I sit here by my sun lamp, gifting my body with its light. It is raining/snowing outside under a dense cloud cover. The world outside my window is painted in muted whites and greys. My being desires a paintbrush loaded with vibrant colors. My palette is in readiness with pinks, oranges, sunny yellows and iridescent greens. For now, I breathe in the deep pink and white tipped cyclamen blossoms that grace the table. Thank goodness for this plant! It feeds me as fresh flowers are hard to come by in this rural area. If you happen to discover and purchase some at the grocery store that is 45 minutes away, they often do not survive the frozen temperatures of the journey in and out. The cyclamen helps me wait for the blossoming of the tulips our friend down the road has planted in his greenhouses.
I go through peaks and valleys emotionally. Always, I know my blessings and hold gratitude yet I also allow the sadness, weariness to express. Often of late, I feel so removed…as if I am moving through life in a cloud. I participate but as if I am watching myself on a screen…..once removed. So whatever emotions flow through my body, I am witnessing it all as well as feeling the thrum of “all is well” playing in the center of my being. My trust in this unfoldment is steadfast and allows me to ride the waves as we bring this new earth to land.
The trees are beginning to glow with new life in their tips….and the days grow longer with the promise of new life to come. So this season reflects so beautifully what is happening on this earth. There is the weight of the snow that explodes like a bomb as it slides off the roof to crash below……the cloud cover that presses in. The stark colors of white and grey that fill the landscape…….and yet…..the tiny buds forming on the trees, the rivulets of water running down the roads, ready to feed new growth, the mud, signaling the frozen earth, awakening. Yes, a bit messy coming out of the darkness. We will all have to remember that…..it is simply messy. It will pass and the mud will lose its grip on our feet that threatens to suck us down and to cause us to fall. We will get back up, we will find our center. We shall find ourselves dancing in the fresh green grass with bare feet that commune with our earth in a cellular way. All of life desires communion and oneness. We know this, we are this!
Today, I will go down the road and rock my month old granddaughter and inhale her sweet scent. I will play bunnies and knights with my grandson, I will take a snowshoe walk in the woods with my former hubby, daughter and grandson, I will breathe in the smell of the earth arising from under the snow as the ground opens. I will keep the pink rose bud in my heart alive, as she knows the glory of spring to come.