Musings of the Week, Are We There Yet?

IMG_0115These days move with no rhyme or reason. One day, I am exhausted, spend the day in bed, reading, dreaming….so present elsewhere. Another day, I awake with energy, it comes in bursts. I wanted to be outside for more of the day, beyond the confines of the backyard. I packed a lunch and a notebook and went off to the lake. I ended up walking halfway around it before turning back. It is a seven mile loop that you can walk in the summer. There are a couple of footbridges that are removed in winter, hence, the retracing of my route.

I sat against a tree trunk to eat my lunch, drinking in the scent of pine resin released by the spring warmth. I realized how much I love that smell and the feeling of being surrounded by nature’s beauty. How camping allows that essence to seep into my pores and settle into my bones. I thought of the Grand Teton Mountains, the sparkling clear lakes of British Columbia, the shores of the Pacific Northwest and so many places I have yet to explore. I want that strength to return that allows me to be in the elements day and night. It takes stamina and energy to be outdoors, to make the fire, cook the food. Everything is a bit more of a challenge. At present, I do not have that energy. I am grateful to have a bed awaiting me, a kitchen and bathroom at hand.

A heart rock I picked up and placed in a tree to shine at passerbys.

A heart rock I picked up and placed in a tree to shine at passerbys.

I waded into the water until my feet were red and numb. It felt so good to feel that sharp aliveness. So much of my time is lived in a shimmery space, neither here nor there, that there is a joy in the physical sensations. I am ready to be more present in this now, with energy and enthusiasm for everything. Yet, I find myself in this space of disconnection. I am unplugged. I know that I am at work on other planes, creating new connections, new alignments. There is no pushing the timing, no skipping ahead as my weary heart desires. The patience pause…..I have become good at this. Why? Because there is nothing else. I have fully surrendered to my higher presence, to her wisdom gleaned from a broader perspective. Do I get tired of this half life? Yes……I feel beyond weary of it all.

A couple of dear friends of late have expressed concern. Am I sure that my guidance is correct? Does it make sense to continue to follow a path of Being when it has gone on for so long? Years, not simply weeks or months. We live in a world that values action and prizes productivity. I hold an extreme note of Being that sounds discordant. My friend asks, “What about creativity, are you painting?” No, only in my mind. It feels so heavy to think of gathering materials and claiming a space to create. I can lie on my bed and make use of sunbeams and cool breezes and weave them into structures and form. I dream of creating outdoor spaces that when you enter, your cells sing a song of harmony as your own beauty arises. I see towers of shimmering silk that float in undulating waves to bring shots of color and sound to those on the ground.

Everything in this reality feels dense and heavy, my body, the effort of cooking or cleaning. It is not that I do not desire to create, my palms are alive with the passion but await new tools. I want to create with light and mist and clay of the earth. All blended in new tones and forms.

Rainbows dancing in my palm delighted me.

Rainbows dancing in my palm delighted me.

In this now, I enjoy what is here. The bursts of energy that allow my washing to be done, the line dried sheets that offer me their fresh scent for sleep, the lilac wafting its heady scent by my bed, the thunder and lightening show lighting up the sky out my window this night, the rain falling on the roof and sweetening the air flowing over me from the open window above my bed. Gratitude is there in every breath. I take none of it for granted.

I just accidentally clicked on the notes icon and found this I wrote a month or so ago. Not sure if I used it in a blog but it fits this moment:

The trust and faith bones in our being are strengthening with each surrender, each letting go. Ours is to breathe it each moment. To know and feel it within our hearts, that the Universe is conspiring to bring us our deepest desires in ways more magnificent than our imagining allows.

Despite the weariness of soul and heart, this continues to ring true for me. It is getting closer, I feel it in my cells. I sense movement up ahead and an aspect from bygone days feels the excitement of being the one up in the crows nest, crying, “Land ho!”






Floating in the Mary Energies

This mural was in a bathroom in a local restaurant. So colorful and bright, I wanted to float with all the sea creatures.

Days fly by and I miss my writing. This is one of those immersion times where I am so “in” the journey that I barely crawl into bed (skipped brushing my teeth, that tired) and have no capacity to reflect on my life. It takes all of me to live it. Today is the first new moon of 2012 and sees us entering Aquarius. Freedom! My sign as yesterday was my 56th birthday and for this Aquarian gal, I am finally at home on this beautiful earth. The energies of freedom are anchoring in more fully which allows me deeper breaths. Ahhhh…..

