Solitude and Community

fullsizeoutput_144bI am sitting with a warm drink, looking out at the snow covered hill behind this condo. I feel so grateful for my solitude which has a new flavor these days. Are you sensing the greater connection that is happening? It is the knowing that those whom I love, are residing within the same field of lovelight as I am. There is no separation. I can savor being in my own energy field here and at the same time, feel the heart connection streaming and weaving between and amongst my dear ones. These threads of liquidlovelight are growing in their capacity to weave tapestries of immense beauty and form. Our imaginings are about to become physical as we bring heaven to earth.

Moss wreath from my daughter-in-love's hands.

Moss wreath from my daughter-in-love’s hands.

We are preparing to live in the love pods as we each step into our sovereignty. This will allow us to live in community in a way that nourishes and expands our lovelight. I sense that December is the deep cleaning phase of our emotional bodies as we release all that has been a part of our journey to this now moment. It is time to let go of sadness, of the traumas, of the pain, of any feelings of being unloved or rejected. Now we step into our mastery, knowing how loved and cherished we truly are. All is sourced from the One Source, within our hearts. We no longer need to look to another to validate or direct us. We open to our own internal GPS system and allow it to move us. We surrender in deep relief to the knowing that our higher self, our I AM presence has it all in hand. Everything that enters our world is there for our own growth and enhancement. Yes, even the parts that do not feel good in the moment. If we allow and trust it all, the gift will show itself.

Winterberries collected from their swampy homes in Vermont by my daughter-in-love. Now gracing my windowsill with their cheery red.

Winterberries collected from their swampy homes in Vermont by my daughter-in-love. Now gracing my windowsill with their cheery red.

Yesterday afternoon, I lie in bed as a pool of sunshine drew me in. I had opened the window to feel the cool breeze flow down the snowy hillside from the forest of trees above.  I snuggled deep in the duvet, as the sylphs flowing in that air, sent a wild stirring to my blood. Something huge is about to burst forth. December is the time of the waning light as we move to the Solstice. Candles and starlight feed us as we go deep within to find the flame of our own heart light. Many are feeling this drawing in, this time of reflection. We are gazing in the pool of our own being and choosing who we desire to be in this new landscape. We can drop the heavy burden of the past and flow freely into the present. What a gift! We can let go of the crown of thorns we have worn with such fortitude. It is time to hold our heads high to receive our crown of Christ light. Oh the joy!

Wreath making in  Vermont

Wreath making in

This wild stirring of my blood was enhanced on my recent trip to Vermont to see my sons and their loves. I felt the edges of the dream come alive in my being. The beautiful farmhouses and open landscape filled my heart. The gently rolling hills soothed some deep part of me as I met and listened to folks who are dug deep into the rhythms of the earth with its seasons of change. I could feel my love pod shimmering just out of sight. It draws closer as our hearts weave their lovelight. As each one reaches for more joy, more spaciousness, more is created for the All. As we honor our own needs and desires, we honor that in one another. We let go of duty and old programming that insists we adhere to the old ways of relationship. We move where our joy takes us and trust all will find their way. Clearing and walking our path of joy, offers a wider pathway for those following.

fullsizeoutput_142cMay our dreaming see all beings with enough food and shelter and the absolute knowing that they are loved and cherished. May we cherish one another as we warm ourselves at the fire of each one’s heart light.

Musings From the Windowseat

imageAwoke to a pink dawn painted across the sky. Showered early as the farmhouse inn where I am staying is full. Three rooms share the bath so I decided to beat the morning rush. I have been rewarded with hot coffee, a cosy window seat and the birds’ chorus as I wrapped the cool mist of morning about me. No one about, the young woman who made the coffee, off for a walk with the farmhouse dog, leaving me to this stillness. Peace.

Creek that waters the gardens.

Creek that waters the gardens.

