Coming Into Balance With the Equinox Energies

Unity consciousness captured from my first attempt at using a huge Japanese brush with ink. I did this in Sante Fe a couple of years ago and just unearthed it and framed it. It makes my heart sing.

Unity consciousness captured from my first attempt at using a huge Japanese brush with ink. I did this in Sante Fe a couple of years ago and just unearthed it and framed it. It makes my heart sing.

I am savoring the energy moving through my body, allowing me to exercise and work in the yard. After weeks of exhaustion and stillness, it is so refreshing to move! I have learned to be more fully present to each moment, appreciating the gift that it brings. I have laughed at the balancing going on. I will feel a spurt of energy and move with it, then a wave of fatigue will come and it is all I can do to get myself to a reclining position. The days seem to be made up of a series of these waves, rolling in one upon another. I drink my green juices and then eat a whole pepperoni pizza with my son. Read a beautifully written novel and then watch a lighthearted movie. I find myself deep in a meditative space, accessing hearts around the globe and then coming out to clearing cupboards with my organizing brain in overdrive. I sliced through a fingernail on my right hand only to have a bee sting me on my left foot. All part of this balancing the equinox is bringing us. I love knowing that on this day, day and night is of equal length all across the world. That knowing sends shivers of excitement through me. We are remembering how to be fully on this earth, loving her and our physical expressions as well as expanding into the oneness fields that allow us to know home. We came to bring heaven to earth. I am beginning to feel the truth of that statement in my cells, in my bones.

I love how deeply that relaxes me. The striving, the impatience, the questioning, the despair, the disillusionment, the pain……all seems to have dropped away like an old cloak that no longer fits. I am ready for a new cloak that embraces all that I have been since I first left home. That was eons ago and there have been many cloaks worn, some dark, some light, some bright, some tattered, some splendid, some plain, some ornate. All have been chosen by my soul as I played various roles as I came to know this human experience. I love this now moment as I am free to chose the cloak that best represents the fullness of my mighty I AM presence. I am brilliant as the sun and there are jewels flashing their multifacted light. Yes, this cloak is one fit for a queen and I am claiming it as the balance point of all that I have been throughout time. I am claiming myself as lovelight, as a lighthouse shining forth. It is such a relief to know myself in this way, to have the mists and clouds of misperceptions, fall away. We are human angels who shine like the sun. Our eyes will have to adjust to the brilliance as we look at one another. Oh, happy days!

As we step boldly through our own dark night, we see the light waiting to engulf us all.

As we step boldly through our own dark night, we see the light waiting to engulf us all.

I stand at the threshold of this equinox, knowing myself as a gatekeeper, holding the doors open for all who would enter. As each approaches the threshold, I hold a field of love that allows them to release their burdens, to drop their cares and sense of responsibility for anyone else. To take off their masks and stand naked, allowing the lovelight to clothe them in its warmth. This is offered to us all. It has taken years for me to come to this naked place, now the path is open and much quicker to travel. It is such a privilege to be allowed this opportunity to be a chalice for the Creator’s light and to serve in this way. After eons of free will, it turns out that doing the Divine’s will is all that I desire. To serve one another, to serve the lovelight is the passion of my soul.

We are bringing in this new age of love, heart by heart. We can add to it daily by speaking our truth, telling one another the words of love that our soul has longed to hear. What words do you wish your mother had said to you? Speak those to your daughter or son. What words do you wish your partner had spoken? Speak those to him/her now. At every turn, become courageous in speaking the language of love. We all desire it, yearn for it. It is now accessible to us, let go of embarrassment and allow the liquidlovelight to flow. “You are so beautiful! You have an immense heart! Your kindness is so appreciated. I love the way you pay attention to details. You create such beauty! I am so proud of you!”

The heavens are singing your praises!

The heavens are singing your praises!

