Today the calender states that I am 58 years old. Throughout my “frumpy forties” , as I called those years of numbness and pain, I had looked forward to my “fabulous fifties”, knowing somehow that those would be my years to shine. Indeed, at fifty, my world as I knew it fell apart, and the journey to myself began. Today, I survey the landscape I stand upon with a smile.
There is no more looking to escape pain, no more closing myself off from joy, no more “duty girl”, trying to please. There is freedom, there is love, there is quietness, there is richness and there is knowing. I know that I am love. After begging for direction from on high for a year and being told, to “be”, I have truly settled into that path and claimed it for my own. I was given to understand that my role in this ascension process was to open a pathway of being. After fifty years of doing, “being” was not anything that I understood. I have anguished over it, rallied against it, judged myself harshly, been judged by others and yet……walked into it with everything I had. Surrendering over and over again to that inner voice’s insistence that this was the way. Trusting even when I was terrified, stepping forward even when I wanted to run back into the known and familiar.
Just yesterday, a friend shared that I had helped her to let go of judgment. She related that she would find herself judging my path, “Why can’t Linda just settle down and get a job?” (Believe me, for everyone who asked that question, I asked it of myself thousand of times!) Yet she saw me hold my tone of beingness, over and over which she says allowed her to loosen some of her fears of life. If I could live without structure or form, she could trust her own life more fully as well as appreciate the structure her job, groups, and family provide. I so appreciate that she has chosen to remain my friend, despite the fears my path has brought up in her at times.
As I sit here in front of the fire in the hours before dawn, sipping a cup of coffee, hot liquid warming me, I feel so blessed. I am so grateful to myself for listening to Sophia, my I AM presence and finding in her, such a devoted friend. I know that the hard times are over…….and there were many of them in this fifth decade of my life. That is now past as we truly step into the age of Aquarius, my birth sign, my time to shine. All that has led to this moment now fades into completion, a story ended as I am birthed anew.
In this new story, which I begin this day, I am a woman who knows her worth. I am liquidlovelight flowing forth in cascades of dancing colors. I can view all aspects of myself with tenderness. The fact that I do not always show up for others yet do show up for myself, has been a life changer. I can see a middle path arising, where we all show up for ourselves, allowing us to fully be present with one another. I can almost touch Shambhala, its energies seeping into this reality with its joy. I do not know the “how” of creating our new earth. I simply know my tone and choose to sing it as purely as I can. I can hear your tone as well, so beautiful and true. Together, our hearts desiring peace, abundance, freedom and love for all beings on this planet, we are co-creating the new earth.
Last night I spoke with the Creator and dear Sophia stating my sense of completion. I could go home now, mission over or I could begin a new story, take part in a new play. I felt the deep fatigue in my soul, weariness from sloughing through the mud of the old. To rest in the arms of love……oh yes. I was then given a peek behind the scenes to come. Tears fell at the beauty, and I knew I wanted a chance to take part. My mind has its fears; will I have enough money to continue to support myself, where is my place on this earth, will I find my community, my love pod, will I have a home to call my own, will I have a partner…..on and on it questions. My heart pats it lovingly on the head and smiles. I am a beloved of the Creator, I am cared for mightily. There is joy unending awaiting me. This new story has a fairy tale ending created by and for me. I am dreaming it into being with each breath. My heart overflows with gratitude and love for the being that I am as I step into my new life. I embrace each of you in this energy of rebirth and rejoice. Hallelujah! Happy birthday to me, sweet Linda Marie.