Today was a day unto itself in agitation, anger, fatigue, frustration. I felt myself at the end of this long cycle of the Kali Yuga. I wanted to dismantle my altar, take down the Mother Mary images, clear the decks of all that got me to here. Crystals, ascended masters, skulls…..smash them. New age, spirituality……all tasted like sawdust in my mouth. Fucking this and that flew out of my mouth. Everything felt off.

I am done. Complete with this game we created. No juice left, all dried out. Nothing sparks, nothing beckons or excites. DONE!

I definitely wanted to escape as “I am leaving!” sprang from my lips. It echoed down corridors of old when I was running on empty and had no knowing of how to refill myself. It has been years since that feeling of overwhelm had surfaced. It was as if everything that came into my field had streamers attached, bringing so many unvoiced desires with each interaction. All pulling at me for something which brought up so much anger. Grief running a line through it red hot. DONE!

I have nothing left to give to any of it. This illusion has outrun its natural course like a bad show that was allowed an extra run. Nothing new expressed, reruns of the old.

New moon, time to set new intentions. What do I desire? I desire the plug to be pulled on this show. I would light it up if I could, torch me and all of it so as to get to the rebirth, the new, the open playing field. This rigged game is so oppressive.

Wrath blazes up at how we have all been used and held back and held down. Yes, it is dissolving, yes, light is embracing the dark, yes, we create our world, yes, love is the answer. Yes, yes, yes. It all is white noise to me today. None of it makes sense.


Nature offers some solace with her ability to endure and be with what is. My being reaches out into the field, searching for anyone who I can relate to. Instantly, one calls and the relief! To share this feeling with another, to fill and feel the space together, brings tears and even laughter. We barge back and forth with, “Fuck that! and “This fucking……..” until some of the energy is skimmed off. She asks if I can be with it, can we both just feel it. Yes, we are standing in it. Breathing it in and by being with it, the weave loosens. More observation, and some space opens up……not much…..enough to tilt my head up and catch a shallow breath.

Another, close at hand, offers a hug, a few words of comfort, understanding. Not trying to change what I am experiencing, rather standing next to me in it. How grateful am I for the beauty of our hearts.

Not doing anything with it. No conclusions, no pronouncements, no action. Taking a breath. And then the next one. That is the victory of this day. To endure. Once again, to endure. I am here. I showed up. That is all I have.





Weaving Pink Blankets of Love

A wild turkey wandered into our backyard, looking so bewildered as she found herself miles from her natural habitat. I am sharing her sense of being lost.

A wild turkey wandered into our backyard, looking so bewildered as she found herself miles from her natural habitat. I am sharing her sense of being lost.

As I was speaking to a friend on the phone, she said tears were running down her face. She said that she felt my words as mohair threads weaving into a pink blanket that settled on her and comforted her. My soul rejoiced at this, a huge confirmation as that is my intent;  for my spoken and written words to be encoded with liquidlovelight. My most frequent visual is imagine myself weaving pink blankets of love to wrap the earth and each man woman and child in a love so profound that each awakens to their own beauty. I sense the Divine Mother beside me, teaching me how to weave the love into the threads of light. Pink is the color of love for me. Oh, I drank in this gift from my friend and from my heart. Truly, we are powerful beyond our imagining!

Today I have been awake since the wee hours of the morning. I am feeling a bit “wobbly” as a friend so beautifully described it. There is leave taking energy in the house, three of the four to soon depart. I sense the immense movement that June is about to offer us all. I know that I am moving to greater expansion of who I am and there is no regret or turning back from that desire. Yet there is only mist in front of me, no ground to land upon. So busy in my dreamtime, knowing we are working intensely to have all in readiness for this next opening. Daytime finds me a bit flat, pulling in my energy, going deeper into that flame. My body is trembling as she senses the incoming tide, not sure of her abilities to stand in it. Breathing in the calm, the peace, the knowing that I Am able, as we all are. Part of me wanting to get it over with……the “bring it on” type energy. If it is to happen, let it come quickly. Whatever “it” is.

IMG_6631 I am grateful for all of your hearts, standing at the ready with me.  I sense myself at a gate feeling the pressure build and knowing it is mine to stand guardian at this gate until the tone is given and it is open for the masses to rush in. The opening is so close, a breath and here we go. I shift my weight from one foot to another, breathing in the steadiness of my heartflame and yours. Knowing all is well and we are well prepared for our roles. Wrapping myself in a pink cocoon of love today.

