This Solstice weekend has felt like being squeezed through a wringer washer of old. I have come out like a limp, damp rag on the floor. I have been surfing waves of energy, riding high in the realms of knowing that all is well, and tumbling into the troughs of despair and emptiness where walls surround. My physical body has been bloated, uncomfortable with waves of nausea passing through. It is as if I ate this super moon and I sit here rubbing it! Not as the laughing Buddha but more as a pregnant woman who is feeling the extra weight hampering her movements.
And yet……there is this excitement of the impending birth. A sparkling that flows through my veins along with the sluggishness. It makes sense to me that as duality is ending, we would be experiencing both ends of the spectrum. Our minds question how to navigate these choppy waters. What I am discovering is a greater capacity to fully feel both ends of the spectrum and all that lies in between while retaining an observer’s mind. The questioning of the what, why, hows in my life has died down. There has bloomed a deeper knowingness. The seeking has left my heart. I AM enough. I AM here. I AM showing up with an open heart. There is simply the surrender to the ride, up and down and all around.
I spoke with a friend last night and came away feeling so much surer, so clear. By telling one another our stories of the past week or so, (in which we have lived lifetimes!) we both came to a fuller understanding and knowing that all is well. I fell more deeply in love with Sophia, my I AM presence, for her orchestration of my life to align with my divine plan. I fell in love with Linda Marie, for her dearness, her willingness to open to love again and again. I so love me! We both had experienced a death that left us limp and empty. My body is moving slowly as I allow my divinity to flow in unimpeded. I accept that I AM divine. I AM love. My guidance has told me that it is time for me to receive love. To bring the balance of giving and receiving. My heavenly family knows of my gratitude, their message this week was: “Enough Linda. We know your grateful heart. Now, allow yourself to receive our gratitude for your work, for your contribution.” My personality self was surprised by this, had to breathe this in and find room for it. To open my cells and let their lovelight stream in. Yes, it is liquid goldlovelight that is an elixir that I did not know I craved. One drink, and I knew it was the nourishment that I needed. I am drinking gallons of lemon water as I allow this elixir of appreciation and honoring to flood my cells. It carries peace, of a peachy-pink hue that melts my body into the couch, the water, the ground.
This is contrasted by the moments of claustrophobia, when my skin feels too tight, body too small for the light that streams in. I bite my fingernails, flush hot and then cold, toss my hair off my neck, flail about restless as the contraction pulls me in. Comfortable? Not in the least! Oh, the wonder of these bodies, doing this work of internal change while still in operation mode. At times, it feels I have taken a bite of the magic apple that has put me in a semi-sleep state. Words disappear, objects go missing and then reappear in unusual places, knowledge of how to use things evaporates. The other morning, I awoke to my cell phone ringing. I picked it up and could not for the life of me, remember what to do to answer it. My mind registered, “This is a communication device.” Strange wording and I sat there, trying to access the knowledge of how to use it. I knew that once I had known this. It was one of the many surreal experiences that are happening with greater frequency as we move between dimensions.
Trust. I trust the process. I surrender to it. What else is there? I thank God for nature as when I am jumping out of my skin, sitting with a flower, watching the leaves move with the wind, smelling the grass, allowing the water to caress me……these bring me into the moment. I can live there when all else is chaos and confusion.
The outer world is reflecting the dismantling of the old. Our inner worlds are being mirrored in more and more hearts as the love streaming in does its magic. My dream world is giving me glimpses and assurances that it has already happened, we are in the Golden Age of Peace. I find the ground beneath my feet is more solid, even if I am inclined to lie upon it rather than dance! I know that the dancing is to come as I embrace the doldrums and let myself be. All is part of the whole, the unease and the joy. I AM ABLE for this. As are you. This is why we came, to take all of this experience into our bellys, hold it and rub it with love and send it forth in a shower of light. Like Fourth of July fireworks going off, one by one, we are adding our light to this world. The variety and ingenuity is amazing. No wonder the heavens are smiling in delight!