Observing with a Sense of Wonder

A figure from a sculpting class I took years ago. He sits and observes with a sense of wonder.

A figure from a sculpting class I took years ago. He sits and observes with a sense of wonder.

I am so comfortable on the couch. My body, whose temperature dances high and low, is for the moment, content. Cool air streams in through the partially opened window next to the couch, a fire is blazing its warmth before me as rain falls in a gentle, steady stream outside. The overcast sky outside the windows is lit up as the last of this full moon blazes powerfully from behind. I feel wonder at this. Rain and light in the night, releasing the smell of earth which mingles with the wood fragrance burning bright.  I feel elemental…. in my element. Bliss. It has been such a lovely night of love. It is so incredible how it seems to expand with each new day, each moment. Three of us here, bellies full of a root vegie casserole, each sipping  a small glass of wine as soft conversation flows amongst us. Spaces of rich silence, interspersed with soft guitar notes played by my son. The love is palpable in the room, its contours engulf and support our hearts with strength and richness.

My son points out a newness to the evening as I am sharing a glass of wine. This is a new aspect of me that is delighting in this taste and the inner warmth it brings. So strange as I have never liked the taste of alcohol in any form, not even as a flavoring in baked goods. Yet, here I am enjoying it! Such interesiting times as I discover new aspects of myself that seem to be entering daily.

A recent painting by my youngest son. Dark and wild, it leads you in. gaberobertsart.com/‎

A recent painting by my youngest son. Dark and wild, it leads you in. gaberobertsart.com/

Yesterday a set of dragon wings unfurled. So wild as I could feel their leathery texture on my skin and it hurt quite a bit as they came out. My whole upper back felt like it was rippling with discomfort all day as the wings adjusted themselves to my body . Red-gold and skeletal, not gorgeous like my pink-gold angel wings, yet beautiful. A fiery essence that is still adjusting, the fire in the hearth has helped them to dry tonight. I do not know what they portend or how to use them. I just know that they are here and the purpose will be revealed in due time.

New day and new clarity. The dragon wings bring a deeper tone of love to me. It is not the butterflies and faery love, rather dragons and dwarves and dark caves underground. It is a fierce and true love, a wholeness that emits a full tone. We have been conditioned to back away from the undertones, fearing their power but in truth, we are ready for love to shine forth in her full glory. A love that accepts blowbacks of anger and hate as it allows the density to surface to be embraced in its arms. It stands firm in its adherence to truth. Love contains the full spectrum which is why so many of us are journeying deep into our own shadowlands to excavate and embrace all that we buried along this journey. To receive and anchor the new tones of love, we must transmute our own black coal into diamonds blazing bright. My dragon self is here to ensure that the job gets done. His deep red, adding to my pink hues, so that I can hold the spectrum true.

My first love, Laurie.  A self portrait with green eye.

My first love, Laurie. A self portrait with green eye.

As I am mirroring my inner process with the clearing of the house and sheds, I unearthed a self portrait done by my first love. He held so much of the beloved energy for me yet he was not to be the father of the children that I knew were to come. Indeed, he has never had children as all of his passion and energy has gone into his pursuit of beauty. As a poet and artist, there has been a fierceness required, a distillation of life.  I feel this shifting as the outer world begins to reflect the fuller tones of love. Art, beauty and truth, all striking the chord of love. A renaissance of beauty is at hand as we come into our maturity as creator gods.

I am deeply grateful and again find myself in a state of wonder as I observe all that moves through me, around and about me.  We are living in the magic times. All things are possible, all is made new.

Surrender and Flow

We were upon this old buck before we knew it on a walk. He was so still and his gaze was steady. He had seen many seasons and knew it all.

Graying muzzle, head held high despite the weight of his rack of antlers…..I felt that he knew the mystery and was content to be a part of it all. The oneness, it is my theme song these past few days. Feeling a part of everything. I could feel his years, feel his wisdom, feel the heaviness of the body that was once limber and agile. He knew that moving slowly was his domain for now, He did not rail against it but rather, accepted it with grace. I read something that said that all that is required for our ascension is surrender and flow.

