Musings On This New Year’s Day

IMG_2310Lying here watching the flames dance in the fireplace, the dense logs (stone wood, my son calls eucalyptus) resisting then slowly surrendering to the fiery furnace. This is my New Year’s Day morning mediation. As I place myself, solid in form, dense with old beliefs and conditioning, in the fire of the Creator’s love, I observe the transformation. Some aspects of my being catch flame quickly, others take ages to soften, to allow the turning from heavy dark wood to red glowing coals that settle into light airy ash. It takes time and I sense the meditation will take the day.

A vista of delight for my senses. Son, Gabriel's painting.

A vista of delight for my senses. Son, Gabriel’s painting.

A friend was starting off the new year at a meditation retreat. He spoke of the sitting and the dharma talk and my being knew that was in the past for me. Years ago, I went to a Buddhist center in Sante Fe for a calligraphy workshop by a Japanese master. I loved the brushwork but was called to task for my non-observing of the rules of the place. I did not find the walking meditation about the room, the sitting staring at the wall, to hold joy. I went outside and laid under a tree and drifted in peace, until I was harangued for being there. There were signs everywhere admonishing one to “drink your tea in peace”, “walk in mindfulness” while I experienced the server wiping my table to hurry me along as I was drinking my tea in peace. Rules that held form but not embodied by the ones living there. My freedom loving self has not been able to adhere to group rules, awaiting the forming of groups with no need of structure or rules in order to harmonize.

No, give me the solitude of this fire. The freedom to turn to netflix (how fortunate we created such things for these ascension times!), to chocolate chip cookies, to a light novel,  to a call with a friend. My meditations are states of being rather than prescribed form. I like my spirit to fly free and at one with what is in my world. I can feel exhaustion descend like a leaden weight only a few minutes later to find myself bustling about changing sheets. I have to flow to follow this self, she is a wonder being full of surprises!

A friend gave me a plant to place in the garden of my new home....I was touched that she sees that coming as I do.

A friend gave me a plant to place in the garden of my new home…I was touched that she sees that coming as I do.

Love, the love. I spent New Year’s Eve with my beloved self. Slight headache and unease in the body, so grateful to be on my own, floating in a quiet space. I have been withdrawn into the stillness this holy week. Three days of pjs and no shower, awake in the night, dead asleep in the day, allowing myself the “coma” of isolation. Outdoors sunlight beckoned but I could not answer, turning to the couch, the pillows and quilt. Now tendrils moving out to loved ones but still the call to stillness. It felt a bit strange this Christmas Day that my three children were all with their new families, the families of their partners. My former hubby with his also. I felt the joy that each had been welcomed by dear hearts and found more love. It brought back memories of that first Christmas with my in-laws and the family that I would become a part of. I felt my alone state with tenderness, knowing the love that only I can offer.

Bright tights and a kaleidoscope, gifts making ready for play.

Bright tights and a kaleidoscope, gifts making ready for play.

This path is a strange one, my deep desire for connection, for community and yet no desire to join, to participate in that which brings it. Alone for the most part, awaiting the timing when the frequencies allow my full participation. Trust and trust again. Eight years of  this solitary state outside of the marriage and yet it was there in all the years prior. I recently had to fill out forms and wondered at our classification system as you had to choose from: single, married, divorced, widowed, or separated. I did not see sovereign as a choice. I am sovereign. It is time for the old identifying systems to dissolve in the flames.

 

My soul has been called to hold its note, to swim in this stream on my own. The knowing has grown of all the love and beings that are beside me, my heart full of the love that never ceases to flow from the One Source. The trust has deepened to a fuller note, that has character and staying power. The fire has quieted, a cave of orangey-red coals drawing me in. I trust in my visions of the love pods come, a beloved in form to play with as the year of the fun loving monkey gets underway, co-creative adventures with hearts harmonizing with mine. I look to none of it to fill me, as I know love is an inside job.

IMG_2344
Answering the call of this cave of coals with a grateful heart. Allowing the transformation, the rendering to ash. The resurrection. The love.  This love, this fiery love! I AM.

 

Living Our Divinity

Ice skating rink lit up on a rainy night.

Ice skating rink lit up on a rainy night.

Awake at 4 a.m. with Christmas carols playing in my ear via headphones, lights of the city’s waterfront sparkling outside the wall of windows, chatting to friends on Facebook across the land, warm quilt covering me, baby’s muffled cries coming from his parents’ room…….I am blessed.

I have been here in Montreal for the past two weeks, tending to my daughter and her new little family. It is such an adjustment to motherhood and parenthood. It has been a privilege to play the role of elder, to ease the tension and witness the resiliency of a powerful young woman. We are such amazing beings!

My heart has been so full….music fills my heart to swelling heights. I love Christmas carols and the soaring voices. This city has a Catholic heritage with its devotion to Mother Mary. I am greeted with her image as I stroll the cobblestone streets, feel her heart in the smiles of the fur hooded folks bustling about, see her love in the eyes of my daughter gazing at her infant son. I feel her sorrow as I hear news of a friend’s reoccurring illness, another friend’s sadness at the urge to call a parent who no longer answers on this plane of being.

 I loved this altar in the oldest chapel here.

I loved this altar in the oldest chapel here.

I am so filled with the wonder and mystery of this life. My heart is singing hallelujah for it all. We have chosen to experience the depths and heights, our hearts miraculous instruments that can shatter and heal to shatter once again…..always growing, evolving in our capacity to feel the thrum of the Creator’s love through it all. We wanted to discover if we could experience a sense of separation from the Oneness that is truth. Could we believe ourselves separate, create darkness so deep we knew ourselves drowned and still find the light of love within?