On and on, let your imagination go wild and free your heart to speak what you want to hear. In the speaking, you will find your own heart being healed, being lifted, being gladdened. As we gift one another, we are gifted. This is the way of the universe. It is a win-win world and we are here to reinstate this universal law. Apply the golden rule of doing onto others as you would have done onto you. Do it with a flourish, dust off those compliments and be ready to shower the folks around you with their light! As well, open your heart to receive and own their power. This is part of the balancing….give and receive. You are so beautiful. I am putting on my sunglasses as I stand at the gate of this equinox and watch you walk through into your own light. My God, you are all so beautiful. My heart is spilling over in tears. A blessed crossing to us all.

 

Friday the 13th Containing the Spectrum

Following an instinctt to bring order out of the chaos of the forest floor.

Following an instinct to bring order out of the chaos of the forest floor.

Intense energies are swirling about today: the dense, chaotic ones alongside the expansive, uplifting ones. Friday the 13th opens us to this spectrum that stretches our being to contain it all. Can we hold the elements of injustice and horrors occurring on the planet alongside the beauty of a hummingbird outside our window? Can we tone the deep base note of the whales alongside the high pitched squeal of the dolphins? Can we hold our shameful, dark places in an embrace of sweet love? Can I look at a need to interrupt another and hug the child who never felt heard? Can I listen to an exaggeration in a telling of a story and hold the child who felt unimportant and small? Can I hear critical words and honor the child who was not praised? This day calls us to hold all of ourselves in the arms of love. The opportunity is heightened and the support is there to integrate more of ourselves. To bring all aspects of ourselves into harmony and peace.

I have spent the past couple of days pulled deep within my center. A couple of friends who are very tuned into me have called today to ask where I have gone as they felt I was farther away than I had ever been. They were right. I cannot name the place yet I know I have been working on vast inner planes where we meet to construct the new. I am close to tears as my heart is like a live coal, burning in my chest. A flame that draws to it all that is ready to be consumed. Many of us are acting as blast furnaces (strange word that just came from a childhood memory of my father working in the blast furnace of the steel mill), our fields of lovelight pulling the dross, the chaotic, the unstable elements into their center to be transformed into liquidlovelight which can be used to form life anew. A heaviness comes upon the body as I am pulled into sleep or this half awake state. My body is running huge amounts of energy through it as evidenced by my frequent need for dense food, meat and root vegetables as well as gallons of water. I need a bathroom a dozen times a day as it all runs through me. My belly swells as my body adjusts to hold me in place.

Do you see how the light dances to outline the shoreline? What is solid? What is vibration? It is all melding in our vision.

Do you see how the light dances to outline the shoreline? What is solid? What is vibration? It is all melding in our vision.

We are traveling between worlds in so many ways. I had to drive my son’s car the other day as mine was in the garage. It is a manual and I could not think how to drive a manual. My body remembered but I could not figure out which pedal was the clutch and which the brake even as I was in the process of successfully driving it. We are moving from intellectual understanding to deep knowing. I am seeing flashes of light and color in my peripheral vision. The floor shifts below me as do the walls about me. What is solid? My vision pixalates at times and blurs to almost no sight at others. My ears hear new sounds and at other times, it is as if I am in a vacuum chamber of no sound. My son was showing me photos from his recent trip and I could feel myself within them, smelling the ocean, hearing the wind. Someone begins to describe an experience and as the words fall upon my ears, I am feeling the wholeness of it as if I had experienced it all myself.

Always the hearts on my walks.

Always the hearts on my walks.

Our hearts are capable of such understanding. We truly are entering unity consciousness where we can transfer thoughts and emotions by a glance, a touch. I put my hand on another’s heart and he said it flamed up in him as heat that felt as if I had rubbed Vick’s  mentholated vapor rub upon it. I can imagine greeting one another by holding our hands palm up while looking in one another’s eyes, transferring entire conversations in an instant. Our hearts’ truth being communicated with a depth and breadth that words fail to articulate.

As today’s chaotic nodes swirl about me, I can find no traction anywhere. My heart flames and calls me back to it. Breathing myself into my center a thousand times a day. Lying under a tree, feeling the breeze dance the leaves, tuning into a movie so that my mind is engaged on one level, leaving the rest of me free to dive deep. Short bursts of cleaning to clear my space, using sage to calm my emotional body with its settling smoke, quick hops in the cool saltwater pool to ease the heat flashes, dark chocolate to savor the sweetness of life, tears to release the old that is departing.

