Inner Fire

imageAfter days of brilliant sunshine, yesterday dawned with a pink glow on the mountain that was soon enveloped in a white mist that spread into a wool blanket over this place. Everything felt muffled and muted. A wintry feel that matched my inward desire. It was a day for staying in my robe and pjs, lying on the couch, staring into the flames of the fire, dissolving into the whiteness outside. I did go out at one point to walk barefoot on the grass in the yard, but otherwise, it was a tea and toast kind of day. Bodily comfort reigned as I walked between worlds. No desire to speak to anyone or deal with anything beyond heating up some water and food. A day for communing with my heart’s flame.

Today the white blanket persists but my energy is more communicative. A walk feels possible and some talks with friends. I have learned to honor my body’s rhythms, allowing the quiet days and the active ones. Riding the wave of energy as it presents itself.

imageMy dreams have been active in releasing old energies. Interesting situations arising, experiencing the pain or sorrow. Taking time to breathe it through as I awaken with emotions running. Calling in the violet flame angels to transmute it all. Thanking myself for releasing in dreamtime…an easier path than on this physical plane.

Spoke with one dear to my heart, he was experiencing extreme anger at the news of someone killed by police officers. The pain of all that is corrupt and harsh in this world, bore down on him. I honor the aspect we are each here to feel and express. I do not follow the news. I live in a bubble of beauty and peace. I have felt that rage move through me at various times, in the past. Perhaps I will feel it again. I have no knowing of how it all fits but I do feel how we are each called to play our part. For me, it is holding a vision of the new land, for some it is being the voice that cries out at injustice and others are the ones who work to right the wrongs. I bless each one for being true to their calling. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, what you are guided to, what I am guided to. All offering their piece that works together to create a more loving and harmonious world.

imageBright orange lilies breathe their joy to me. I am reading a fantasy novel of bears and princesses and adapting to new places and ways. All informs me. All touches me. This flame in my heart is burning bright with hope and anticipation of love flowing around this world as our hearts ignite in a conflagration. We are ready to live and love as one. My heart bows to your flame.

Observations On The New Year’s Energies

An unusual ET Buddha found sitting in the dark woods.

An unusual ET Buddha found sitting in the dark woods.

It has been an interesting step into this new year. It began with newness and excitement as I sensed a large opening ahead as I heard a doorway closing behind me. Not softly, but with a clang as it shut. I sensed this for the collective and for me personally as the choice point of the Solstice had been passed. It seemed that the past seven years journey of playing at the wandering mystic had come to an end. I had the sense that I would be able to “be in the world” in a new way. My heart quickened with that thought and my curiosity was piqued as to what that might look like.

It was not a pretty sight! It took me once again to the underworld, to a further dissolution of self. I felt dreamy most of the time, floating along, frequently having adjustment seconds where I reoriented myself to myself. There were moments of sheer joy mingled with an unknowing that left me unhinged.

The other day I took a nap and as it came time to return to my body, I could not find it. I was in a dreamscape of billowing curtains, pushing them aside as I searched for the right body to return to. It was an uncomfortable sensation. I landed in with a shudder and awoke with no idea where I was nor who I was. An apt description of my current state.

Standing at the portal, ready!

Standing at the portal, ready!

I sense this larger, richer, more vibrant life awaiting me. All the chapters have been read and I am awaiting the new one. I sense deeper colors, more intimate connections, physical passion, natural beauty that enlivens and creates with us. Yet I am in this space, a bridge perhaps between spaces, no handrails, no place to place your foot until you actually take the step. Confusion energies swirl like angry bees about me, causing teary despair to envelop me. Will I totter to my death from this space? Do I fear this dissolution of self? There have been so many deaths. I do not fear it, yet I can find no comfort anywhere.

Each step has its own flavor. I sense that events are transpiring to pull reaction energy from us: guilt, anger, depression, sadness, the list goes on. They flare up, white hot. Is it to see how quickly we can let go of judgment of self around our reactions? Can we love the part of us that reacts in sadness, fatigue, anger? Can we be with these feelings without fleeing? Can we accept ourselves in all of our moments, loving every part of the tapestry of self?