 

 

IMG_2234What a game we agreed to! I am reveling in all of this humanness. I am eating my fill of warm croissants in this French city, drinking hot chocolate made with spices from far away lands, kissing and breathing in my grandson’s presence and delighting in bringing forth smiles by making silly sounds and faces. We hold conversations using light language, remembering who we are to one another. The lights on the tiny Christmas tree seem to waft the fresh pine scent about the condo, diapers fresh from the laundry folded in neat piles fill me with satisfaction as does the smile on my daughter’s face as she nurses her babe to sleep. The French language flowing about me like music at the nearby produce market tucked into the old building next door, the courteous family who runs it, assisting me by going out back to bring me a bunch of kale “fresh from the shower” as I requested something more lively than the limp bunch on display.

A few locks shorn

A few locks shorn

I followed my daughter’s suggestion to go to her hairdresser, something I do not have a habit of, instead trimming my bangs when they cover my eyes or having a friend give me an occasional trim of my long locks. This small French woman had 40 years at her trade and wasted no words nor movements with her scissors. She told me she could trim my waist length hair but it would do nothing for me. I asked her what her vision was, she told me that she would liberate my hair by chopping most of it off. But she said, as she directed me to the cloak room for a gown to wear, you are not ready. “You have to be ready for change” , she tossed out as she went back to her other customer. As I changed, I asked my body, ” Shall we do this? Do you want your hair cut?” I received a “Yes!” Ok then. The mistress of hair was pleased with my answer, feeling it her due as the master in this situation. I sat and watched as one snip took years of growth off my head. And away we went from there. She spoke of blowdrying and mousse and that you must put in effort if you want to achieve beauty. All foreign ideas, for the most part to my simple routines. We reached a compromise, I walked out with my new swinging hair, old energy left lying on the floor but no coloring of my silver strands as she desired. Blonde, she insisted would create the sex appeal….oh, the fun worlds we each create! I realized that there was a slight attachment to  the idea of myself as having long hair and it felt freeing to let that go. How easily we attach to things, people, places, routines. How freeing it is to step out of those confines.

Finding my city legs and loving it! Even the black ensemble...

Finding my city legs and loving it! Even the black ensemble…

I followed this, days later,  by an afternoon of window shopping by myself as the family enjoyed some together time. I went into a tiny shop with natural fiber clothing sustainably produced here in Quebec. The owner and I had a great time, finding me a few new flowing outfits to match my flowing locks. I love the feel of loose soft clothing. Shopping in regular stores is not my thing, but this experience was fun and full of ease. She made a comment that struck me as we were talking about the mild winter that the East coast is experiencing. She asserted that she loved the lack of snow and warmer temperatures after last year’s brutal winter but felt concerned as she knew it wasn’t good for the planet. I found that so interesting, to enjoy something but pair it with a lashing that this can’t be good. Why not savor the warmth? Feel and express gratitude for the sun this day or whatever is appearing, trusting that the planet knows what she is about. Yes, there is climate change, yes, there are man made practices that have harmed our beautiful planet. Feeling bad does not help, rather it hinders a positive outcome. Focus on that which you desire. Do we know what is right for this earth? Perhaps the whole earth will become temperate and we will be able to eat from the bounty of the warmed earth. I do not know and so I live in appreciation of what is present and allow my love to warm my mother earth as she warms me…or cools me, or rains upon me. All a blessing.

Fun grafetti

Fun grafetti

We have been trained to feel bad about something, anything. It has been hammered into us, day and night, guilt, shame, the old bogey men out to get us. Where is the training in appreciation, in wonder, in delight? It is flooding this planet at present if we open to it. We are divine beings granted the privilege of walking a planet back to the Creator’s heart of love. How can the wonder of that be lost? Love flooding each cell of my being and all of life. I loved witnessing my daughter talking to their tiny Christmas tree as she gently released its branches, strung it with lights, placed the wooden star she made with her dad last year, on top and gave it a drink of lukewarm water. She honored its essence and it returned the favor by honoring this home with its radiance.

Notre Dame angels lighting it up.

Notre Dame angels lighting it up.

All day, in everything, we are given the opportunity to know grace, to feel wonder tingle through our body, to sigh with delight. In the midst of the darkest space, there is an opening to our own light. Our divinity sits in attendance, awaiting our glance. All of life does the same. Love it all! Enliven ourselves, enliven our neighbor, our food, our trees, our skyscrapers, our littered streets, our starry skies, our hungry hearts. Feed it all our love and  witness transformation all around. Love, can we sing it, feel it, express it with our bodies, dance it with our toes? I AM divine, as are you. Christ is not a person to follow, it is a presence to embody. Our Christ consciousness awaits, will you open to it this day? It is the lightest of garments to wear……goes with the new hair!

 

Do You Feel the JOY?

This tulip is singing the notes of joy!

This tulip is singing the notes of joy!

There is joy singing in my cells. Joy, dancing in my blood, joy reverberating in my heart.

All the while, my skin is itching in various places, my belly continues to bloat, I feel a heaviness and just plain uncomfortableness in this body. I am eating day and night…toast and cookies, chocolates and chips. A fridge full of greens and I crave anything but healthy foods. Though yesterday I made a green juice and it went down pretty well. Most days, the thought of cleaning the juicer makes me head for the chips in the cupboard. Ease is important! Nausea and head pressure lasted for days. Early evenings coma like sleeps and middle of the night wide awakes. Gas, oh my, the farting! It is like I have been blown up with gas inside.

