My youngest son is getting married next month. A cause for celebration and delight. Dress shopping for the event, has not held any of those elements. I realized that it has been years since I really shopped in regular stores. I enjoy browsing thrift stores and finding small treasures and clothing that fits my mood. Nothing had turned up so I went with a friend to the smaller mall here in town, knowing that the mega mall she suggested, would overwhelm me.
The energy of consumption is so strong and it bears with it the enslavement program that we have lived under in this reality. People forced to labor for so much of their waking hours simply to provide food and shelter and then in the little free time remaining, bombarded with messages to go out and consume. Keeping the whole cycle intact, buy more, work more in order to buy more…..yikes!
What struck me was how it made me feel. Standing in a dressing room, my body felt all wrong. Too fat, too flabby, too short. The lights and mirrors did nothing but point out my flaws. I feel a naked body is a thing of beauty, no matter its size. I find I feel more comfortable with my body naked than in clothes. Well, especially dress clothes. The thought of stockings and waistbands….it has been years since I wore any of it. When we are at home, most of us want to remove bras and confining waistbands and pull on loose soft clothing. Yet that is not to be found in clothes for dressy occasions. I wanted a pretty dress in a light color. Simple enough desire but they were not to be found. Black and navy blue, white and cream were the colors. I did not want a dark dress nor to wear the bridal cream and white. I did not want form fitting tightness. I wanted comfort and beauty.
I came home and had a cry and ate cookies. It was amazing to me how the whole experience affected me. There is such a heavy propaganda agenda to make us feel inadequate. We are not beautiful enough, thin enough, fit enough. I thought, I am a sixty year old grandma. I thought of my grandmother and how she looked. There was not this idea that you had to look young. You had gray hair, soft belly and bosom, your body a source of comfort. My grandma was rail thin but she looked like a grandma.
I know and understand this energy and yet it affected me strongly. Think of all those who do not understand that they are being manipulated and truly believe the advertising messages. It felt so heavy and oppressive. I could feel the collapsing of these structures and ways of living.
It took awhile for me to recover from it all. I will wear a skirt and top that I have and feel comfortable in, allowing my inner beauty to be my shine. This summer has been difficult with my face being altered due to the skin surgeries that required me to stay out of the sun much of the time, the extra weight I am carrying in my belly, the intense days of feeling flattened by the energies. I have felt so uncomfortable in my skin, no real pain, rather intense discomfort, a sure sign that there is a shift just ahead for me. And for so many of us as we move in to our crystalline bodies of light. I am ready. I am so ready!