Observing with a Sense of Wonder

A figure from a sculpting class I took years ago. He sits and observes with a sense of wonder.

A figure from a sculpting class I took years ago. He sits and observes with a sense of wonder.

I am so comfortable on the couch. My body, whose temperature dances high and low, is for the moment, content. Cool air streams in through the partially opened window next to the couch, a fire is blazing its warmth before me as rain falls in a gentle, steady stream outside. The overcast sky outside the windows is lit up as the last of this full moon blazes powerfully from behind. I feel wonder at this. Rain and light in the night, releasing the smell of earth which mingles with the wood fragrance burning bright.  I feel elemental…. in my element. Bliss. It has been such a lovely night of love. It is so incredible how it seems to expand with each new day, each moment. Three of us here, bellies full of a root vegie casserole, each sipping  a small glass of wine as soft conversation flows amongst us. Spaces of rich silence, interspersed with soft guitar notes played by my son. The love is palpable in the room, its contours engulf and support our hearts with strength and richness.

My son points out a newness to the evening as I am sharing a glass of wine. This is a new aspect of me that is delighting in this taste and the inner warmth it brings. So strange as I have never liked the taste of alcohol in any form, not even as a flavoring in baked goods. Yet, here I am enjoying it! Such interesiting times as I discover new aspects of myself that seem to be entering daily.

A recent painting by my youngest son. Dark and wild, it leads you in. gaberobertsart.com/‎

A recent painting by my youngest son. Dark and wild, it leads you in. gaberobertsart.com/

Yesterday a set of dragon wings unfurled. So wild as I could feel their leathery texture on my skin and it hurt quite a bit as they came out. My whole upper back felt like it was rippling with discomfort all day as the wings adjusted themselves to my body . Red-gold and skeletal, not gorgeous like my pink-gold angel wings, yet beautiful. A fiery essence that is still adjusting, the fire in the hearth has helped them to dry tonight. I do not know what they portend or how to use them. I just know that they are here and the purpose will be revealed in due time.

New day and new clarity. The dragon wings bring a deeper tone of love to me. It is not the butterflies and faery love, rather dragons and dwarves and dark caves underground. It is a fierce and true love, a wholeness that emits a full tone. We have been conditioned to back away from the undertones, fearing their power but in truth, we are ready for love to shine forth in her full glory. A love that accepts blowbacks of anger and hate as it allows the density to surface to be embraced in its arms. It stands firm in its adherence to truth. Love contains the full spectrum which is why so many of us are journeying deep into our own shadowlands to excavate and embrace all that we buried along this journey. To receive and anchor the new tones of love, we must transmute our own black coal into diamonds blazing bright. My dragon self is here to ensure that the job gets done. His deep red, adding to my pink hues, so that I can hold the spectrum true.

My first love, Laurie.  A self portrait with green eye.

My first love, Laurie. A self portrait with green eye.

As I am mirroring my inner process with the clearing of the house and sheds, I unearthed a self portrait done by my first love. He held so much of the beloved energy for me yet he was not to be the father of the children that I knew were to come. Indeed, he has never had children as all of his passion and energy has gone into his pursuit of beauty. As a poet and artist, there has been a fierceness required, a distillation of life.  I feel this shifting as the outer world begins to reflect the fuller tones of love. Art, beauty and truth, all striking the chord of love. A renaissance of beauty is at hand as we come into our maturity as creator gods.

I am deeply grateful and again find myself in a state of wonder as I observe all that moves through me, around and about me.  We are living in the magic times. All things are possible, all is made new.

Feeling the Lovelight

After 2am and I am awake. The internet can be an amazing friend in the middle of the night. I can go on facebook and connect with friends who live in other parts of the earth, who are awake in these wee hours when I “should” be asleep. The shoulds have left and we are in this new landscape where we are feeling our way to what is “normal”. Even that concept is a limit as we move out of any sense that there is a routine or way of living. We are moving to simply “living”. Sleeping when our bodies tell us, moving when they desire, eating what resonates in the moment with no definition of being a vegetarian or vagan or meat eater. We let go of the need to define who we are. The old society’s way of identifying ourselves is dissolving. We are not our jobs, we are not our familial roles (wife, mother, brother), we are not our age, we are not our income, we are not where we live (American, European, African). We are moving into unity consciousness where the lines of demarcation melt away. We are beginning to know one another by our energy signature. Isn’t that beautiful? I have had an innate sense of this, that I respond to the energy of a person, not the illusion of the exterior appearance. I feel so grateful to have lived to this time where it is becoming the truth in the outer world as well.

The days pass with a speed that amazes yet with a fullness that fills my heart. I can get lost in the wind as it swirls through the leaves of the palms, in the beauty of a spider on the porch. In fact, two spiders on the porch thrilled me this morning. I was amazed at this smiling sun that she carried on her back. I felt that I wanted to carry the same smile on my face. Isn’t she magnificent?  I am so grateful to my higher self, Sophia, for arranging my life so that I have time to sit and commune with the beauty of this pair of spiders this morning. So, sunshine girl felt feminine to me next to her warrior counterpart.


Isn’t he something! It looks like he is wearing a mask designed to frighten enemies. So cool! I love nature, each day she has something beautiful to gift me with. I am learning to speak her language, to see the myriad ways that she communicates with me. As I drop deeper in to her world, I drop deeper into my inner world. We are going camping in a couple of days. My friend is taking me to a rustic site on the ocean where there are sacred sites. We plan on being in the silence and are open to the gifts it has for us. I can feel the energy of preparation working through me.

Today we went to a shamanic homeopathic healer. She did her magic and instead of receiving only a bottle or tube of a remedy,  she made us pouches to wear around our necks with a tiny stone imbued with the remedy. She wanted our bodies to get used to the remedy in this way for a few days before taking the drops. I thought it was fitting for our journey. Of course, I chose a bright pink satin bag to honor the divine feminine seeking fuller expression so it looks a bit different than a traditional native medicine bag. Yet, it serves that purpose as I will add a couple of my own talismans to it to see me through this journey that the past couple of weeks has been a preparation for. I get a sense of something coming and know that the Marys, Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, have gifts for me. I am preparing myself to receive them with grace.  My body is now calling me to sleep and the land of dreams. Goodnight and sweet dreams.