I can feel the truth of that. Moment by moment there are things to surrender, to let go as we trust in the stream of life to carry us forward. We are wired for evolution, we cannot get it wrong. Our DNA takes us there whether we are conscious of it or not. Trusting myself is the biggest thing for me of late. There is no rule book though you can find many on store shelves or online. Many folks will offer guidance as to the way yet I have to wade through and find my own path, the way that brings me joy.

I have created opportunities lately for me to state my truth clearly. I love how creative my higher self is in bringing to me exactly what I need! A friend is making plans for a future date and wanted me to join her for part of them. I could see that it would be fun to be together again, that I could make things easier for her to get about. I had spent time with her and she had driven me about. There is a desire to reciprocate. You know the old adding sheet, she did that for me, I need to do this for her. Old energy for me. Life is not a score card, I want to be more authentic in my interactions.  I want to trust that the universe

I am the clouds, the sky, the water and the rocks. What beauty surrounds me!

brings situations to experience with one another and that I may receive here and give over there. It is much less of a linear movement than we have been taught. Trust that the balance is there that allows us all to be the givers and the receivers. I could also feel a constraint in my belly from locking into someone else’s agenda when I do not know what will be my highest truth or path at that time. I have broken commitments and disappointed friends when I found that I was guided in a different direction. All part of the learning for this duty woman in unwinding that coil of super responsibility as well as being seen in a certain way. The wisest thing to do, is to say, “I do not know at this time.” That said, she pressed me for a commitment. I love how we agree to help one another by being the vehicle for our lessons. Ah…..yes, how we want to please others! Yet this is where pleasing ourselves first and foremost comes in. I know that to be true to my path, I have to be open to where my spirit leads me. If I had received a strong Yes about April planning, I would have committed but there was no clarity. I try to remember that if it is not an resounding yes, then it is a no. Even though my mind wants to play in the field of maybe, or possibly when living by the above frees up a lot of energy! (Note to self: remember this dear one!) The more I honor my own path, the more clear guidance I receive.

At this moment, I have committed to be in this place until the end of March. It surprised me when I wrote  the check that I wrote it for two months. (I am committing for two months??) Yet I got a clear signal to do so. I now know why as it feels freeing to me to have that expanse of time stretching ahead without wondering where I will be and figuring out all the details of living. It has freed up energy that I can use in new ways. Instead of traveling in the outer, I am free to take more inner journeys. I am also in a place where I lived a large chunk of my past and it is uncoiling much of that for me. I am learning that I can be joyful anywhere, the location is not the determiner, rather it is the inner landscape that holds the decision as to how I view my life. And at present, I am being guided to stay in the present and allow it to unfold with no boundaries on the end of it.

Red tulips for my valentine, my love.....that would be me!

I am surprised and delighted to feel energy coming back that I have not felt in ages. I have exercised for the past four days! My body is soft as other than occasional walking, I have felt no desire to move in any specific way, though for most of my adult life, I had been a regular exerciser.  My body seemed to need to be flabby  for the changes that it has undergone as well as needing lots of rest. Yet, now it is thriving on movement. I am having fun trying out different exercise videos and using some old ones. I went to the farmer’s market today with a friend and delighted in all the bright vegies for my body and all the flowers for my soul. I had not taken my camera so you are missing the picture of these bright red tulips in a metal pail. So much more appealing than the ubiquitous white  plastic buckets. They also look lovely in this glass vase I found in the cupboard when I got home.

Here it is in progress

Energy and materials at hand for art to emerge also! Here is my work of the past couple of days. It is a small (4×7 inch) canvas which I bought for making art while traveling. I love working with the beads even though threading the needles and adding each tiny bead takes time, I find it very meditative. I love making big art, using big brushes and my whole arm sweeping in the motion yet I also love the tiny, delicate art making. I know that one day I will have a large studio with huge canvases that I can use housepainting size brushes on. Till then, I have my small canvases and beads.  I love adding words and gold leaf to my images. And yes, the beloveds are still in my heart and continue to be a compelling motif. This one called for a Rumi quote, how can you not love Rumi? Here is what it says:

All done and it fills me with joy! The Chinese character at the bottom stands for passion. Making this allowed passion to flow.

