I wanted a bag from her tree. I smiled in gratitude for how beautifully I am cared for. How deeply we are all loved. We were told it was not true and we believed it for a time. But our knowing is coming back, we are remembering who we are. There is no need to analyze it in our heads, process it out……we can drop into our hearts and access our knowing for this moment. And that is all that matters. Trusting that all future moments will be cared for when they arrive. Oh, the freedom to let go of the lens of the past and live in this moment! My former husband and I were laughing in delight at how we are sharing our love for one another. It feels so good to have dropped the pain of the past. It is an old story that we will never read again as there is this new story of friendship and support that is so engaging. This is the choice we each have in every moment, to feel our truth and speak it. To live in the joy of our heart’s prompting. To access our deepest desires and to so infill them with feeling, that they burst forth on the screen of life with vibrant passion and beauty. We have existed on a diet of bread and water and suddenly discovered the kaleidoscope of fruits and vegetables! My son read me a line from a book he was reading that struck a chord: “flamboyants (had to look it up, it is a type of tree when used as a noun), scarlet against the blue sky,flaunt their color like a cry of passion. They are sensual with an unashamed violence that leaves you breathless.”
from The Moon and Sixpence….W.Somerset Maugham

The earth sends me messages of love all the time, as I do her.

I am moving into this experience of sensuality with life! Last night as I lay in bed, imagining my beloved holding me, I was caressed from my shoulders to hips to legs, over and over. It was my beloved and he was able to allow me to feel his touch. I sobbed and sobbed. It went on for about five minutes, which is pretty long. Long enough for my mind to begin to wander to another thought. I laughed and laughed then at myself. In bliss and then thinking of some mundane thing…..again the wave, up and down. Do not judge where you are in it, simply be in it. The bliss comes and then abates, tears and then laughter……we are learning to dance with life!