Body Laughs at Any Edict of My Mind’s Creation

Expansive sky, echoing how I am feeling.

Expansive sky, echoing how I am feeling.

I am sitting here giggling as I eat the last of the ice cream in the carton. Second day of my “no sugar” edict and it dissolves. Just as all else that has form is dissolving. All that we thought of as our identity is dissolving. The old “structure” that we housed ourselves in is melting away. This can be frightening. If there is no form, who are we? We float in the void of the formless. I am laughing as I have known for some time to allow all, have stepped from schedules and plans and moved in the now (easier to do in a semi-hermit life like mine!) and floated free. When I have an fixed event, I feel the compression on my system. I enjoy the freedom of expansion with open space to move in, all about me. My way has been to give tasks to my higher self to bring to my awareness at the perfect time so that the action aligns with the energy of movement and is taken with ease and grace.

Yet, I stated publicly this no sugar edict. This no sugar thing came up as a means of supporting a dear one in her desire as well as a knowing in myself that I would benefit from it. Clearly, supporting another if it is not your truth, your joypath, is no longer supported by the energies. Hurrah! An old pattern in me, of being the cheerleader, is ready to depart. We are moving into a time of allowing one another to find our paths. I hear evidence of this as folks are feeling more detached, less of a desire to be “helpful” or jump in with advice. There is an honoring happening as we honor our joy path and allow others theirs. We are letting go of judging whether someone’s path is right or wrong. Things are beginning to be what they are, without a need to label them as good or bad. They simply are.

As I experience my body chuckling at me, as I savor this creamy texture on my tongue, I know she will guide me to the best choices in each moment. That may or may not align with what we have been taught is of the highest nutritional content. We have all lived through the swings of what is healthy and what is not. So much of it has been a corporate game played at our expense. Thank goodness, folks are choosing to empower themselves in this area and are tuning into what their bodies have to say rather than the outer world.

This rattlesnake who surprised me on my walk, reminded me that shedding our skin is a natural part of growth.

This rattlesnake who surprised me on my walk, reminded me that shedding our skin is a natural part of growth.

All this aligns with this new state of formlessness where we allow the energy to flow. We are conduits for energy. No longer storehouses with cubicles for placement of this and that. “No sugar” is a label that dissolved as it went through me. I can have an intention to give my body what she needs but any labeling as to how that looks in a given moment, will not hold as there is no thing to affix to. I may find myself eating sugar or not, I can observe this but not dictate it.  I can set an intention and trust myself to care for my body with all the tenderness I hold, in each moment. To be true to the now moment.

I love this!! To be so fluid and free, I have awaited this feeling. I love that what I thought yesterday about myself has already dissolved. I love that what I thought this morning is no longer true. I love this shift! It is in dissolving the form of “Linda” completely that I allow the fuller, more expanded energy of my I AM presence, to pour in.  There is no longer a need of a mental construct for the energy to flow into. We have our bodies which are being transformed into vehicles that can be a conduit for greater and greater amounts of our light from Home. By dropping form, we free ourselves to be who we are more fully. This is like a new game and the child in me is so enjoying playing!

In this moment, I can be an egret, stately in stance, fluid in flight.

In this moment, I can be an egret, stately in stance, fluid in flight.

In a dream last night, I felt so burdened, trying to clear up a mess made by others. They were long gone and all their stuff was left and had to be removed. After some struggle and trying to figure out how to move it, I realized that I could leave it. I could walk away. I could drop the struggle. It is that simple when we allow it. I am ready to play in a new playing field of joy and laughter and love. Will you join me there?

Letting Go of Sugar and Transforming Man’s Inhumanity to Man, Breath by Breath

IMG_6766The past few days, I have been drifting.  A friend called yesterday and asked me where I was as I sounded so different. I have been in a bubble, long walks by the river, quiet home life with the family, acupuncture sessions and back exercises to renew the way I move. Today I am beginning a no sugar food plan with my daughter. I am fortunate to have her support and know-how about food to change up my eating habits. We are so blessed with vegies in the garden, farmer’s markets and two cooks who love to create delicious meals. I eat well but sugar has been an addiction I am ready to be without. Ha, just spoke with two friends while typing this who have also felt the calling to let go of sugar!  Here is a source that my daughter found for support: I love how energy sweeps through the collective, transforming us again and again. Sugar consumption is up for the collective, allowing us access to more of our true selves. It is wonderful that the support is now there as the collective’s energy can be called on to strengthen our intentions.

