Our Flame

fullsizeoutput_2c87Watching a candle burn, the wax melting in the center, creating a void, a hole that reflects the flame’s light outward. At times, the position of the wick or the variance in the wax, causes it to burn lopsided, spilling wax over its lip like a lava flow. Tablecloths and dresser scarves or the wood surface itself, catches it and slows its progress as it cools on the new surface. It hardens into a solid state that takes some work to clean up. I have spent time scrapping and ironing and washing and rewashing trying to remove the waxy residue from some of my favorite textiles.

We operate differently. We have that inner flame that our societal conditioning teaches us to activate in productivity. “Burning the candle at both ends” is an expression that alludes to a fast paced life with little time given to rest. Remember when to “be busy” was almost a bragging right? This is a common way to live if one is to find “success” in our society. I lived this life for years until the tears would not stop flowing, whether I was in a meeting or in the privacy of a bathroom. My body literally cried out for change.

I love lights reflected. May we see more and more heart lights reflecting outward!

I love lights reflected. May we see more and more heart lights reflecting outward!

Slowly, month by month, year by year, I learned that the way our flames work is different. We thrive by allowing our flames to burn off the outside of our being, not the inside. A candle leaves its outer shell intact, as the inner core disappears. We are encouraged to this, to become the empty shell, working until all flames out. It came to me slowly, as my life was brought to a standstill on every front. My inner flame died out, a pilot light was all that remained lit.

The years have burnt off the shell of society’s expectations and mores. The familial conditioning melted away along with the weight of rightness, wrongness and the notion of productivity as the means to love and acceptance. Duty slowly melted in the flame of love that flared bright. The outer shell has gone and there remains the inner flame. We see this reflected in one another’s eyes, the truth of our spirits that shines ever bright. We are beginning to see that radiance shining from more and more faces. People are waking up and tending their inner flame as they let go of the outer world that has turned out to be false on so many fronts.

Nature can light up in so many ways.....now we are catching on.

Nature can light up in so many ways…..now we are catching on.

The hundred monkey theory is in effect and spreading at a rapid pace. The new children coming in have a radiance that is mesmerizing. My grandson’s eyes send out sparkles of light that infuse all with joy. It is happening, a quiet revolution from the inside out. We are burning off the dross from our beings and standing in our radiance, allowing our lights to shine bright. My heart is so uplifted, I can feel its pulsing action as I witness this. Pillars of light shining through the darkness, it is happening and this world is lighting up. Hallelujah!

The Freedom Offered

IMG_2951Flowers beside me, a cool morning breeze flowing through the cottage, stillness and time alone after sweet company. I listened to the Irish poet, John O’Donohue, speaking on stillness and felt my soul expand with his words.

Stillness is vital to the world of the soul. If as you age you become more still, you will discover that stillness can be a great companion. The fragments of your life will have time to unify, and the places where your soul-shelter is wounded or broken will have time to knit and heal. You will be able to return to yourself. In this stillness, you will engage your soul. Many people miss out on themselves completely as they journey through life. They know others, they know places, they know skills, they know their work, but tragically, they do not know themselves at all. Aging can be a lovely time of ripening when you actually meet yourself, indeed maybe for the first time.

JOHN O’DONOHUE Excerpt from his book, ANAM CARA

IMG_2908Finding so many around me, waking up to the greater reality of their hearts. Our society does not offer space for this awakening, it in fact does all it can to keep one from it. Yet, our souls break through with tears that will not be stopped, with a yearning that moves one to breakdown and break open. Vulnerability enters and invites us to explore those darkened rooms that we have so carefully kept locked. Fear guards the doorways….projecting doom and destruction to all who dare enter. We fear for our very lives, as we should. For our lives will be dismantled, the old ways will no longer serve, people will be ousted from our world and we will be sent into outer orbits where there is no familiar landscape. All will be black night.

In that darkness, there will only remain the light of your heart to guide you. Therein lies the key, therein lies the way forward. No other can chart your path, though many will assure you that they know the way. Yet, no one knows you like you do. No one can lead you home to your own truth except you. You are the way, you are the light, you are the truth.

My grandson's designs.

My grandson’s designs.

I have been reading a child’s version of Pilgrim’s Progress to my grandson. He asks for it repeatedly, loving Christopher mouse’s journey to the Evergreen Woods. He acts out the dark aspects, the rats and their trickery and deceit and changes it all in his play. He rescues the weasels who take the shorter route and are “never seen again”. He has them reappear to play and enjoy the beauty and joy of true companionship with all the others as they make it to the promised land. He views duality and brings it into unity and my heart feels the wonder of his gifts.

