An aspect of my role has come to the forefront of late. I am the mother, the headmistress, the boss, the father…..all authority figures that we are taught to look to for permission. Family and friends call me to echo their own truth. To confirm their inner knowing that tells them to put their needs first. Intuitively, we know that is the path home, to fill our cups before offering a drink to another. Yet the conditioning is strong to give that first cup away, to honor all commitments, to be “nice” above all else, to shore up another at the risk of our own drowning.
I am called to give permission, “yes, this is a day to rest…..yes, you can cancel that plan that feels heavy….yes, you can say no even though the person is outside your door asking to come in and they have driven two hours to get there……yes, you can walk away from that “opportunity” that feels like too much….yes, you can be assured, more opportunities are in the offing even if you decline this one…..yes, to honoring your body’s need for chocolate, nurturing in whatever form appeals to you…..yes, you can tell the truth that you do not wish to go somewhere at this moment……..yes, you can cancel a date with a friend……yes, you are allowed to be inconsistent…..and on it goes.
This is all a part of releasing the old programming of the matrix. We are taught that if we do not keep our commitments, if we pass on an opportunity, if we say no to another….we will suffer. We will lose out. It is a lie that has kept us walking the straight and narrow path of being productive cogs in the wheel of the machine. Even our language supports this oppression. Think of the connotation of words like lazy, slothful, indulgent, and a phrase that makes me cringe; to die for, usually spoken about some dessert or article of clothing. The implication is that if you follow your desires, it will lead to death on some level. Really???
We are taught to not trust ourselves. If I eat a piece of cake, who knows where that will lead? As if I will become obese if I am not holding a tight rein on myself at all times. If I do not eat the right foods, (and which are the right foods is a constantly changing and often confusing business) drink the right drink, exercise the right way, join the right clubs, follow the right path of advancement….death awaits. Yes, death awaits us all. Funny how a natural process has been used as a Damocles’ sword above our heads. Face that fear of death, and suddenly life opens with its joys and pleasures. I know death to be a doorway to greater freedom and am ready to step there whenever I am called. Life itself is a series of deaths and rebirths as we move ever closer to embodying more of ourselves.
I was taught that to “be” meant I would become nothing. The glory was in the productivity. It was a revelation to me to come to the knowing that I was loveable, that I had value in and of myself. Not because I did this or performed that service but rather because I am an aspect of the Creator. I am of value for who I am, not for what I do. We were programmed to believe that to have a full daytimer was a sign of achievement, to be busy, gold stars. Even our calendars with their linear line up of days, ask us to cross them off as if we were living in a prison cell. Nature does not move in an orderly march, she swirls and dances and asks us to attune to her rhythms. Often I am able to confirm for others that they are in tune with the planetary cycles, feeling the solar flares in their bodies need for more rest, wanting to withdraw from social obligations as the moon is waning. Instead of being “wrong”, I can echo their hearts’ knowing that they are “right”. I offer words of gentleness that their heart seeks for them to hear. We are a species that are learning to walk and we beat ourselves up if we are not Olympic caliber athletes! We are toddlers in this new land and need to be oh so gentle with ourselves as we practice walking upright. Once we fully pop out of this matrix, we will be astounded at how we agreed to live under such harsh conditions.
Think of it, no more obligation in the name of family, relationship, roles…….each one moving to their own inner joy. Planning will become a thing of the past as we move out of economic slavery, with times and schedules. We will flow together on currents of love. We will broadcast our desire and watch it unfold in a way we could not have orchestrated from our minds. Our hearts are so ready to be unleashed so as to show us the wonders that are possible when we fill our cup and drink deep. We were taught that the supply was limited so we sipped barely enough to stay alive. The truth is, when we fill our cups for ourselves, there is a never ending stream that can pour through us. There is no thought of giving, it simply overflows to all, a spigot turned to on once we step into the stream of our own truth. Liquidlovelight flowing, bathing each in its rejuvenating waters. Drink deep and nourish yourself for in doing so, you nourish me. Together, we nourish the world.
Today I give you permission to honor yourself in each moment. Watching the leaves do their autumn dance of letting go is calling me outside. Nature unfolding the mystery with her gentle grace. The leaves dancing to their death allow me to dance to mine. I can die fully to this moment, savoring each drop, whether it is to be my last. I give myself permission to live in this gentle embrace of love.