A friend whose body called her to quiet sugar years ago said, “We do not need the white powder anymore, we can now live on our own sweetness.” Oh, that came in as a pillar of support in my body. Yes! I can tune in to my own sweetness and drink from that when my mind says it wants a sugar hit. We also spoke about being gentle with our bodies as they go through this amazing transformation. No hard and fast rules, a gentle leaning in of letting go of old impulses and patterns while staying tuned to what is calling in the moment. Allowing the deliciousness of life to fill us and sometimes that may be an ice cream cone. Allowing my taste buds to become more refined so that strawberries whipped in the vitamix, are as satisfying as ice cream. Summer with all of its delicious fruits offers an easier passage into this change.

The sweetness of this rose lifting me with her love.

The sweetness of this rose lifting me with her love.

I have been reading lots of fiction that I grab from the new book shelf at the library. It has taken me into the dark world of slavery, which I was not intentionally seeking. Evidently my higher self wished me to delve into these energies, to feel them, breathe them in and breathe them out in love. It has felt like walking in two worlds or more as I sense myself dwelling in so many times past. The books are: The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd and Island Beneath the Sea by Isabel Allende. There was also a Wally Lamb book about child sexual abuse and pedophiles which was so difficult for me to read, yet something in me felt the importance of doing so.  As well, we recently watched a movie, The Book Thief with Geoffery Rush that was about Nazi Germany.  So, I have been living in the shadow lands of humanity’s cruelty to itself. My heart has had quite a workout as it breathed it all in. I am knowing that this layer is up for release and many of us are asked to take it in with all of its pain and sorrows and horror, call in the violet transmuting flame and release it back to love.

I now understand that this is part and parcel of my “‘work”. We have spent so long clearing the land, our emotional bodies and the emotional body of earth. The clearing continues yet the lovelight is beginning to cast its bright light over all. I feel the softening, the melting and melding into love that is happening for us all. There is so much more kindness expressed in the day to day encounters in my world. I see folks reacting with a much softer tone to news of death, illness, disease, or problems. The underlying sense of “all is well” is seeping in everywhere. We are growing in our love to others and to ourselves. I am so grateful! What a blessed time to be on the planet, contributing our note to the song of songs. I love us all.

“The Mind Thinks It Knows and The Heart Believes It Can Be Hurt” Trinity Thomas

My latest beloved painting,  the marriage of the masculine and feminine in my being.

My latest beloved painting, the marriage of the masculine and feminine in all of us.

This statement is from an upcoming book: The Heart of the Oracle by Trinity Thomas at inneroracle.comIt turns out that both of these statements are illusions. A friend shared these words with me recently.  I sat and allowed them to flow in and land where they chose. They settled as truth in my body.

The first, dealing with the mind has been easy for me to see. I know that my heart and body hold my wisdom and my mind is a tool at my disposal. I am grateful to her for all the processing she has done on my behalf. We have upgraded from the old operating system and she is now working in harmony with my heart, who is the director. My mind is appreciative of taking off the lead harness and working with the heart. She enjoys using her skills as she was meant to, no longer carrying the weight of running this show. This feels so aligned with how my will has dropped away as I surrendered to the will of my higher self, Sophia. She uses her expanded knowing to direct this vehicle. I felt such a sense of expansion and release as I allowed this change. Why be limited by the small light of my personality self when I could be walking in the searchlight of my I AM presence? Once this step is taken. there is no question of going back.