The light illuminating the structure from above and below. We are the form that it flows through.

The light illuminating the structure from above and below. We are the form that it flows through.

These are the days that I incarnated for. My mind cannot explain what is happening. There is only allowing the feelings to run through me. Offering my vehicle as a chalice to move the energy from heaven to earth, being a transducer, bringing it in to useable fuel for our world. Living in a space without comfort nor discomfort. Being the flame in my heart, claiming it as center and following its connection to Source as well as to Mother Gaia’s heart. The Friday the 13th energy, tightening the string till it seems it will snap. Allowing this without pulling back. Trusting that it is all a part of the process. Flowing with it as best I can, knowing that the instinct to grab hold of anything is a false security. Moving closer to the source within that burns so bright. Feeling grateful for it all. Feeling grateful to have made it this far and still have a body to play with. Feeling grateful for all the clearing that is taking place within and without.  Feeling grateful to all of your hearts for blazing so bright and bringing in your unique light. A veil is dissolving….I am grateful that I can feel what is about to be revealed. All is about to be enlarged in every way. And in every way, I hear the refrain, All is well. And all is so very, very well.

 

 

 

Allowing my Feelings to Flow Fully

I continue to marvel at the way life brings to us exactly what we need, when we need it. I look back at all the years that I lived my life trying to orchestrate events through my mind. I was not able to accept life as it presented itself to me. I attempted to control how others should act, to control my feelings, tamping them down in the mistaken belief that life would be easier that way. I believed that I would be happy if a set of circumstances that I held to, came to be. I spent a great deal of time and energy opposing what was, in an attempt to create my own version of the magic lands.

I love the fierceness and wildness of some of the Maori images. They are expressing truth.

And lo, and behold……I am living in those very magic lands these days. I arrive more fully each day as I begin my day with a surrender to my higher self, Sophia, to be in the driver’s seat. I put all my trust in her, which of course, is myself. I trust me completely. I trust the benevolent nature of this universe. I trust Creator. From this place of trust, I observe everything that comes into my world. The energies are becoming much clearer in vibration and tone. I watch the interplay, hear the music that is being sung. There is only one tone that captures my attention these days. It is the tone of love. I want to listen to it, broadcast it, be bathed in it, sing it with others in conversation and silence. I hear it underneath all other tones, asking to be heard and amplified through my heart. The tones of love are what make up this world of ours.

Love resides in everything. It is the most freeing of feelings as we are born to love. We are love! I am feeling the freedom of loving all of life. It is a fiery feeling, the intensity is immense. I used to be afraid of my feelings, of the power of love that I felt coursing through me. Society taught me this from a young age. I felt too much, I wanted too much, I was too much. We were taught that you could not love freely, it was reserved for certain people in certain times. We were taught that you must love your parents, even if they were awful to you. We were taught that you could not love someone if they were in a relationship with another. We were taught to mistrust others of our own sex, that they were competition for the scarce commodity of love that was out there. We were taught that our feelings were dangerous and were to be hidden from others to the point where we hid them from ourselves.

In doing so, we have allowed the shadowlands to grow in size and scope. We are a society riddled with addictions, fearful of owning our truth, fearful of being seen. We have lost the ability to see others as we have not been able to fully see ourselves. We have been taught to shine out our bright side, to hide any sign of weakness as our enemies might use it against us. We have created an us vs them world. Yet, there is only us….one people on planet earth. One tribe, the tribe of many colors, the rainbow tribe. It is time to take off the masks and uncover the truth of ourselves. It is truth that what we judge in another is a part of ourselves needing love.

