Think Better of Yourself!

Rainbows and Christmas cookies.....

Rainbows and Christmas cookies…..

I was in a discussion with a friend when he responded to a comment that I made with the following: “I will have to think better of myself if I am to believe that.” YES!!! Think better of yourself in every moment! Let go of all internal criticism, know that it is your job to love yourself, no one else’s! We are equipped with loving hearts that desire nothing so much as to radiate that love to ourselves. Our hearts dance in glee to shine our light upon ourselves! How often do you allow your heart free rein? How often do you let your heart go on a rampage of self love? Try it, it is the most fun you can have. There is no thing external, no one who can light up your heart as powerfully as you can.

Please let that sink in deep. We are taught that it is all about the other, finding the right partner, being in right relationship….that is where the bliss resides. We spend time bemoaning the lack of the perfect partner or struggling to maintain the bliss if we have a partner. All due to the fact that it is not the partner that brings the bliss. It has always been an inside job. We were not taught this as self love leads to power and freedom. A free people cannot be enslaved. Do you understand that by allowing your critic free rein you are your own jailer? You are the one keeping yourself in a prison cell? This is why we can live in a country that proclaims itself the land of the free and yet be the amongst the most enslaved peoples. Only you can free yourself and the key is self love. Use your key and step out into the light of day.

My morning kiwi sharing her heart with me. All the universe reflects back our love when we know our own shine.

My morning kiwi sharing her heart with me. All the universe reflects back our love when we know our own shine.

I have been without a partner for years and have never experienced the love that I do now. My heart fills me to the brim and spills over in a never ending cascade to all those about me who are open to receive. It is a gift to receive from another’s loving heart. A gift to be treasured, to be sure. Yet the greatest gift is the one that only we can give ourselves. Open to the wonder of your own beauty. Honor yourself for the gift that you bring from Home. No other has your particular flame. No other can bring your piece into fruition. Cherish the dearness of yourself with all of your frailties and foibles. To be human is to be a wonderful mixture of the brilliance of the sun and the rawness of the earth. We are made of clay and yet shine with the light of a thousand suns. My!!! What a feat of engineering on our Creator’s part. She/He love us for all that we are. Not loving some parts, disliking others. No, we are loved in totality, in wholeness.

Who am I to contradict my Mother/Father God’s opinion of me? We are being asked, like never before, to breathe in our own magnificence. This is a greater task than to live with the conditioned images of ourselves as sinners. There is no sin. There is only experience. We came to play on this beautiful planet and we intended to roll around in the mud a bit to see what it felt like. We vowed that we would remember our light that shone through that mud. It is time to make good on our vow.

The community Christmas tree reflecting all of our lights.

The community Christmas tree reflecting all of our lights.

Let us claim our birthright this holy season. We are being offered assistance from all the kingdoms, all the realms, as well as from our own mighty I AM Presence. The second coming is here. We are being asked to allow the Christ light to descend into our hearts. It is up to us to open the door and invite Him/Her in. As we do this, we change the world. Isn’t that astounding?

These are holy days, let us use them to transform our world. Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men. This can be our reality this Christmas if we will it so. Love yourself as you are loved by the Creator. Let your light shine for all you are worth. Feel your heart light and turn on your high beams to see you through these dark nights of the season. We are creating miracles. We are the miracle. God bless us all.


I AM Being Reborn in a New Way

A new vista, a new day!

I awoke just now and throughout the night with that phrase playing in my head. I Am being reborn in a new way! I am a new being in a new land. My gratitude is immense for this gift! I have waited a lifetime, no, many lifetimes for this moment.  It is symbolic that today, the Fourth of July, is the celebration of the birthday of my country, and I am feeling this rebirth of  myself.

July has arrived with a flurry of energy. I am reminded over and over to trust in divine timing in all aspects of my life. When I am aligned and present in the moment, the magic enters with such ease and grace. On the first of July, I experienced waves of high anxiety running through me. I was trying to trace its source while I was fully feeling each wave. These waves came in the midst of a high energy two day wedding of my nephew. It was an Indian wedding with Japanese culture added to the mix so quite a spectacle of sights and sounds as their two family cultures merged.The family ancestral lines were open to be cleared from both cultures. I was aware of much energy moving and shifting. After a late night, I awoke early to the most intense waves of anxiety I had ever experienced. Off the charts! I knew it was something to do with myself and two of the dearest hearts to me. I sent out a call for help and a dear friend came to anchor me as the waves crashed within.

