Dreaming and Coughing My Way into the New Year

A couple of gnomes I intended to copy and make. It did not happen but they remind me of Gimley, the gnome in Lord of The Rings.

On Christmas Day, I moved into a quiet space. My three adult children were celebrating the day in Vermont with their loves and our grand baby. My former hubby and I got together to chat with them and decided to pass on a dinner with family that was quite a drive away. We opted for ease and decided to start a Lord of The Rings fest. We grilled sausages and ate Christmas cookies as we watched the first video. This trilogy was the very last chapter book that we read together as a family. We completed it as the kids were entering high school and busy schedules. We went to the opening day of each movie as it came out. It holds a powerful spot in our family lore.

The next day followed with The Two Towers video which we briefly considered skipping as it has a lot of orc fighting scenes. These are definitely not the type of movies I watch, violence not being my thing at all. Yet we decided to use the fast forward button when we tired of the battle scenes but to not pass up the Ents part of the journey. The Ents were the tree beings who came to assist the fellowship in the battle with evil. It happened to be our 34th wedding anniversary which we toasted and celebrated despite having spent the last decade divorced. We had survived  the forms of marriage and divorce and now had a relationship free of form. We have come to a sense of peace and trust of one another. We felt gratitude for the family we created and how we are able to share in that joy. We have witnessed one another grow over the years and share so many memories. We knew ourselves blessed.

Reminded me of the Ents, the beings of the woods.

Reminded me of the Ents, the beings of the woods.

For three days, we came together for our videos and simple meals. It was a full on immersion that put me in a very dreamy space. I so felt the story in my being, the fight between good and evil, the heroic capacities of the characters revealed, the working together of the various kingdoms of the earth for the good of all. The stamina and strength forged in friendship and the unlikely hero who saves the day. The kingdom of men restored and an era of peace begun. How ready we are for this era and how we are poised at the same juncture in our now.

I retreated from the world to live in this dreamy space and when commitments of contact with others began, my body started to cough. A deep hot spot developed in my chest that kept me still. I am not one prone to illness. My body explained the coughing was clearing out lifetimes of grief. So much I was not aware of, yet that my cells still held. Emotions flowed through as I felt how I had been the caretaker in this life and not believed myself worthy of receiving that care. How so many of us have believed the lie that we were not lovable. I coughed out the suffering, the sorrow of ages past, for myself and the collective.


My daughter in love sent me this wreath she made. it brightened my cottage with holiday cheer.

My daughter in love sent me this wreath she made. It brightened my cottage with holiday cheer.

For some weeks now, I had begun to feel the new energies flowing in. I was shown the pristine landscape awaiting our creator abilities. I could feel the enlivening energy flow through my body and knew that radiant health would become the norm. I felt such immense gratitude for my body as it emptied the old from each cell. Emptying to be infilled with this new love light. Making space for these expansive energies.

My former hubby brought a chicken, started a soup and left it simmering with its healing smell wafting about the place. Deep caring in the gesture that had not often been a part of our dynamic as a couple. Last night it was a brownie delivered to my door. We both felt the gift in his gestures of care and love and my receiving of it all.

So many of us have dreamt ourselves into this new year. We have completed “a big work” as a friend said. Our bodies need time to catch up. I depart in two days for the cold northeast. Montreal is where I am headed for the deepest part of the winter. Strange as it seems, I sense a renewal and invigoration awaiting me in the snow and cold. I am going to support my daughter and her husband and babe. My grandson and I have a piece to do together dealing with the plates of the East coast and allowing more light to stream into the solid granite structures. We will do it with sound, he makes wondrous ones, and play. Our expanded selves are in telepathic communication and have been since before he was born. He is sixteen months old so a perfect playmate for me. Full of curiosity about the workings of the world, ready to laugh and take delight in mastering new things. I feel right at that level. So many aspects of myself are taking up residence within this body and I am a babe, discovering what I can do and am now capable of.

The river flowing with grace, letting it all go.

The river flowing with grace, letting it all go.

Rest is still needed. I am trusting the packing will take place, the cottage set to rights,   necessary details will be attended to. Much that I planned will not. The mind can have its agenda but the body leads the way. I see myself floating onto the plane and know that my job is to show up. Stillness, then a wave of movement. The mastery is in trusting the timing  and the outcome. All is moving to offer more expansiveness for each of us. We are becoming one people, the kingdoms united in the desire for peace and unity. The hot coal in my chest has cooled, I am floating in the emptiness. There is peace in this space. There is freedom. A sense of wonder and love. I am so grateful to be here in this now with you all.