Identity Continues to Expand and Dissolve

Glowing in the shadows, nature instructing me once again.

Glowing in the shadows, nature instructing me once again.

We are living the contradictions more and more as the old duality crumbles. The opposites merge into something new. How can we expand and dissolve? Yet we are. I am in Montreal, Canada for the next few months, called on personal and planetary levels. I recently dealt with the phone company to end my service as it was too much money for too little service here. I can use Skype and FaceTime for almost free so it made no sense to pay more. They could hold my phone number for me for a fee. I decided to let it go. Strangely, it felt like a part of my identity went with that decision. I have had that phone number for years. Now it is gone. Folks can no longer call me unless they have FaceTime and I am near wifi. It felt like another anchor in this reality, pulled up.

More and more, I find myself floating, not able to recall something from a moment before. The days fly by in a dreamlike space. When I am with my two year old grandson, I am very present. Our time together is full of joy. We march, and hop and play in an imaginary world with abandon. I feel like a two year old, delighting in my senses and discovering anew the world around me.

fullsizeoutput_1426The rest of the time I am lying on the couch watching netflix, if I can find something that has the vibration I seek or simply drifting. My sense of self is floating and loosening. Nothing is held which is abit strange and freeing. I have rented an airbnb condo for this time. I felt disoriented when I first arrived as it is bare and sparse. Blank white walls, empty surfaces, a black and white world. My artistic nature loves color and texture. The windows face a hillside of stone and trees. I am now sinking into this empty palette and finding it expansive. The view from the windows is adornment of the best kind. I can lie and watch the leaves floating down, the colors swirling. Soon it will be a white world out there as the snow comes. No fireplace, which I so love in the winter, so I have stocked up on candles to create a hearth.

This swan gliding along  in her beauty and grace.

This swan gliding along in her beauty and grace.

We are in this transition time and I found myself wobbling. I was missing the little things, my warm bathrobe for evenings and mornings, my comfy wool cardigan, paintings of my son’s on the walls, my down jacket, my morning coffee mug. I felt the weight of the years of not having a home of my own, over a decade now. I am grateful for all the places I have lived, all the living I have done. Yet the desire for a home runs deep. I am so ready for the love pods, for our communities of light to come into being. To have what I desire in the moment with ease. I know it is all coming. Yet the weight of the years pressed in.

A week in the new place, and I am settling in. Enjoying the blank slate, appreciating what is here. Knowing thrift stores hold a new mug, a new sweater, a sweet little pitcher for flowers. Small touches that make me feel landed. Once again filled with appreciation for the blessings that fill my life rather than noticing lack in any regard.

Love the 3's, my address has 33 in it.

Love the 3’s, my address has 33 in it.

The woods are a few minutes walk away which is a nourishment I need.  I am learning to use the bus and metro system here and finding joy in hearing French spoken around me and sharing smiles with the beautiful hearts that abound everywhere. My grandson ensures that laughter is a part of my life and I have time with my daughter too. My sons are a couple hours away in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont so I am blessed to spend time there also. Croissants are a daily part of life here …sweetness abounds!


My entrance into the Summit Woods.

As we untether more and more, there is room for the new to flow in. We are ready for so much more magic and miracles and love. I am ready to receive a life beyond any I could dream of. I am ready to live in a world where all beings are free. Where peace reigns and love flows amongst all hearts. Where we are free to be our truth in every moment, no longer needing any definition or label of who we are in order to flow with the currents of our deepest desires. It is happening now. We are in the end times, which also means the beginning times of a new age. It begins within my heart as I claim it. It begins within your heart as you live it. All hearts beating as One.




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