The Beloved painting that I created for the newlyweds. The Rumi quote is: "I want your sun to reach my raindrops so your heat can raise my soul upward like a cloud."

The divine mother came in and showed me what was taking place. The three of us created a trinity that was now in full motion. I held the mother flame as another held the father flame. The third carried the Christ energy and the moment had arrived for that energy to be anchored openly on the earth plane. As mother and father, we had nurtured and protected that flame and now it was to be released in its full glory. A fourth had also played the protector role to this bearer of Christ light in the years leading up to this time. The one chosen to be the father had abdicated his role and his son stepped in as father. I love the way the universe ensures that all will come to rights, whether we step in to our roles or not. There is always a back up plan and there is no judgment if we choose another path. The third, the bearer of this Christ light, fearlessly stepped in. I witnessed the planetary grid light up as his essence streamed forth. My mother’s heart felt all the emotions of Mother Mary when Jesus’ light entered into the world. Knowing that it would be distorted, misunderstood, tried and tested. Knowing that the Christ light stood in loving vulnerability to the world, as any type of protection was not a part of its essence. The Christ light is pure love. Waves of grief rolled in as the weight of the sacred drama of the past was released to allow this love to move in its purity. Trusting that this one so dear to my heart, was up to the task and no longer needed to be shielded by the mother’s protective heart of love. As my mother’s heart cried out, he sent a wave of such loving assurance, that my friend was stunned by its impact. He said, “All is as it should be. I am ready. The time is now. Have no fear as I was born for this moment. Be at peace. ” His pure love spread around the planet as a flame. The time is now, the earth is prepared to hold these energies once again and this time there shall be no distortion.

The designs projected on the ceiling in the wedding room.

I and the one acting as father,  had held the polarity in our beings as we awaited this moment, knowing it was to come. And yet the surprise that it was now, that we are here in this landscape of the new. The Christ light enters for us all. As this light went forth, it acted as a trigger for many souls, alerting them that it was now time to release their bodies and energies and step through the door to the other side of the veil. Each one knew this as their contract. It is what their souls offered to assist in bringing in the new age. We each have our part to play in this most magical of times. I could feel the anxiety as this information was carried to the individuals as well as that of their loved ones who were sensing their imminent departure. It moved through me in waves of tears as it felt like there would be hundreds of thousands taking their leave. I knew it was all part of the divine plan yet felt the fear, anxiety and grief as the trigger was pulled. The beauty of their gift of departure was fully felt as it clears the way for the new light vibrations to enter in. I honored their gift through my body as I sobbed and shook with the waves of energy.

After this high voltage light moved through me, I was limp. Spent. My friend, who knows me intimately, said that she had no idea this was what I was working on.  Yes, I have been blessed to have been cloaked, to have worked under cover of my Father/Mother’s love these past years. Now that cloak has been thrown aside and my heart must stand on its own, beaconing its light to the world. The same is true for these hearts so dear to me. We have removed our cloaks, sheathed our swords (an act of courage for this heart!) to stand naked in the flames of love.

The mehendi design on my hand, part of the Sangeet ceremony.

As a people, we had to have moved past the guru time when the impulse to deify the Christ light was present. We had to grow enough in ourselves to recognize this light as our own. To feel it light up inside our own hearts and reflect the beauty there. To own this light as our power and not give it away to another. This has ever been my prayer, since my own awakening, that each one would discover the beauty of their own heart’s light and fan that flame. That each would tend the altar of their own heart and know it as the source of all nourishment and love. With this unveiling of the Christ light into the crystalline grid that surrounds our earth, all have access. We are being supported to bring this light into our beings and know our own Christhood. That was ever Jesus’ message that was usurped by the church as a means of control. There is no controlling one who answers to their own authority as the Christ. This is our birthright, to be the Christ. To emanate that love into the world. It is not for the elect, it is for all. We are all invited to sup at this table, to imbibe this light and become it.

All is internal. The sacred is found within. Acceptance is found there as is strength and courage. The wedding saw me facing a family that had rejected me after my divorce five years ago. I was placed on the do not call list and felt its sting after 25 years of being a member. Yet, I had never resonated with this group, though I spent many years trying to make myself fit in. I honor my nephew for extending the invitation when it would have been easier for all to not have done so. It was a joy to be in its midst, no longer looking for acceptance from this tribe, rather knowing how fully accepted and valued I am. There is such freedom in this!