Ah, the heart believes that it can be hurt. That statement blazed a trail of truth right through my being! How many tears have I shed, how much misery have I created when I believed that I could be hurt? Oh, we are wonderous beings! Our hearts are instruments of the divine. The All, the One. Our hearts are love and only love. Hurt is an illusion. We have been conditioned to believe that others can hurt us but there is only one as we are one another. Someone can speak words to us and we can choose to believe that they are arrows dipped in poison or not. It is our choice. But when we drop below the surface, all is revealed. We see the beauty of our dance, of the way we trigger one another in service to the One. We all participate in the grand scheme to bring everything back to love. All that is not love within my being, must come to the surface to be embraced and reminded that it is love too. I am in awe of how loved I am that every trigger point, every sore spot in my heart, brings forth another to poke it until it releases back to the love it is. How loved we are! Once you begin to observe this, it becomes almost comical how situations will arise that hit a resounding note of pain within, to offer an opportunity for it to clear. It will happen over and over until the densest layers have been excavated and brought to the surface to be loved and cherished. Become a witness to this, see your pain and ask for its resolution. It is beyond our comprehension how it comes as everything conspires to bring the love. The wonder of this fills me. You will find that another that you felt harmed you, has been a force of love to bring you to greater truth of the love you are. You will suddenly find yourself filled with gratitude for this other, knowing deeply that they are you, and you, them. It is magic of the highest order.

Going beyond the human form, we are lightbodies dancing together in oneness.

Going beyond the human form, we are lightbodies dancing together in oneness.

Yesterday this came home to me as it felt to be an emotional day. I could sense heightened emotions swirling in the collective field. I called in the violet flame to assist me to transmute all that came my way, back into the frequency of love that it is. I was having a discussion with one dear to me. He displayed some hesitancy to speak to me about a desire of his that he felt was in conflict with a desire of mine. I laughed and said. “Oh, I already shifted that as I realized how it was right for you and not for me.” We spoke of how by always speaking our truth, things become softer, flow more easily, hesitation can drop away as the emotions are not so charged. As we spoke further, I felt an undercurrent of unrest and sadness. I sat with it all for a time allowing it full play in my heart. It was so interesting to feel a perceived “hurt” try to find an anchor in my heart. It circled around, trying to find a landing place but none were available. Hallelujah!

I laughed out loud at the beauty of this, the wonder that my heart no longer offered a landing place for hurt! It knows the truth of oneness and love. It can no longer be fooled into believing that anyone or thing wishes me harm. It knows all to be love. All that appears or presents differently, is a guise, a ruse, asking to be seen through. All is asking to be acknowledged as love at its core. Everything, everyone desires to live in the flame of love. It is the fabric of our being, of all creation.

A heart that is free shines its light!

A heart that is free shines its light!

How beautifully we play this game. How great is our love to continually present as criticism,  judgment, dishonoring, deceit, and the list goes on, until we see the truth. We play this out for one another until we have our aha moment and laughter bubbles up as the only response. It is so beautiful! Our hearts cannot be hurt, we allow the perception of hurt to anchor in, at times we allowed it to burrow deep……until we don’t. Once we know that we are love, that we are sparks of the Divine, that  we are one with all life, the game is over. We are free.

Our hearts can then live as they are meant to, as a sending and receiving station for love. No longer sites for burying pain, no more toxic emotions stored underground, no more poisonous air to breathe. Our hearts become clear vessels where love flows freely with each breath. Oh my! Think of this replicated in our Mother Earth! She is clearing herself of the old toxic waste sites, the deep rivers of pain and underground mines of disruption. We assist her by lightening our load. If my heart is clear, I not only free me, I free her as well. What I do, I do for the all. Your clearing of your heart, frees mine. Each of us an intricate part of the whole that affects every other part. Oh, the beauty of this!

May you feel these truths shake and quake in your world and may you join me in laughter and delight. We are one people and our tone is love. Always has been, always will be. In fully loving me, I more fully love thee. A deep sigh of this flows through my body. This love, this love…….


Dropping into the River of Love

One of Gabriel's recent paintings. Look at all the individual parts creating the whole tapestry.

One of Gabriel’s recent paintings. Look at all the individual parts creating the whole tapestry.

It has been an interesting few days, moving more deeply into that river of love that exists just below the surface world. I spoke with many of my “tribe” in the past few days, sharing our feelings of something massive on the horizon. There is such a sense of excitement and joy welling up, the knowing deepening that all is well. The collective pulse of the planet seems to be one of weariness with life, as it currently presents itself. People are wanting freedom, connection, meaning, peace. Hearts are crying out for this and our Creator is responding. I can feel the waves of joy and love flowing below the surface, awaiting the moment when they shall flood our beings with liquidlovelight.