This is the miracle of these babes come in knowing only love. These children are here to raise us all up with their hearts that see clearly. I am so grateful to be informed by a three year old’s wisdom, to share in the joy that emanates his every dancing movement.

A piece of spinach that landed on the backsplash of the sink...my daily magical hearts that appear from Myself to myself, reminding me how I am loved.

A piece of spinach that landed on the backsplash of the sink…my daily magical hearts that appear from Myself to myself, reminding me how I am loved.

We are shedding the old as the new arises within with a gathering strength and fierceness. My world is showing me courageous hearts stepping out of toxic and limiting relationships,  whether in work or home environments. Many are seeking the way forward towards this love flame that emanates the whole. In the choice for self love, others are raised up, no matter the hue and cry at a sudden boundary that states, “No more!” to the old patterns. We trust in ourselves, that a choice for our truth, cannot harm another. All are uplifted by truth. All are uplifted by love.


Finding the Soft Spot

My grandson's nature table.

My grandson’s nature table.

I have enjoyed reading a book by Elizabeth Berg called The Year of Pleasures. 

It tells of a woman’s experience the first year after her husband died after a long marriage. Her husband was a child psychologist. Here is the passage that really spoke to me:

“John used to talk about finding the soft spot in people, how that was step one. Then came the next step, the harder one, getting them to trust that you would not violate that place. He said patients would often make themselves vulnerable, that you had to withstand the fire in order to earn the cease-fire, and that it was always worth it to do so. He said that inside everyone there was a place that shone. ”

I resonated so deeply with those words. In my years working with troubled teens, that was my gift, finding their soft spot and building the trust that let them know that I would not let them go, no matter how violent their reactions. When I was in a position to hire teachers to work with these children, I looked for this ability. It was not easy to find as we are so trained to find truth in the surface projections, rather than in the feelings of the heart.

Love the spire hidden beyond the archway.

Love the spire hidden beyond the archway.

Finding the place that shines….this skill becomes more and more valuable and necessary as the levels of chaos and pain arise on the planet. We are going through the fires of purification as so much is destroyed to make way for the new structures to be built. In my home state, fires have left thousands homeless. There is news of one disaster after another across the globe as all are being shaken from the belief that security comes in any outer form. Each are discovering that it is only by going within that true security is found. All that we have been taught will keep you safe, is being dismantled. The systems of money, social security, retirement, property….are being rearranged and many are feeling firsthand how it can all disappear in a moment.

Despite all that appears as chaos swirling on the surface of my emotional field or the planetary consciousness, there is a deep well of knowing within that all is well. I drop into that space and breathe there at intervals throughout the day. Feeling the love light flowing in all its pink gold peace, informing and lighting up my cellular structure as well as the planetary Christed grid. We are living in the end times that have long been prophesied. What an honor it is to have a body and heart with which to participate in this grand experiment of bringing in the golden age of peace and love. One heart at a time, we move.

LIquid Heart Light

 I knew that these days alone held a gift for me. The other night as I was lying on the couch, playing in my heart space, an amazing sensation came over me. I was expanding the chalice of my twin flame heart. I work with my twin on this each day, pouring my love into it, asking for his love and calling on my Mother/Father God to add theirs to the mix. I then ask for the elixir to be used for peace on earth, the awakening of hearts, abundance for all……you know the list. But this night, the flame filled me and flowed out from my heart into my hands. My palms were on fire with it. I knew that they were radiating creative life energy and could indeed create the movement of returning things back to the reality of love that is in all. Wow, it felt wonderful and powerful and humbling to be an instrument in this way. My heart was on fire with this liquid love light….golden elixir. 