And yet…..there is this joy moving! Joy. I know that none of these outer twinges and creaks are permanent. I am to have a newly regenerated body along with the rest of you. Radiant health is to be ours. Feeling the middle of the month, a veil will be lifted, that will make my dreams of a Christmas of magic and miracles, the new reality. Freedom for all, that is the sound wafting on the breeze that the slyphs are singing to me.  I have felt the possibility these past few years, held the dream. Now I am living the feeling of it. Believing before seeing as it is the believing that leads to the seeing of it here on this plane.

There is nothing new about the physical components except that this wave lasted longer and with more sustained intensity than I had previously experienced. Observing this brought on the joy buzz even more strongly. We are stronger, we can be a conduit, a chalice for greater amounts of liquidlovelight pouring through. I felt almost giddy with this knowing. This is the push that puts us over the edge, the tipping point where we slide into our new Christed selves with laughter and tears.

We have held the seeds within all along. Now is the time of bursting forth in all of our beauty.

We have held the seeds within all along. Now is the time of bursting forth in all of our beauty.

I was shown the date, December 15th, over and over like a flashing neon sign. I am not attaching to that. I have learned my lesson about adhering to dates in any fashion. I sense it is an individual inner process before the collective outer experience.  Instead, I am riding the wave of freedom by allowing myself to see beauty and love everywhere. I am allowing my deepest heart’s desire out to roam and romp on the playing fields of my imagination. I watched the movie, “Kate and Leopold” last night. I had watched it years before but this time I was struck by Meg Ryan’s character owning her deepest desires that she had not dared allowed out as a means of self protection from disappointment and pain. She owns her desires and takes the leap to live them. In the movie, she travels to the past to live part of her future……time is all interwoven, past, present, future. So many concepts that I missed years ago.

I am loving everything that comes my way. I had jury duty, and the thought flitted through…I hope I do not have to go. Immediately I replaced that thought with openness to what would be, a yes to serving or not serving, knowing that whatever is for my highest good, will appear. I did go, I was chosen as a member of the jury, it was estimated to be a two week trial. It lasted just over a day before the defendant changed his plea to guilty, and the case was settled before it had hardly begun. Thank goodness for all parties involved. It was a case of sexual molestation of minor girls by their step granddad. As a woman of almost sixty years of age, it is not an uncommon story among my peers. The change is that in our day, it was never talked about. Now it is out in the open, spoken of, and recognized for the harm that it causes. I was able to shine love on all involved with a dispassionate heart. I was able to love my teenage self and my grandfathers, who both grabbed my breasts at some time during my teens. I was able to send love to all those involved in this activity, perpetrators and victims alike.

I took the case being resolved quickly, as a reflection of how I am seeing things in the world change. Abuses and wrongs are coming to light in all areas of our society and world. The light of love is bringing change and resolution. The blinking of an eye…..I take that as truth. It can be that quick as we never know when that tipping point will have been reached. My gut tells me we are at the precipice and about to take a glorious ride, the ride of our lives.

We came for this. We are able for this. We trust in the light. We trust in the love. We are love. We are one. There is no going back. On the inner planes, the celebrations have already commenced. It is a done deal. Peace on Earth is a reality! Please believe with me until we see it. Live it in your heart as I am living it in mine. Let the chaos swirl about you, your job and mine, is to be the peace. To offer that hope, that joy, that smile, that hand to hold. Heart by heart, we are doing this. I so love us all.

 

 

 

 

 

Entering the Dreamtime

imageThe mountain informed me that I would need a week of rest in her to come back from the effort of the eclipse portal. Yesterday I did not stir far from my bed nor change out of my pajamas and robe. I dove deep in the waves moving in dreamtime. Today, I watched the overcast sky open up to allow the clouds to dance freely. I showered and dressed, then needed a rest. I made myself some food, eggs and greens, fast and easy. I got out everything to make a juice but the thought of cleaning up afterwards was too daunting to face. Lemon water will do just fine!

Back to bed to watch the birds soar outside the window. I wanted clean sheets for my now clean body…a load of laundry begun. Sat in the living room with the fire and saw the mountain come out from the curtain of clouds to bask in the glow of the setting sun. She is so beautiful. I curl up in her embrace.

imageA friend spoke of how this time is full of new ideas and how she is taking action steps into new projects. I was so glad for her, for the excitement and joy. For me, there is no arising passion other than to see each one of us embrace our own beauty and feel the winds of freedom lifting us higher. Nothing concrete in the outer world, no form. Yet I know that this dreamtime, where I exist in the shimmering lands of mist and magic, is a place of immense power. I am dreaming the new into being. I ride the feelings of peace and joy and harmony without form. I sense the joy, the laughter and play. I am not living it in the outer, but in this inner dreamtime, I am carried by it and dance to its tune.

I observe many being pulled into the quiet inner world, desiring solitude, open spaces that allow the dream. I have had a vision of us all entering the new land through the dream. What if everyone were to sleep and awaken, to find a new reality awaiting them? Hearts could burst wide open, no painful memories of what was or confusion as to what is real…rather the joy and ease of their lovepod embracing them. Ah…I have a dream…as Martin Luther King so eloquently expressed his. We  each contribute to the dream with the fire of our hearts.

Evening, still not able to venture out. Clean sheets awaited, it felt like a huge accomplishment to actually make the bed. Bags unpacked, room straightened. Sometimes the density of this reality takes a Herculean effort to move through. I am immensely grateful that I created this opening in my life, to live the dreamtime. I am connected to Australian Aboriginal lifetimes where I knew the dreamtime intimately. Those lives have circled closer this past week, bringing memories, opening doorways.