The first night was a bit rocky for me as the triggers came as I felt the unease my presence created. There was in me, a young woman, a middle aged woman and all the ages in between, yearning to be seen and validated by this family. This is when friends of the soul are so valuable. A call the next morning cleared it for me as she reminded me that it was all for created by me, for me.  Every thought that was triggered was there for me to feel and release fully. To burn up in the flame of love with such gratitude for each player who gave the awkward hug and then rushed away in confusion. She helped me to see it all as energy given me to feast upon. To have no judgment of it, rather to watch it work its magic on me. I was being so gifted! The wedding day itself found me enjoying the moments in greater fullness of understanding. I wore a sari that I had purchased in India for a wedding I attended. I had forgotten how beautiful it was and the beauty that I felt while wearing it. The divine feminine goddesses infilled me as I donned my garment. I was imbued with their grace. Grace……how it fills my life. We are so cherished, so loved, cared for at every turn. This wedding was for me to heal old wounds, to clear the past and write a new story. To allow the river of love to flow, knowing that was all that was required of me.  I have grown in my ability to see myself in a new light. I am empowered, I am standing in my truth. I am awake to who I am. My magnificence thrills me as I breathe deep and clear all that I am no longer. My heart offers up its chalice, wanting it to be so clear, so polished, so empty of self, so well crafted in beauty as to be worthy of the Creator’s love. The Creator has always held us as worthy, as divine, as part of the whole. Our task is to know this in each cell in our bodies and beam that knowing into the world.

I raise my cup to my two dear hearts who have played their parts with such grace. I am honored to be in their company. I celebrate our trinity. I celebrate the fourth who sheltered this flame for many years and then stepped aside when the timing was right. I celebrate the one who abdicated his role and the one who stepped in. I celebrate this bearer of the Christ light who has held to this purity through the years. I celebrate this new life that has been gifted each of us. I walk this sacred path in awe and delight for its mystery. I hold each of you in love and appreciation for your hearts that are playing your parts so well. Espavo.  (It means thank you for taking your power). As well as Namaste (I bow to the divine in you.)

Floating in the Mary Energies

This mural was in a bathroom in a local restaurant. So colorful and bright, I wanted to float with all the sea creatures.

Days fly by and I miss my writing. This is one of those immersion times where I am so “in” the journey that I barely crawl into bed (skipped brushing my teeth, that tired) and have no capacity to reflect on my life. It takes all of me to live it. Today is the first new moon of 2012 and sees us entering Aquarius. Freedom! My sign as yesterday was my 56th birthday and for this Aquarian gal, I am finally at home on this beautiful earth. The energies of freedom are anchoring in more fully which allows me deeper breaths. Ahhhh…..

Where to begin telling you about the past few days? My friend and I knew that we were to take a journey together and that it had to do with the Mary energies. She carries the Mary Magdalene energies of the sexual priestess, and I carry more of the Mother Mary energies of the nurturing mother. A side note: Mary Magdalene was not a whore as the patriarchal fathers wanted us to believe. She did train in the temples of Isis to learn the art of sacred sexuality which she used to help Jesus fufill his mission. Sacred sexuality is a gift from the Creator that can be used consciously to aid in attaining enlightenment. (read Tom Kenyon’s The Magdelene Manuscript). She attained Christ hood with Jesus as they were twin flames working together for mankind. Back to my story….together, the Marys have asked my friend and I to weave a tapestry. (I am so ready to get cloth and threads and create some of what I have been experiencing in a physical way). We decided to go to



the view a few feet in front of our tent

a national park to camp for a few days. We packed our book that we felt directed to read, Anna Grandmother of Jesus by Claire Heartsong as well as some fruits and vegies. There was no running water which thins out the crowd and we elected to camp further from the parking lot camping area to have more privacy and more nature. I loved the way it was set up. There were these beautiful trees set in a mowed area of grass with a picnic table at hand. You followed the mowed pathways through the grasses from tree to tree and chose your spot. We spent one night totally sheltered under the canopy of a huge tree. The tree was so loving, embracing us in its shade. We could hear the crashing waves



Our tent set up under the beautiful tree with the mowed grass and picnic table.

on rocks below as we watched the stars come to life out our front door. The next night we moved our tent to a new site, shown here where we were further out on the point. We could take a few steps and watch the waves crashing below and lie naked for a morning sunbath in the dewy grass. Bliss! I watched the sunrise each morning and we watched whales come up to greet us as we sang and drummed for them. I am so thankful to them for all the record keeping that they have done forever to assist us to this point in time where we can once again anchor the energies of unity consciousness on the planet for ourselves.

our welcome sunrise!

