Days of quiet joy. Tonight I am thrilled that it is a burn day here in Sacramento, you are allowed to have a fire. Logs softly falling in the grate, embers glowing, me knitting on the couch, lovely music in the background. Sigh…..I feel as contented as a cat. I made a casserole of vegies; beets, sweet potatoes, white potatotoes, brussel sprouts and asparagus. Olive oil, salt and pepper and into the oven and out came a delicious dinner. Body is content with its cup of tea and cookie now and I feel such peace.
Something that I read today has been in my thoughts. I can’t find the source right now but it was about how our judgments “pin” others to a spot in their journey when they may be trying to move from that spot. That really spoke to me and I could see how I had done this with others and how I wanted everyone to experience the freedom to be who they are in the moment. To not be limited by who I judge them to be. Certainly, I do not like others to limit who I am in this moment! Continuing lessons on detached observation rather than judgment. Not easy! I have to be vigilant with my mind as judgments spring up like weeds. As soon as I become more conscious of this in my life, the more it seems to appear but I know that it is in catching the judgments in the moment, that my victory lies. I am telling myself, “You are loved, dear Linda. You are love, you do not have to judge this.” I see that anything that arises in me that is not love, is an opportunity for me to practice self love. As all that arises is either fear or love so if it is not love, then I need to tend to whatever part of me is feeling fear on some level. I can soothe myself like a fussy child, “You are loved sweet Linda, you are love.” Sigh….
The other idea that came through today was from a book I read years ago but just rediscovered in a box. It is called, Dance of the Jaguar by Terry Andrews. It is a quick and fun work of fiction about a middle aged woman rediscovering her power after a lifetime of giving it away to her deceased husband and her family. One statement about our power struck me: “If you are not using it, someone else is.” Wow. I know the truth of that. I want to use my own power. She talks about when we give up our power to others (allowing others to make decisions for us, accepting our beliefs unchallenged to see if they still fit us) we compensate by feeling a need to control others. This resonated from my marriage days when I gave up so much of my power and yes, I definitely felt the need to control others. I wanted the kids to do what I wanted them to do. I wanted life to conform to my vision. I did not accept what was, so much energy wasted on trying to change the life that I was in! It took me falling apart to discover that I could only change me. There is no fufillment in controlling others. First of all, it does not work! You cannot make anyone but yourself behave in a different way. Continuing to try to change others or situations is a losing battle. We have the power to create the life that we desire. We are the creators of our lives by our thoughts and feelings. What we focus on, we create. I am loving how this new earth energy is streaming in. We are creating in the ethers, as it were. Our daydreams and visualizations are forming the new before our eyes.
In my meditation today, I was lying in my garden, admiring the beauty and fragrance of the flowers. I was so surprised to find myself lying in my beloved’s arms. He laughed at my surprise and told me to lie back down and savor all the beauty that I had created. I did with delight. After a time, we got up and began to walk into a wood that was near. It was a woods like I grew up with back East, beautiful decidious trees with sunlight streaming in. We followed a path until we came upon an enticing spot where there was a batch of sun. We lay down and took in the beauty of the branches and sky. We lay there in such peace and I watched as we dissolved into the duff of the forest floor. I had experienced this once before in a cranial sacral healing but not with another. It was fascinating to feel. Rich humus, perfect for growing anything. I watched as our spirits emerged from this humus…..we were particles of shimmering light. It was fascinatingly fun as we could merge and blend and flow with one another with ease. It was so cool!
We walked to a footbridge over a clear, running stream. As we looked at the dancing sparkles of sunlight on the water, we became one with them. We were dancing on the water! We could merge at will with anything, the water, the forest floor, the flowers in the garden, the trees…..everything. There were no edges, no distinctions. All flowed as one life. It was truly an amazing experience! So freeing and fluid.
I felt only joy when I came out of this experience, knowing that I am creating all this on some dimension that I will be able to tap into when the timing is right. I felt no yearning for it to be here, rather glad in my heart for having been there for a time. Here, there, it is difficult to make sense of what is real. The feelings of joy were real and that is what I hold to. Moment by moment to be in joy, in my imagination or in this dense reality……it matters not. The feeling of joy is what matters. To experience it fully and let it go. So that I am free to experience the cashier at the grocery store, the sunset streaming across the sky tonight, the dying coals in the fireplace. LIfe is becoming more magical to me, day by day…..moment by moment.