I have just finished reading, The Flaming Serpent by Aine Armour. Here are some of her words that resonated deeply in my heart:

You must be honest with your feelings. You must allow yourself to feel them. They are the language of your own soul speaking to you…So often humans judge their feelings as wrong and so they suppress them, repress them. The feelings do not go away. They go into the body, into the energy system and continue to create-feelings create.  They are the juice of creation, the water of life. If they are repressed and unacknowledged they begin to create the shadow of the feeling they originated from….It is not the feeling that causes harm, it is what we do with the feeling that can cause harm.”

We fear the flame with its dying, forgetting it unleashes the seed of the new. In every death, exists the rebirth.

I so enjoy uncovering another belief that I have been unconsciously living by. I love the freedom that comes as I dismantle the lie and allow myself to breathe fully in the open space now at hand. I AM LOVE! This I know in all of me. I can allow myself to feel this love fully in all of its aspects. I can use my discernment as to when and how to act upon my feelings as they show up in my world. Who in this world has enough love? Who would not be grateful to know that they are loved? We have so limited our version of love. If it be for someone of the opposite sex, we bring sex into the equation. We do not trust ourselves to love deeply for fear we may cause harm to another. Yet, it is our intention that is all. I intend no harm come from my love. My love is a cosmos and we limit it to a physical expression that is the tip of the iceberg. We are taught that romantic love is all with its erotic charge that quickly grows stale. We are taught the sanctity of the parent- child relationship without allowing it the freedom to be more or less than that.

Love is to be fully felt, fully given in each moment. We can look into another’s eyes for a moment and exchange lifetimes of love. There is such a blessing in this for both parties. I am learning to love so fully that I no longer hold anyone or thing that I love. I bring all of me to each moment, allowing the love to flow in a continuous stream from my heart. I am free to bathe all of it in my love. I recognize no limits nor confines for this love. It flows in a never ending stream from Creator to my heart. My chalice which I offer anew each day to my Mother/Father, is filled with a radiant stream of liquidlovelight that overflows from my heart to yours. I am a conduit for love. I am the stream of love. I am infilled with love. The wonder of this!

I used to hold it in my heart, even close off my heart from receiving what my Mother/Father freely gave. I used my mind to decide where the love should go, who was deserving of my love. I gave time and again from an empty cup as I did not believe myself deserving of love. I felt flawed, damaged. If I expressed any emotion but love, I crawled into the shadows of the cave of shame where no light entered. Anger sent me there, impatience was a pass to the cave. I judged myself harshly and meted out punishment without mercy. Talk about an executioner! Whew, I wielded that sword with a vengence. Each time I crawled out of the cave, determined to be love, to walk in light, to take the high road in all situations. Each time an emotion other than love rose up in me, I took myself to the cave, asked for the nails to be hung on the cross of shame and guilt. My self loathing grew with my rage. My former hubby used to say that he was a good guy 26 days out of the month, but watch out for those other few days. That was when the illusion broke and the moon in her wisdom, drew forth the fiery truth of my soul. I would find myself raging, as feelings stuffed all month long, came pouring out in a violent cascade. They came to teach me, to ask for honoring. I would respond with horror and as my hormones settled, I would stuff them back into the recesses of the cave and place myself at the entrance, setting guard so that they would never see the light of day. 26 days later, they would overwhelm me once again and make their escape into my outer world. I suffered, those around me suffered their wrath. The remorse, the incrimination would enter in and the cycle continued its mad merry go round.

Part of a Nicholas Roerich painting that was a wedding gift eons ago. I have always loved this image of a man sitting on a mountaintop, tending the fire of his heart.