One of my son, Gabriel's latest paintings. The blossoms seem to waft their fragrance into my world.

One of my son’s latest paintings. The blossoms seem to waft their fragrance into my world. gaberobertsart.com

We are remembering so much. Specifics hold little interest for me, rather the feelings and gifts are what I seek. To feel part of it all, the Oneness that underlies this surface life. To know myself in the flame, the scent of the flower, the cloud drifting by, in the eyes of a child, the touch of a hand, the rainbow thrown by a crystal, the smile of a stranger. We were taught separation and distance and lack. How powerful we are that we made it all believeable! Oh, the joy to have come out on the other side, to know once again the truth of how we are loved! To feel the unity and sink into its warmth. I know that the world does not reflect the fullness of this truth as yet. It moves closer as we each surrender to the dream of our hearts.

We have weeded out the dross, planted our desires, fertilized with our love. It is the time of blossoming. We have only to hold the vision of the rose, knowing and trusting that it will bud and unfurl its beautiful bloom. This earth is our home, a jewel in the Creator’s crown. We are each a facet of that shine. Turn on your heartlights so as to dazzle all creation. Know the truth of your hearts which sing a song of love. Let all else melt away. Love, beauty, truth and the dream. Always, the dream.

Windows of Opportunity Open and Close

Geese moved to the rooftop as we left the meadow.

Geese moved to the rooftop as we left the meadow.

The energies swirl and shift like the wind. I am so aware of divine timing. When the timing lines up, you are given the opportunity to go and it behooves one to move quickly! I was not feeling that I could make the drive to Sacramento to get my dear friend in place for her departure. I opened to what other possibilities were present. My friend knew of possible ride with a couple she had recently met. She sent off a message while I showered and prepared for the day. I began to gather things as if to go, without thinking I was going. Suddenly, I knew that we had a window to depart…was given five minutes. My friend responded with alacrity and we were in the car. One thing remained to be done with the mountain to complete this phase of our work. First, fuel ..stop for coffee and bagel in town. Felt into where we were required to be. An image of the meadow with the boardwalk floated in, yes! Off we went. We parked next to two geese sitting on the edge of the road. We walked quickly down the boardwalk, my friend setting the pace. I felt where she would stop and we would begin. She did stop in that spot, we shed our shoes and socks, stood in the snow and…her arms flew as she did what she was called to. For me, a deep, loud toning began instantly, surprising me with its intensity. Just as suddenly it stopped, we dried our feet, put on our shoes, went back to our car and headed off. We flew down the road, carried in the sunshine and warmth.

The layers of clouds that opened and closed with the sun on our drive.

The layers of clouds that opened and closed with the sun on our drive.

There were to be four of us gathered, we were to be in the meditation room at a friend’s house. The friend from Scotland had not been in that room despite having spent days at the house. She knew it was not time, now it was. We sat outside, soaking in the sunshine, laughing and enjoying the information that came through us for one another. It was playful and nourishing. The room called, time to move in. We had crystal and Tibetan bowls, gathered the skulls and crystal beings who asked to join us. We sat anchoring the four directions, each knowing her place. The space opened and it all began. Bowls and voices sang songs ancient and deep, dialogues in other languages, translated by the heart, came through from other lands and time. We were our ancient selves, come again, on time for an appointment set from ages long passed. How deep the love and knowing of our souls! Each played our part, all acting in one accord, flowing harmoniously through time and space. Many joined in, a celebration and acknowledgment of a phase completed. Future gatherings shown.

I trust the universe and myself, so completely. All is known as we open our hearts to it. We are becoming more fluid as that is how we are able to flow with the energies. If we try to push against the current, we get battered.  By aligning and allowing and attuning, we catch the wave that will carry us farthest with the most ease and joy. Our times of being rolled under the surf lessen and we experience the exhilaration of riding the crest with the spray dancing its joy across our bodies.

Crystal beings playing.

Crystal beings playing.

I do not understand most of what I do. I feel it, follow it, open to it and allow myself to be the purest chalice that I am able to in any moment. I sense the acknowledgment from my Christed aspect when I hit my mark and deliver my lines beautifully. I am grateful to be of service. I need not know the whole picture, but rather know that I have played the part I have been given to the best of my ability.

As my Scottish friend left on the plane, I left by car. Grateful to be back here in Mount Shasta to dream and rest with the mountain. The next phase begins. Body worn but a vision of playful rejuvenation has been given. Oh! It could happen like that?! Opening to this next moment with a full heart. How beautifully we are learning to play this game. It gets so much more fun as we each begin you trust our gifts and let our light shine. I love us all! Thank you for playing your part!

 

 

Cinderella’s Message

The blossoming trees do not hold back from expressing their beauty. They shine!

The blossoming trees do not hold back from expressing their beauty. They shine!

I love how movies can bring us messages. I recently watched the new Cinderella. Her mother drums into her three things; have courage, be kind and believe in magic. These serve her well for the most part. In being kind, she followed a pattern we have been programmed with. She was kind, to a fault towards others, while allowing herself to be abused in the name of kindness. Only when her stepmother threatened to use her in a way that would harm her prince, did she stand up and say no more. How often have we done this, allowed ourselves to be dishonored and abused, yet standing up for others that we care for. The message we inherit is to be kind to all, except ourselves. Somehow we feel we can bear it for ourselves but not for others. Yet in truth, we are all one. So by allowing ourselves to be mistreated, we allow that behavior to continue. It is time to know that kindness begins, first and foremost, with ourselves. We serve no one by accepting abuse of any kind, not physical nor emotional. It may not leave marks, but emotional abuse is every bit as damaging to our hearts. This is coming to an end as we each learn to love and honor ourselves. We are deserving of every bit of kindness that we can muster. Our hearts thank us as we gift ourselves.