Redwood, burnt out yet the brilliant green moss so alive.

Redwood, burnt out yet the brilliant green moss so alive.

Perhaps all this must take place before we reach the new shore. Emptied, all bits shaken loose. The lint and crumbs hidden in pockets tossed out on the surface to be seen, acknowledged. Every bit asking to be loved back to its truth as love.

I did some deep clearing, ancient energies working against one dear to me, whose intention is to bring in community in the new frequencies. It was making him ill, pulled under so that he could find no traction. The energy responded to the mother’s love, softening, loosening and accepting it was time to return to its own home. The old anger was not there for me, more of a redirection, like with a wayward child.

Playing the bowl in the redwoods.

Playing the bowl in the redwoods.

Another day, a friend and I were doing a card reading for the new year. It is an old system, from the seventies called Stargate,  that takes a couple of hours, going deep with its images and words, calling forth gems from the subconscious. This time was new as we had to stop and use our crystal bowls to clear energies that arose in the reading. At one point, I found myself chanting in a way that made the hair stand up on my neck. Catholic priests, satanic rituals, images floated through in rapid succession, as my voice sang their intentions. Light language followed that rent the air with its shattering power. It was like sword blades swinging in its intensity. Then the bowls’ song of peace and love, gathering it all up. I could not tell you what it was all about but it followed this theme of energies outside the bounds of what we consider good and acceptable, coming to the surface to be seen. To be loved, to be returned to Source for recycling. Ha, think of recycling our mental and emotional stuff into living light. How wonderous is that?

The where of housing my form has yet to appear. No place lighting up, no direction given. All like ash in my mouth as my mind scrambled in its old way, searching, searching. Bringing me closer to the edge, closer to emptiness. I was harsh in my judgment of self as it seems the simplest of things…decide on a place, commit to rent it, find things to furnish it. Or take the furnished sublet route……yet for me, neither  is easy. My sensitivity is off the charts, everything is felt, registered. Nature is the place where I breathe free. Otherwise, the discordant notes play through me from a piece of furniture, a jammed space, corners that feel too sharp. I desire to land in, begin this newness yet the timing is not quite here. There is still this misty landscape to navigate as my spirit flies amongst the stars, playing chords with frequencies, aligning, harmonizing. So little attention remaining for the body and its animation. Everything in me desires to dive deep into the silence, to fly free in the universe within. The outer world feels like distraction pulling at me. I know it is where I  intend to land, with all of myself, all of my divinity brought to bear to create anew.

See how the dark defines the light.

See how the dark defines the light.

Surrender, once again. Trust, my byword. I am here in love, for love. Dreaming my vision of the world I wish to live in. At times I feel I have outlived my life, yet this spark of creation desires animation. Desires form. Divine timing rules. Open, allow, trust. In that trusting, I honor my path. As I see others about me stepping into new creations, finding their loves, their homes, their passions, and I am living in a flat land of greys…….I trust my path. I agreed to walk this, to be who I am. It is not comfortable at present but it is too late to be second guessing my choice.

The knowing is strong. 2015 is a year of change, of magic and miracles. Dichotomy of deep darkness standing next to the brightest of light. All swirling, merging, rearranging into the Oneness we are. It is a messy process bringing heaven to earth. I am grateful to play my part. Thank you for playing yours. We are creator gods, just beginning to understand the tools in our hands. May we play well, loving and living our unique gift to the whole.

A New Day Dawns

Yesterday was an amazing convergence of energies. It was the cross quarter day, which is the midpoint between the two equinoxes, and therefore a day of power. As well it was the day of the presidential election in the USA. Here is what I wrote upon arising: A new age is dawning……I have been in tears since awakening this morning……the feeling of newness, of hope springing throughout the land, the desire for change, for love to be the rule of the land, it is all here. Open your hearts wide and receive it and beacon it. We are creating this world together. Vote while holding the vision of freedom for all, abundance and peace to fill this land and this world. God Bless America and this beautiful earth. We are bringing heaven to earth as we said we would. I love us all so.

A beach in New Zealand full of white rocks perfect for writing on. Folks from all over the world left messages of love and peace.