Eventually, I went deep enough into the darkness that I longed only to stay there. That is when I discovered a flame inside of me that illumined a truth. It told me that I was good, that I was love, that I was lovable. By holding to that flame, allowing it to burn within, I found my way out of the cave. I live in a state of grace and peace these days. I feel every feeling that comes my way, fully and completely. I can feel anger without spewing it at another or myself. I did not know how to do that before. I accept all that triggers me as my own, not looking to another to be the cause of my feelings. I thank each person that flips a trigger in me as it allows me to let go the charge. Once fully felt and met, triggers disappear. No one taught me this. I have learned to use my voice to express whatever feeling is present. It is the quickest way that I have found to move energy. I identify where the feeling is in my body and allow the sound it is holding to come out. I do not judge if it is a pretty sound or a grating sound, a groaning or a whining or a keening. All is welcome to be expressed. I tone until the space is clear and empty. I then use my voice to infill that space with my Mother/Father’s presence of love. I ask Sophia to more fully inhabit that space, to love it completely. I know of someone who had cervical cancer. She realized that the cancer grew in the place where she had not fully loved herself. The space she had not fully occupied. Nature abhors a vacuum. I wish to occupy my whole self, this beautiful body which works so hard to hold my light and points out to me where the darkness is that is seeking release through the tones of love. Our bodies know all! They are the wisdom keepers. Ask and you will be shown where you are unaware, where vacuums exist, where cobwebs have been allowed to grow. How many of us have parts of our body that we think unkind thoughts to; “I hate my butt, my shoulder is a pain, my breasts are too small…” The litany goes on. Our body is our friend, seeking love as we are. We can speak to it with tenderness, gift it with what it needs rather than what our minds tells us is the latest news as to how to treat it. We are unique and there is no one size fits all treatment for our bodies though society would have us believe it. We would rather see a doctor and take a pill than take the time to listen to our body. It will tell us exactly what it needs to be a healthy container for us, but we must become able to translate its thoughts. We do this by engaging our senses in the subtle realms of spirit.

We are all looking for permission to feel without judgment.  I give you that permission this day. In doing so, feeling everything that shows up in our world, we begin to know ourselves. And what beauty is there, waiting to be seen! Claim it! I love you.

 

 

Playing in the Fields of New Creation

In a dream, I was given handfuls of fluffy cotton candy looking stuff to play with. I was laughing and throwing it about, forming it into various shapes and tucking it here and there. The unseen givers told me that they would be back, I was to simply play with it for now. It was the most magical feeling as I have dreamed for so long of creating through my heart and here was this tangible heart fluff to mold to my desires.

All who know me have heard me speaking of this for a couple of years or more. Knowing that creator abilities exist in my heart and palms. I can feel it! I had my very first experience of this a few days ago in Mount Shasta…..yes the place of magic! I was in the crystal bowl store with my friend who was adding a new one to her collection. There are hundreds of bowls in the store, gleaming in their brilliance, deep reds, blues, oranges and golds……truly every color radiating their light. My eye was drawn to a luminescent pink one, rose quartz and platinum. I asked if I could play with it. I sat on the floor and with a light tap of the wand, began to make it sing. Oh, what a song she sang! She is a bowl of gentle love, a love that can enter hearts and oh so softly, with a mother’s tenderness, open them. I knew that she and I could do some wonderful things together for others. Yet, I am not in an acquiring stage in life, I am desiring to be lighter in all aspects, possessions being one.

My friend, Jan's mandala of the heart that I was fortunate enough to sleep under.

The bowl showed me that there are so many hearts yearning to feel. I was searching for an object for the verb feel but stopped…….yes, yearning to feel. We have been so disappointed, disillusioned, disheartened (I never truly understood the truth of that word….dis-heart-ened, before) that we have accepted a life lived in a narrow bandwidth of emotion. We no longer expect to experience great love. We put up barriers to prevent the experience of great sorrow. We numb ourselves to the beauty of this world, fearing its power to captivate us and take us on a journey to depths untold. We play it safe. We cling to our routines and beliefs to prevent any wildness taking hold. We attend meetings and groups that provide checklists of how to structure our day. We take our medicine to even out our emotions, we read the latest info about which foods are safe, which activities will put off dementia, which product will give us youth. Why do we wish to prolong this small safe life? We become so caught up in the rules of it, that we forget the reason for doing it. Why do you want to live longer? Answer that in the quiet of your heart. For me it can only be to love more fully and to serve as an instrument of that love.

The mother of the world, by artist Nicholas Roerich, her veil allowing her to see the truth of all of us.

