The void, again? I feel as if I am floating in space, no form to hold to, no sense of “me”. The emptiness can feel uncomfortable as nothing seems to touch who I am. Opposing this are moments of complete connection with myself, with Source and the knowing that all is well, all are one and that love is all.
Then back to being a particle floating in the ethers. My body feels uncomfortable, no real pain, simply does not feel that it fits me. It feels heavy and cumbersome, slow and awkward. I want to lay it down and float free in that cosmic sky. In my heart, I know this is all part of the process of finding myself home in every moment. I surrender to it, breathing through it as if through a veil. No desire to do anything. Tired, a fatigue that permeates my cells and thoughts. It is as if I am underwater and it takes too much effort to make that kick to the surface. No, I’ll just float down here. Even with the knowing that life is up there, I feel no motivation to move. Everything that I have experienced in this lifetime, is done. I feel complete with everyone and everything. Nothing holds a spark for me. There is only this suspended space where I float.
I am ready to live in the new earth. There have been moments of being there, sweet moments. I hold the feeling of those moments and the vision of the love pods and the harmony. I can hear the song of souls, basking in their freedom to sing their true note.
It has been such a waiting game as we waited for everyone to come to the knowing that it has been a game that we became caught in, the Matrix indeed. We have had to wait for folks to choose to unplug from that reality as the new play is about to begin. My work is done for this stage and hence the void as I await the new where I am to create. I drift, life reduced to keeping my body comfortable as well as my heart. I awoke and made a fire, I look out at the overcast sky wondering if the moisture droplets in the air will coalesce into raindrops. I am desiring a latte and a croissant…..comfort food. I think of exercise and can’t reach it, my body too heavy to move. I am planning on making a trip tomorrow to see a soul sister. That will take me to Mount Shasta, the redwoods, rivers and the ocean. Perhaps all the natural beauty will shake this malaise. It comes and goes, as moments of joy break through but it feels like having a low grade fever. You are not really sick but you do not feel the vibrancy of wellness. Everything is a bit out of focus. The old is crumbling and I feel the dissolution viscerally. There have been moments of despair as the collective voice feels the extent of the unraveling.
Fortunately, one of my sons is going with me on this trip. Left to myself, the thought of packing seems daunting at this moment. But pack, I will. And tomorrow at this time we will be driving north, into the cold beauty. I feel myself sitting by a fire with my friend on the full moon, knowing there is power in our communion. I surrender to the desires of my I AM presence and move where she points me. I know myself blessed to have a warm house, good food, and warm hearted folks about me during this stage of the game. I am grateful for it all, even this time that does not engage me. For each day, more are awakening, more are feeling their own God self stirring within. That was the mission and it is being accomplished. I am grateful to have successfully carried out my role.
So, I float until the new play gets up and running. I am ready. There is no fear nor nervousness. This new play is the one I came here to shine in. Until then, I sit in the wings, radiating the light that I AM.