Where to begin telling you about the past few days? My friend and I knew that we were to take a journey together and that it had to do with the Mary energies. She carries the Mary Magdalene energies of the sexual priestess, and I carry more of the Mother Mary energies of the nurturing mother. A side note: Mary Magdalene was not a whore as the patriarchal fathers wanted us to believe. She did train in the temples of Isis to learn the art of sacred sexuality which she used to help Jesus fufill his mission. Sacred sexuality is a gift from the Creator that can be used consciously to aid in attaining enlightenment. (read Tom Kenyon’s The Magdelene Manuscript). She attained Christ hood with Jesus as they were twin flames working together for mankind. Back to my story….together, the Marys have asked my friend and I to weave a tapestry. (I am so ready to get cloth and threads and create some of what I have been experiencing in a physical way). We decided to go to



the view a few feet in front of our tent

a national park to camp for a few days. We packed our book that we felt directed to read, Anna Grandmother of Jesus by Claire Heartsong as well as some fruits and vegies. There was no running water which thins out the crowd and we elected to camp further from the parking lot camping area to have more privacy and more nature. I loved the way it was set up. There were these beautiful trees set in a mowed area of grass with a picnic table at hand. You followed the mowed pathways through the grasses from tree to tree and chose your spot. We spent one night totally sheltered under the canopy of a huge tree. The tree was so loving, embracing us in its shade. We could hear the crashing waves



Our tent set up under the beautiful tree with the mowed grass and picnic table.

on rocks below as we watched the stars come to life out our front door. The next night we moved our tent to a new site, shown here where we were further out on the point. We could take a few steps and watch the waves crashing below and lie naked for a morning sunbath in the dewy grass. Bliss! I watched the sunrise each morning and we watched whales come up to greet us as we sang and drummed for them. I am so thankful to them for all the record keeping that they have done forever to assist us to this point in time where we can once again anchor the energies of unity consciousness on the planet for ourselves.

our welcome sunrise!

We truly communed with the elements as on our last night the rain and wind storm flattened the tent almost on top of us! It was a wild night as we sat up, trying to hold the tent sides in place as the rain found its way inside. Wet and wild and pretty sleepless. We were glad to see the stars begin to finally reappear as the rain ceased and the wind spent its fury. Dawn was a welcome sight! Our days were spent swimming in the sacred pools that spill down with the waterfalls to the ocean below. It felt otherworldly as we swam under the spray and floated in the lovely rock lined pools. We took turns reading aloud to one another as we journeyed deep into the Mary stories. Anna, who was the mother of both Mother Mary and Joseph of Arimathea

The bridge over the first pool and the waterfalls leading down to the pools and ocean below.

(who fathered Mary Magdalene) was the narrator of the tale. I had not heard her story before and found it fascinating. It has been an incredible time for us as we drifted between dimensions. We were being activated as we read, deep cellular memories were triggered and we felt many of the scenes in our bodies. It has been surreal, looking out at the ocean, dropping into the scene in the Essene communities, feeling their initiations, coming up to breathe and eat an avocado, feeling overcome with waves of sleep as we traveled on the inner planes. I have been overcome with emotion, tears quietly running down my cheeks as we journeyed with the players who came with Jesus to assist him in his mission. We were assisted by the elements of nature, allowing us to simply be held in her arms as we could feel that the time is at hand where we are being called to birth the Christ within our hearts. We were players in that time 2000

The view from the top of the bridge, looking down on the pools.

years ago and we have returned to play the scene in a new way. Jesus and his companions anchored the Christ light in the earth and the crystalline grid that surrounds the planet. It was done for this time, when the earth’s energies were light enough to begin her ascension process as well as our own. We are ascending back to the Creator as our Father/Mother God wants us home.

I am feeling so blessed tonight as I know that I am being guided to the awakening of the Christ flame in my heart. I feel so at one with the beauty of mother nature as she shows me oneness as flocks of brilliant white birds fly by in their seamless formations. They do their dance of changing leaders, each one knowing how to align in fluid beauty, like bright ribbons across the sky. I want to see all people on this planet free, free to know their own beauty, free to move in harmony with their fellows, free to dance with the wind and sky.

I leave you with this graffiti message I found in the cement block bathroom at the park. I thought that it was beautiful! If you desire to birth the Christ flame in your heart, loving yourself is key. All that you have been taught about being harsh with yourself in any way, any shame or blame or judgement, can melt in the flame of your own loving heart. Bring in the wood and fan those flames high, toss in all the words that play the old critical tapes in your head that you inherited from family, society, and culture. Love and honor your own beauty and the Christ light will blaze its love for all to see. I so love you!