Your love lifts my soul from the body to the sky.

And you lift me up out of the two worlds.

I want your sun to reach my raindrops,

So your heat can raise my soul upward like a cloud.”

Time for bed and I go to sleep with another Rumi quote:

“Close the language door and open the love window.”

Dancing in the JOY

I woke up this morning feeling some sense of unease. I spoke to my son about it and he said he knew that feeling. He went on to say how he would find himself trying to figure it out. We both began to laugh at how silly that was! For that is exactly what my mind had been busily doing! And to what end? It was not clear in my heart so why go digging to discover an unpleasant feeling??? Truly we have been programmed to do some very strange things. Instead the ridiculousness of it brought laughter and smiles and that lead to the joy that is right there, waiting to be felt. 

It was rainy outside so we decided to have a museum day and go see the Pissarro exhibit that is up at the Legion of Honor museum. That thought had us both grinning as we are Pissarro fans. As we drove to the museum, hunger hit so we stopped at a new market to get a quick sandwich to eat on the lovely grounds of the museum. On the drive, we were talking about getting a small Christmas tree for the apartment and wondering where we should look. In the quick manifestation energies that are ramping up on the planet, there was an assortment of two and three foot trees in front of the store for $15! A bargain. So sandwich and tree in hand, off we went to the museum where this beautiful dancer greeted me. I love her! I want to sculpt her and be her, dancing in my flowing skirts. Beauty!

This plaque was on the grounds and spoke so to my heart with its words. The bottom continues with: in recognition of the continued quest for world peace. We felt so deeply the gifts of heaven and earth as we looked out over the Pacific Ocean and saw the red golden gates of the bridge and the sparkling blue water (yes, the sun came out to shine on our day) and felt the ground solid under our feet. How blessed we are! Here is the konji writing (at least I think it is konji) that was translated. I love the beauty of this writing. 

The exhibit was wonderful. It is so inspiring to be surrounded by beauty. Pissarro was the elder of the impressionist painters in France. He was an anarchist who dreamt of a better world of small sustainable communities  where the work of the hands and the land was honored and respected.  (He and I share a dream!) He married his mother’s cook’s helper  which was quite a radical step not only due to the difference in class but he also broke through the programming of his religion as she was Catholic and he a Jew. No easy feat in those days! He had eight children with her. He loved his family life and painted them as well as the peasants working the land. He seemed to have been a man who walked his talk, living according to his principles of equality for all. Not the easiest of paths yet he walked it truly. He was my inspiration for the day! 

Here is one of the views from the hilltop where the Legion of Honor sits. Glorious. The feelings of magic and joy seem to be welling up in me more each day. There is this excitement, a Christmas Eve kind of feeling that bubbles up in me. The days are getting merrier and bright! I had spent a day north of the city looking for a house to rent. Nothing felt right but my son and I took a new road and stopped at Point Reyes and loved the feeling of the small town. We drove back on the winding highway 1 and soaked up the beauty of the landscape. So we did not find a place to move, yet we did find the feeling that we want. Appreciating and acknowledging that is what will bring our perfect place to us. 

I feel overcome with the sense of the Spirit of Christmas being here for everyone. I had read these lovely channeled words from Jesus this morning and felt the truth of them this year. My Christ Self is awakening in my heart and it feels mighty fine! 

Oakbridge University – Jeshua Online
Message of the Day

Beloved one, you are approaching the holy days that you have set in order to remember not the birth of one Yeshua, but truly the birth of the Christ. You do this annually so that you have opportunity that one of these years perhaps you will remember that it is your own birth as the Christ child that you are celebrating; that one of these times you are coming to the place where you are awakening to your own divinity, awakening to your own Christ Self, awakening to the power of that divine holy Self.

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