Spring is in the air; new buds about to burst all about me, lovely shots of color in the blossoming trees, birds singing gaily in the gentle breeze, the sun rising higher in the sky, allowing my clothesline to receive its warmth and dry my sheets once again. It is a magical time as I savor the ground warming beneath my toes and the tiny violets poking their velvety heads above their green leaves. My spirit is responding by opening to the energies of newness, to the quickening of sap rising in my veins, mimicking the trees. I am ready to burst forth in radiant bloom. I am a rose woman, love the fragrance, the enfolding, unfurling petals, the rich colors. It is my protection, a gift from the Creator some years ago, a pink rose. Its perfume is associated with Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, and being a Mary, I resonate deeply with it. My idea of heaven in my thirties and forties involved living in a rose garden surrounded by faeries and angels. I tended a rose garden of old fashioned fragrant blooms for years.
Today I am desiring to burst forth like a poppy, translucent petals, flowing like a gossamer gown, the sun’s rays clearly shining through. Exuberant is the word I feel when I look at them, dancing with the breeze, responsive to every lift and puff. The blossoms only last a short while, yet they are so alive in that time! I want to open myself to that wildness, that level of play with the elements. I am ready for the bees to burrow into my center and gather my scent to trail out into the world. I am tired of being tame and controlled. It is time for us to burst out of our old ways and let our instinctive nature take over. I want to live each now moment fully and suck the juice out of it. If it is a moment of anger, I want to feel its fire in my veins, scorching if need be. If of joy, I want to sing it out in notes so colorful that the birds look up to discover the source. I want to breathe in the sylphs of the air and play with them as variations of the in and out breath arise. The undines of the water caress my body in the shower, cleansing me each day of the old and renewing me with their touch. All can be more sensual, more intoxicating as I open to it. I run out barefoot on the ground and my feet feel delight in connecting fully to my mother earth. I twirl about until dizziness spins me flat on her surface to feel her heartbeat, to attune my own.
The elementals are asking me to play with them, allow them a richer connection. Through this connection, I am able to delve deep into myself with love, discovering pools of it inside. In so doing, I become more fully my truth. I want to swim in the seas of love for myself, be on the lookout for more aspects of myself arising to claim themselves as love. I am allowing the force of love I am to flow through my heart into whatever my hands touch, my breath moves, my body dances, my eyes land upon. My desire is to so be love that it is radiated for miles from my being. To be shining in form, to have golden sparkles on my skin and the scent of roses arising from my body. Truly, the outer forms are not the goal, rather playthings to envision and delight in.
As humans, we are gifted the ability to express emotions, one of the delightful aspects of our beings. We have been taught that many of our feelings were unacceptable, that they were to be tamped down or hidden away. By suppressing them, we created a shadow self. We were taught to keep that hidden at all costs or we would be exiled from the group. We concluded that we were unacceptable, unworthy of love. Our bodies have become toxic dumping grounds that have served to keep us tethered to what we cannot own, holding self love in abeyance. How can I claim myself as a being of love when all this darkness is hidden inside? What would happen if my shadow self was revealed?
We were not taught the freedom of feeling everything deeply. We were taught to fear what in truth is our path to freedom. We throw up walls to the low notes and the high, prefering to live in the “safety” of a middle tone. We have given up our wildness, our fiery hearts to live in the confines of a single tone. The repetition, the isolation of that one note, became soul numbing. Isn’t that what makes us depressed, the sameness of the routines we have been locked into? The 9-5 routine that forces part of ourselves underground, as it would be a disruptive force to that lifestyle based on productivity at all costs. We give up parts of our soul as we are programmed to believe that our value comes from the work that we do. When we meet someone, one of the first questions is what do you do? Your value is constructed by your position in society and the amount of money that you make. All contrived structures that keep us from a natural rhythm. When we see expressions of wildness, we sedate them, lock them away, idolize them, or damn them. In doing so, we separate ourselves from our own wildness that desires to be lived.
Spring is asking my wildness to come out to play. She is encouraging me to re-imagine my idea of heaven and to trust that I can bring that vision to life. I am breathing that in as I see myself in the spider web glittering in the sunlight by my door, as I feel myself dancing in the diamond sparkles skittering across the pool’s water, as I inhale the fragrance of the pink hyacinth that asked to come home with me from the store, as I feel myself in the center of the heart rock that I finger in my bathrobe pocket. All are nudging me into the inner planes where I know myself as a tone that can hold the deep notes in love and yet burst forth in trills that spark hearts alight. All of nature is calling me home to the knowing of myself as a magical being, in oneness with the all that is. We are being asked to come out and play in the fullness that we are. How delightful! Bring your wild heart to the fore. Let us become little children once more, romping through the wonder land that this earth truly is.