This lily holds her treasures close as she begins to unfold her beauty.

This lily holds her treasures close as she begins to unfold her beauty.

The most powerful scene of the movie for me, was when Cinderella was walking down the stairs to meet the prince once again, this time in her rags, to try on the glass slipper. She pulls from her stepmother’s arms, who is reminding her that she is nothing and nobody and not worthy of love, (that inner critic we all know so well) and she knows this is the moment where her life turns. She can play small and accept the vision her stepmother has created of her or she can stand tall and know herself as the love that she is. She passes a mirror on the stairway, sees her ragged reflection, lifts her chin and walks like the royalty that she is. She chooses to stand in her truth. Before trying on the slipper, knowing it will indeed fit and make her a princess, she asks the prince if he will accept her as she truly is. Not a servant girl, not a fairy princess but as a true kindhearted being full of love. His response displays his truth as he says, yes. His condition is that she accept him, not in the role of prince, but as a young man doing his best to live a life of truth. The prince had to defy convention by not marrying to create advantages for his kingdom, but to follow his heart. They each open to embodying their truth at the risk of losing the one that they love. As truly, it is only in doing so, that the love can flourish.

As warmth enfolds her, the lily blossoms into her full beauty, just as each heart does when it feels the warmth of love.

As warmth enfolds her, the lily blossoms into her full beauty, just as each heart does when it feels the warmth of love.

How often have we turned from one who truly saw us, as we feared to let down our mask. We have been indoctrinated that we are not worthy and we play this out by choosing to be with those who do not see us, rather than the one who will open our hearts to our own love and truth. This was beautifully expressed in another movie, You’re Not You.Hillary Swank plays the role of a beautiful young pianist who gets Lou Gehrig disease. Her outer life shrinks as her inward life grows. A young tough, hardened woman becomes her caregiver and friend. They each teach one another so much about love. Hillary moves from victim consciousness to taking responsibility for the demise of her marriage. She tells her husband that, “We created this.” It is not just his fault. She recalls him looking at her early in their relationship, and how she made the decision in that moment, to be the woman that he saw rather than to be herself. She remembers a man who saw her truly and how she turned from him, choosing instead the one who could not see her. We are freeing ourselves from these false notions, realizing the price we pay when we try to be someone who we are not. The young woman in the story has allowed herself to be used by a married professor while there is a young man who sees her truly. Both of the women’s mothers fill their heads with tales of “you are not enough, you are not acceptable as you are”. It takes such courage to allow ourselves to be seen, with no cloak, no mask, no cover up. To turn from the programming of old and embrace what our hearts know. I think of us all standing naked before our own higher self, before the Creator. There are no fancy shoes or clothes or degrees or roles to identify us. There are only our hearts’ flames to tell the story of who we are.  Our flame shows up in our eyes, which are indeed the windows to our souls, broadcasting our truth for others to see. To look deeply into another’s eyes, is to fall in love. We are one being, coming to recognize ourselves. How beautiful our world becomes!

 

 

Observations On The New Year’s Energies

An unusual ET Buddha found sitting in the dark woods.

An unusual ET Buddha found sitting in the dark woods.

It has been an interesting step into this new year. It began with newness and excitement as I sensed a large opening ahead as I heard a doorway closing behind me. Not softly, but with a clang as it shut. I sensed this for the collective and for me personally as the choice point of the Solstice had been passed. It seemed that the past seven years journey of playing at the wandering mystic had come to an end. I had the sense that I would be able to “be in the world” in a new way. My heart quickened with that thought and my curiosity was piqued as to what that might look like.

It was not a pretty sight! It took me once again to the underworld, to a further dissolution of self. I felt dreamy most of the time, floating along, frequently having adjustment seconds where I reoriented myself to myself. There were moments of sheer joy mingled with an unknowing that left me unhinged.

The other day I took a nap and as it came time to return to my body, I could not find it. I was in a dreamscape of billowing curtains, pushing them aside as I searched for the right body to return to. It was an uncomfortable sensation. I landed in with a shudder and awoke with no idea where I was nor who I was. An apt description of my current state.

Standing at the portal, ready!

Standing at the portal, ready!

I sense this larger, richer, more vibrant life awaiting me. All the chapters have been read and I am awaiting the new one. I sense deeper colors, more intimate connections, physical passion, natural beauty that enlivens and creates with us. Yet I am in this space, a bridge perhaps between spaces, no handrails, no place to place your foot until you actually take the step. Confusion energies swirl like angry bees about me, causing teary despair to envelop me. Will I totter to my death from this space? Do I fear this dissolution of self? There have been so many deaths. I do not fear it, yet I can find no comfort anywhere.

Each step has its own flavor. I sense that events are transpiring to pull reaction energy from us: guilt, anger, depression, sadness, the list goes on. They flare up, white hot. Is it to see how quickly we can let go of judgment of self around our reactions? Can we love the part of us that reacts in sadness, fatigue, anger? Can we be with these feelings without fleeing? Can we accept ourselves in all of our moments, loving every part of the tapestry of self?

Redwood, burnt out yet the brilliant green moss so alive.

Redwood, burnt out yet the brilliant green moss so alive.

Perhaps all this must take place before we reach the new shore. Emptied, all bits shaken loose. The lint and crumbs hidden in pockets tossed out on the surface to be seen, acknowledged. Every bit asking to be loved back to its truth as love.