I have been invited deeper into the river of love, my I Am presence beckoning. I am singing with her in the waters…..last night as I skinny dipped in the pool under the moonlight, I found myself singing a love song to myself and the all that is. The oneness is palpable, the love a cloak I wear.  It is time, letting go on every level, every tethering tie cut, free to float and dream ourselves into the new earth. I am no longer anchoring to the earth, as I best flow the energies as I move in my bubble of lovelight. I experience this as a floating sensation. I was shown that I am to unhook from all that is known, so as to more deeply anchor in the new earth. All we have known here is form and we are moving into the formless.

Oh, the beauty of our diversity!

Oh, the beauty of our diversity!

There is no one practice that will take us there other than our desire and complete surrender to the love. We have created so many systems and rules to follow as we handed over our power to others. We construct these pathways to enlightenment as if any of us can determine another’s road. It reminds me of my past as an educator when we would be given training in new methods that were “the key” for student learning. Each one touted as the holy grail of learning, none stating the obvious, that there was no one method that worked with all children. It is the same in the spiritual communities, with all its hype and constructs. Diet is big, if you eat meat, you cannot ascend, if you have oral sex, no ascension (that was one of the “rules” from a new age group we were part of for years, supposedly channeled by El Morya, my love.), chanting is way to bliss, crystals will take you there, rock music will not, sacrifice is noble, caring for self, is not, meditation is crucial, daydreaming not, liberals are good, conservatives are not. On and on it goes. I embraced many of these rules, being a “good girl” for so long. The interesting thing about all these rules or practices, is that they all bring separation and judgment. Vegans judging meat eaters, meditators judging non- meditators, enlightened judging the masses and so it goes. All labels separate. Why do we feel a need for a label? Why do we want to proclaim ourselves as this or that? Why do we need a system someone else created to follow instead of listening to our hearts? We have trained to trust others, not ourselves. All, a false security blanket. Whether it is labeling ourselves by our profession, our diet, our religious beliefs, our weight, our ethnicity, our gender……..all of it is separation. All of it implies good or better, right or wrong. All of it implies judgment taking us out of the oneness. All takes us from unity consciousness. When we stand naked in front of our Creator, it is the light that we are that is read. All the rest is illusion, a mere costume put on to more fully play our role. Dark cape, white cape……all just a role. The light of the soul is what is everlasting and true.

Saw this on a tombstone, what an epitaph for a life!

Saw this on a tombstone, what an epitaph for a life!

We are being asked to let go. To honor the holiness of each one’s path. To walk my path does not mean that I must judge another’s wrong so as to feel more secure in the rightness of mine. I choose to follow where my heart leads, trusting it explicitly to guide my steps. In that trusting, I also trust your heart to lead you to your truth. I cannot know what that is. I do not need to know the whys of your path, nor even mine. I can surrender and allow, you to your path and me to mine.

This has allowed me to come to a place of freedom and expansion. No rules to follow, only joy to allow. I live the joy path. It is about your vibration that fuels the action, not the action. If eating a piece of meat feels like joy, I do it, blessing the animal for their gift as I bless the air I breath and the water washing my back. It is vibration, what are you feeling as you eat this, perform an action, speak words? It is all so simple that I find myself laughing much of the time. I love the contradictions as they express through me, I am this and that! I love breaking out of the boxes labels create. There is only love. The love leads me ever closer to more of me. My heart has been patiently waiting for me to stop the outer search and practices to drop down into her womb of love. She embraces me with the tenderest of care and effortlessly leads me on. The holy grail that I have sought, found. The wonder, the recognition of how I am loved, the awe of love’s power, all have flooded me. My cells are singing a love song to me and of me. I celebrate my radiance, I rejoice in this resurrection. I claim my light and allow it to live me fully. No more backing away from the magnificence that I AM. I am ready to allow it to live me.

A close up of the above painting, it looks to me like a girl with a ponytail sitting next to a boy, both with caps on. They have brought their part to the whole, just as we are
asked to. Can you find it in the painting? Just to right of center. Life is this way, we each see a different view yet together we create the whole.

We are all ascending together, every one of us, asked to live their divinity on a greater level, everyone is birthing their gift that they have brought from Home. My only “job” is to be the fullest expression of myself that I can be. To be the greatest version of Linda Marie that I am capable of in each moment. There is no one way that looks, it can be anger in a moment, tears in another, laughter in the next. All my truth, all expressions of my heart dancing on this plane. She is my guiding light as she is Home, one with the Creator which means I AM also.

