IMG_9608It has been interesting to experience the sensations of the past couple of weeks. My physical body has been one that has served me well, occasional back or neck issues over the years but short-lived. My body has been a being that I could rely on at any moment to come through with the strength needed for the task or activity at hand. To suddenly be without that, has brought me to my knees. Toothache, last year’s root canal and crown costing thousands, suddenly is alive with pain. My back is a dull presence that reminds me of limitations as I attempt to use it in the old ways. I am taking a course to learn new ways to sit, stand, walk, lie. New exercises to lengthen and strengthen. All exhausting.

I accept that my body, in her infinite wisdom, is propelling me into new waters. This space of physical vulnerability has unhinged me. I did not realize how dependent I was on my health. It has been there for me to draw on with little attention paid. Now I am paying attention. Emotions are raw. I feel as if I walk about without a skin, everything prickling. I do not feel fit to live in the energies. That of course, is the invitation.

We are betwixt and between frequencies, finding our way in the dark. There are moments of anguish, crying out at the uncomfortableness that stretches me beyond where I thought I could go. There are moments of peace that flows like a river, carrying me gently in its wake. The rawness predominates. What are the words to express the feeling of climbing the mountain, the air thinning with every step, survival not guaranteed? I have been silent as when one is using every bit of air to simply breathe, it is not possible to do anything else. The summit has not been reached with its glorious view and perspective to sustain one. No, I am on the steep slope, in danger every moment of sliding back, taking tumbles as rocks give way beneath my feet. Getting up again by some interior will that no longer has anything to do with me or my desires.

imageWhat do I desire? From my limited view, focused as I am on putting one foot in front of another, it is a barren landscape. I can feel our mother earth, my body registers the winds that sweep over me, the mist that chills me, the sharpness of the stones. Fragments of beauty register, the shared look of incredulousness with a fellow climber, a blossom opening to the warmth of the sun, a drink of hot tea. Accepting all. That is the challenge, letting go of labels of good, bad, desired, not desired. I no longer know anything.

I simply am. A swirling field of energy. A deep thrumming, a hum inside. Intending to be the chalice for the liquidlovelight but not able to direct any of it. Not able to summon any umph on my own, simply being with what does arise or move. A thought can move in but the ability to decide how to respond, has disappeared. A more knowing part of me, holds the reins. I can only trust that she steers me well. Even that thought holds no juice…..she does or she does not, I do or I do not. There is no energy to desire it one way or another. All neutral, a field of quiet through which I observe myself writhing in this empty space. Searching for handholds, discovering none. Surrender is continual.

Buds of spring from seemingly dead wood.

Buds of spring from seemingly dead wood.

For so long, I have held a vision of the love pods, of our soul families living in deep resonance and a dance of harmony and joy. That thread still exists, muted, veiled, a glimpse arises now and then as the breeze blows a curtain aside. There is no holding on to anything. I feel it, it flows through. Though, at other times a thought will play like a snare drum in my mind and not let go. It can flatten me into a puddle.

I signed up for this. There was no way to imagine how difficult it would actually be. I witness others finding their connections, the passions arising as creativity takes hold. I am still in the shadowlands, nothing is clear. I offer what I am to the All that is. It is enough.


I was so captivated to witness this moment in the unfurling of this Lilly's petals. It looked like hands held in prayer before offering their full beauty.

I was so captivated to witness this moment in the unfurling of this Lilly’s petals. It looked like hands held in prayer before offering their full beauty.

A”river of rain” is set to flow into our area today. My pink prayer flags are flying, the palm trees’ fronds dancing as gusts of wind enliven their movement. The fire is blazing on the hearth, the wood is stacked by the back door for easy access, a hot cup of coffee at my elbow along with a piece of sprouted toast topped with my childhood favorite peanut butter and orange marmalade. In a word…..ready.