Today we are all standing in this world.  What a wonderful feeling to wake up in a land that has cast its vote for a new day. It felt like a planetary vote for freedom. May we all step up to the plate to co-create the golden age of peace long prophesied. It is a privilege to be here on this earth where love now reigns supreme. Hope seems to have arisen anew, wearing  clothes of the brightest hues. You can feel the collective sigh as we all stand a bit taller, set our shoulders back and claim our right to participate in bringing in this world of love and peace that we have dreamed of. There is a sense that now we can get on with it, get this ball rolling. We are rolling up our collective sleeves and feeling inside for our marching orders.
We each have a piece to contribute. We stood in line with the intense desire to be chosen to be here in a body on this planet at this shift of the ages. We were elated to be chosen before so many others, to have won a role in this grandest of plays. Here we are, having rehearsed so many times on the inner planes just how we would play our parts. Knowing deep inside the gift that we carry that resulted in our being chosen. Was it your voice? Your compassionate heart? Your love of the animal kingdom? Your knowing of how to commune with nature? Your sword of truth? Your understanding of the body? Your knowledge of the stars? Your gentle heart? Whatever the gift…. the stage is set, the curtain has been raised and there is a call for action!

The play of light on the green of a painting on my bedroom wall. Spirals of the emerald heart light was its message to me.

We can create the world of our dreams. It is time to dream big! To open our hearts to the knowing that it is now safe to stand without protection. We can remove the shields we placed in front of our hearts, we can let our light shine like never before, in all its beauty. We can create a world where all people have enough food, water, and shelter as well as a sense of belonging. A knowing that their gift is desired, no more than that, that it is needed, to create the beauty of the whole. Imagine each heart lighting up with that knowledge like a blaze that warms them from inside out. Oh, the pure wonder of the Creator’s love shining in our brothers’ and sisters’ hearts.
This is no longer about one country, one race of people, one religion…….we are one world and are claiming our place as planetary citizens as our planet is moving to claim her place as a galactic citizen. How amazing this is! I have asked to awaken to the reality of love in every moment. To see through the eyes of love, hear the sounds of love, taste the sweetness of love, touch with palms alight with love, perceive through a lens of love, be moved by the tones of love in each moment. The power of intention and attention is an unbeatable combo. I feel that I am living in the new earth as my stated intent becomes my reality. I use the focus of my attention to magnify all that I desire, thereby growing its presence in my world. When you walk out the door intending to encounter love everywhere in everything and everyone, you create that reality. If you encounter something that appears to other than love, you see the illusion for what it is and reflect back the truth of love. How simple it seems and yet it has taken us a journey through heartache and strife to come to this place. Now we can gently laugh and know the truth that all was love itself waiting to be born through us.

A sign at a hotsprings, reminding me of how we have been warned of dangers all about, causing us to believe we needed protection.

Recently a friend shared how he had been reprimanded at his job for a mistake. He said his old pathway would have been one of deep shame. That sense of shame would have triggered a desire to bury the pain in an addictive behavior. That would have contributed to even greater shame. Instead he chose to acknowledge his mistake. To accept full responsibility for it while shutting the door on shame. To trace the path of shame to a seven year old boy who chose to lie when caught in a transgression rather than come clean as he feared the enormity of the consequence from the adults in his world. He was able to feel compassion for this little one, to embrace him in his love and let him know that his adult self now stood there at the seven year old’s side. He was able to do this because of the love he now held for himself. His heart has been softened, melted by the rivers of love that our father sun has been gracing us with along with our heavenly brothers and sisters. As well as by the love that we are all beaming in each moment.

The soft hues of our new land.