It is about joy! Joy is love expressed…….this is what creates. We are invited to open ourselves to joy, it is our birthright and it is time to claim it. Rejoice! I am drinking the elixir of  expansion. It is intoxicating! Your heart is waiting to serve you yours right now. Take the offered cup, drink deeply of the love. Allow it to work its magic. You will feel my heart as I feel yours. We are all connected in this river of love. I love you.

Art is available at

Backing Away

Arranging flowers can light me up, each passing bringing me a hit of beauty.

Arranging flowers can light me up, each passing bringing me a hit of beauty.

Feels like a veil is ready to be lifted for us all with this Wesak Full Moon coming in. I went to sleep with intense head pressure and awoke throughout the night with it. Just had a cup of  coffee to see if I could find some relief. Toast to settle my stomach, caffeine for my head.

Yesterday I was thinking of a dear friend’s tattoo, “back away”. She got it as part of a poetry project and I wondered at it. Today I see it so fit my state, withdrawing from the world. This energy is familiar to me and is what makes me wonder how fit I am to share space with others. Thank goodness for my family who get it and allow me my space with full honoring. As I contemplate moving I wonder at how suited I am to sharing space. I do so love the movement and energy that being with others brings. Living alone, there is no movement unless you invite it in or move out to create it. Here, I can lie in bed and enjoy the laughter of my two adult children, hear the soft knock on my door and an appetizing plate of yumminess is presented for my enjoyment, listen to my son playing his guitar and singing a love song, errands are run for me if needed. So caring and supportive. I have to remind myself that there is no moving to less. That this phase of life is about adding unto rather than subtracting from. We have lived the hardship and struggle. I intend ease and grace in all my days from this point. I slip into the stream of love that is ever present, that holds my highest potential and allow myself to be carried. My mind needs reminders of this, that she is not in charge and that she can relish the release of responsibility rather than fight it.

Our family had planned a summer party and sent out invites. As we spent time talking the other day, we realized that the majority of us did not feel up for it. We were desiring more intimate conversations than that atmosphere provides. The time remaining to us as a family group is only a couple of weeks. We wanted to spend that time together. We decided to cancel. One view was that we were being irresponsible but I chose the thought that we were allowing others to see us being authentic in the moment, able to change directions so as to fit the needs of who we are in this moment. Allowing others to make that choice in their lives.

One of my clay figures pondering, "Who is she?"

One of my clay figures pondering, “Who is she?”

It has been interesting to note how we can hold two dissimilar emotions at the same time now. I can feel flat, innervated, and also this bubbling excitement. Totally detached from any desire on the physical front and yet full to bursting with the lovelight pouring in and the beauty of the world being birthed. Irritible and grateful, bored and engaged, withdrawn and reaching out. We are such complex beings, full of contradictions and layers of being. It feels like a softening is happening as we allow one another and ourselves to paint with a wider spectrum of colors.

This day opens to me. My body is standing straighter, back still carrying a band of stiffness across it. Heat rising outside, water glimmering in the sunlight. I am free to move out into it. How blessed I am in this freedom. I am breathing in lungfuls of this freedom. Feeling some creativity arising. Thankful I AM.

Part of my Mother's Day bouquet from my daughter who allowed me to play the mom in this lifetime.

Part of my Mother’s Day bouquet from my daughter who allowed me to play the mom in this lifetime.

I offer a bow to my friend and her “back away”, understanding on a deeper level that by allowing myself to back away from everything, I allow the next moment’s engagement. All part of the ebb and flow, the in and out. Yesterday’s backing away where I could not talk to anyone, could not engage at all, allows today’s engagement in a fuller tone. All part of the whole, one not of more value than the other. All necessary as we learn to be present to all of life. Yesterday I was the petal falling off the flower to nestle in the earth, today I am the gentle unfurling, the softest pink being exposed. I am in love with life.

Drawn In


I desire to dive deeply into that light.

Today has been an inbreath as the energy pulls me in. I sense my I Am presence calling me to swim in the river of my own divinity. It has been a hot and sunny day outside but I have spent it on my back in bed. I gauge intense energies rolling in by how far afield I can go. Today, nowhere. When I find the bedroom is my world, I know a waterfall of light is cascading down. I slept and drifted, felt that most of my being was off somewhere doing something which she has not shared with me. I am left here in a strange state that is uncomfortable. The heat rolling through my body in flashes, the hip and back pain that have yet to release, the ear pressure that comes and goes……and the listlessness all add up to me feeling spent. I am ready to have all parts of my being in one place and understand what it is we are about!