I did some deep clearing, ancient energies working against one dear to me, whose intention is to bring in community in the new frequencies. It was making him ill, pulled under so that he could find no traction. The energy responded to the mother’s love, softening, loosening and accepting it was time to return to its own home. The old anger was not there for me, more of a redirection, like with a wayward child.

Playing the bowl in the redwoods.

Playing the bowl in the redwoods.

Another day, a friend and I were doing a card reading for the new year. It is an old system, from the seventies called Stargate,  that takes a couple of hours, going deep with its images and words, calling forth gems from the subconscious. This time was new as we had to stop and use our crystal bowls to clear energies that arose in the reading. At one point, I found myself chanting in a way that made the hair stand up on my neck. Catholic priests, satanic rituals, images floated through in rapid succession, as my voice sang their intentions. Light language followed that rent the air with its shattering power. It was like sword blades swinging in its intensity. Then the bowls’ song of peace and love, gathering it all up. I could not tell you what it was all about but it followed this theme of energies outside the bounds of what we consider good and acceptable, coming to the surface to be seen. To be loved, to be returned to Source for recycling. Ha, think of recycling our mental and emotional stuff into living light. How wonderous is that?

The where of housing my form has yet to appear. No place lighting up, no direction given. All like ash in my mouth as my mind scrambled in its old way, searching, searching. Bringing me closer to the edge, closer to emptiness. I was harsh in my judgment of self as it seems the simplest of things…decide on a place, commit to rent it, find things to furnish it. Or take the furnished sublet route……yet for me, neither  is easy. My sensitivity is off the charts, everything is felt, registered. Nature is the place where I breathe free. Otherwise, the discordant notes play through me from a piece of furniture, a jammed space, corners that feel too sharp. I desire to land in, begin this newness yet the timing is not quite here. There is still this misty landscape to navigate as my spirit flies amongst the stars, playing chords with frequencies, aligning, harmonizing. So little attention remaining for the body and its animation. Everything in me desires to dive deep into the silence, to fly free in the universe within. The outer world feels like distraction pulling at me. I know it is where I  intend to land, with all of myself, all of my divinity brought to bear to create anew.

See how the dark defines the light.

See how the dark defines the light.

Surrender, once again. Trust, my byword. I am here in love, for love. Dreaming my vision of the world I wish to live in. At times I feel I have outlived my life, yet this spark of creation desires animation. Desires form. Divine timing rules. Open, allow, trust. In that trusting, I honor my path. As I see others about me stepping into new creations, finding their loves, their homes, their passions, and I am living in a flat land of greys…….I trust my path. I agreed to walk this, to be who I am. It is not comfortable at present but it is too late to be second guessing my choice.

The knowing is strong. 2015 is a year of change, of magic and miracles. Dichotomy of deep darkness standing next to the brightest of light. All swirling, merging, rearranging into the Oneness we are. It is a messy process bringing heaven to earth. I am grateful to play my part. Thank you for playing yours. We are creator gods, just beginning to understand the tools in our hands. May we play well, loving and living our unique gift to the whole.

Honoring My Tone

The beauty of the mountain, sunlight and water mesmerized me for days.

The beauty of the mountain, sunlight and water mesmerized me for days.

I came down from my mountain high with a crash and landed in a valley of emotions. I returned to the California coast for a family wedding. I feel as though I have had my emotional body roto-rooted……all kinds of sludge and muck has been brought to the surface. Years of old emotional pain has been pulled up to the surface, seeking the light of love. I have had a good look at my “tone” and all the ways that it has isolated me in my life. I wore a hat of shame for an evening as I absorbed judgments for the way I participated in a discussion. I saw that truth is more important to me than peace.  Indeed, for me, truth is love. I saw all the waves of people and situations that fell from me as I held my tone.

Can I cherish myself while viewing all of these moments of my life? I felt each moment of pain afresh, as it moved through me. It was a life review while in the body. I have experienced this a few times in the past as I have walked this path. This one felt different as all that was shown had a common theme. I was granted a view from the human and soul perspective. From the soul’s viewpoint, the emotional charge is not there. All is clear. I have understood that clarity and tried to live it in my humanness, causing emotional storms. We are moving into greater clarity as our souls live more fully on this earth plane.

The only shelter and security is to be found within our hearts.

The only shelter and security is to be found within our hearts.

I saw how the energies are shifting, how my tone will be able to be held with gentleness rather than as a flaming sword that cleaves.  This a result of people facing their shadows to stand in their truth. I saw how our tones evolve through thoroughly loving the tone that has been. I came to a place of  honoring my willingness to stand in the censure of others to let truth have its voice. Honoring the way I have walked my truth in all of its imperfection. As I lay here and allowed myself to feel all of it, I came to appreciate the consistency with which I have held my tone held throughout my life. That in itself, is a remarkable achievement. I am accepting all aspects of myself with a deep and abiding love.

We have been taught to listen and interpret words as our means of communication. We are moving into a time of transparency and truth. Words can be used to obfuscate, manipulate, hide behind. Now we are given the gift of greater communication as we begin to read the energy field of a person. We can sense the package of information our fields are putting out as well as hear the words. Where there is disparity, there is a discordant tone that is unpleasant to the ear. Where the words and the field are one, a tone of harmony is emitted. This is our work, to harmonize our fields and walk in that oneness.

I have allowed this dissolution of my being, witnessing all aspects of myself, laid bare. No desire to gather them, to reform them. Content to melt into the earth. My personality self felt the old desire to flee the pain presented. I watched the parade of voices, many from years past, come through touting their wares:

  • Start an exercise program, then you will feel better. You seem to quit after a few days, what is wrong with you?
  • It is all about diet, just eat right and your world will be right. You know you eat too much sugar.
  • Meditate 20 minutes a day and your life will be perfect. It has to be a scheduled routine to be effective.
  • Just follow the plan, do not make waves, accept the cultural paradigm and life will ease up. Here are ten easy steps to get there. 

