I have no idea who I am. The energy, from all the X class solar flares we are experiencing, is magnifying everything we no longer need. The dross of our lives is disappearing under the benevolent rays of our dear sun. It is as if the sun is holding up a huge magnifying glass over us to burn away all of our warts. The higher vibrating light pulls up the lower vibrations of trauma and pain that we stored in our being. It is all being cleared out, a bonfire of pain and suffering releasing. It is a blessing yet can feel like anything but. The body struggles to stay upright. Mind lapses, starting something only to find I have lost my thread. I sit there in confusion, what was I doing? How does any of this activity make sense? Waves of sadness, grief, despair, excitement, joy, roll in and then out. Heat overwhelms me in flashes and chills find me running for my shawl. Hot tea, cold water, nausea, head pressure, a level of fatigue that puts me back to newborn status so that caring for myself becomes a full time job. Jitters, a revving up inside while being in slow motion outside. There is no center point, no ground to stand upon. It feels like a free fall and there is no landing target to align to. I know to surrender and allow myself to rest in solitude and quiet. To simplify my days down to the bare essentials and breathe. The energies demand this level of attention.
What is new for me in this now, is this intense yearning for more of myself. I am so wanting reunion with all aspects of me. This wanting and missing has me in tears. It is something I have not felt before and I am witnessing it with curiosity when I can move out of the clutches of the heartache to observe it. I did not know there was more to miss but my heart has come alive with this knowing of the all that is a part of me. We are at the end of separation. We have followed the outbreath of the Creator to its farthest shore and are now being called Home. My heart is responding to the beaconing light from home. All that matters is to follow that light back to its source…..to Source. I can feel the other aspects of myself, on other dimensional timelines and some here in this one, yearning to merge once again into the truth of our I AM presence. My heart knows that we are one. It is not clear to me who they are nor where these aspects reside. My heart feels their absence as surely as my mother’s heart can feel any of my children’s hearts. It is an ache like no other. It is for the beloved, the I AM, the wholeness, the Father and the Mother, all rolled into one.
This weekend’s solar eclipse feels like a trigger to launch me more fully into union with the All. I am opening myself to receive all the gifts that it brings. All the desirings of my heart boil down to one note……unity. Wholeness. Oneness. I desire to melt into my Mother’s/Father’s embrace of love. To experience the magnitude of the light that I AM. To swim in the sea of unity consciousness with my brothers and sisters. To know the truth of oneness with every cell of my being, rather than with my mind’s belief in it.
I AM ready! I AM ready for this union with myself and all of creation. My heart has become a lighthouse beaming a signal back to the Creator, yes, it shouts in a morse code of light, YES, I hear the call and I am coming. I am coming home. My heart is a tractor beam of love, locked on its course. I am going home. I am uniting with my I AM presence in this body. This body is a chalice through which all of heaven can touch this beautiful jewel of a planet that is our mother. I open to this. I am this. All walls have come down. There is only this pulse, this beat of my heart, this tone, this beam of light. I can hear it, feel it, sing it, dance it, writhe with it, cry with it, expand with it.
Who knew we were the stargates? The portals to the universe. The All contained within our heart space. I sit and watch the flames of my heart and am awed. We are here, at the edge of the frontier, reporting back our experiences. Our grandchildren will read these stories of what it was like to feel separate and alone and they will see us as heroes, courageous and wild. I sit (or rather lie) and hold vigil over this heart of mine. I watch the flames as they leap and spark as the old is burned away. I welcome the rawness as the husks fly like fireflies in the sky. To step into that flame and be shot into the sky like a rocket, exploding into the light that I truly am. Courage is called for to let go of all boundaries and allow ourselves to soar. I see the night sky streaming with our lights. What a lightshow we are creating!