We truly communed with the elements as on our last night the rain and wind storm flattened the tent almost on top of us! It was a wild night as we sat up, trying to hold the tent sides in place as the rain found its way inside. Wet and wild and pretty sleepless. We were glad to see the stars begin to finally reappear as the rain ceased and the wind spent its fury. Dawn was a welcome sight! Our days were spent swimming in the sacred pools that spill down with the waterfalls to the ocean below. It felt otherworldly as we swam under the spray and floated in the lovely rock lined pools. We took turns reading aloud to one another as we journeyed deep into the Mary stories. Anna, who was the mother of both Mother Mary and Joseph of Arimathea

The bridge over the first pool and the waterfalls leading down to the pools and ocean below.

(who fathered Mary Magdalene) was the narrator of the tale. I had not heard her story before and found it fascinating. It has been an incredible time for us as we drifted between dimensions. We were being activated as we read, deep cellular memories were triggered and we felt many of the scenes in our bodies. It has been surreal, looking out at the ocean, dropping into the scene in the Essene communities, feeling their initiations, coming up to breathe and eat an avocado, feeling overcome with waves of sleep as we traveled on the inner planes. I have been overcome with emotion, tears quietly running down my cheeks as we journeyed with the players who came with Jesus to assist him in his mission. We were assisted by the elements of nature, allowing us to simply be held in her arms as we could feel that the time is at hand where we are being called to birth the Christ within our hearts. We were players in that time 2000

The view from the top of the bridge, looking down on the pools.

years ago and we have returned to play the scene in a new way. Jesus and his companions anchored the Christ light in the earth and the crystalline grid that surrounds the planet. It was done for this time, when the earth’s energies were light enough to begin her ascension process as well as our own. We are ascending back to the Creator as our Father/Mother God wants us home.

I am feeling so blessed tonight as I know that I am being guided to the awakening of the Christ flame in my heart. I feel so at one with the beauty of mother nature as she shows me oneness as flocks of brilliant white birds fly by in their seamless formations. They do their dance of changing leaders, each one knowing how to align in fluid beauty, like bright ribbons across the sky. I want to see all people on this planet free, free to know their own beauty, free to move in harmony with their fellows, free to dance with the wind and sky.

I leave you with this graffiti message I found in the cement block bathroom at the park. I thought that it was beautiful! If you desire to birth the Christ flame in your heart, loving yourself is key. All that you have been taught about being harsh with yourself in any way, any shame or blame or judgement, can melt in the flame of your own loving heart. Bring in the wood and fan those flames high, toss in all the words that play the old critical tapes in your head that you inherited from family, society, and culture. Love and honor your own beauty and the Christ light will blaze its love for all to see. I so love you!




Uncoiling the Old, Infilling with the Gold

What an interesting few days this has been. Christmas Eve, my sons returned. My older son brought his younger brother home and had planned on spending the holiday weekend with us. Instead, he surprised me by saying that he felt the need to be alone for Christmas Eve and day.  He was only stopping for a moment. I found myself in reaction, anger flashed through. I saw the root of it as the fear that it was. Fear? What was this about? Quickly the fear uncovered this huge pit of grief that rose up my throat and came pouring out in huge wracking sobs. My son and I had been unwinding this coil bit by bit over the past couple of months but here we were at the nub of it. I saw a lifetime where we lost one another as well as the grief of parting on the higher planes as I took form and he stayed aloft to work his magic. Our tie is so deep and elemental to both of us. This is the son who had spoken telepathically to me in the first seconds of his life to remind me of our connection. He told me that he had known me from the beginning of time and that our love was forever. I had felt that he was a gift to me and that I might not have much time with him, so treasure it, I must. And here was this grief at the intense feeling that I might never see him again. We both released the tears and the energy and allowed the peace to fill our hearts. We know that we have a mission and that our paths will cross down the road once again. We also acknowledged that it mattered not, as our hearts were always in communion. Deep sighs……..whew. I thanked him for caring for himself by taking time when he needed it rather than trying to please anyone else. For trusting his inner knowing and honoring himself, first and foremost. It is essential as we move into these new energies. Also for coming and allowing this release to take place for both of us as all fear must go, all old memories stored in our dna that keep the vibration of fear alive. We are being emptied of all that is tethering us to this 3d hologram. 