I lay there and laughed. And laughed some more. Really? This is all you have for me? All of these are programs that assist us to judge ourselves. We are told how to feel rather than allowing ourselves to discover anything for ourselves. We are fed a daily dose of judgment that reinforces the notion that we are not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not wealthy enough, not, not, not! We need a diet plan, a money making plan, a brain exercise plan…….left to our own devices we might just discover that we are powerful, perfect beings of lovelight, come to create heaven on earth.

This little guy was one of the gifts left outside my tent door by the elementals. One day it was a bark heart, one day a few berries, a heart rock. All signs of how all the kingdoms want to support and create with us.

This little guy was one of the gifts left outside my tent door by the elementals. One day it was a bark heart, one day a few berries, a heart rock. All signs of how all the kingdoms want to support and create with us.

For now, there is no impulse to move, to do or be anything. I am letting go of the new age, the new earth, the idea of ascension, the idea of myself as a spiritual being. My dear body is here, she breathes and continues to hold a form. I have no desire to preserve this form. I see myself lying on the desert sand, adding to its dust. This gives me a  feeling of peace. Dissolving into the void that I am. The Oneness that exists within each cell.  I watch the sheets drying on the line, and am mesmerized by the form that the wind provides; billowing fat and full by its gusts, hanging limp and flat, in its stillness, edges curling in a soft dance as the wind teases it to soft movement.

I offer myself to the elements, the elemental being of my body, in play with sun, wind, rain, people, faeries, electronics, ley lines, all of it. No will directing this course, trusting to the Creator as the birds and the flowers do. I will come to my flowering as it is part and parcel of my being. Unhinging the mind that believed it was essential to survival. Sitting in my heart, unattached to outer form, to any idea of good or bad, happy life or sad.

View from my tent, camping spot of my dream.

View from my tent, camping spot of my dream.

I am here. And everywhere. Beliefs dissolved. Cords of attachment cut. Will the rain melt me? Will the mountains meld with me? The sylphs of the air have given me direction these past years. Now the where, who, what, how……..are all blowing in the wind. I am the wind. All one. I rest.

 

 

 

 

 

“The Mind Thinks It Knows and The Heart Believes It Can Be Hurt” Trinity Thomas

My latest beloved painting,  the marriage of the masculine and feminine in my being.

My latest beloved painting, the marriage of the masculine and feminine in all of us.

This statement is from an upcoming book: The Heart of the Oracle by Trinity Thomas at inneroracle.comIt turns out that both of these statements are illusions. A friend shared these words with me recently.  I sat and allowed them to flow in and land where they chose. They settled as truth in my body.

The first, dealing with the mind has been easy for me to see. I know that my heart and body hold my wisdom and my mind is a tool at my disposal. I am grateful to her for all the processing she has done on my behalf. We have upgraded from the old operating system and she is now working in harmony with my heart, who is the director. My mind is appreciative of taking off the lead harness and working with the heart. She enjoys using her skills as she was meant to, no longer carrying the weight of running this show. This feels so aligned with how my will has dropped away as I surrendered to the will of my higher self, Sophia. She uses her expanded knowing to direct this vehicle. I felt such a sense of expansion and release as I allowed this change. Why be limited by the small light of my personality self when I could be walking in the searchlight of my I AM presence? Once this step is taken. there is no question of going back.

Ah, the heart believes that it can be hurt. That statement blazed a trail of truth right through my being! How many tears have I shed, how much misery have I created when I believed that I could be hurt? Oh, we are wonderous beings! Our hearts are instruments of the divine. The All, the One. Our hearts are love and only love. Hurt is an illusion. We have been conditioned to believe that others can hurt us but there is only one as we are one another. Someone can speak words to us and we can choose to believe that they are arrows dipped in poison or not. It is our choice. But when we drop below the surface, all is revealed. We see the beauty of our dance, of the way we trigger one another in service to the One. We all participate in the grand scheme to bring everything back to love. All that is not love within my being, must come to the surface to be embraced and reminded that it is love too. I am in awe of how loved I am that every trigger point, every sore spot in my heart, brings forth another to poke it until it releases back to the love it is. How loved we are! Once you begin to observe this, it becomes almost comical how situations will arise that hit a resounding note of pain within, to offer an opportunity for it to clear. It will happen over and over until the densest layers have been excavated and brought to the surface to be loved and cherished. Become a witness to this, see your pain and ask for its resolution. It is beyond our comprehension how it comes as everything conspires to bring the love. The wonder of this fills me. You will find that another that you felt harmed you, has been a force of love to bring you to greater truth of the love you are. You will suddenly find yourself filled with gratitude for this other, knowing deeply that they are you, and you, them. It is magic of the highest order.

Going beyond the human form, we are lightbodies dancing together in oneness.

Going beyond the human form, we are lightbodies dancing together in oneness.

Yesterday this came home to me as it felt to be an emotional day. I could sense heightened emotions swirling in the collective field. I called in the violet flame to assist me to transmute all that came my way, back into the frequency of love that it is. I was having a discussion with one dear to me. He displayed some hesitancy to speak to me about a desire of his that he felt was in conflict with a desire of mine. I laughed and said. “Oh, I already shifted that as I realized how it was right for you and not for me.” We spoke of how by always speaking our truth, things become softer, flow more easily, hesitation can drop away as the emotions are not so charged. As we spoke further, I felt an undercurrent of unrest and sadness. I sat with it all for a time allowing it full play in my heart. It was so interesting to feel a perceived “hurt” try to find an anchor in my heart. It circled around, trying to find a landing place but none were available. Hallelujah!