This is my recent take on the heart, see the gold that exists as well as the tears and scarring. A bit battered and bruised, covered over, scrapped  away at, stab wounds….this heart has it all. Yet the fire of love burns ever bright and is growing in size by the day. We are in transformative times and our hearts’ fire are burning through the dross, the woundedness, the victim consciousness, the buried pains from so many lifetimes in density. There is a purifying aspect to the flame. That white hot heat that releases all back to the primal elements. I relish the almost pain that I have felt flooding through me as I know that as I turn on my heart light to fan the flames, I am being given freedom. I am being given my heart anew. All scarring disappears in the heat of the flames. My heart is freer to hold and radiate light and love. My chalice expands which allows me to offer more my cup of lovelight. All on the planet are being offered this gift. You can close the door to your heart and let it pass by or choose to throw the door wide open and invite the flame to enter in. Allow the feelings of loss, of suffering, of betrayal, of grief to surface. Feel them fully and give them to the flame. Feed the fire with all that you are ready to let go of. Let it all go, stoke that fire and watch the bonfire of your heart ablaze! The freedom is worth it all. When you watch a fire burn hot and finally burn itself out, there are only the white and grey ashes left to blow in the wind. How beautiful a process….to turn all that pain into carbon that returns to the earth. Our mother accepts our sorrows in this form as now it feeds her, allows new growth to come. When we limit the flow of lovelight through our heart by storing all our refuse there, we create a burden that our mother cannot ease. Our hearts are leaden and our steps on her surface become heavy. Once we allow the fires to transmute it all back to love, we are lighter and our steps reverberate with that love. 

Here is my take on my inner sun. I am pulsing pink and orange and gold with some turquoise thrown in for my watery nature. The dolphins and whales need a place to swim in me! I am feeling called to go the the warm waters and swim with the dolphins once again. Today I experienced the rays of the sun, illuminating the cold wintry air here in San Francisco. I shared a walk and lunch with my beautiful daughter who came to me 28 years ago today. Oh, how we have tested and hurt  and enlivened and loved one another’s hearts through those growing years. She has been my mentor, challenging me to be more love. I am so grateful for the way our hearts now flow in such unity, how all the pain of the lessons we came to gift one another, has been fed to the flames. The ash nurtured the flowering that has bloomed so bright. I bought her a gardenia and pinned it on her as a corsage so that she could smell the sweetness of the love that she is to me. Sweet young woman, sweet heart of love. Liquid lovelight shining bright. 

Moving out of Stillness

Today my idyllic time alone in this stillness ends. My elder son and a friend come for the weekend event with Tom Kenyon. So we will be going into a different kind of interior space. I know that there are gifts for me there also. I am sitting here in the dark of the morning and feeling such deep appreciation for this house, this time alone, this spot in nature. It has been a blessed time for me. I have found a wellspring of joy in my heart that I did not know existed. The wonder of it is that I know that it shall not leave me. It is there with a breath. I can return at any moment as it has become a familiar landscape. My gratitude for this knows no bounds.

I recognize that everything is moving towards my expansion in each moment. So today, I leave my island and take the ferry to the mainland to make the drive to the airport. What delight that I get to pick up my elder son and my dear friend. He is the one who calls me “baby girl” and feeds that father flame in my heart. It will be wonderful to share this transformational weekend experience with two such dear souls. And I get two ferry rides in

one day! I could look at that as a negative: Five hours of traveling to and fro, leaving my dear island sanctuary. I could have had them take buses, planes, etc (it is not easy to get to the island without a car) but it saves them both some $ and time for me to do this and my heart wants to greet them. It is all a choice given to us in each moment. How do I choose to experience this? I love ferry rides, I enjoy time in my car…..it is meditation and communion time for Maxie and I. The weekend experience for all of us begins together as we take the hour and half ferry ride back to the island. My friend was up at 4am to begin his flight so I love that I can give him a soft landing. I am choosing the joy of it all.

Yesterday I spoke with two dear friends who are on this path with me. It is so important to share our experiences as it anchors the vibration more fully into the planet. As the new energies stream in, we are called to anchor them in any way that feels good to us. Draw them, sing them, dance them, speak them, write them. It all anchors it into the physical plane. We

are bringing in higher dimensional energies and we are the physical vehicle through which they are given expression. Such joy to share the bliss and feelings of oneness with others. I did have a hour or so of melancholy feelings wash over me yesterday afternoon. I sat with it and watched it move through me and release. There is a sadness that comes up in the collective consciousness as we leave the old. It is being expressed to make room for the new. I know that there is no need for sadness as what is in front of us is more beautiful than anything that we have experienced thus far. There is magic at hand! My face is firmly set towards that future and I am poised at the brink. I leap each day with joy into the unknown, dropping all that is past. I have no need of it. The present is so full of gifts for me. This is a sculpture that I passed on the drive into town. One day I would like to make an appointment to visit this studio. I love the spinning wheels and the glistening spheres within. It feels like our world, each of us one of the sparkling spheres, spinning with our mother earth. Together we make a thing of such beauty. I see your beauty today. Look in the mirror this morning and say hello to your beautiful self. I am so grateful that you are here! Shine your heart light today and others will shine theirs back!