I feel only partially here.

I feel only partially here.

Yesterday, I shared the day with my three adult children, celebrating the Mother’s love. I am so grateful for each of them coming to allow me to experience the mother role. It felt like the last Mother’s Day for me, in this way, as I am called to the next chapter in my life. For thirty years, mothering has been a constant flame in my heart. Now that flame takes on a new hue as I feel myself being drawn away from this familial love to one more universal. I am confident of each members’ strength to move fully into the new pathways that are opening. Our love is a source of nourishment that we can each tap into.

I feel complete with this chapter of my life and curious as to how the next will unfold. I feel movement out from the family nest into the world as well as a dive deep within. Wider and deeper……no markers as yet except this feeling of floating between worlds. I feel a swirling vortex pulling at me and I chose to let go of anything tethering me. I am answering the call from myself, to myself. I intend to live in the allness of who I am. Whatever it takes, I am ready.


Mother’s Day Beyond the Hallmark Moment

We can sit alone and be nourished by our Mother's love.

We can sit alone and be nourished by our Mother’s love.

Today my three adult children will spend the day with me, making me a brunch. Not so very different from our usual Sunday routines as we love to go to the farmer’s market and come home to whip up our goodies in delicious ways. We have not been a family who bought into the Hallmark corporate holidays, instead infusing the spirit of these designated days with our own sense of meaning. Mother’s Day has meant a homemade card from each with heartfelt sentiments, my true treasures gathered over the years.

My mom is still alive and I trust, folded in love by two of my siblings who, last I heard, were living with her. A triad of emotionally and mentally damaged individuals who have not been part of my life for over thirty years.  I wrap blankets of pink love about them all and bless them. I feel grateful for all the lessons my mom gave to me, most especially rejecting me so that I turned more fully into the arms of Mother Mary, who received me wholeheartedly. She gave me a gift by setting me on the journey of mothering myself.

If I could, I would gift every human on the planet, with a pink rose of the Mother's love.

If I could, I would gift every human on the planet, with a pink rose of the Mother’s love.

Today I am celebrating all men and women who have learned to mother themselves. Who have grown past laying blame at their mothers’ feet for their emotional issues. Who have evolved into gratitude for the love that was present on a soul level to play that dissonant note, allowing each of us, to seek the harmony within. I played out my mother wounds with my children, praying for guidance as to how to move to wholeness within myself so as to be present for them. I failed short a thousand and one ways, day in and out, striving to overcome my own pain body and its limitations that came out in moments of anger and upset. I also had a thousand and one moments were I was the mother’s love and flowed it truly through me to their beautiful hearts, which taught me the power of love. I have forgiven myself for all of this and been graced by forgiveness from each of my children, where I was not able to be what they needed and deserved. I have honored myself for what I was able to be and give. We understand that we have each created the life that our soul knew would lead to our greatest growth.

I honor each one who has found a way to feel safe inside, who has been the soother of their own tears, who has learned to sit with their fears and sorrows and bring it all back to peace. In healing the great mother wound, we have opened the way for our children and grandchildren to lead a life of greater peace, joy and love.

Mother Nature's love is always in action around us.

Mother Nature’s love is always in action around us.

Today I honor Mother Earth for her love that has sustained me, nourished and cradled me. She is the great mother, truly giving of her life’s blood so as to allow us all time and space to grow into the light that we are. Her gift is one beyond my comprehension, I feel awe when I contemplate it. I flow my love and gratitude to her as I bathe in her generous ocean of nurturance and support. To hold 7 billion souls in a continuous stream of opportunities and love…..there are no words.

Today I honor Mother God, the Divine Mother in all her forms. I honor this life that has been given to me to weave a tapestry of love. I am called to honor and love myself as an expression of the Mother’s love. We were raised to give love to get love. Conditions abounded. The most freeing love is that of the Mother, she gives love because she is love. It is pure and whole, knowing love is the fabric from which we stitch hearts only to watch them grow and expand. Love begets love.

