Do You Feel the JOY?

This tulip is singing the notes of joy!

This tulip is singing the notes of joy!

There is joy singing in my cells. Joy, dancing in my blood, joy reverberating in my heart.

All the while, my skin is itching in various places, my belly continues to bloat, I feel a heaviness and just plain uncomfortableness in this body. I am eating day and night…toast and cookies, chocolates and chips. A fridge full of greens and I crave anything but healthy foods. Though yesterday I made a green juice and it went down pretty well. Most days, the thought of cleaning the juicer makes me head for the chips in the cupboard. Ease is important! Nausea and head pressure lasted for days. Early evenings coma like sleeps and middle of the night wide awakes. Gas, oh my, the farting! It is like I have been blown up with gas inside.

And yet…..there is this joy moving! Joy. I know that none of these outer twinges and creaks are permanent. I am to have a newly regenerated body along with the rest of you. Radiant health is to be ours. Feeling the middle of the month, a veil will be lifted, that will make my dreams of a Christmas of magic and miracles, the new reality. Freedom for all, that is the sound wafting on the breeze that the slyphs are singing to me.  I have felt the possibility these past few years, held the dream. Now I am living the feeling of it. Believing before seeing as it is the believing that leads to the seeing of it here on this plane.

There is nothing new about the physical components except that this wave lasted longer and with more sustained intensity than I had previously experienced. Observing this brought on the joy buzz even more strongly. We are stronger, we can be a conduit, a chalice for greater amounts of liquidlovelight pouring through. I felt almost giddy with this knowing. This is the push that puts us over the edge, the tipping point where we slide into our new Christed selves with laughter and tears.

We have held the seeds within all along. Now is the time of bursting forth in all of our beauty.

We have held the seeds within all along. Now is the time of bursting forth in all of our beauty.

I was shown the date, December 15th, over and over like a flashing neon sign. I am not attaching to that. I have learned my lesson about adhering to dates in any fashion. I sense it is an individual inner process before the collective outer experience.  Instead, I am riding the wave of freedom by allowing myself to see beauty and love everywhere. I am allowing my deepest heart’s desire out to roam and romp on the playing fields of my imagination. I watched the movie, “Kate and Leopold” last night. I had watched it years before but this time I was struck by Meg Ryan’s character owning her deepest desires that she had not dared allowed out as a means of self protection from disappointment and pain. She owns her desires and takes the leap to live them. In the movie, she travels to the past to live part of her future……time is all interwoven, past, present, future. So many concepts that I missed years ago.

I am loving everything that comes my way. I had jury duty, and the thought flitted through…I hope I do not have to go. Immediately I replaced that thought with openness to what would be, a yes to serving or not serving, knowing that whatever is for my highest good, will appear. I did go, I was chosen as a member of the jury, it was estimated to be a two week trial. It lasted just over a day before the defendant changed his plea to guilty, and the case was settled before it had hardly begun. Thank goodness for all parties involved. It was a case of sexual molestation of minor girls by their step granddad. As a woman of almost sixty years of age, it is not an uncommon story among my peers. The change is that in our day, it was never talked about. Now it is out in the open, spoken of, and recognized for the harm that it causes. I was able to shine love on all involved with a dispassionate heart. I was able to love my teenage self and my grandfathers, who both grabbed my breasts at some time during my teens. I was able to send love to all those involved in this activity, perpetrators and victims alike.

I took the case being resolved quickly, as a reflection of how I am seeing things in the world change. Abuses and wrongs are coming to light in all areas of our society and world. The light of love is bringing change and resolution. The blinking of an eye…..I take that as truth. It can be that quick as we never know when that tipping point will have been reached. My gut tells me we are at the precipice and about to take a glorious ride, the ride of our lives.

We came for this. We are able for this. We trust in the light. We trust in the love. We are love. We are one. There is no going back. On the inner planes, the celebrations have already commenced. It is a done deal. Peace on Earth is a reality! Please believe with me until we see it. Live it in your heart as I am living it in mine. Let the chaos swirl about you, your job and mine, is to be the peace. To offer that hope, that joy, that smile, that hand to hold. Heart by heart, we are doing this. I so love us all.






Backing Away

Arranging flowers can light me up, each passing bringing me a hit of beauty.

Arranging flowers can light me up, each passing bringing me a hit of beauty.

Feels like a veil is ready to be lifted for us all with this Wesak Full Moon coming in. I went to sleep with intense head pressure and awoke throughout the night with it. Just had a cup of  coffee to see if I could find some relief. Toast to settle my stomach, caffeine for my head.

Yesterday I was thinking of a dear friend’s tattoo, “back away”. She got it as part of a poetry project and I wondered at it. Today I see it so fit my state, withdrawing from the world. This energy is familiar to me and is what makes me wonder how fit I am to share space with others. Thank goodness for my family who get it and allow me my space with full honoring. As I contemplate moving I wonder at how suited I am to sharing space. I do so love the movement and energy that being with others brings. Living alone, there is no movement unless you invite it in or move out to create it. Here, I can lie in bed and enjoy the laughter of my two adult children, hear the soft knock on my door and an appetizing plate of yumminess is presented for my enjoyment, listen to my son playing his guitar and singing a love song, errands are run for me if needed. So caring and supportive. I have to remind myself that there is no moving to less. That this phase of life is about adding unto rather than subtracting from. We have lived the hardship and struggle. I intend ease and grace in all my days from this point. I slip into the stream of love that is ever present, that holds my highest potential and allow myself to be carried. My mind needs reminders of this, that she is not in charge and that she can relish the release of responsibility rather than fight it.

Our family had planned a summer party and sent out invites. As we spent time talking the other day, we realized that the majority of us did not feel up for it. We were desiring more intimate conversations than that atmosphere provides. The time remaining to us as a family group is only a couple of weeks. We wanted to spend that time together. We decided to cancel. One view was that we were being irresponsible but I chose the thought that we were allowing others to see us being authentic in the moment, able to change directions so as to fit the needs of who we are in this moment. Allowing others to make that choice in their lives.

One of my clay figures pondering, "Who is she?"

One of my clay figures pondering, “Who is she?”

It has been interesting to note how we can hold two dissimilar emotions at the same time now. I can feel flat, innervated, and also this bubbling excitement. Totally detached from any desire on the physical front and yet full to bursting with the lovelight pouring in and the beauty of the world being birthed. Irritible and grateful, bored and engaged, withdrawn and reaching out. We are such complex beings, full of contradictions and layers of being. It feels like a softening is happening as we allow one another and ourselves to paint with a wider spectrum of colors.

This day opens to me. My body is standing straighter, back still carrying a band of stiffness across it. Heat rising outside, water glimmering in the sunlight. I am free to move out into it. How blessed I am in this freedom. I am breathing in lungfuls of this freedom. Feeling some creativity arising. Thankful I AM.

Part of my Mother's Day bouquet from my daughter who allowed me to play the mom in this lifetime.

Part of my Mother’s Day bouquet from my daughter who allowed me to play the mom in this lifetime.

I offer a bow to my friend and her “back away”, understanding on a deeper level that by allowing myself to back away from everything, I allow the next moment’s engagement. All part of the ebb and flow, the in and out. Yesterday’s backing away where I could not talk to anyone, could not engage at all, allows today’s engagement in a fuller tone. All part of the whole, one not of more value than the other. All necessary as we learn to be present to all of life. Yesterday I was the petal falling off the flower to nestle in the earth, today I am the gentle unfurling, the softest pink being exposed. I am in love with life.