Love is not safe. It is not routine. It has no rules that it abides by. It moves like the wind and can blow through your life with the force of a hurricane as well as the gentlest of breezes. It can caress, it can destroy. In the destruction are birthed the seeds of the new. I no longer wish to live in the world that I grew in. I spit out the milk toast manner of living…..I plunge the depths and heights for all that life offers me in each moment. I am a creator being and it is time to create anew. I desire deep connection with all life. I open myself fully to my role in birthing this reality. I open my heart to dream BIG, to claim my right to be a play a role in the greatest love story ever told. I will be the Magdalene meeting her Yeshua at the well, I will be Kali consuming the dross of the world, I will be Mother Mary, holding the Christ in her womb. I will be the Christ shining his/her light in this world. Yes, I claim myself as a exquisitely cut facet of the diamond of my Mother/Father’s heart.

All of this comes to us through experiencing of the full spectrum of emotion; raging with anger’s bright fire, sobbing with broken hearts, laughing with the absurdity of life, being overcome by beauty’s bright light. In the fullness of the emotion, lies the treasure waiting to be unwrapped. The moments then become notes in the most sublime symphony. It requires us to retune our ears, to open new chambers in the heart, to allow our fingers to feel the bee’s sting and the velvety softness of a kitten’s ear. To taste the bitter and the sweet. By tuning ourselves to a richer frequency, moving from AM to FM on our dial of life, we truly begin to live. Each fear that arises, we face full on. It becomes a game as we laugh at what comes calling. Death holds no fear for me as it is simply another doorway to my Mother/Father’s heart. Why would I fear that? I want only to serve that fire, whether from this side of the veil or the other, it matters not. I accept the gift that this life is. I accept my forgetting in moments and my knowing that grows stronger by the day.

Do we want to live our whole lives curled tight, afraid to let our beauty unfurl?

As I live in this richness, my life becomes simpler, more peace filled, sweeter. Place matters less, as I am tuned to the beauty in everything. This amazes me. The colors are more vibrant, the sounds softer to me ear. I can hear the neighborhood lawn mowers and the birds’ songs as different expressions of the same note. I am wowed by this. I beam my smile at one with a hardened expression and marvel to see the beauty I know, reveal itself in an answering abashed smile in return. We have grown shy of letting our light out. Of letting anyone see our truth. Fearing that in that smile, something might be taken from us. Oh, we have become a timid race, keeping to someone else’s construct, allowing our power to be taken with barely a murmur. Thank goodness, this reality is crumbling and we are donning our mantles of power once more.

Come take a seat with me to observe the magic and the mystery!

Back to my bowl……I could feel how she wanted to work with me to open hearts. To bring folks back to the remembrance of their own beauty and light. I thanked her and left the store and went to commune with my favorite mountain once again. The next morning, I was taken aback to discover that I had indeed created something with my heart. The pink bowl was in my heart! She told me that I am to use my eyes to stream the presence of our Mother/Father’s heart while I use my voice to play her song into hearts desiring this opening. Oh! This is the heart whispering that I was told months ago, I was to do. I open myself as a channel for this love to flow through. I hold the perfection of the person’s heart, the immaculate concept that Mother Mary trained me in all those lifetimes ago, and step back and witness the streaming of heartlight from our Mother/Father’s heart to the other. LIquidlovelight is a substance so pure, so golden in its hue, it melts all in its path. It is the alchemist’s tool gifted to me for use. A shudder of wonder as I take this in.

Each of our pieces is needed to make make the pathway whole so that we can walk with ease home.

I invite you to step into your heart today, look around and discover where your power lies. Open to its gifts and shine them out to the world, hungry to know you. Without your light shining bright, a piece of the puzzle is missing. I am so ready to view the whole scene! Please lay your puzzle piece on the table, fitted in with the others so that the picture can take form. There is no other who can add your piece. You are the only one who knows what it looks like and where it fits in the picture. Perhaps you think that you are only a part of the sky and so will not be missed. But the sky has a hole in it where you belong. You are needed, for in you, the whole of creation resides. Trust this, know this. You are loved beyond our human understanding of that word.

I love you.