2 A.M.

Heart rocks shining their love to us.

Heart rocks shining their love to us.

Still awake after a day of activity. No thoughts that are looping, no issues to resolve. My body feels achy from the physicality of today. We have begun to add a hike up the bluffs overlooking the river after our “classical cafe” Sunday mornings. The morning begins with my three year old grandson and his grandpa selecting some classical music to play. We dance, spinning and leaping and flowing in between making the breakfast. My grandson and my daughter are the waffle makers. He loves to be in charge….measure and pour in the oats, peel and throw in the banana, crack a couple of eggs and add some baking powder and blend! Heat the waffle iron and use the pastry brush to coat it with butter. He gets out his small maple syrup jug from the refrigerator and I heat some syrup on the stove in a bigger jug. Grandpa fries the eggs and sometimes bacon, I set the table with the little one’s help. Strawberries are gathered from the garden and sliced. The music fills the room as we fill our bellies with yumminess.

A driftwood dog created for all to enjoy.

A driftwood dog created for all to enjoy.

We went off for our hike, grandpa carrying a weighted pack in preparation for his climb of Mount Shasta later this week. Our grandson had fun practicing with grandpa’s hiking poles adjusted to his size. We will do our own hike in the snow on the mountain and look forward to how the climb goes for the grandpa and uncles. My body is slowly getting ready for more summer with its outdoor hiking and camping adventures. Shasta is a favorite place for both.

We jumped in the pool when we got home and dried off while eating a picnic lunch on the lawn.  While the little one napped, I helped my former hubby work on a tile project by the new back doors. A familiar pattern for the two of us as we spent twenty- five years doing projects in that house and yard. When I left, over a decade ago, I vowed never to do a project there again. I was so tired of projects and  hard work. Yet here I am full of gratitude that this remains the family home. We continue to come together to create a more beautiful home for our grandson. We know each other’s patterns and so the work flows smoothly. We each have gifts that balance the other’s.

Animal dung flattened into the shape of love.

Animal dung flattened into the shape of love.

I depart for the solitude and quiet of my cottage after more pool time, dinner, play time, story time, and kisses to the wee one as he heads to bed. I am ready for an early night. Yet…..here I am still awake. As I lie here, I have booked a ticket to go visit my sons and their loves in Vermont this fall. Planning of any kind seems impossible but suddenly I am clicking on flights and dates light up and it is done. An energetic connection laid out that offers some solace to our hearts in our time apart. One son needs this right now. Still there is a surreal quality to it all as I wonder who will I be then, what will the world look like? This summer portends huge changes. What will the fall bring? I am curious as to the unfolding.

The days flow past like a dream.So dreamy in fact, that I cannot recall much from moment to moment. Lots of searching for my keys or reading glasses or wondering what I am about. Starts and stops. My grandson was intrigued by my expression of “losing my mind”. What does that mean, he asked. Fortunately, he has an incredible memory and can fill in my blanks as my mind is more and more untethered from linear thinking or patterns.

Pop of color amongst the dried grasses.

Pop of color amongst the dried grasses.

The waves of energy are more subtle these days. I find myself feeling quiet, removed yet not the void sensation. No highs, no lows. More muted, but full. Appreciating all about me with so much love. Desiring simplicity, moving in sync with the energies. Days of physical activity and days of dropping down deep in the lulls. Nights like this of wakefulness, naps that overtake me, hours of couch time, staring out at the trees or glued to netflix movies. Something deep within stirring causing a knowing that the half life I have existed in for so long, is coming to an end. I sense vitality, adventure, and enthusiasm beckoning. I have moments of tasting this….there were moments today. Other times, it all feels distant. I know that I am ready. I have been for quite awhile. Whatever is to come, I open to it. Savoring the sweetness of all that is. And it is good.


Nature’s Notes

This log made me think of the phrase: "Bloom where you are planted". These trees and plants took it to heart!

Still walking in the dreamtime. Spending lots of time in nature, absorbing and observing all that she has to say to me. Here are a few of the lessons from the past couple of days. This old tree trunk sitting on the shore birthed new life atop it. It laid down, its former beauty and purpose gone, yet it allowed the dirt that collected on its surface to birth new life. What a lesson for we middle agers. This trunk let go of the belief that its growth had to come from its top, it allowed it to spring from its side! It let go of old paradigms and ideas of how a tree should grow and began anew.

This shell was lovely in form but it was obscured by all the flotsam it dragged along. She has yet to let go and allow her beauty to be seen. How long do we continue to drag our past behind us, weighing us down. Old stories want to go round in my head…..they rejected you, that will hurt you again, you don’t know what you are doing…..I choose to cut them loose. I choose to walk freely in each moment, shining my light.

The perfection of hard boiled eggs in a simple dish. I am fed by the eggs as well as the beauty of the earthly colors and the form of the dish. I am grateful to the chickens!

The pink rhodendrums are letting me know that it is ok to shine so brightly, no matter where you find yourself. I walk through the greens of the forest and am startled by the intensity and brillance of these blooms. They seem as out of place as a bridesmaid’s dress on a hiker. Yet, they burst out without any trace of shyness to greet me.

This heron flew by and I asked him to hold on while I got my camera out. He obliged by standing still then arose and made two low short passes so as to be caught by my camera. He then resumed his perch on the rock in front of me and gave me a steady look. Yes, I get it! Everything in nature wants to cooperate with us. He enjoyed being appreciated and I enjoyed his beauty. He took off and soared so effortlessly, skimming

the water before making a grace filled landing. I remembered that grace was always in the offing for me to call upon in my life. I ask for God’s grace to fill my world as this heron filled my senses with delight.

My walk increased in enjoyment when I finally took off my shoes and socks and allowed myself to feel all that the sand and seaweed had to offer. I had tried to carefully tread, wanting to avoid the smelly black muck of the sea. I ended up getting a wet foot in an attempt to cross the rivelet of water streaming to the sea. In ditching the shoes, I was surprised by the warmth of the fresh water making its way to the sea, the transparency of the lime green seaweed as it wrapped around my foot, the soothing feel of the sand and the joy of splashing in the water. Nature says, come play with me! She knows that in doing so, we return to the innocence of children and love abounds.

The forest path leading to the beach was lined with ferns. I love the tightly closed fiddleheads that appear to close in upon themselves. Yet they unfurl, opening to the sun filtering in, to birth a new frond. I thought of fairies playing on them like violins, making music for the forest to dance to.

Someone once referred to me as a “spiritual bungee jumper”. This tree reminded me of that and how we are often asked to leap without any assurance of a safe landing. This is where we find ourselves as a society, our foundations are crumbling out from under us, we are hanging on by our roots as it were, and we look sure to fall. Let go, I say. Let’s let go that tension and take the leap into creating something brand new. Can’t you feel the relief!

The beauty of the fungus that grows on decaying matter. Our new earth can grow so much beauty as we allow the past to die. We take the lessons learned, turning our dark shadows into rich mulch with which to fertilize our heart’s desires. We can create vibrant new shades and forms. Oh, it makes my heart skip a beat as I feel all this taking place!

Time to close this sharing as the night is almost gone. I seem to be staying up half the night which leaves me in a sleepy, dreamy state in the day. It seems to be part of the plan to maintain this dream state between eclipses. I close with this large heart rock that I came upon. I ask my beloved for a sign each day of his love. Heart rocks are a common one and this one filled me up like a buttercup. Remember that song? Fill me up buttercup. I picked a bouquet with buttercups and do indeed feel filled up! I love you all.