We are holding the door open for one another to feel love, to accept it in their hearts. We have been tricked into believing that we had to judge others to be safe. The deepest scar resulted from believing ourselves guilty of countless transgressions and deserving of the harshest punishment of all. We sentenced ourselves to a life of abuse from an inner critic that kept us from knowing our greatness. That sentence has been lifted. The Creator has commuted all sentences and set each of us free. LIke prisoners newly released from jail, there is momentary confusion as we wonder how to live without chains. There is an uncomfortableness, a looking over one’s shoulder to see if someone is there about to clamp a handcuff on once again. No, the critic is dead. You can talk back to that voice and tell it its time is done. You are now a free citizen of planet earth and you came here to shine your brilliance for all that you are worth. It is time to allow yourself to open that hope chest that holds your deepest dreams and desires. We have kept it under lock and key for fear of our treasures being snatched from us, fear that our dreams would disappear in the harsh light of the day. A new day has dawned and its edges are soft and light in hue. Breathe that in. Allow yourself to know that it is now safe to play in the realms of what if? What if peace were possible? What if everyone could have enough? What if you are a brilliant writer? What if others long to hear your song?

Stars in a walkway to a planetarium....this is us, shining our light for all to see!

Today I open my hope chest wide and reach in to embrace my dreams. I know in my being, that each one will now come true. For each wish contains within it, the desire for it to be for the good of all as well as for my highest good. With that encodement, how can any of us fail? Feel the love, gift yourself with it in huge doses today in celebration. It contains no calories and is 100% good for you, eat up! Have a double scoop of your favorite flavors of love. With each bite you take, I am fed. As I lick my spoon, you are fed. Our Creator knew what She/He was about……this is the way of love. As we are fed, we feed all others. It can be no other way, we simply were lost in the illusion for a time and now we are coming home to the truth of who we are. We are love and we can do no other than love. May peace fill your heart with each helping of love you ingest. I love you.

Feeling the Lovelight

After 2am and I am awake. The internet can be an amazing friend in the middle of the night. I can go on facebook and connect with friends who live in other parts of the earth, who are awake in these wee hours when I “should” be asleep. The shoulds have left and we are in this new landscape where we are feeling our way to what is “normal”. Even that concept is a limit as we move out of any sense that there is a routine or way of living. We are moving to simply “living”. Sleeping when our bodies tell us, moving when they desire, eating what resonates in the moment with no definition of being a vegetarian or vagan or meat eater. We let go of the need to define who we are. The old society’s way of identifying ourselves is dissolving. We are not our jobs, we are not our familial roles (wife, mother, brother), we are not our age, we are not our income, we are not where we live (American, European, African). We are moving into unity consciousness where the lines of demarcation melt away. We are beginning to know one another by our energy signature. Isn’t that beautiful? I have had an innate sense of this, that I respond to the energy of a person, not the illusion of the exterior appearance. I feel so grateful to have lived to this time where it is becoming the truth in the outer world as well.

The days pass with a speed that amazes yet with a fullness that fills my heart. I can get lost in the wind as it swirls through the leaves of the palms, in the beauty of a spider on the porch. In fact, two spiders on the porch thrilled me this morning. I was amazed at this smiling sun that she carried on her back. I felt that I wanted to carry the same smile on my face. Isn’t she magnificent?  I am so grateful to my higher self, Sophia, for arranging my life so that I have time to sit and commune with the beauty of this pair of spiders this morning. So, sunshine girl felt feminine to me next to her warrior counterpart.


Isn’t he something! It looks like he is wearing a mask designed to frighten enemies. So cool! I love nature, each day she has something beautiful to gift me with. I am learning to speak her language, to see the myriad ways that she communicates with me. As I drop deeper in to her world, I drop deeper into my inner world. We are going camping in a couple of days. My friend is taking me to a rustic site on the ocean where there are sacred sites. We plan on being in the silence and are open to the gifts it has for us. I can feel the energy of preparation working through me.

Today we went to a shamanic homeopathic healer. She did her magic and instead of receiving only a bottle or tube of a remedy,  she made us pouches to wear around our necks with a tiny stone imbued with the remedy. She wanted our bodies to get used to the remedy in this way for a few days before taking the drops. I thought it was fitting for our journey. Of course, I chose a bright pink satin bag to honor the divine feminine seeking fuller expression so it looks a bit different than a traditional native medicine bag. Yet, it serves that purpose as I will add a couple of my own talismans to it to see me through this journey that the past couple of weeks has been a preparation for. I get a sense of something coming and know that the Marys, Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, have gifts for me. I am preparing myself to receive them with grace.  My body is now calling me to sleep and the land of dreams. Goodnight and sweet dreams.