We are riding these spring waves of energy, up and down and all around. I have to laugh at the way the universe challenges us to truly own who we are. I recently had a conversation with a friend, describing my state of peace with where I am, despite my personality self knowing my current location is not the one where my heart dances freely. I felt more in tune with my path of a “be- er”, holding the frequency of love with the earth, than ever before. From the world’s perspective, I do not “do” anything and that has had its share of challenges, both within myself and from outside.
So, the evening after this conversation, my soul created the opportunity for me to clarify and more fully embody this sense of peace about who and what I am. Oh, it is so amazing to me how swiftly we are graced with the opening to further solidify our truth. My former hubby/roommate came home from days away with the question not mentioned since the end of the year, “So, what exactly are your plans? What are you going to do? And what about our son who follows this being path?” His fears tumbled out about security and making progress in life and how much money do I have left and all the what ifs. I was able to be present, to hold a field of love that allowed the fears to be strewn upon, acknowledged and embraced. I was grateful for the opportunity to express my not knowing, my commitment to walking this path with no idea of the next step, my willingness to move or change the situation if it causes him too much discomfort, my surprise that I was still here, my gratitude for the ease of this arrangement and his generosity in allowing me this space. I felt so unattached to where or how I live or what the next step might be. I expressed a desire for his comfort as well as mine, that we must each do as we are guided. I was grateful to feel the solidness in myself of having faced these fears, time and time again. I did find that my body needed a brisk walk in nature to move all the energy through and allow serenity to settle in once more.
We congratulated one another for being able to have this conversation in a spirit of respect and appreciation for the other. It is so important to express the feelings fully, to allow them movement and acknowledgment. It is freeing in itself and does not have to result in action. The expressing of the feelings is what is important. It allows space for the right action to arise in a field of love rather than being coerced by the feeling’s rushing energy. Often, no action results as the expression did the clearing needed to flow forward with life.
I have a sense of playing a part in a play, one that I am not passionate about. I simply show up and say my lines. It feels like a holding still point. Neutrality about everything. There is a peace in this as well as a flatness at times. In those moments, I sit and drink in the essence of flowers. I am a flower being as I have always felt them to be my language, the one that truly expresses my feelings. I have a deep knowing and trust that the new world is landing in more fully each moment. I believe in this time of magic and miracles and delight as I witness it explode in my world like a burst of bloom with a wild randomness. In the in between times, I am set at neutral, idling along. I know my soul is engaged in her work with the earth and the galaxy, so this surface self drifts along in this play that is winding down. We have performed it so many times that the juice is long gone, the lessons long mastered. The play of my heart is in development, last minute editing and assigning of parts taking place. My heart knows mine is the role that I have desired to play all my many lifetimes. I know that I have the skills to play it masterfully.
Today, I sit here soaking up the brilliant yellows of the daffodils and the mockingbird’s song outside the open window. The doves are cooing, the sky is overcast and the earth feels blanketed in a soft mist. I feel like a seed in the moist earth, having burst the hard covering to send my tiny green shoot up to find the sun. I know I will break through, that I am reaching in each moment towards that light. I am at peace in my earthen home, knowing myself as the blossom at the other end of this shoot. All is in right order. All comes to fruition. My part is a grand one as we each step out to shine our true selves on the stage of this new world. Feel the peace in this and use this time to rest. Once this new play gets underway, the action will be quick. For today, I sink into this space of stillness and drift on its currents of love.