A couple of weeks ago, I read an article talking about a purging that was happening. It stated that we would find ourselves having to disconnect from those closest to us…mates, children, parents, siblings or friends. The article stated that we had to disconnect from all the old ways of relating in order to free ourselves to move on in our sovereign state. It mentioned that we would likely reconnect in a new frequency in June.
I had noticed some of this in my life but now I am experiencing it on a whole new level. A couple of sleepless nights have happened as I process all that has come up. Transparency is the order of the day. I am being shown where I have been in judgment of others, where I have carried a protective energy for others, where I have held space and where I have given too much as well as desired to control others. Whew!
The wondrous thing about it all is how none of it has floored me as might have been the case in the past. I could look at each relationship and sift through the layers as to where my actions came from. It was enlightening. There was grief lining the pockets of much of it. A huge letting go and surrendering to trust once again. Allowing what needs to fall away and open to what will come.
There were moments when all I could think of was getting in my car and driving far, far away from anyone that I knew. To be in total solitude in the peaceful arms of nature. Those moments were offset by ones where I felt such immense gratitude for my life and the richness present. I ping ponged between these two states for a time.
Now I sense that I have emerged from the tunnel of confusion. I have cut all cords to those dearest to my heart. I have taken an energetic step back and breathed out a deep sigh. I have let go of any expectations of how it might look in the future. I dissolved my long held dream of community and love pod into a mist. Let it all reform. Let the new emerge in an organic way.
I am showing up yet with a new stance. I am present with a looseness that is spacious and freeing, for myself and all others who dance within my sphere. I am feeling that ability to love everything that touches my life with a fulsome heart. I had thought that I was there yet this recent disconnection illuminated for me the many strands that I was continuing to hold in place.
Ah…how dear we are as we let go of so many programs and ways of interacting with one another, with ourselves. We are the tenderest of beings, so desirous of doing good, of being of assistance. We have been programmed in a million ways that kept us limited. How grateful I am to take a breath in this new space, knowing that each shift finds more oxygenated air to breathe, wider arenas to play in. Invoking grace for us all as we make this movement.