My youngest son lives and loves in this small town nestled in the mountains of Colorado. My friend and I have been staying in this farmhouse inn where his love works. A big garden provides much of the food for breakfast and dinners, the rest being locally sourced. His love runs the CSA program, picking up produce from local farms, packaging it into 65 boxes which she then delivers to families in the area. She creates a newsletter with recipes highlighting the week’s produce. A wonderful system that connects folks to the fruit of the land in their area. So many earnest, inspired and inspiring young folks abound! There are many here focused on new ways of working, playing, being. Creativity abounds. One friend is setting up an old time, speakeasy salon with secret passwords and live jazz. My son has organized open mike poetry and comedy nights, they put on plays, organize board game evenings, barter services…drawing lessons in exchange for piano lessons, banana bread for mechanic assistance, gardening for dinners out. There is a sense of community that enlivens the air.

imageI feel nostalgic for my grandmother’s house which had much of this feel though it was even more beautiful. This house was ordered in 1906 from the Sears Roebuck catalog! Can you imagine? I remember paging through the Sears catalog as a kid for our Christmas wishes as most of our clothes and presents came from it. But a house! What a different world. The Internet has brought the world to our fingertips, we can order things from anywhere in the world with a tap of our fingers. We can connect with folks halfway around the world as if they were sitting right next to you. With all that expansion, we are coming back around to a smaller environment to fill our need for daily physical communion with others. The love pods are forming. I am delighting in this glimpse into what that may feel like. My son and his friends express their love for one another, openly and physically, with hugs and words. They support one another to be who they truly are, delighting in each one’s gifts.


A willow sculpture by one of my son’s friends.

We live in a world emerging into oneness. It happens as each of us recognize our own beauty and express gratitude for the beauty shining through each heart we meet. The young woman who made the morning coffee is back from her walk with the dog to begin making breakfast for us all. She exclaimed over the beauty of the sunrise and her gratitude that she was present for it and the sunset each day. Last night, there was a rainbow lighting up the storm drenched sky. Her grateful heart fuels more beauty, her sharing, opened my heart more fully to the wonder in the quiet of the morning. My heart is so alive these days, pulsing on the verge of tears with the beauty that abounds. How I love this planet of ours!

Fragility and Desire for Family

imageAn overwhelming desire to gather my family and loved ones about me is running through me. I am wanting our love pods now! In my now, this little unit of three is breaking up when my heart is desiring to hold on, draw closer, to one another, to the earth. I surrender to the flow. The in breath and out breath. My mind can make no sense of it. Timing…I do trust the timing of it all. I sense my heightened heart’s desire of the past few days is a sign of the shift we are all moving through. Perhaps there is this going out, in order to come together in a new way.

Desire for a home to call my own rises up, to live a more integrated life, to be part of a community. My heart feels on fire with all of this. I do not know how to create any of it. I know it is a frequency, harmonics and magnetics that draw it all together. I sense that the intensity of my desire is what will bring me to the landscape I dream of. Time after time, I have observed myself going through these periods of intense desire. There is the dissolving of who I know myself to be and a shift to a new landscape. I trust the process. The movement takes me ever closer to that inner flashpoint that transcends time and space. In my daydreams, I often journey to my love pod, witnessing the new arrivals, settling folks in, playing with the babies, picking flowers and dancing in the moonlight.

My son and I baked a rich chocolate cake. It was a celebration of the delights of this earth.

My son and I baked a rich chocolate cake. It was a celebration of the delights of this earth.

Today there is the sunshine. The packing of gifts for a dear one to take to our daughter in the frozen far north. The packing of my bags for a move to Mount Shasta to witness spring, the shopping and packing of supplies for my son to head back to Colorado. An offer of a freshly ground and brewed cup of coffee, the mocking birds singing their bright song, the air calm after days of high winds… gratitude is a presence that brings tears.

There is no understanding, no linear projection to follow. This breath, this moment. Sunlight displaying the fingerprints on the glass of the back door, rainbows bouncing off the crystal that has brought me joy in countless windows I have looked out. I love this house that I helped to create. It is a wrench each time I leave it though there were times when it felt like a prison. Now, there is only tenderness and love.