So whether you are a mother to your pet, your child, your niece or nephew, your garden or your gifts…..I honor you this day for flowing the Mother’s love through your heart, allowing its note to be sung as part of the great symphony of love that creates and sustains universes. We are one being and the mother’s heart, beats within us all.



I’m Bored and Lessons from my Back

IMG_6698May, the month of magic and miracles I so wanted. Instead it has been a time of immobility as my back seized up for no apparent reason. My higher self told me that I was “bringing in a new frequency” and the stillness was required. I surrendered to that, there is no fighting the body. I have not been inspired to write or do anything as sitting has been out of bounds for the past 10 days. This morning, a wave of wellness moved through me and though one hip is still riding higher than the other and movement is not yet without discomfort, a window flew open and a fresh breeze has wafted in. Hallejujah!

The blessings have been manifold. My former hubby insisted that I call his brother who is an acupuncturist to get an appointment. The relationship with his brother and sister-in-law has recently been mended after years of no contact after the divorce. They had cared for our family with herbs and acupuncture throughout the years of raising our children. As I lie on the table, awaiting the needles, I sobbed as I felt the energy of this family’s care and love for me. It was so healing to be cared for by them once again. I received it on a deep level and thanked my back for facilitating this healing.

The magenta flame of the Magdalene

The magenta flame of the Magdalene

A friend called to share a dream that I inhabited with her. It spoke truth to me as I found myself sobbing as she described the scene. We were in a space deep in the ground, down a flight of stone stairs. She recognized as a place where Mary Magdalene was purported to have lived for years. We were a part of a circle of women, kneeling together. Mary Magdalene was going around the circle to anoint each one’s feet and kiss each one on their crown chakra. My friend saw her clearly and felt the touch of her hair as she leaned in to perform her rite. She said that we were bringing in a new frequency, a wonderful confirmation for me in what I had heard. My daughter was amongst the women, another confirmation for me as I had been reading a book about Mary Magdalene and the description of her infectious, playful, grounded, sensual nature so matched the energy of my daughter that I knew she also carried the Magdalene codes here on earth. Mary Magdalene instructed us all to “swoon in her beloved, Jeshua’s love”. My body responded with a yes as my lying down took on a new energy. Swooning……yes I was swooning in that Christ light and love!

Days passed and my night times felt like wrestling matches as my body felt so confining and limiting. There were moments that felt unbearable. I wanted to crawl out of my skin, the snake came to me with his image of shedding the old. I felt I would combust. Irritation with life, boredom with all that it had to offer was off the charts. No excitement bubbling up for anything. Gratitude, always there whether for a breeze on my cheek,  the light illuminating a flower petal, or my daughter walking me through restorative stretches……gratitude is second nature to me. Yet this dirth of desire for anything in this world. Flatness. Boredom. Wanting a frequency which has not landed. Knowing came that this was the intense confining energy which preceded expansion. Taking a deep breath of solace from that. Yes, I am about to expand as I let go of the old limitations.

Drying my wings, readying for flight.

Drying my wings, readying for flight.

Another dear friend reminded me that the only place to go exploring was inside. Ah, yes. There was spaciousness, newness, openness and freedom. Deep breaths possible. Staying in the present moment, inside and out. Being ok with the now, accepting where I am, trusting it is all perfectly created by myself for myself. I feel the completion in my present situation, my mind rushing ahead to scan the future for a foothold to latch onto. I find myself looking up small towns across the country as possible landing spots. Yet, the knowing is that it is not a mind game, rather my heart must lead. I am alert for signs and have an open ear to guidance. I calm my mind, telling her the heart has this in hand and I will be safe. She flows between understanding and wanting to work it out. I drop deeper, below her radar and flow in the river of love that is ever there for me, if I allow.

IMG_6690Next month, I will need to find a new space as this cycle completes itself. I am grateful for what has been and curious as to what will be. It is a big letting go as I see myself stepping more fully into my wholeness, letting go of the family that has been my work for the past thirty years. Our love and care has been firmly reestablished and is a light burning within with its strength.  Now the level of involvement will shift as I try my wings as a sovereign being, ready to sound a new note. I am ready. There remains much of May and I intend to experience some of her miracles. Oh, wait, I already have, just not the way my mind thought it would look! Expect the unexpected, of course. Better yet, drop the expectations and show up for each moment. I AM, with love.