Intense energy days….today my head felt like it was being hit by a hammer. So heavy, made me feel ill. My body has been sweating as the fires of transformation continue to burn. As a friend said to me: “We are transforming into flames of love!” That is a better image than mine of a sledgehammer hitting me! Today I believe it. My body has felt so heavy and dense, each morning it seems to take longer to get it moving. The dissonance between the freedom of my dream time and this reality is more and more difficult to navigate. Tears of weariness arise along with a sense that we will soon be shining ones. Both feelings present…..how to be present with them both?
We are right in the midst of immense movement, excitement a current running through me. All that I have dreamt of and held a vision of, seems almost palpable. Our new world, shimmering at the edge of our sight. I heard the word, purify, in relation to this week. My mind went into its old aesthetic mode: “Oh, we will fast.” My body quickly said no to that. She told me I was too fragile emotionally for that and needed comfort food and warmth or coolness. Indeed, chocolate, sugar and salt have been my food groups of choice, alerting me that change is in process. My body knows something big is up and she will not be the same. Purification is coming in the form of inner heat, it is building the head pressure, sleepiness and sleeplessness. This afternoon I could do nothing but lie down and let sleep take me, tonight it is after 4am and I sit here with the fire for company, the moon illuminating the sky.
Oh, this transforming is not easy. There are moments when I do not think I can go on. It feels like I have lived this limited life forever. I observe others moving about with energy to do a hundred things and I sit or lie here breathing in and out with energy for no thing. Other times, I am pulsing with the lovelight and on fire with the knowing that all is on track.
Our earth is burning with heat in the southern hemisphere, flooding and freezing in the north, all in flux. I feel all of this with her as the flames and chills roll through me and the pounding waves batter me. We are all seeking balance and a clear vessel to move in. There is only surrender to this moment. To feel every emotion fully, to allow it to play itself out and open to the next. I am safe and warm, surrounded by the dark, quiet house, the fire flickering in the hearth. I send out ribbons of heartlight to all those suffering in this night. I pray for freedom and blessings for all. Hold on, I hear. Hold on. A world beyond our imaginings is about to be born.