Emotional release is exhausting work! I then had a dinner to prepare and I felt like a damp towel, all wrung out. I suggested we call it off but my younger son felt it would be fun and said he was up to do what was needed. It came together and was a nice evening though I felt low key and a bit off balance. It was what it was, and I let it be that. 

Christmas day was quiet, no gifts, no big meal, no one but my son and I. We enjoyed our tiny tree and a walk in the crisp air and the ease of leftovers in the fridge. Peace filled day. I took a nap on the couch by the tree and lights and found myself in that dream, not awake but not asleep state. I recall trying to open my eyes and move my body, but I could do neither. I was at the Great Central Sun and I saw and felt how huge my being was. I found it delightful to recognize others by their light even though all the light looked the same. Yet, there was a knowing of one another’s vibration. I was weaving light strands and knew I was a master at it. I was smiling at how I knew that I would never forget who I was and yet how I had in this lifetime. I saw the dearness of myself in this incarnation and felt amazed at the smallness of my life compared to the vastness of my being. That made me laugh! I knew that the time of expansion was upon me and that I was to bring that energy of that vastness through in this body. I did not want to awake and come back, it seemed too heavy a task. I wanted to bask in the light of home. Yet, I knew that was the mission, to bring the light of love and anchor here on this earth plane. It was the Christmas gift from home that I had been looking for. To feel the knowing once again and soak in the essence of the Creator once more. I felt refueled. 

Today, what would have been my 29th wedding anniversary brought up the loss of expressing the love that had created my marriage. My former husband and I had not been in communication for quite some time. My daughter had skyped from Montreal  where she was spending the holiday with her boyfriend and his family. I watched as those feelings of loss came up of the intact family, the family home with the big tree and trimmings…all that I had left behind 5 years ago. Sobs, about 30 seconds worth as it seems the emotions move through so quickly these days. As it happened (Spirit has such a way with timing), my former husband had emailed about a desire to get together a couple of weeks back. A couple of suggested times did not work out so I suggested today for old times’ sake. I had felt it was important to meet before the end of the year. He agreed and we met for lunch. We sat at the table and held hands and simply looked in one another’s eyes for a few minutes. Huge event as for the last few years of our marriage, he could not look me in the eye to speak as he was leading a double life though I did not know it. There has been much pain and heartache over the years. Yet, here we were, looking at one another until the tears came. There was simply the love. We had both played our parts well. His role was the darker one and it was the catalyst to my discovering my own beauty and worth. It was so wonderful to acknowledge the love that was, is and will be. It is a stream that began eons ago and flows always to the Creator’s heart. All love continues as our souls know the truth. We ate and then walked and I felt joy filled. My impish sprite came out to play and we joked and teased even! He asked if I now understood why he had sent me a photo of myself taken when I was about 8 years old. He said that he had always loved that photo as he felt it captured a pure expression of energy and goodness and he could see that same look in my eyes today. Such a relief to see the barriers fall, to see him inhabiting his body once again and witness the clearing work that he has done to open his heart. Our hearts ever wish for happiness for all those we have loved and love still. 

As I walked home, I felt like skipping just as I did as a child on my way home from confession on Saturday mornings, (a rite of Catholic children to cleanse our souls for the receiving of communion at Sunday morning mass). Free, so free! I felt my angels and guides clapping and laughing in delight that I had passed this test. I was love and I held to that reality and shone it through this relationship. We had come back to love once again. Oh, the joy! I asked my son to take my photo when I returned home to record the joy that I was feeling. I love all the ways that the universe has conspired to trigger the old coils of pain, of fear, of victimhood, of playing small, of heartache, of misunderstanding in order for them to be unwound. I have spent tonight in meditation and invocation, calling in the Christ light to infill me with its Golden hue. We are being rebirthed into our true selves as we take our places on this planet as the true ones. We are holding the portals open wide for all to pass through with our mother as she ascends to her starry birthright. I am feeling my starry nature tonight and see all your shining lights so bright. Let your heart lights shine……there is only the love. Embrace it. I embrace you in my heart.