I laughed out loud at the beauty of this, the wonder that my heart no longer offered a landing place for hurt! It knows the truth of oneness and love. It can no longer be fooled into believing that anyone or thing wishes me harm. It knows all to be love. All that appears or presents differently, is a guise, a ruse, asking to be seen through. All is asking to be acknowledged as love at its core. Everything, everyone desires to live in the flame of love. It is the fabric of our being, of all creation.

A heart that is free shines its light!

A heart that is free shines its light!

How beautifully we play this game. How great is our love to continually present as criticism,  judgment, dishonoring, deceit, and the list goes on, until we see the truth. We play this out for one another until we have our aha moment and laughter bubbles up as the only response. It is so beautiful! Our hearts cannot be hurt, we allow the perception of hurt to anchor in, at times we allowed it to burrow deep……until we don’t. Once we know that we are love, that we are sparks of the Divine, that  we are one with all life, the game is over. We are free.

Our hearts can then live as they are meant to, as a sending and receiving station for love. No longer sites for burying pain, no more toxic emotions stored underground, no more poisonous air to breathe. Our hearts become clear vessels where love flows freely with each breath. Oh my! Think of this replicated in our Mother Earth! She is clearing herself of the old toxic waste sites, the deep rivers of pain and underground mines of disruption. We assist her by lightening our load. If my heart is clear, I not only free me, I free her as well. What I do, I do for the all. Your clearing of your heart, frees mine. Each of us an intricate part of the whole that affects every other part. Oh, the beauty of this!

May you feel these truths shake and quake in your world and may you join me in laughter and delight. We are one people and our tone is love. Always has been, always will be. In fully loving me, I more fully love thee. A deep sigh of this flows through my body. This love, this love…….

 

Eclipse Was a Game Changer

Mount Shasta

Mount Shasta

Mount Shasta welcomed us for the Blood Moon Eclipse. My three adult children accompanied me, my former hubby holding the energy at home as we successfully laid down our soul family template of light. A dear friend came and held a cocoon of support about me as she played her part and sat with me in the brisk air on the deck as the moon and earth’s shadow did their dance in the sky. At one point, she knew that the Telosians, our inner earth family members were out on the mountain top. We could see the mountain shining its whiteness behind us as we faced the moon lighting the sky in front of us. She sensed their excitement as they were able to amplify the effects of this moon for the good of all. They had a big trampoline type device that they were using to draw the energy of the moon through the center of the earth and reflect it back out to the Great Central Sun. I saw that they were wearing white robes and marveled at the lightness of them as I felt mine on me. It was a frigid night and I wondered at the thin weave of the material as I felt its radiant warmth about me. I then saw how it was woven with sunlight, so as to be light yet held the warmth of the rays. Wow, I have seen myself weaving liquidlovelight but never thought of it in a practical application! How wonderous! I laughed as my Telosian self realized I knew myself as her and she as me. A sweet moment shared.

IMG_6599The completion of my family’s part in this eclipse, was like a deep sigh running through my body. For weeks, I and many others, had been involved on the inner planes, aligning and adjusting things in order for the greatest good to be realized from this eclipse. It had been my focus and end point. I was so grateful for each member of my family for showing up. The next day, I felt such a huge release in my body. I wanted only rest. We went up on the mountain and sat with her to breathe in the new energies. Later we took a nap by the lake, the mountain looming above us, an eagle soaring, the trees whispering, the water lapping and the earth sending gratitude for a job well done. Amazing how the gratitude goes both ways as our hearts melt in the wonder of participating in these events we called into being.

IMG_3202-1There was a naked jump into a freezing crystalline creek followed by sitting on a rock throne to dry off in the sun. The water washed all efforting away as I was given the understanding that I would no longer transmute or clear energies through my body. We have spent a lifetime doing that and my body felt it. Now there is a new way of ease and grace. Intention and attention does the work. I am free to be in a new way. Hallelujah! The eclipse energies had been so intense and I felt fried inside as I had struggled abit to expand enough to be a conduit for them to flow through.

Easter love flooded the planet with its resurrection flames. Now the Cardinal Grand Cross is here with more gifts. What a blessed time. I have witnessed irritability come in as well as waves of sadness and remnants of old stories as my body adjusts to the new frequencies. At night when sleep eludes me and my skin feels too tight, I wonder how much longer it will take, how much longer can I take? Then I surrender once again and allow it all its place.  All is being washed clean. No more stories, no more small Linda only this mystery of love.

Floating free

Floating free

I know nothing.  I feel delight in the expansive freedom that is wafting its fragrance, enticing me forward. I am allowing this love to live me, to move me as it will. I know myself ready for what is to come, feel the spaciousness of the new landing. There are no anchors nor tethers remaining. I am complete. The eclipse was my last assignment in the old energies. I allow myself to float fully in the new. How that shows up in my life is the mystery I live. I was guided to give my banking info to my family to make use of if I move to a new realm. What does that even mean? I have no clue and know there is no point in making a story about it, rather to follow the guidance. I am feeling the expansiveness as well as at times, a squeezing as a frequency confines. No juice remains in the old and the new sparks in and out. I am wriggling out of the cocoon into the light of the Creator’s love. May this love live me. It is the all to me. Delving into the mystery, pulling weeds in the garden, spinning in the heavens, weaving lovelight into radiant garments. This is where you will find me. Living the mystery of the great I AM.