What am I ready for? Peace. Peace on earth. Magic on a scale that beggars belief. Freedom for one and all, in every aspect of our lives. All of this is possible. We are the creator gods come to bring it in. Our every dream for what life could be; stuffed down to the bottom of our hearts and buried over a hundred times by disappointment, despair, betrayal, pain, rejection, obstacles, fatigue, anger, sadness…..come to life again. The past few weeks have seen a great purging wave wash through our hearts, throwing this debris up onto the shores of our consciousness. We have had to wade through it, at times it might have been hip deep and a mighty struggle. No matter. It has been a gift. Loving waves sent by the Mother, by our own selves, by our Father to clear our hearts so that the desires we came in with, could once again see the light of day.

Who knew it would be difficult to give up hardship? To let go of the patterns of struggle? To step off the wheel of worry and stress? Are we able to trust joy? To trust love? To trust peace?

A face in a gnarled branch, whispering to me.

A face in a gnarled branch, whispering to me.

It is time. We stand at the threshold and must remove the old robe of cares that kept us small and compliant. To let go of any idea of safety, of security in anyone or thing outside of ourselves. We are invited to stand naked before ourselves and our Creator, letting our heart lights shine like mighty beacons, to light the way ahead.

One step…that is all it takes to cross the threshold. A thousand voices scream out their warnings yet in the quiet of our hearts, we know truth. To take the step is our salvation. It is the step into freedom and the path that allows us to live our deepest desires. The surrender asks all, nothing can be hidden, nothing carried beyond the doorway. It is the eye of the needle which only heart light can pass through.

A dreamscape of my heart

A dreamscape of my heart

I have been quiet as I acclimated to this new space. Is this real? the mind asks over and over. Yes. A deep peace permeates my being. All is well is a refrain that plays softly. There is a floating sensation, a feeling of being embraced by soft clouds of love light. Presence. I am called to the now more than ever. Future planning can be engaged in but feels surreal. I can look at an idea of it, yet the deep well in me knows it will be more magical than my consciousness could envision or execute. The past evaporates as quickly as it is lived. Time is known to be illusionary. The gifts of the present moment create waves of gratitude. Tears flow as part of the adjustment to this amazing love light. My body desires rest, my lower back continues its constriction that keeps me in this quiet zone. To enter into this house, is like entering the land of the lotus eaters. We move in a slow rhythm that matches the tones that play just below the surface of our hearing. The love shared is palpable, a nourishment as we each claim a couch, close our eyes and weave our liquidlovelight in patterns unseen. I am so grateful for my sons, for their willingness to be true to their inner knowing, to have answered the call of their hearts.

Our society does not allow this deepening. Survival has demanded that productivity must be adhered to in order to live. There is no space given for the dreamer. Nature has her cycles of growth and decay. Bulbs require their deep sleep in the ground, so as to offer their brilliant blooms in the spring. We have been underground, clearing the way for our green shoots to emerge. Resting until the creative force arises, pushing aside the dense dirt and reaching for the sunlight to bathe our pure heart. Innocence come again, we are creating a safe space for all our little children to come out and play.

A river runs under this store, I stood on the glass and watched it rush beneath my feet.

A river runs under this store, I stood on the glass and watched it rush beneath my feet.

I can feel the shifting patterns swirl under my feet. I sense the many timelines stretching outward. For each of us, the most beautiful pattern is being woven, for us and by us. I stand still as to step now is not wisdom. Too much is in play for me to clearly see the path. I breathe in this peace and surrender. Trusting the timing and easy in the knowing that I will feel the impulse that will carry me forward. Every cell is attuned. The notes play a melody across my heart. I have always known my cue. There is no more preparation, no more to be done. Only this note of beauty, of peace, of quiet joy to be sung.

I am grateful to all who gave of themselves to bring me here. I am grateful to myself for the courage to drop the old robe and take this step. I am grateful to all who paved the way and all who follow. All responding to our cue. We are actors upon the stage and the new play has begun. The curtain rises. Places everyone.