We are often called to walk away from what limits us, in order to discover what lights our hearts. Then the freedom comes to return once more and know the gift that was given in the place of darkness and pain. I have come full circle in so many ways, sensing the completion of spirals that offer a jumping off point to new ones awaiting creation.

The small gestures that fill my heart. Beauty

The small gestures that fill my heart. Beauty

So much has softened in our world. A friend was sharing how in her drawing into herself, feeding only herself, letting go of care taking of others, a hard place inside, melted. She witnessed her beloved loving her, steady and true, despite her pulling her energy away. She knew herself loved for herself, not for her actions. Oh, what a gift this is when we recognize
the miracles as they take place.

Deepening of December: Wondering Giving Way to Wonder

IMG_5222Lately it has just quieted down and I feel peace and joy in every simple thing. My world is very small and yet expansive right here on this little suburban lot. Grateful for the times like my recent trip to Shasta with friends, some play in the magic that I love but no more so than the quiet day I have just had at home with my son. We planted bulbs, feeling the spring beauty as we did so. Neither of us knows if we will be here to see the blooms, feels like a no, but in this now moment, it was time to plant bulbs. I am so grateful for where I am. LIving each day as if I live here because I do live here now!!

Sounds so simple but for the past few years of wandering, I have had the sense of impermanence. Wondering where my place was on the earth, searching for community, wondering what my purpose was. Now all of that has fallen away. I am here now. The past and the future do not grip or push or pull me. There is no more seeking. The noise of all that wondering has receded. Ha, wondering……my word of late is wonder. The old way of wondering where my mind went in circles has left and my new sense of wondering is about awe, a deep reverence that wells up for the beauty that is ever present. It happened as I moved from my head to my heart. Wondering transformed into wonder.

It is so freeing as I am left fully present for the bird song, for the fire dancing in the hearth, for a shared moment of laughter and the cold of the frosty lawn that I just walked barefoot on to say good morning to Mother Earth. Everything becomes a blessing, every place, holy. I had read and heard of that but never fully experienced it until now. I know its truth.

One of my little figures, communing with our mother.

One of my little figures, communing with our mother.

I am so comfortable in my body. There is rest and ease with her as I tend to her every desire. I read a quote from Osho, an Indian master and the part that struck me was about letting your lion roar. What I took from that was when we allow ourselves to fully express and feel all of our feelings, joy, sorrow, anger, irritation……we keep the stream clear and flowing in our bodies. As he says, “then the lion can come in and go out” freely. There is then rest to be found in the body. But when we bottle things up, allow stagnation, there is no clear space to rest inside. I no longer seek to avoid anything, rather embrace it all as the love it is. I also no longer try to hold on to what I deem good as I fully trust that I am ever evolving into more love, more joy, more beauty. I know that I live in abundance in every area of my life and live that knowing.

A dragonfly on a hummingbird's nest that a friend found in her yard. Wonder

A dragonfly on a hummingbird’s nest that a friend found in her yard. Wonder

The sense of wonder and curiosity are present as I play witness to the outer world. Hearts are opening like flowers, folks so desirous to be the truth of love that they are. My interactions are few, I so appreciate my friends who go out and spread their light in the working world each day. My calling is to hold a specific tone, deeply. It is my work and I am well suited for it. My personality self has had its times of resistance, wanting it to be different, but all that has shifted. The years of driving around the country seeding lovelight were hard but fortunately, I did not realize how hard at the time. I love how my I AM presence coaxes me along each step of the path, telling me whatever story I need to hear to take the quickest path home. Now I feel such a sense of privilege for the part I have been assigned. I am grateful for the soul family that flow into and out of my world as we encourage and acknowledge one another. I am grateful for space in this house and the tender community we have created here. I am grateful for the flow of my days, a gentle wave that offers deep peace.

I am grateful to each one of you for sounding your note, finding your truth, walking your path with such courageous hearts. Know that you are cared for and loved in ways we can hardly comprehend. That knowing has been imparted to me, bit by bit, and it sets my heart afire. They call us “the legends” for what we are doing. Stand in that knowing and give your lion free rein. These are the times of wonder.